talking tongues

The Helpful Gentleman Translating NOM’s Position on Same-Sex Marriage

I very much appreciated this video, of a gentleman at Sunday’s National Organization for Marriage’s Rhode Island rally, explaining the group’s reasons for lobbying against same-sex marriage in a language we could all understand: nonsense.

Don’t You Hate It When People Block Your View of Hate Parades?

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  • AlanInS.L.UT

    WOW, what a freak! :)

  • Mike in Asheville, nee "in Brooklyn"

    My Aramaic is rusty and there was all that crowd noise in the background, so, if my translation is off, sorry. I believe he was repeating “Please someone fuck my man pussy, oh yeah Jesus, please someone fuck my ass.”

  • Mike in Asheville, nee "in Brooklyn"

    My Aramaic is rusty and there was all that crowd noise in the background, so, if my translation is off, sorry. I believe he was repeating “Won’t lease someone please fuck my hole, oh yeah Jesus.”

  • Mike L.

    That was one of my bosses alright-not literally, but the whole speaking in tongues thing, pretty crazy thing, reminds me of the scene of Saved where the jewish girl starts screaming “I have a hot pussy” and it sound like giberrish at first until the stuckup xtian girl informs everyone what she’s saying XD

    He’s clearly saying “Oh please god, stop me from going over there and sucking some cocks while getting it in the ass, oh jesus you know you’re the only one” XD hahaahah!

  • B

    No. 2 · Mike in Asheville, nee “in Brooklyn” wrote, “My Aramaic is rusty and there was all that crowd noise in the background”

    My Aramaic is non-existent so did you just make it up to be funny or was that really Aramaic?

  • san

    this deserves a remix

  • Bambam

    If you don’t know what to say, try to shock everyone into silence where they don’t know what to say either.

  • giff

    According to the Bible the gift of speaking in tounges should only be done with someone present who has the gift of interpreting those who speak in tounges. Another hypocrit “christian”.

    Baby talk is what it sounds like to me.

  • Chris

    @B: LOL it’s speaking in tongues, not aramaic.

  • David

    Good lord . . . Pardon my French, but that’s nuts.

    In my teenage years (1970’s) I was into that glossolalia stuff, mostly because I didn’t know better. I lost all interest in it when I discovered that lots of heathen African religions do the same thing. Plus, I noticed other absurdities in the whole organized religion thing. Now I spend my Sunday mornings in bed.

    But geez, having “Been there, done that,” I know what he’s doing and what he’s thinking, and understand why he’s doing it. He might even be gay — like what’s his name from Colorado.

    A heavy and extended dose of reality is what they all need, along with a bunch of helpful people willing to guide them back to sanity.

    Oh well . . . Been there, done that . . . lucky I got away in one piece . . .

  • David

    Pardon my 2nd note — but it would have been fun to have been standing with the gay folks, and then offered up the interpretation. And then followed up with my own blathering of tongues . . . I can still do it, too . . .
    lol . . .

  • B

    No. 7 · Chris wrote, “@B: LOL it’s speaking in tongues, not aramaic.” … Think of the fun you could have with these guys if you knew Aramaic!

    Of course, some of us have never heard someone speaking in tongues so we didn’t know what it sounds like. Does it have a standard grammar or do they develop the grammar on the fly?

  • Jeffree

    @B: #10
    The few people who’ve studied on & reported on this agree it’s glossolalia = gibberish, a.k.a unrelated to any known language or dialect, without underlying grammar.

    I’ve personally seen a few people do this in church (& on TV) and they don’t seem to be able to keep the flow of language up before for more than a couple minutes before collapsing to the floor in a sweaty mess. !

  • B

    No. 11 · @Jeffree – at least you got out of that church alive!

    Given the expression on that guy’s face in the video, you’d almost think he was getting hard. No wonder they collapse to the floor in a sweaty mess. That’s probably when they shoot their load!

  • Jeffree

    @B; #12:
    LOL. One of those churches was one where they do the snake handling thing — no one told me this until aftewards! They didn’t do it that Sunday, but believe you me, I would of been out the door in five seconds if they brought a snake out !

    I will say the music was very good in those churches. I love to experience new things. Total moral dilemma when the plate was passed, but since I knew there was free lunch after, I did slip in a few. I felt like Margaret Mead in Samoa, doncha know, trying to understand a whole other culture.

    Be well, B.


  • Syl

    Sounds more like he’s possessed by Satan than the Holy Spirit. Someone get this man an exorcist! The power of Christ compels you!

  • axos

    Oh, this is sad I know, but so funny! Thanks for the laugh!

    He’s just making it up as he goes along. Everyone needs to get excited every now and then, and this is what some churches offer you.

    The further you get from all sorts of religion and rituals, the more exotic it looks – I understand you, Jeffree. It’s all in people’s heads, but sort of impressive how they can come up with all this stuff, and even believe in it.

  • Lance Rockland

    I got to see it up close. That is the scariest thing I have ever seen!

