I think everybody is entitled to the right to privacy. There should be elegant ways to approach any topic, and there’s a time and place to approach anything and have a good, common sense conversation about anything. I do think that there’s a responsibility for people to own the way that they speak publicly. This doesn’t stop us from being human beings; some things are private. I’m under no obligation to share anything to do with my family, my children, my sexuality—that’s nobody’s business but my own. And I don’t see how that can have anything to do with what I do as an actor, and it’s my own business. If you knew me as a friend, then sure, we’d talk about anything. But that was a public forum, and for someone to inelegantly ask a question that seemed designed entirely to provoke a reaction, and start a topic of debate… It’s important destigmatizing sexuality and gender inequality in the workplace, but to put a man on the spot in a room full of people designed purely for a salacious reaction? To be quite frank, it’s rude. If he’d have said that to me in the street, I’d have said the same thing back: ‘I’m sorry, who the fuck are you?’
What he had to talk about was actually interesting, but how he did it was so inelegant. And I appreciate that I could probably have more grace as a human being, but I’m just a bloke. I’m just a man. And I’m just a man doing a job. I’m not a role model for anyone, and you’re asking me something about my private life in a room full of people. I don’t want to discuss my private life with you. I don’t know you! Why would I share that with a billion people? Also, if you felt it was so important for people to feel confident to talk about their sexuality, why would you put somebody on the spot in a room full of people and decide that was the time for them to open up about their sexual ambiguity? There’s also nothing ambiguous about my sexuality, anyway. I know who I am. But what does that have to do with you? And why am I a part of something now that, however legitimate, I haven’t offered my services for? It’s not about what he and his publication stands for, none of that is offensive, and on the contrary, it’s very admirable, and an important issue. But how I was asked was incredibly inelegant, and I just thought it was disrespectful and counterproductive to what he stands for.”
— Tom Hardy in an interview with The Daily Beast in which he addresses a question about his “ambiguous sexuality” that was awkwardly posed to him by a reporter for Daily Xtra during a press conference last week
Xzamilio
Ooof… I understand what he’s saying, but GAWD… I can’t help it. The words and phrasing read like a man in the closet. Even if he isn’t, it just sounds like it.
Cy
Well said Tom Hardy! That so-called reporter was a total dick.
Cam
So in other words, he considers being gay a dirty shameful thing that needs to be hidden.
Asking Jessica Alba how she and her husband are doing, asking Jennifer Lawrence if she is dating anybody, asking Josh Hutchenson how his social life is. Apparently that is ok since every magazine and reporter out there does it.
But treat Tom Hardy just the same, get attacked, and have him scream out about Privacy. (Just like Ricky Martin, Clay Aiken, Anderson Cooper, and Rosie O’Donnell used to, and Queen Latifa and Kevin Spacey still do)
Daveliam
@Cam: Complete overreaction filled with hyperbole. He’s right. He is under no obligation to discuss his sexuality. No where does he state that someone’s sexuality is a ‘dirty, shameful thing that needs to be hidden”.
Particularly because he was talking about his OWN sexuality and he doesn’t consider himself gay. He’s been married to two different women, has children with them, and, outside of experimenting with guys in his youth, has no indication of same sex attraction. If he identifies as bisexual, that’s on him. Who are YOU to tell him that he’s gay? Or are you using “gay” as interchangeable with “bisexual”?
What else do you want from him? He specifically states that the question was a good one that is worth discussing but the way that it was framed was off-putting. And that’s his prerogative.
BigG
Not every celebrity wants to be an out role model. I understand what he is saying. Its no one’s business. Has nothing to do with his job. Some people choose to be private, some don’t. We have to respect that. if someone were to ask you that at your job in front of people that would be completely unprofessional and discriminating
Anders Spegel
Det var väldigt spekulativt av HBTQ sajt att frÃ¥ga om hans sexualitet , det pÃ¥minner mycket “outing” som skedde i medierna pÃ¥ 80 talet , respektera hans val , han har ingen skyldighet att berätta om sina sexuella fantasier för nÃ¥gon ! Reportern frÃ¥n HBTQ sajten blir plötsligt en del av förtrycket som dagligen sker mot oss HBTQ , vi skall ständigt “komma ut ” vi skall ständigt försvara oss ,osv –
Nick Pacella
Why do we need to know about that. It’s his business if he wanted us to know he would have said something
Glücklich
@BigG:
THANK YOU! Was going to say something similar about such a question in the workplace. Were I to be interviewed for JPM or P&I or some other trade publication, you BET I’d be taken aback and pissed if my sexuality became a topic. Not because I think it’s shameful but because I’d be mortified for whoever asked the question.
