Riyadh K is no stranger to awkward conversations — he’s chatted with Shirley Phelps, taught his dad sex slang and had his mom read his Grindr messages. But he showed real courage and maturity when he recently confronted his childhood bully.
The two talked about things like why bullying is so common, what could have been done differently and why antigay bullying can be so much more harmful than other childish name-calling.
Would you ever consider calling your bully from school to see what kind of person they turned into?
Watch below:
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Glücklich
Never considered it. I have better things to do with my time.
Kenny Jones
He’s… taught his dad sex slang and had his mom read his Grindr messages?
Ya know, there’s NOTHING ‘cool’ or neat-o about THOSE admissions — it’s just GROSSly inappropriate, and Queerty shouldn’t be using them as lead-ins to an ‘inspirational’ (news) story about him.
AtticusBennett
@Kenny Jones: actually, there is. know what’s inspirational about it? it doesn’t faze his parents. in a world where so many gay men cater to the whims of their lousy parents (“don’t worry daddy! i won’t be like those fem promiscuous gays who like rainbows and sex! i’ll be just like a straight person! boring and beige!”) we see broad-minded open parents who accept their son because of who he is, not in spite of it.
it is cool. it should be something boys like you take to heart – the reality that you can be a grindr-using gay man, and still have the respect of your family. that you can talk as openly about sex with people as many a heterosexual does.
now, on to this story – it’s awesome. i’m glad he did this, and i hope it woke the former-bully up. i’d call up my main childhood tormentor but he’s in prison for beating his wife. shocking, eh?
Bisexual-Transwoman
@Glücklich: Exactly. Who keeps tabs or pays attention to what their childhood bullies do besides professional victim types like AtticusBennett?
AtticusBennett
@Bisexual-Transwoman: spoken like a true anonymous internet troll 😉
Glücklich
@Kenny Jones:
I’m with you.
Two-way street: How many of us want to hear about our parents’ sex lives, or our grandparents’ if they’re still living?
@Bisexual-Transwoman:
Who keeps tabs? The resentful and underemployed.
It’s been years and years since I’ve given any thought to it but I liked to imagine miserable unsatisfying lives spent trying to claw their way out from under mountains of debt saddled with too many kids too early in already shaky marriages…the kind of lives picked apart on Judge Judy.
animaux
@Kenny Jones: It’s called comedy.
AtticusBennett
@Glücklich: really? i’d like to think the kids that made my life hell in elementary school finally found happiness in life and stopped being such hateful little pricks…. if you hope they’re living unsatisfying lives that means you’re still not terribly thrilled with your own….
Glücklich
@AtticusBennett:
Couldn’t be happier with mine.
But as I said, I haven’t given it thought in years. Haven’t seen anyone from those days since 1999.
Bisexual-Transwoman
@AtticusBennett: If you want to see an internet troll go look in the mirror at yourself.
bicurious
I often find AtticusBennett to be overly sanctimonious and shrill and snobbishly dismissive of the life experiences of others, but in this posting I absolutely agree with him. It is indeed remarkable that this kid has cultivated such an open and shame free relationship with his mom and dad. Most certainly AtticusBennett seeks to bring about change. If I am in agreement with him I fear he might be doing just that through me…..
Ruhlmann
My big brother was 6’2″ at thirteen, looked and was mean and was nicknamed “Le taureau”. If anyone had even given me a dirty look he would have been hamburger. Everyone knew not to phuk with The Bull’s little brother. Luckily I have no hardship stories.
Glücklich
@bicurious:
Two-way street, remember. The moment his mom starts talking about flickin’ her bean or dad asks his son to find him a sounding kit I’d bet money the kid would jump out of the window.
timm h
I hope everyone’s bullies have matured this much, but here are my thoughts. I know I’ll be blasted, but that’s OK. Go for it…
1. “Take it on the chin?” I realize I’m pulling that out of context but no one should have to do that. I did, hid in the corner, went out of my way if I saw the QB coming, changed schools. But I’m still scared of people & try my best to stay in the corner most of the time. Yes, I know this is my choice: yes, I know I’m ‘missing out on stuff:’ but that’s how I came out of it.
2. People probably don’t even think about these things when they ‘grow up?’ If that’s true, why write the article, or even the phone call in the first place? Yes, we do do think of these things. No, we aren’t un- or under-employed or resentful. Well, maybe a bit resentful, but mostly we’re scarred! Yes I mean scarred, not scared. Hopefully, we work around it, through it, or despite it, but the resent, pain, and discomfort are still there!
3. I’ve communicated w/some of my middle & high school bullies, but completely by accident. I’m not comfortable confronting any of them, and there weren’t just a couple. One was a successful ‘things got better’ type of conversation. The others could have taken place all those years ago in the school hallway, gym, parking lot, or stadium. Not satisfying in any form. One even resulted in an injury to me.
Captain Obvious
@bicurious: Not really. This is the age of attention whores who must be seen by any means necessary. He didn’t overcome any odds, his parents are yuppies, and he’s in a well to do neighborhood.
Like every other unemployed “Youtuber” he’s decided he’ll become famous through the internet and make money without doing anything. His parents are supporting it like any other yuppie parents. He probably had a lavish $150,000+ Sweet 16 party too.
Meanwhile kids in lower income rural and urban areas are being thrown out of their homes for being who they are out or not.
It’s interesting to see the hero worship of people who are literally just bragging about how great their lives are.
If he really wanted to help people he’d be out mentoring gay teens, being a big brother to a homeless gay teen who was thrown out of his/her home, and using some of Daddy’s money to start a charity that actually goes to people who need it.
Talking about how great your life is in front of a camera is not brave, bold, or helpful.
AtticusBennett
@Captain Obvious: how about lying about your life from a place of internet anonymity? 😉
yup. kids in rural places are being disowned and thrown out of their homes. and those of us in big cities can’t exactly get to every podunk town. what we can do, is use the internet; VISIBILITY.
those of us with supportive pro-LGBT families can show who we are, on the internet. we can reach those kids in those towns, and their families. I’ve received countless emails over the last decade from kids in those small towns, and even their family members; seeing my mum and dad, for example, talk about not just what it’s like having a gay son, but what they’ve done to help other families, has inspired other parents in those small towns to do something proactive to make life better for not just their own kid(s), but other LGBT children in their communities.
don’t underestimate how much impact visibility can have.
@bicurious: yes, indeed. shame-free and open. far too many gay men feel a need to “not be that kind of gay” to their families or communities; acceptance isn’t doled out, instead it’s a kind of conditional tolerance. i’ve lost track of how many times i’ve heard guys say things like “My family is fine with my being gay…we just don’t talk about it”
what this guy has done should inspire people to aim for more. doesn’t mean you have to talk about sex or grindr with your family – just that you *could*, potentially, without it being a source of shame.
AtticusBennett
@Captain Obvious: i grew up in a middle-class home, my siblings and i all attended public schools. i paid my way through university, twice; i started working when i was 15, i’ve never not worked. no lavish life here. comfortably middle-class, and I’ve done mentoring for more than a decade.
you’re free to show who you are and all that you’ve done. or you can continue being anonymous and complaining about what others are doing. 🙂