  • greybat

    I love it when white men rap!
    Who knew Cab Calloway and Danny Kaye had a kid together?

  • David

    @B: “How I Began Speaking in Tongues — and How You Can Do It Too!”
    I used to go to a combination Bible Study and Prayer Meeting for teenagers. First we’d mix and mingle in the host’s house, and then everyone would sit down in the living room (crowds of 30 to 60 people). Then would come the sing-alongs, the cool gospel tunes of the time (1970’s). Then someone would offer a Gospel lesson, and then we’d pray.

    The groups were usually about 50-50 regular folks who couldn’t speak in tongues and the rest who could. It was generally agreed that speaking in tongues was evidence of having a special gift from the Holy Spirit, and folks who could were assumed to be more attuned to God, and more spiritual, and therefore, “a better Christian.” Looking back on things, some of the Tongues-speakers used this ability as a way to assert for themselves a higher place in the group’s pecking order. You’ll see the same thing going on today in every church that does the Tongues thing.

    Anyway, during prayer time, we’d have a short list of things to pray for, usually constructed from concerns of the people present: My sick mom…I need a job…My girlfriend’s boil…World Peace…etc etc etc.
    We’d all start to pray, at first in English. And soon, some folks would start dragging out their vowels and adding a few wet consonants (schlakka desoooooootooo) and passionately wailing and adding a few identifiable religious words every now and then. Inexperienced folks would use lots of repetition, and the more practiced folks drew from a bigger storehouse of gibberish. Some folks just went into a sort of meditative frame of mind, rocked back and forth, and repeated something like, “Oh Jesus, sweet Jesus, Heavenly Father” over and over and over again.
    To a lot of people who hadn’t seen anything like this, the atmosphere was very much like a bunch of Satan Worshippers conjuring up The Devil. Rather unnerving. And a lot of first-timers got up and left at this point, never to return. Me, I was intrigued by the whole thing. I had been “saved” at a fundamentalist church a few years earlier, and was curious to know what this Tongues thing was all about.
    After sitting in these sessions for about 6 months, I was ready to be “Baptized in the Spirit.” So, when they asked during the prayer session if anyone wanted to receive the Gift of the Spirit, I raised my hand. They put me in the center of the floor, everyone put their hands on me, and started praying. First in English, then in Tongues. Someone told me to repeat “Jesus” over and over. The group’s Tongue-prayers started. Lots of “Thank You Jesus” and “Key-ah la Shek-ah-la-ha-va Jeeee-sus Sweet Jeeee-sus Thank you Holy Father De-soooooo-toe.” I rocked back and forth on the floor, repeating Jesus over and over, hoping for the Holy Spirit to Baptize me.
    Looking back on things now, I can see it was all wishful thinking–on everyone’s part. After about 10 minutes of this highly emotional BS, some folks wore out and went to the kitchen for refreshments. Me, I didn’t feel any different, and I didn’t feel like anything unusual had happened, and I wasn’t inclined to speak gibberish. But I could tell that the folks who were praying for me were getting tired, and some were showing signs of impatience.
    Well, when you say the same thing over and over in an environment like that, you’re bound to stumble over the word. And when I did, the weary folks who were praying for me took that as evidence that the Holy Spirit had in fact Baptized me, and that I had been given the “Gift of Speaking in Tongues.” They thanked God, congratulated me, and told me something to the effect that my Tongues vocabulary would grow over time.
    Not being any better than any of them, I was as full as wishful thinking as they were. When I prayed in my usual English, I tossed in some Tongues. I found that I could improvise new syllables, and since that’s how the whole thing seemed to work among the Tongue-talking Christians I hung around with, I assumed (lol) I was normal (hahahahaha!) . . .

    Anyway, if you listen to anyone who speaks in Tongues a lot (usually Pentecostal or Assembly of God folks) you’ll notice that most of what they say is repetitive gibberish with a few religous terms thrown in, and all spoken in states of extreme religious passion. It seems to be a sort of badge of honor, evidence that you’re a Close Friend of God, and Someone Not To Be Trifled With. For some people, this is all they have in life. An illusion, wishfull thinking that they rank a little higher in the spiritual pecking order than other people who are not “Baptized In The Spirit.” Other people are motivated to combine their special spiritual status with personal bigotry to do what the guys in this video do — “Pray Away the Gay.”

    Ya, I understand what these people are doing, because I was there once. I’m lucky that I was able to question my religious notions and get away from it all. If I hadn’t been able to, I might be a closeted preacher today, doing what those guys are doing.

    Ya, looking back on it all, I’m very lucky. Being gay has been one of the best things that ever happened to me.

  • Jeffree

    @David #23: La’aamk-h’sha Naquatomal Hesush! lol. Your “How I began speaking in tongues and how you can too” would be a great book or dvd! Think about it — really.

    Great story: thanks. Your own story might make an even better book.

    I’m a bit of a linguistics nerd. This speaking in tongues is a psychogenic phenomenon more than a linguistic one: You can find similar similar speech patterns in folks with organic brain syndrome, delerium, & on certain hallucinogens.