The whole Hardy thing makes me mad. There is a time an place for such questions, and only Oprah and Barbara Walters can make it happen.
Seriously, it was the bad timing, irrelevance, and OVERALL STUPIDITY of the question that got me riled up and put me squarely on Hardy’s side. It smacks somewhat of that little kid thing, you know, when you were in kindergarten, with the “Tom and So-and-So sittin’ in a tree…” I despise all dumb, ill-timed questions because they make the asker look like a an idiot and puts the askee in the awkward position of thinking of a graceful answer as well as being embarrassed *for* the asker.
Had I been in Hardy’s shoes, I’d like to think I’d have replied to the effect of “You know, we’ve got a limited amount of time for questions (or ‘I have a hard stop at x-o’clock’) so I’d like to keep questions focused on the film. Do you have another question?”
I do this ALL the time at work. Put a squeeze on the clock or risk having a meeting or call go off the rails necessitating ANOTHER meeting to try and finish up which’ll piss me off to no end.
moonwalker_jd
Yeah well, if he wanted to keep his life private, he should have chosen another career option.
John Kuehnle
Some people don’t have boundaries or a filter on their mouths, I know people like that.
Curtis B. Medford
And does it really matter?!?
Xzamilio
I do agree with the consensus on the board, though, that he is under no obligation to publicly disclose anything about his private life.
billywonka
Lots and lots of words – why not just say “I am what I am” and let it go.
Dave Basora
He should have not said anything
Bill Mountrey
I don’t care if he is gay or not. That said, anyone got some pics of him nekkid?
tdh1980
While I acknowledge that Hardy had a right to respond to the question as he desired, what I will challenge is the idea that sexuality itself — not sex life, but sexuality — is some private affair, as evidenced by the fact that straight people wear theirs pretty openly.
redcarpet30
Homeboy sucked some dick when he was younger. I am certain of it now.
It’s OK Tom. Lots of straight guys dabbled. It really doesn’t make you less straight. Really!
Cam
@Daveliam: said…. ” Complete overreaction filled with hyperbole. He’s right. He is under no obligation to discuss his sexuality. No where does he state that someone’s sexuality is a ‘dirty, shameful thing that needs to be hidden”.”
____________________________________
Once again, it’s funny how every heterosexual celebrity gets asked these questions on a daily basis. The fact that you all are up in arms about Hardy being asked these questions is the clearest indication yet that the guy isn’t straight.
We got the same hyperventilating commentary on here back when people were trying to claim Anderson Cooper, Ricky MArtin and Jody Foster were straight.
And he doesn’t need to state that he thinks sexuality is a dirty shameful secret. The fact that he flipped out over the question makes that quite clear. If Jennifer Anniston can be asked if she is dating anybody a month after getting dumped, trying to pretend that Hardy’s social life is something sacred that it is a sin to ask about is ridiculous.
Billy Budd
I think he is right to be angered and some of you guys are full of S*it.
Brian
The gay media is full of self-righteous idiots. I have never seen a worse media. It seeks to impose an identity on others.
Sweetie Pie
@Xzamilio: You project too much…try again
Steve Russell
Sweetie Pie
@Cam: How do you know he considers being gay a dirty thing?…Do you know something we don´t know?…
People have the right to live in the closet or come out whenever they want, maybe he´s not ready, maybe he prefers to live closeted, maybe he swings both ways or perhaps he just want keep his private life private regardless of whom he shags.
The reporter was a douchebag and should have focused on the professional side…that´s what they were there for.
Gay media can be as trashy as the mainstream one…
Daveliam
@Cam: False equivalency. Has anyone asked Jennifer Aniston if she is straight? Because that’s what the reporter here did. He didn’t ask him about his wife. He didn’t ask him about his social life. He asked him, flat out, about his sexuality. If someone did that to a straight celebrity, flat out asked him/her about their sexuality, I would ALSO think it was tacky and classless and that the celebrity would be justified in not answering the question.
Giancarlo85
Come on queerty… beating the dead horse aren’t we?
Brian
Who would want to go around with a permanent “gay” label stuck on their faces? I certainly wouldn’t. The gay label is for morons. It’s for attention whores.
If you’re an attention whore by nature, by all means call yourself gay. But don’t you think there is much more to your life than what you do in bed? How about calling yourself a human being before anything else?
I can understand, in the historical context, why the gay label was invented. It was necessary to humanize us at a time when anti-homosexuality was rife. However, today it is de-humanizing us. We are made less human by the word.
What we need to do is to make male homosexuality mainstream. It needs to be out there in every man. Every man should be able to opt into it. It will shift the balance of power back towards men and away from women.
Remove the stigma and regain power – that should be the motto of every male.
