What do you do when you know someone else’s kid is gay, and that he’s being bullied for it, but his parents haven’t caught on yet? That’s what one mother wants to know.
“We have some great friends we have known for five years,” the woman writes to advice guru Dear Abby. “Our families enjoy time together, and although the friendship started through our kids, I now get together with the other mom outside of kid-related activities.”
She goes on to explain that her friend has a 12-year-old son named Michael.
“I have assumed for a long time that Michael is gay,” the woman says. “Since late last year, he’s been having a lot of trouble with a certain group of boys who call him gay–among other names–and bully him.”
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She wants to help. There’s just one teensy, tiny problem:
“His mom knows he is different, but his dad is deep in denial.”
Not just that, she says, but Michael’s dad has been pressuring him to hang out with the “jocks,” even though it’s quite clear his son doesn’t fit in with them.
The woman continues: “The bullying is escalating and, while his dad remains in denial, his mom is telling Michael to ignore it and not draw attention to himself.”
The situation has left the woman feeling very upset.
“I have encouraged his mom to talk to school authorities, but she refuses,” she writes. “We have never spoken directly about the possibility that Michael may be gay because I can feel the fear and denial in what she isn’t saying.”
“What can I do?” she wonders.
In her response, Abby encourages the woman to be the support system Michael is not getting at home.
“It is tragic that Michael’s parents can’t accept their son for who he is, rather than who they would like him to be,” Abby says. “That’s why it is absolutely vital that you befriend that boy to the best of your ability.
She continues: “Let the boy know you love him just the way he is and that being different isn’t wrong. If you do, it could mean the difference between life and death–and that’s no exaggeration.”
What would you do in this situation? Share your thoughts in the comments below…
spiritedrandy
I’d contact the school directly. Allowing harassment affects all kids, including her son (Michael’s friend) so that’s her hook. If school doesn’t act, I’d go to school board.
spiritedrandy
PS: Abby’s advice is good. I’d just advocacy to it.
Greg C
Great advice spiritedrandy, sometimes even school boards have their heads in the sand. I know of a friend who had to pull her son out of the district entirely because of the lack of response at all levels. And this is a prestigious district. They are lucky it wasn’t my kid, I’ll tell you that!
pudman56
Abby hit the nail on the head. The woman is not a parent, so what she can do is rather limited, especially regarding a 12 year old child. I agree, be the support he isn’t getting, let him know he’s not alone and for god’s sake, let him know “it gets better.” I know.
It’s odd. I’m 60. I came out at 15. I felt less pressure back in the ’70s than I might if I was going through it all over again, given our never ending violence entrenched society, today.
OzJosh
She should alert the school authorities to the bullying. It’s their job to do something about it. She could also tackle some of the bullies herself. Or take it straight to the bullies’ parents. Make them responsible for their little brats.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
“What do you do when you ***know*** someone else’s kid is gay,”
Actually you don’t KNOW. And It’s kinda creepy to presume such authoritative insight into the psychosexual workings of another’s mind, particularly a developing child; presumably based on nothing more than gender-atypical or gender-nonconforming behaviour which,are neither satisfactory nor sufficient conditions of homosexuality.
girldownunder
I complained about my daughter being disallowed to describe & be proud of her two-mum family in a Tupper Lake, NY state primary school, during a time of “tell about your family”……
They did nothing.
We live in a world of f*ckwits who want to kill everyone not like them.