Leave it to Andrew Christian to slut up “The Night Before Christmas” and of course Santa’s not the only one going down a chimney. Here’s the beloved tale as transported to West Hollywood:
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through WeHo, not a creature was stirring. The patrons were lined by the bar looking sad. Left lonely on Christmas, who wouldn’t be mad? When the front door swung open and made such a clatter, and arrived the police to see what was the matter. But these cops weren’t friendly, and looking to fight. Who would save these poor people from their hopeless plight?
When suddenly who, in a blink, should appear? But some magical beings wearing AC gear. Hunky Santas had come to save Christmas that night, and make sure their shindig was started just right. With a sprinkle of dust, off came all the cops clothes, and turned all the officers to ho-ho-hoes. Then Fubar was filled with the sounds of great joy. Not to mention, of course, a little boy-on-boy. And that was how Andrew Christian helped save the day, by spreading good cheer and making the yuletide…gay!
They spoke not a word, but went straight to twerk/ And filled all their undies with a series of jerks/ And laying his crotch on the side of his nose/ And giving a nod, down his legs he goes/ But I heard him exclaim, muffled through tights/ “Merry Christmas y’all hoes, I’m gettin’ mines tonight!”