Amaurys Arias
He has a bit of a gay vibe… But who cares?!… I can’t wait for the time, that what sex you are sleeping with is completely irrelevant. And people don’t fell the need to ask or hide it.
Peter McKinney
I don’t need him to be gay. Sorry, queens.
animaux
@Brian: Another deluded queer theorist?
Glücklich
@animaux:
Just ignore it and it’ll go away.
DarkZephyr
@Daveliam: Cam isn’t saying that Tom Hardy isn’t entitled to his privacy but to act like the question itself is douche baggy is lame in my opinion. If you ask Jennifer Aniston if she is dating anyone and she answers in the affirmative and tells us about the person that wold kinda indicate what her sexual preferences were, don’t you think? It is the same as asking if she were straight. The fact that he’s flipping out about it does make it seem like he thinks its dirty. He is aware of how it sounds too which is why he is trying to soften it with platitudes, but the platitudes work for shit.
@Brian: “But don’t you think there is much more to your life than what you do in bed?”
There is much more to being gay than what I do in bed. Its funny that you have an issue with the word “gay” but not with the word “homosexuality”, given that “homosexuality” is the one based on what we do in bed. “Gay” is a much broader word. I like the word “gay” and your attempts to shame guys like me for it are rejected. Bye now.
@Xzamilio: I’m with you, he does sound very closeted.
Bisexual-Transwoman
He’s pretty much been out as bisexual for awhile now.
money718
Is this a secret?
Bauhaus
@DarkZephyr:
Brian is a homasexshul.
Desert Boy
Tom Hardy is entitled to privacy. He is under no obligation to disclose to some bitch reporter who he fucked last night.
Myk Gonzales
I think he is entitled to his privacy indeed and yes it was very wrong for the reporter to put him on the spot. But after that incident, I think it gave us more suspicion that he may in fact be not straight because if he is, he will not take the question offensively. But then again, who cares if he is gay or not. He is a good actor and is popular nowadays, I think being so makes you also a target for bad publicity. There is always 2 sides of popularity, good and bad
jimontp
The lady doth protest too much.
Hardy could have made it a light-hearted comment about loving everyone, instead he acted so defensively, as if having a sexual experience with another man had to be elaborately explained and somehow not something to be asked about. Relax, dude. If everyone wants to fantasize about sex with you, embrace it. Really, embrace it, have a good time toying with the question. Don’t act like so defensive d-ck.
aliengod
Tom is absolutely right. His sexuality is nobody’s business unless he wants it to be. Just because he’s an actor doesn’t mean he isn’t entitled to his privacy.
Vick Salmeron
I always believe that if they get asked and don’t answer straight up and just kinda swerve away from the question that you are unsure or don’t wanna be . But I always think that the right time from some to come out is when that person says I’m ready not when you ask them in a room full of people .
dr35
@cam…. Are you for real? That’s the worst analogy. This jackass didn’t ask Hardy about his family, spouse or kids. This guy straight up asked him if he swings both ways. It was cheap, tacky, and to quote on par with Mr. Hardy, completely irrelevant to the situation. Tom could be totally straight, or closeted, or boning men on the side … His wife could know, or not know, or hell even participate. But at the end of the day, IT IS NOBODY’s BUSINESS.
As an adult, I’m so sick of this community getting on a soap box every time someone doesn’t sing gay praise from the rooftop. Let the man do his job, and if someday he wants to come out with a man, more power to him. I’m proud of Tom for putting that jackass in his place.
dr35
I seriously don’t understand why this response from Hardy was inappropriate. He didn’t say being gay was gross. He didn’t defame gay people, or this culture. He simply told the guy to piss off for being tacky.
n900mixalot
@aliengod: YES IT DOES! Celebrities can’t have it both ways, and if they do then it’s going to be made public and the law won’t protect them. Either you want the limelight or you don’t.
Nude photos are one thing but this so-called private life is another.
There are ways to remain private and be a celebrity but going ballistic when the media calls them out is going to only make matters worse. He needs a PR coach.
youarekiddingme
Brian, You tried this before..it didn’t work. Go be your homosexual self. You do know the definition of homosexual don’t you?
…Of or relating to sexual intercourse with a person of the same sex… (Miriam Webster).
Take your backward, bullsh!t ideas about “gays” being all about sex and promiscuity and stuff it! Gay is a much more inclusive description…inclusive but not limited to loving relationships with persons of the same sex. Deal with it.
Curty
I think this dude has secure issues within himself. Like shut up. You got asked a question about your sexuality now you are so offended and bothered. Its 2015, marriage equality is in all 50 states, untied kingdom. Just shut up and live your life.