    It’s sad that people use this supposed “gift” to pull rank in certain religious circles.

    Shouldnt it be more prized to know Hebrew, Koine Greek & some Aramaic? !

  • obiwan

    Some Pentecostal Christians are coming to the view that speaking in tongues is a purely emotional phenomena. This religious movement ( Pentecostalism) grew out of Methodism which had some very emotional revivals during the 19th century, including some displays of holy laughter. I disagree with some Pentecostals on their views about homosexuality being a chosen behavior, but I certainly respect their love for God.

  • Lacey

    Powers and Principalities are two hierarchies of Angels. Principals, Dukes, Counts, and Lords are hierarchies of Demons, but there are no Powers and Principalities in Hell.

    Also, his Tongues are a really shitty, rhythmic line of gibberish that to him sounds ancient and therefore credible.

    He’s just some church-going broad who never studied the real roots of his own religion. Then again, if he did he probably would shut up and stay at home on Sundays.

  • David

    @Jeffree: Thanks for the compliment . . .
    I dunno if the account of my experience would benefit from expanding beyone the few paragraphs I’ve posted here. It’s really not much more than typical human wishful-thinking.

    Sometime in the early 1990’s there was a boom in “channeling spirits” which was very popular in suburban Dallas (I don’t know about other parts of the country). A friend told me he frequently attended channeling sessions not far from where I lived, and asked me if I’d like to accompany him some time.
    Of course, I said yes, and we resolved to attend the next session together.
    The day arrived, and we found ourselves welcomed into a large home in a new neighborhood. The downstairs was full of “Yuppies,” as they were called back then. Mostly professional folks, managers, dentists, accountants, bankers.
    We partook of some libations and chatted with the other attendees, who all seemed to be everyday-professionals.
    Then the festivities began.
    Everybody (about 50 of us) took a seat in the living room, most of us sat on the floor. The host sat in an upholstered chair, welcomed everybody, explained breifly what was about to transpire. He said he would go into a trance and let the spirit of “Marco Luigi” (not the exact name, but it was an Italian who died a few hundred years ago) speak through him.
    He turned on a small tape recorder, leaned back into the chair, and after a minute or two of what appeared to be a deep reverie, he sat up, shook once-twice-and a third time, and began speaking with what I thought was an inauthentic Italian accent. He gave a general talk about current life in general — a sort of mish-mash of Dallas Morning News and Wall Street Journal and National Enquirer, and warned of terrible times ahead. Meanwhile, the quality of his Italian accent began a slow but steady decline in authenticity. After 10 minutes of this, he asked for questions.
    The folks on the floor asked questions relating mostly to business. Stock pick choices; was it a good time to open their business; would their MLM business work. A few people asked questions I thought would be better directed towards their doctors — “I’m having these symptoms, what should I do?”
    This continued until I heard a faint click from the tape recorder when it ran out of tape. The guy was still channelling, still in a trance, and he reached down and picked up the tape recorder and turned it off, while still channelling “Marco Luigi.” He finished his last answer, said that he needed a rest, leaned back in the chair’s upholstery, shook once-twice-three times, and emerged speaking in his natural voice, inviting everyone to get a refill on wine or tea and snacks, and the second half of the evening would begin in half an hour.
    The crowd murmered. They seemed to have swallowed the whole “channelling” thing hook, line, and sinker. I looked at my friend, raised one eyebrow, and he replied, “Um, yeah. He’s not doing too well tonight.” We arose, exchanged some pleasantries with our fellow attendees on our way to the kitchen where we enjoyed a very tasty chocolate pastry and coffee. We slipped outside, my friend asked me if I was ready to go, and I confessed that I was, and that was that.

    In the ensuing few years I noticed that the fad of channelling sufferred a decline in interest. I understand why. Evidently some Channellers give more convincine performances than others, and the ones that were particularly adept charged individuals and small groups princely sums for the benefit of the advice they received from the viewpoints from the Next World.

    It still seems odd to me that there were that many educated people with serious responsibility who resorted to this sort of thing. It all boils down to wishful thinking.
    I’m sure the Channeler of that evening honestly beleived that he was actually in contact with the spirit of an Italian. I’m certain that most of the other attendees also beleived — or wanted to beleive.

    When it comes to speaking in tongues, as the people in the video have done, they beleive that what they’re doing is real. They beleive that they are communicating with God. They beleive that Gay people are Satan’s disciples.

    It’s difficult to judge other people’s gullibility; I think it’s a human quality that we all share, and never really manage to avoid. But on the other hand, when I’m living my life and someone is indulging their foolishness to the point where they begin to chant “Prison For The Gays!” well, that’s when they need a good old fashioned application of reality. Sometimes that reality is best applied through a reasoned conversation, sometimes it’s best to apply it at the end of 2-by-4.

    Channelling and glossolalia . . . only two of countless ways in which people delude ourselves.

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