At an outdoor brunch party, Phillip and Taylor are both hungover and still pissed about the previous night. Phillip is fed up with how exposure to Levi’s fabled magic stick has turned half the group into raving lunatics.
For good measure, he and Taylor also trash James. As if on cue, James materializes, already in the cups, and the boys get mouthy with each other. Ashley is inevitably in the middle of it all. Phillip criticizes James for steadily draining his trust fund, which James reads as a slam on his mother.
In a flash, their argument escalates: James flings a drink in Phillip’s face and they trade blows, shrieking and yelling like schoolgirls. Ashley and a bouncer jump in to break them up but can’t prevent the boys from crashing into a table and careening into a group of bystanders.
Not that it was planned that way or anything.
James and Phillip are pried apart and Ashley marches James out onto the sidewalk. Phillip and Taylor are 86’ed by the bouncer. James fumes and cries and begins to run through a litany of woes that will be familiar to anyone who has dragged a boozy friend out of a bar fight: everyone overreacted; I’m not that drunk; I deserve credit for holding back, and so on.
Ashley tells him he needs professional help. James has heard this before and collapses onto the concrete, protesting and sobbing. In a confessional interview, Ashley compares the inebriated James to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. (“Whichever one is the bad one, that’s him,” she says. Girl, for fuck’s sake, put down the Bible and read another book.) For all of her infuriating behavior, Ashley deserves some credit for holding her friends accountable for their actions.
James, however, has entered a mood pocket from hell and won’t hear any of it: As the episode ends, he runs away, fuming and exhaling with boozy fury.
NEXT WEEK: The breakup between Levi and Taylor takes another nasty turn! James and Phillip clash (again)! James and Ashley pray to Jebus to save James’ soul! Yee-haw!
JC Adams is a Los Angeles-based writer, filmmaker and blogger of moderate renown. His first book, “Gay Porn Heroes” (Bruno Gmunder), was published in September. Find him on Twitter @GPTimes.
Once again the alcohol-soaked dramatics of Logo’s The A-List Dallas were eclipsed by the real-life travails of castmate Taylor Garrett, who apparently took a punch last week when he interrupted a vandal defacing his car with an epithet against Taylor chum Ann Coulter. It’s the second incident of harassment the Bible-thumping Christian conservative claims to have suffered from enraged liberals in the past two months. Geez, who knew Lefties were capable of such violence?
Taylor the Terrible is ALD‘s ostensible villain and this latest episode won’t do much to improve his standing as such, even though in this episode he is reduced to tears when his relationship with Levi falls apart during a boozy public confrontation. And again when Chase, with whom Levi had been cheating, rubs salt into the wound by fessing up to the affair.
NEXT: Taylor and Levi on the date from Hell 
Their break-up runs parallel to the unraveling of insecure trust-fund baby James, whose tendency to get hammered and then cry is in full flower this episode. He and Phillip get into it with insults, flung drinks and then flailing punches for no clear reason; they are supposed to be friends. Just a couple of episodes back, Phillip was offering patient counsel to James over his inability to commit to anything other than another round of hooch.
The entire group had descended upon Austin for James’ second attempt at party promotion, the first having been notable for drawing more strippers than paying attendees. The Austin nightclub is much larger and appears to have drawn more people but it’s not made clear how many of them would have shown up anyway.
Team Taylor consists of Ashley and Phillip; the former dithers for a bit about spilling the beans to Taylor about having seen Chase and Levi macking on each other. She confronts Levi, who denies the whole thing, leaving her unsure how to proceed. Levi seems like an amiable sort but lots of people walk away from a conversation with him shaking their head and blinking in confusion.
Later, during a lunch with Chase, Ashley gives thanks for the food, asks Jebus to “bless this conversation”—it’s probably a smart move to call in extra help—and orders Chase not to get sassy as she calls him out for messin’ with Levi. He tries to shift blame, but our girl reads him like a menu. Sensing impending defeat, Chase accuses her of taking the side of whomever is crying the loudest (which is true).
But to her credit, she doesn’t take the bait. She calls Chase out for being a homewrecker but he dislikes Taylor so intensely that he can’t bring himself to feel guilty or even embarrassed.
The table is now set for a confrontation on the mean streets of Austin!
NEXT: The breakup and its aftermath
his Inch Wear clothing line. (Ooh, low blow!) The conflict-avoidant cowboy says something ineffective about Taylor’s Republican leanings and then Taylor flicks Levi’s cowboy hat, nearly knocking it off his head.
Onlookers gasp in shock at this affront; their “Oh-no-he-di’int” reaction is priceless.
Chase proceeds to further antagonize Taylor by owning up to having fooled around with Levi while the pair was allegedly “dating monogamously.” Taylor refrains from strangling Chase but later cries in the presence of Phillip, who is disgusted by Team Levi. “I told you to smell his fucking dick, did I not?” he yelps. Phillip tries to confront Levi and Chase; they respond by making out. He leaves in a huff, steam pouring from his ears.
Can’t we all just get along?
The next day, Levi and Chase confer about the dramatics of the previous night. In a mind-boggling flip, Levi wonders aloud about why Taylor hasn’t texted him that day. When he learns Chase had told Taylor they had been dating, the cowboy begins to backpedal so fast he nearly puts a cowboy-shaped hole in the nearest wall. Chase perfectly understands that he, too, has been given the heave-ho—unless, of course, they want to fuck some more—but he is irresistibly hooked on Levi’s pheromones and cuts him some slack.