Larry Belusko
I support Tom Hardy 100%. I am sick of people saying it hurts gay causes when people don’t come out of the closet. Too F’n bad, it still isn’t your business and you have no right to know unless someone wants to tell you. Who cares anyway!! He would make a great 007 in the future.
Glücklich
@n900mixalot:
Nobody went ballistic. Watch the video.
Not only is whatever he’s doing no one’s business, despite certain segments of the media making a business (unfortunately) of making everything EVERYONE’S business, it is old news. But if the reporter wants to keep trying to make something of an off-handed remark from SEVEN YEARS AGO, then he earned Hardy’s clever and measured response.
What if the reporter was from, I don’t know, PETA, and wanted to poke poke poke at some seven year-old off-handed remark Hardy’d made about eating shark fin soup or having attended a dog fight? Does it warrant further questioning or reporting? No.
Did I miss where Mr. Hardy’s running for office? Isn’t that about the only time ancient, irrelevant personal info is brought up for this degree of dissection and analysis?
Fuckin’ move ON already!
gababy2
Ok Hardy, you are right but you know what? it would be much more easier if you had answered the danm question instead of making this long rant that will just feed more questions about your sexuality lol and inconvenient reporters will not give up on that
Steve Murphy
This person fascinates me. I feel like he rejects the gay/lesbian/straight construct. He doesn’t really seem to care about his sexuality or where it goes so why should you? The important thing for him is it’s his own decision, it should be private and I tend to agree. It’s not like he’s playing games. He’s like I’m going to have sex with whoever I want and it’s none of your fucking business. Sounds good to me.
Christopher Hale
I agree with @queerty’s statement. Why is it so important that the general public know and care about who someone sleeps with as long as both people are consenting
Erik Netterfield
Good for Tom, he does NOT need to answer to anyone else!!!!
Michiel Naude
Yes, what the h….
Russell Mccullough
Who’s business is it anyway? Not ours.
Sam D. Maloney
He has a point: he’s given strong indication that he’s had some same sex experiences, but has moved on to opposite gender relationships– kinda the opposite of a lot of my gay friends. But the thing is, the question has basically been answered, and he’s tired of it being re-opened. We in the LGBT community wouldn’t like it if reporters were always asking Matt Bomer if he’d tried the Vag yet, or Jane Lynch if she’s still a lesbian. Same principle applies.
Louis
If he had responded in this eloquent and articulate way years ago when he responded to the previous statements he made about being with other guys or whatever at that point then this never would have become an issue in the first place.
As I said earlier its about tact the way he responded to the interviewers question was off putting itself rude and patronizing and then that made the interviewer the target of this entire thing and Hardy some beacon for our community.
I appreciate what he spoke of referring to it being an important issue it was merely the way he responded and articulated himself in regard to what the interviewer asked of him.
I even said the question was out of left field no question however the interviewer was never meaning to be inciting or rude or insulting when he asked him this question.
I understand he was taken aback however the way in which he responded was what came across as if it was offensive to ask him of his sexuality as in a personal offense to us essentially referring to US as an offense in general based upon our sexuality as human beings.
Kudos to Hardy for responding in an articulate and far more compassionate manner then he did during the interview.
When someone is posed with a question like this they should just realize that yes they do have people who are a part of their fan base who don’t all identify as heterosexual or straight and they should respect that considering we appreciate their art and work and how their art moves us as human beings.
To negate people in that way is off putting and actually drives people away making them think well if they think its insulting then they must think we are insulting the way we are as LGBT americans.
This is the way of the news though it becomes sensationalistic creates controversy stirs things up and in turns creates anger indifference impatience and misunderstandings in regards to incidences such as the One Hardy and this reporter just experienced.
The reporter doesn’t deserve the disdain he has received though his question was not once offensive or rude however realistically yes Hardy was taken aback by the question posed to him at the time.
After reading his response to this I see him in a different light then I had previously considering the tactful and thoughtful way he responded to this incident.
This is what people need to do when it comes to things like this be more articulate about what you are trying to get across and realize that words can very easily be misinterpreted especially the intent of ones words .
Not many actors would have taken the time to address something like this so I respect Mr Hardy for taking the time to do so.
This incident however has no changed my attitude as to how many treat the question of sexuality as if its a dirty forbidden little secret that one should always feel ashamed or embarrassed to ask that mentality should change but alas it never will within this community sad but very ultimately true.
Cam
@Daveliam: said… “@Cam: False equivalency. Has anyone asked Jennifer Aniston if she is straight?”
__________________________________
Yes, they have. When the media asks her “Do you have a boyfriend?” Guess what, they are asking her a pointed question about her sexuality. When she says “yes, I have a boyfriend”, guess what, she is confirming her sexuality.
