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Wherein a Straight Guy Offers Gay + Bi Guys Advice On Asking Men Out

First rule of thumb: Understand that your mancrush might be some homophobe and, upon hearing your proposition to share a bottle of cab sav while staring up at the stars, beat the shit out of you. But hey, that’s just something G and B men have to deal with when asking dudes out, okay?

Onision here is a heterosexual man, but says he’s been asked out by guy-loving guys before. And while it didn’t make him “happy,” it wasn’t as awkward as it could have been! Instead, he let the fella “down easy” and offered to be his friend. Heh. ‘Cause we love that, don’t we?

But based on that experience, he’s got some personal wisdom for The Gays about asking other men out: “If I were gay, I would make sure that before I asked anyone out, I had some kind of trust with them. That I could open up to them, on various levels, without worrying about being hurt.” That is: Worrying about being gay bashed.

Not terrible advice, especially for Gs and Bs who might live in the more, let’s say, less tolerant areas where most gay guys are closeted, so you don’t know who’s playingn for your team. But it also ignores one little fact: Much of this “asking out” that goes on these days happens over Facebook, Grindr, and Manhunt — or, we’re told still happens, in person with somebody you already know to be gay, because you see this person at gay bars and talk about gay things and share a mutual friend who had gay sex with him.