NEXT: Sometimes a boozy brunch is a bad idea
rf7777
I live in Dallas and know Dallas. Know one gives a f-ck about whom this Taylor person associates with. I would venture a guess, no one in Dallas give a f-ck about this Taylor person at all.
I wish he would go live with Ann Coulter and stop making a embarrassment out of himself.
Cinesnatch
@rf7777: Why single out Taylor? If the rest of the cast is anything like A-List: New York, then they’re all an embarrassment. Unless I’m mistaken?
Vic
Are any of these gays actually “A-List?” Or at the very least, hot enough to be considered on any list?!?! At least the NYC ones have things going for them. This is such a sad show… I don’t get why they’re all over Levi…. If he ever came to West Hollywood, he’d be a 6 at best…
Trip
@Vic: You’re kidding, right? The New York “A-Listers” are a bunch of tacky nobodies!
Mr. Enemabag Jones
Uh…I can’t even finish reading the recap. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it is to actually sit through an entire episode.
Atlas
These “A-List” shows make me ashamed to be gay.
Chris
I suppose this is when someone comes and accuses everyone of joining the heteronormative, oppressive ranks and extolls the romantic view of bars in the history of our civil rights movement.
The counter argument is, of course, this article.
Henry
“Geez, who knew Lefties were capable of such violence?”
God Almighty, I know this is a joke, but there are really conservatives who think that way. These are the insulated Georgian conservatives who have a one-party system which masquerades as a democracy.
timncguy
Philip runs around trying to cause as much conflict as possible.
Ashley runs around trying to repair as much conflict as possible.
If the two of them would stay out of everyone else business, everyone would be better off.
Taylor had it right when he told Ashley it was’ any of her concern and to stay out of it.
timncguy
@Trip: that was kind of the point. The NYers are not A-listers and this group from Dallas is even more worthless.
CBRad
I like the episode where Andrew Towle goes down there and plants a bomb to kill them all (because you can’t be a good NYC-transplant gay-gay if you don’t hate Texans) but he gets his leg caught when trying to get out of the room with the bomb ticking and he screams like Dr. Smith from Lost In Space, and then you have a cliffhanger til next episode…
Mark Snyder
There is an incredible amount of sexism in this show. Every episode involves belittling of women or calling each other women, little girls, bitches, etc. It’s such a shame.
Peter
Why does anyone pay attention to this vapid black hole?
tim
““Oh, look, there’s Obama,” sneers Taylor in reference, no doubt, to the film’s leading man Duane Jones. ”
So, Taylor’s a little bit racist. Figures.
Dennis
Ashley and James are the worst type of shit stirrers, which is why they were hired
Phillip is a hopeless alcoholic headed for an early grave, hope they hired a driver for him, the poor thing
Levi is the big dumb hunk they all want to bang
Taylor is the deluded, self hating gay republican best friends with that female impersonator annie coulter
the rest of the cast are wallpaper
timncguy
@Dennis: @Dennis: You have James and Phillip confused with each other.
Ronbo
The picture provided by the loser proved that it was a fake. The “blood” from his ear would have no reason to do a magical turn and land on the front-side of his wifebeater. The blood wouold naturally fall behind his sternocleidomastoid on his side and back – NOT on the front of his shirt. He faked his evidence.
Once a faker, always a faker. What a God-awful show. I can’t wait for the next episode of Pretentious Texas Ugly. It makes my bland existence seem so very valuable.
Jack E. Jett
Not since BATTLE OF THE NETWORK STARS has there be so much talent assembled in one toilet. LOGO has proved that they can really suck the turd out of an ass, chew it up and spew it all over the gay community.
CBRad
@Jack E. Jett: Battle Of the Network Stars had all been scripted too, but people were dumb enough to think it was real.
Eric in Chicago
i never thought the A-List New York would look good but compared to these train wrecks they don’t look so bad.
CBRad
@Eric in Chicago: Because the writers have to make each new series’ characters a little more crazy than the first, or else..people lose interest.
LNG
These recaps are funny. And I don’t have to watch the show.
Timmeeeyyy!!!
How can there be any joy in watching these sad little people self-destruct in their sad little lives. I know the scenes are entirely manufactured, but I can’t help thinking that their real personalities are still shining through. I hope they’re at least making good money (and I’m sure they’re not).
ke
@Atlas: You were already ashamed to be gay. You didn’t need this show.
ke
I love this show.
Ken S
I haven’t watched this but it sounds like… Jesus… why the hell are these people being presented for public view? Surely not as role-models. Tell me they’re meant to inspire us and I may be forced to go on a road-trip to find and murder everyone involved in this grotesque production. It sounds like a sewer-outlet torrent of disgrace. Who does watch this, and why?
Could the casting idiots not find anyone to act as a real foil to these embarrassing people? Someone to live with them but who could at least redeem the whole venture by not fucking any of them, retaining a little clear-headedness, and telling them to smarten the hell up? Not because they’re “setting gay people back” but because they’re kind of setting civilization back.
JASON
HI I FROM DALLAS TX AND I LOVE YOU GUYS NO THE A LIST DALLAS BE CAUSE YOU GUYS R SO COOL AND HOT NO TV AND SEXY TO WILL ALL SO I HOPE TAYLOR IS DOING BETTER NOW AND HE CAN DO BETTER M THAT GUY NO TV TO WILL YOU GUYS R GOOD FOR DALLAS TX TKS FOR CUM DALLAS TX AND I HOPE YOU GUYS DO GOOD IN DALLAS TX I WILL SEE YOU GUYS NO TV SOON LOVE JASON AND GOD BISS YOU ALL YOU GUYS TKS FOR CUM TO DALLAS TX