Give it up, you all used the EXACT SAME defenses when Anderson Cooper, Ricky Martin, Rosie O’Donell, etc…. were all closeted and giving the same answer.
Once again, screaming about his privacy and not having to talk about his sex life simply means that you think being bi or gay is something shameful and dirty.
They aren’t asking what he does in bed, the same way that Anniston isn’t being asked if she likes the reverse cowgirl position during sex. She was asked “Do you have a boyfriend”.
Hardy flipped out over a similar question, and all of your hyperventilating posts attacking the reporter makes me thing is is a closet case, which I didn’t before.
Jose Herrera
Den JR …. This guy explains it well!
aliengod
@n900mixalot: Did you even watch the video? He didn’t go “ballistic”. The fact is, just because he’s an actor doesn’t mean he has to publicly reveal who he sleeps with. His sexuality is none of your business.
Cam
@aliengod: said… “The fact is, just because he’s an actor doesn’t mean he has to publicly reveal who he sleeps with. His sexuality is none of your business.”
__________________________
Nobody asked him “Who” he was sleeping with. And sexuality isn’t what you are doing in bed. It is who you date, are with etc…
1. Straight guys don’t answer questions like that.
2. You seem to think that being bi or gay is a dirty shameful secret akin to somebody asking him if he likes to get peed on or does he sleep with animals.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
“Homosexuality is a fetish that should be kept hidden from the public. It’s taboo sex and that’s all it is. It’s not meant to be discussed and if it is discussed, I have a mental break down because I just can handle it. I have severe mental and emotional problems because of my issue…homosexuality. I don’t want to be reminded of it. Plus, asking about such things is just plain rude because homosexuality IS just plain rude and crude. I only want to hear about heterosexuals and their marriages, and kids, and celebrities dating super models, and Jennifer Aniston’s wedding and everything like that. I applaud Tom Hardy and have much respect for him.”
— Typical Queerty poster, closeted with severe mental problems and an addiction to “gay-for-pay” porn
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
You would think the legalization of gay marriage would encourage gay people to feel better about themselves and that its okay to talk openly about themselves and to feel comfortable with who they are, but the Supreme Court can’t force that. I wish. It will be years before many gay people are happy with who they are and to see themselves as real people who deserve respect. Not just a sex act. But, a real, living and breathing, whole person.
Joey Boyd
Seriously he seems to be protesting an awful lot over something so trivial. It was a press conference concerning a part in the movie where he plays a gay twin. The reporter from a gay publication used his own words from a previous print interview to Frank his question. Not exactly out of line. Tom’s a big boy he wasn’t hurt in the interview and the reporter will live to report again so really no big deal. I think Tom lives for this kind of thing to be honest.
tetrahedron
He couldn’t have said it better! I’m a gay man and I really wish the gay community would get off their high horse, and stop shoving our gayness in everyone’s face. On one hand we say who we sleep with is not anyone’s business, and then some fool stands up and asks someone in a public forum if he sleeps with men. By doing things like this, we’re putting our own fight back by years.
Sweetie Pie
@Baba Booey Fafa Fooey: If we apply your principle then every gay man and every lesbian should get married just because the Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage…what you say makes no sense whatsoever
notevenwrong
Tom who?
Cam
@tetrahedron: said… “He couldn’t have said it better! I’m a gay man and I really wish the gay community would get off their high horse,”
____________________________
No you aren’t. The quickest way to spot a troll on here is that they always say “As a gay man, as a lesbian, as a bisexual, as a trans……….”
No, you mean as a troll who is a Tom Hardy Fan….
Rick Collier
In normal world his cinematic work would be important, not his sexuality!
Chris
@Cam: I disagree. There are boundaries that define our private lives. Mine include not just my sexuality (and what I do behind closed doors), but also what I earn, my medical history, what I think about various people, and …..
I can see Hardy’s point. He has a right to privacy; and when someone tries to cross the boundary, he has a right to react.
Chris
Oh yeah, and just because straight (or even other gay) people respond with greater tact or even if they answer questions that I would see as invading my privacy, that does not mean that I or anyone else — including Hardy — is obliged to do so. Our individuality and differences in what and/or how much we are willing to make public is part of who each of us is.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@Sweetie Pie: What? You either.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@Chris: If you were heterosexual, would your wife and kids be outside your boundaries and not discussed?
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@tetrahedron: I feel sorry for you.
Cam
@Chris: said….”@Cam: I disagree. There are boundaries that define our private lives. Mine include not just my sexuality (and what I do behind closed doors), but also what I earn, my medical history, what I think about various people, and …..”
________________________
And once again, you all keep trying to set up false equivalencies.
