The Salvation Army isn’t just feeling the hurt in Washington D.C.: In Chicago coins, bills, and candy wrappers tossed into the organization’s signature red kettles are down 13 percent — while food requests are up 200-400 percent. In Denver, donations are on track to come up $1 million short of Sal’s goal. In the Twin Cities, it’s over $500k behind. And in all of New Zealand, donations are down 10 percent. It’s too bad Sal’s can’t feed the needy on bias. But Sal’s will take your donations via text message. Sending “ANGEL” to 85944 makes a $5 donation, while “SHINE” to 85944 makes a $10 donation. “FAGS R PPL 2,” alas, donates nothing.