“First off, I am happily married with a kid, and I’m completely naive,” begins one overcompensating Reddit user in a post filed in the “Today I Fucked Up” forum.
The anonymous family man’s chosen handle should be enough to tell where this story is headed — “not-gay-throwaway.”
So how exactly did he “fuck up?”
“I have back problems. Once and a while it gets really bad and sometimes the only way to relieve my pain is by using a jacuzzi. I don’t own one. It was really killing me today. So I looked around for a spa with a jacuzzi. I find one.”
Who doesn’t enjoy a nice rejuvenating soak? Innocent enough.
“Go in pay the money. Everything seems cool. Take off my clothes put a towel around my waist, wash and get in the jacuzzi. I’m feeling relaxed, and back is feeling much better. I decide to have a look around. There’s a sauna room. It’s completely dark, but I think, ‘Hey. I hate bright lights when I’m trying to relax.'”
You know who else hates bright lights? People hooking up in public spaces. Like a bathhouse. But OK, if he’s really as naive as he says he is, we’re going to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“So I go into the sauna because I love the heat. Big mistake. It was dark for a reason. Some dude is giving another dude a blowjob while another guy was watching.”
And here’s where things starts to derail. OK, so you’ve found yourself in a gay bathhouse — we can certainly see how that would be a bit alarming. He does (or at least he says he does) what you’d next expect — foregoes a shower and hightails it out of there.
But what should have been the end of the story only to become a punchline after a few drinks is only the beginning.
Riddled with guilt, not-gay-throwaway doesn’t know how to cope with what he’s done. Which, if we’re keeping score by his record, is absolutely nothing.
He writes, “I’m all freaked out now. My family would probably disown me if there was even a rumor that I went into a gay bath house while being married. My face is on all the cameras outside the building. I don’t think I’ll ever tell my wife. But I’m worried one day that a picture will show up somewhere of me going into a gay bath house.”
Seems to us like maybe not-gay is worrying a little too much about this. If it were really as honest a mistake as he reports, what’s all this talk of being disowned? It sounds like this spa wasn’t necessarily a gay bathhouse, but more like a cruising ground, and so what if he mistakingly stumbled into it for a few brief moments? Anything else you’d like to get off your chest, not-gay?
Following the advice he got on Reddit, he eventually did tell his wife, who of course did not disown him. She wasn’t even upset (duh), and actually made a joke of the situation, asking him, “Did anyone have a better looking butt than me?”
So what is this — legitimate worry of giving the wifey the wrong impression? or is he more worried about giving himself the wrong impression?