You keep trying to claim that sexuality is about what you do behind closed doors. Nope, guess what, Jennifer Lawrence being asked if she has a boyfriend, and her saying yes, is a question and answer about her sexuality.
Your problem is, you have to pretend that sexuality is equivalent to something shameful, or something secret (Like Medical History, or a bizarre sexual fetish) Because if you are honest and admit that it is equivalent to a straight person holding hands with their spouse, or having a picture of their boyfriend or girlfriend on their desk at work, then you have exposed Tom Hardy’s behavior for what it was.
He thinks being LGB or T is something shameful, dirty, or something that must be hidden. The fact that he freaked out, AND that you all are screaming about it being private show how marginalized and bullied gay people still are.
Your comment is simply a defense of the closet, nothing more and nothing less.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@Cam: yes yes and yes. Yes to your whole post.
moldisdelicious
That’s the issue. @Cam:
He has a wife and kid but guys like you who like to project yourselves onto other guys refuse to believe that straight guys exist.
Cam
@moldisdelicious: said…. “That’s the issue. @Cam:
He has a wife and kid but guys like you who like to project yourselves onto other guys refuse to believe that straight guys exist.”
____________________-
And once again, you see the freaky defense of the closet and the 2nd class status of LGBT’s.
Hardy freaks out over a question, and for anybody to point that out must mean that we are projecting.
Sorry there, but since I’m not in the closet, or confused, or upset, or whatever about my sexuality, there is no projection here.
He has a wife, well since that is so simple, then he could have simply said “Why don’t I have my wife answer that question for you?” (Audience Laughter)
He didn’t do that did he? And the fact that you all KEEP trying to either claim that talking about sexuality is the same as talking about a piss fetish, or bestiality, is really the sad part here.
We get it, you think being Lesbian, Bi, Gay, Trans etc… is shameful, dirty, and to even hint at it, or ask a question is the height of evil, because the closet must be maintained at all cost apparently.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@moldisdelicious: he’s not straight. He’s bisexual or a closeted gay man married to a woman.
Daveliam
@Cam: I find it hysterical that you claim that OTHER people are setting up false equivalencies when that’s what YOU are doing. The reporter flat out asked him about his sexuality. The ACTUAL equivalent of that is flat out asking a straight person about his/her sexuality. Not asking about who they are dating.
Very simple for you:
* What is your sexuality? = What is your sexuality?
* Who are you dating? = Who are you dating?
* What is your sexuality =/= Who are you dating?
Why? Because people’s personal identification of their sexuality doesn’t always match up with who they are dating. Asking a bisexual guy who they are dating doesn’t necessarily bring up their bisexuality. And that’s EXACTLY why this reporter had to flat out ask Hardy about his sexuality. Because he knows that he’s married to a woman.
I don’t think that it’s really that bad (it’s tacky, but not offensive) to ask about someone’s sexuality. But your sheer outrage and the hyperbole that you are spewing about Hardy (“He thinks being gay is disgusting and should be hidden” “He is a closet case”) are really over the top and outrageous.
Who cares? He’s a guy who might be bisexual who’s had sexual experiences with both men and women and has married two women. He doesn’t have to discuss his sexuality (there’s nothing wrong if he does and there’s nothing wrong if he doesn’t). He didn’t “lose it”. He dismissed the guy with a laugh and then issued a public statement about it. YOU are the one blowing it up and making out to be more than it is.
Oh, and the accusation that I’m a closet case…..? Bullshit. I’m an out gay man. I’m married to my husband. I’m a regular volunteer at an LGBT center. And I’m about as left-wing socially as you can get. I also happen to have a live and let live attitude. Ergo, if Hardy wants to not discuss something that he’s ALREADY discussed numerous times and is totally not relevant to the conversation? I say, who cares? It certainly doesn’t make him any of the hateful words that you’ve been spewing in his direction.
DarkZephyr
@Daveliam: “I find it hysterical that you claim that OTHER people are setting up false equivalencies when that’s what YOU are doing. The reporter flat out asked him about his sexuality. The ACTUAL equivalent of that is flat out asking a straight person about his/her sexuality. Not asking about who they are dating.”
Seems to me you are just proving Cam’s main point, that sexuality is dirty and should be kept hidden. How did you disprove that by your post? Answer, not at all.
Daveliam
@DarkZephyr: What are you even talking about? I SPECIFICALLY say that I don’t see any problems with talking about sexuality and that I don’t find asking about it to be offensive. Read a post before you reply. It’s waste of both of our time when you don’t.
