YOU'LL GO BLIND!

WATCH: Mormon-Produced Video Wants You To Stop Masturbating So Much

“We must not underestimate the danger,” intones a God-like voice in a video designed to warn people about the wrath they’ll face if they dare touch their own tools. “We must be vigilant and valiant.” Eh, speak for yourself, big guy.

The voice actually belongs to Kim B. Clark, president of Brigham Young University-Idaho, who produced this PSA to stop the insanity of chronic knob-thumping. He also wants students to rat on their roommates whenever they walk in and catch them making the most of their limited alone-time.

“A lonely confused young man gets addicted to pornography and stops going to church,” he reveals, before very slowly adding “the young man is spiritually wounded on the battlefield of the great war.” Nah, he just needs to relieve some tension, dude, you should try it sometime.

Clark reallllly doesn’t want his students to rub one out. So as if his narration isn’t getting the point across, the young man in Clark’s video, who just wanted to get off, closes his laptop and is suddenly transported to a battlefield for some incredibly heavy-handed imagery of another soldier rushing to rescue him. So as far as we can tell the message Clark has imparted is: If you catch a buddy jerking off, be sure to lend him a hand.

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31 Comments

  • newecreator

    I masturbate almost everyday and guess what? I’m not blind!

  • cwiggs

    Is it just me or is there some sexual chemistry between these guys… Im sure he probably did help him find god… it just probably so happens that’s his pet name for his member.

  • Ron Jackson

    LOL, more and better reasons to think religion is stupid… or at least for the stupid.

  • Jason b.

    Well the Moron church isn’t up on the latest studies that regular masturbation is a very good defense against prostate cancer. What is it with religion and sex, they really hate fun.

  • yaoming

    Definite chemistry there. I liked the line: “Reach out in a spirit of love…”

  • nyc0123

    ACTUP FIGHT BACK FIGHT AIDS, NEVER BE SILENT!
    Is Kim B. Clark a former ACTUP’er?

    With two cute guys in this video helping each other out…….

  • hudson

    @Ron Jackson: I’m with ya- that was absolutely ridiculous. Does this dude actually believe his own drivel?

  • hudson

    lol the you-tube comments are pretty good

  • GingerFriend

    I’ve spotted a loop-hole! It’s not masturbation (and therefore not a sin) if you have a friend do it for you! Praise the Lord. Problem solved.

  • RainboWarrioR

    yeah i remember my dad telling me how bad masturbation is for you. go fuck yourselves.

  • RainboWarrioR

    @GingerFriend: there is no such thing as “sin” anyway so problem solved period. how do these morons stay in business. oh right. guess that saying “a sucker is born every minute is true”

  • RainboWarrioR

    @RainboWarrioR: it really makes me want to cry that people believe this shit but worse yet they are teaching their teenagers this too.

  • Badger88

    Well, I masturbated to the hot guy in this anti-masturbation video, so I suppose the message went over my head.

  • Respect4all

    I don’t think I saw the same film clip as everyone else. I didn’t hear one word about masturbation. He was talking about addiction to pornography, which is a real problem for some people. Despite the religious bullshit and the overly melodramatic battlefield metaphor, the basic message is a good one: If you see a friend in trouble, help him/her. This could be true if the friend has a problem with drugs, alcohol, gambling, depression or many other things.

  • SteveDenver

    OH THIS IS SO HILARIOUS!
    If you have a friend who is struggling on the battlefield, “reach out” and help him. You know how to improve a hand job? Use your mouth!

    Take him downstairs for a game of pool, where nobody will notice your private glances. Rack your balls, let him stroke his stick and break. Yeah, he got one in. Uh, another. Nice shot, soldier, your balls are right next to mine. Let me see if I can sink a few.

    Why are these old religious men so obsessed with what young guys are doing with their dicks?

  • Harley

    Religion is all about “if it feels good, it’s a sin”. Yea. I definitely masterbated to that video. Definitely played on my wounded soldier fetish.

  • bottom72

    masturbation not war

  • tricky ricky

    masturbation is not only a sin, it is also mass murder.

  • Steve Rider

    Will the Mormons be sponsoring any ballot measures in California to outlaw masturbation?

  • tricky ricky

    Utah, home of Mormonism, is one of the biggest porn consuming states in the country if not the biggest.

  • Cam

    This is what is so sad about the Mormon church. They have stopped serving their members, and instead the biggest issue they fight now other than gay rights, is…..Porn.

    In fact, if you are in a small town in Utah or Idaho and you mention that somebody is getting a divorce, I kid you not, if it is a group of women one of them will say “He must have been looking at porn”. That is how much the church has been pounding THAT particular narrative.

    The sad thing that those folks don’t realize is that it was probably porn that kept them together for a few extra years after their sex life died.

    But again, the Mormon Church has no concern for it’s members lives, children, doesn’t provide the activities it used to but the biggest issue according to the church is Porn and Masturbation.

  • AxelDC

    This would be risible if it were not so offensive to real soldiers who fight real wars. BTW, I’ll bet 99% of real soldiers bop the bishop in their downtime. What else is there to play with in a trench?

  • crowebobby

    I like the “lip licking” at 150 and the loving gaze at 320. Both made me want to aasturbate.

  • Cam

    @AxelDC:

    That is a great point, they are using a War analogy, to support demanding that people turn their friends and report them to “Big Brother”.

    So they are using soldiers fighting for freedom as the analogy but are actually acting more like the Stalanist police or the Stasi in East Germany.

  • blondeboyz

    Oh I wonder if this “expert” also believes in the old prudish idea from the 50’s and 60’s that mutilating the penises of new born babies will discourage them from masturbating when they reach their teens?
    Idiots! Religion and anything sexual NEVER go together well.

  • Pix

    So do Mormons consider gays the enemy or just spiritually wounded?

  • dutchman67

    Masturbation is unnatural. It will make you give up God and girls, and wanna fuck your roommate. It will make you scream in ecstasy, and want more. It is so evil, we have made a video showing Mormons masturbating and jizzin all over their dorm rooms, roomates and jock straps. You will be so sick of the sin of Masturbation, you will play the video over and over, and over, and over. Until you stop.

  • slckp

    Seriously? THIS is the “great war” now? Oh. My. God. Help us from the Mormons. I get that porn can be an addiction but a young guy masturbating is not “THE GREAT WAR” . Seriously! My poor cousin Boyd K. Packer probably produced this video. God help him.

  • loren_1955

    Having been there, I can say that the Mormon church’s concern is not about the sanctity of the young men, it is about control. The one single most powerful force amongst human beings is sex. When a church has control of that power, they control the people.
    What is withheld the most is desired the most. Been known of young Mormon boys killing themselves because they were so unworthy from masturbation. Hideous church that would put that kind of guilt on young people.

  • Respect4all

    I watched the stupid thing again. Still no mention or reference to masturbation. What are you guys talking about?

  • TristanShout

    When I rub one out I’ll think of Kim B. Clark.

Comments are closed.