Cam
@Daveliam: said…”””@Cam: I find it hysterical that you claim that OTHER people are setting up false equivalencies when that’s what YOU are doing. The reporter flat out asked him about his sexuality. The ACTUAL equivalent of that is flat out asking a straight person about his/her sexuality. Not asking about who they are dating.””
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Nice try, Actually I was pointing out the correct equivalencies because you and all of the other hyperventilating defenders of the closet were lying and trying to claim that what the reporter did was akin to asking him about his medical records or about what he does under the sheets.
Jennifer Anniston, Do you have a boyfriend? = Jennifer Anniston, do you date men?
Those are questions about sexuality.
You took multiple paragraphs to try to hide that fact.
The real question is, why are you so upset about this? Why does the fact that somebody might be open bother you so much?
Answer: for the same reason all of you went into rage induced apoplexy when the same things were said of Anderson Cooper, Ricky Martin and Rosie O’Donnell. You still feel shame about your sexuality and feel it should be hidden.
David Runyan
Leave the man alone, if he is gay let him come out in his own time. He’s already admitted that he experimented so you have your late night jerk off fantasy, he’s at least sympathetic if not a full ally to lgbt+ causes. Why keep alienating him?
Cam
@David Runyan: said…. “Leave the man alone, if he is gay let him come out in his own time. He’s already admitted that he experimented so you have your late night jerk off fantasy, he’s at least sympathetic if not a full ally to lgbt+ causes. Why keep alienating him?”
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And once again the defenders of the closet can only try to defend it by claiming that the idea of anybody answering a question is merely a “Jerk off Fantasy”.
Really? So if gay men think Queen Latifa should come out of the closet, is that because they want a jerk off fantasy?
If Lesbians thought Anderson Cooper should come out of the closet was that because they wanted to rub one out to a guy?
The fact that you equate the equality of somebody simply living their lives, with somebody jerking off in a dark room shows a lot about how you view LGBT existence, and also shows why we are still so marginalized in society.
Daveliam
@Cam: You know what? I’m done interacting with you. You are a hostile, toxic person. You are so determined to find oppression that you fail to see how you are becoming exactly what you complain about. I’m genuinely sad for you if this is how you go about your daily interactions.
Louis
@David Runyan: When you act dismissive simply because someone asked you a question that made you personally ” uncomfortable” it is and does come across as very off putting and very disrespectful as well.
Though I appreciated his articulate and thoughtful response to how he responded and why he responded the way he did it still doesn’t change how yes many of you here have shown that asking a question based upon our sexuality is ” embarrassing” “insulting” “degrading” ” denigrating” which is insulting in and of itself towards us and about us as human beings.
If we are truly secure in our own skins , comfortable with our selves and that small part of our identity which is our sexual orientation then no one would feel the need to feel so uncomfortable with an actor being asked this question.
People have repeated the predictable attempt to whitewash and ignore your own obvious insecurities and internalized issues with the subject of sexuality and expressiveness by claiming it’s an invasion of ones privacy.
No it’s not considering actors are very visible in this world especially within the entertainment industry.
You should ask yourselves the question as to why when other actors have been questioned in this manner why they respond in a more educated and non patronizing way as Hardy did in this video recently.
The fact that some of you here act like this subject is insulting or forbidden is quite frankly embarrassing .
It’s so sad that I could mentally picture half of you here who have openly ridiculed and mocked those who felt this interviewer wasn’t rude or intrusive up on those same podiums that Trump Fiorina Cruz Huckabee Carson Paul Christie and so on were on recently.
How exactly are your holier then thou attitudes any different then how those individuals treat us and look at us as human beings ?
All this its no ones business is literally the same exact rhetoric I’ve heard republicans project endlessly towards us : our sexuality is no ones business, keep it behind closed doors etc…
Even the attitudes are no different when it comes to how insulted angry and furious so many of you get when a straight actor has a question posed to them based on curiosity or referencing past statements that have every right to be proven right or wrong or even a lie to kowtow to their lgbt fan base.
So for those of you so determined to act superior your attitudes are absolutely and unquestionably no different then how anyone of these republican presidential candidates are…. And that is what’s truly saddest of them all a sad testament to our so called progressiveness understanding self acceptance and self love within this community.
Such an embarrassment …constantly.
Looking at even so much as asking someone much less posing someone a question based on the horror of possibly being gay (sarcasm of course) or supporting the gay community or our rights as human beings as a BAD thing or INTRUSION is a real step backwards and it will continue to be due to the self righteous and constant pretentious attitudes about things like this plain and simple.
What an eye opening week this has been and I don’t mean that in a positive way.
Louis
@Cam: I’d like to know how pointing out how dismissive and rude Hardys attitude was is ALIENATING ?
I have really enjoyed your comments to add your passion is unmatched.
Bauhaus
Hasn’t Hardy been candid about very personal aspects of his life? He’s been very open about his struggles with drugs, his experimenting with men. Suddenly, and for some reason, he has this reaction.
Sexual orientation isn’t personal and private for heterosexuals, why is it personal and private for us? It isn’t personal for me. I’m gay. There’s no shame for me, so I don’t compartmentalize.
Chris
@Cam: I don’t talk about my siblings, nieces and nephews in public settings because they have a right to their own privacy. So I’d guess that the same would apply to children I might have. ….. I have an absolute right to decide what and when I will reveal things about myself unless it is relevant to my job performance or to some law that I may have broken. I give the same right to Hardy and anyone else. You can call it the closet; I call it privacy. Meh; I’m done with this.
DarkZephyr
@Daveliam: I did read your entire post, and I did see your “tacky” quote, which seems to be the best thing you could say about it. And the rest of your post contradicted the one good element of the “tacky” statement. I stand by what I said.
“You know what? I’m done interacting with you. You are a hostile, toxic person. You are so determined to find oppression that you fail to see how you are becoming exactly what you complain about. I’m genuinely sad for you if this is how you go about your daily interactions.”
You consider him “hostile and toxic” because he’s right.
Cam
@Daveliam: said… “@Cam: You know what? I’m done interacting with you. You are a hostile, toxic person. You are so determined to find oppression that you fail to see how you are becoming exactly what you complain about. I’m genuinely sad for you if this is how you go about your daily interactions.”
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In other words, I pointed out how you were defending the closet and LGBT marginalization, you realized you couldn’t defend it, therefore lashed out and name-called me because you had nothing else to say. Wow, Mike Huckabee would be so proud of you.
Cam
@Chris: said….”@Cam: I don’t talk about my siblings, nieces and nephews in public settings because they have a right to their own privacy. So I’d guess that the same would apply to children I might have. ….. I have an absolute right to decide what and when I will reveal things about myself unless it is relevant to my job performance or to some law that I may have broken.”
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And once again, another desperate attempt to pretend that what Hardy was asked is something different.
Nobody asked him to talk about anything else. His question is exactly the same as Jennifer Lawrence being asked if she was dating a guy, or Bradley Cooper being asked if he has a girlfriend.
You all keep desperately trying to lie and make up other scenarios, because you can’t deal with the fact that you all seem to think that being LGBT is still something shameful that it’s better to hide, that it is a dirty secret, and being honest about who you are is a horrible thing.
I”m really sorry you feel this way, but please don’t pretend that you are doing anything other than defending the closet.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@Chris: I think you should go to therapy.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@Bauhaus: because there are a lot of gay people out there who are freaked out about themselves. That will change in time. It’s getting better, but there are still hysterical gay men and women in this world.
Billy Budd
Shut up bitches. A person should have the right to choose when and if they wanna talk about their preferences.
grrrrandy
He’s already admitted that he sucked dick a few times when he was young and single; why should he have to talk about it any more every-time he faces the press?
He’s there to sell his movie, not re-hash old tales about his previous sexual experiences. I would have reacted the same way if some stranger walked up to me at work and asked me for details about my (many and varied) sexual exploits. It’s none of their business.
Cam
@grrrrandy: said..”why should he have to talk about it any more every-time he faces the press?”
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Why should Bradley Cooper always have to get asked who he is dating? Why should Angelina Jolie get asked about her family? Those are the questions the press asks. His Freaking out about this question, and you acting like it was something awful just shows that you both still think being LGBT is something shameful and dirty which should be hidden and not even mentioned.
@Billy Budd: Said….”Shut up bitches, A person should have the right to choose when and if they wanna talk about their preferences..”
Their “Preferences”? Wow, you can’t even say it can you?
TomOH
I have to agree with Tom Hardy – being private about your love life and sexual orientation does not mean you are a closet case or hate yourself. That’s nothing but a straw man argument to accuse him of being self-loathing and in denial simply because he declines to answer what is quite frankly a nosy question, in a public setting like that. I think it says more about the interviewee and the general public who feel entitled to know everyone’s sexual orientation. It comes across like you’re “screening” him and intend to treat him differently depending on how he answers the question, when in reality he shouldn’t be treated any differently regardless of his orientation. I’m happy for celebrities who choose to be more vocal about being gay, some people are more outspoken and that’s great, but I don’t think we should be going on a witch hunt trying to out people who choose to not acknowledge what their sexual orientation is at all. When someone declines to answer what their sexual orientation is at all, I see that as more of an expression of, it shouldn’t matter in the first place – not a hatred of homosexuality or bisexuality.
stranded
@TomOH: Very well put.