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  Queerty Interview Part III

Chris Crocker Reveals The Private Britney Epiphany You Never Knew

IMG_5918Probably the most surprising thing about Chris Crocker is that he’s quiet, gentle and preternaturally calm. In part one and two of our interview with Chris and his boyfriend Justin, we talked about his changing persona and his porn career. Now, in part three, we’ll delve into how his personal life might surprise you.

When last we spoke, Chris mentioned that he was disillusioned to discover that many of his old role models were actually messy disasters.

Who do you look up to now?

C: I did a video a while back that I think was really misunderstood. I ripped down my Britney posters and the only poster I left up was my own. And I said I want to have no false idols, I want to be my own idol. And so I feel like a lot of people really waste energy looking up to people, because then your energy is so focused what they’re doing, and you’re not putting your energy into yourself.

And I definitely have people I take inspiration from. I wouldn’t model my career after them but I love Lena Dunham, who has always been a huge inspiration. My muse is Fiona Apple. And Courtney Love. … I think I love her not as a role model for me, but just as a kindred spirit. I can really really relate with her. Because I’ve had those crazy years, and I think now she’s yearning for some stability. And I think she has such a reputation that it’s hard for her to overcome that. I definitely relate with that. Constantly having to prove to herself.

What do you do to relax?

C: Honestly, it’s very simple. I’m a modern traditionalist. So if I can just scroll through Tumblr and have a coffee in one hand, and be playing Fiona Apple, with no one in the house, that is the ultimate nirvana for me. I’m so boring.

That seems at odds with how you’re perceived.

C: I’m boring. I’m not headstrong.

Justin: He doesn’t even like to go out to eat with people. Or if we make friends out one night, we don’t talk to them during the day.

C: I’m very closed off. This right here is probably the most energetic I get. … I honestly don’t know how to explain where that [on-camera] energy comes from. I’ll just be picking up on energy and irritations, whether it’s someone I’m working with at the barber shop and whoever annoyed me, and I’ll take it out on the camera, and then I’m done. It’s my message in a bottle to the universe. And then I’m peaceful. … All they’re seeing is this wound up toy of a person at all times. And it’s quite honestly once that camera turns off I yawn and I’m like all right, time to relax. It’s like an exorcism.

How do you feel about the documentary?

IMG_5985C: I think they fulfilled their vision of the film greatly. But I don’t know that it’s possible to one hundred percent love your story being told through other people. … A lot of what was filmed was me in character. I felt like there was a lot of things that they shot that were not used that were very key to telling the story.

Like what?

C: I had an epiphany during filming, no bullshit, I had never even thought about the parallels between my mom and Britney going through what they were going through in the same year. And granted I had always loved Britney. My mom became homeless the same year that Britney was going through what she was going through. And I could not fathom why everyone was being so harsh to a mother whose world is crumbling. And then my own family was giving up on my mother. So whether you want to look at the family as what I saw as the world giving up on Britney, I was constantly having to defend my mom, “She’ll get her shit together eventually.”

She was on meth. And I was putting her in hotels every week and paying for this and that. And there was so much of that stress in my life, and for the first time ever on camera … I put that piece together and I had a real true epiphany, and it was a beautiful thing to piece that together and I was crying and it was true emotion. And it was the best thing that they had shot, in my opinion, the entire time. And they chose not to use it. They had me repeat what I had thought but they didn’t want to show that magical powerful moment. And I was like, why? It was just puzzling to me, because it almost felt like they wanted to give themselves more credit for peiceing it together than give me the credit for being the subject who’s really figuring these things out for himself, and why he did the things he did. Because for so many years when you’re filming … you’re not thinking about why you did this or that.

All I will say is I don’t think anybody who is the subject of a documentary can be one hundred percent happy with someone else telling their story, because there’s always going to be pieces that meant a lot to you that weren’t in there.

So what are your goals for 2014?

C: I’m never one to just say, definitively, I want to do this. I just want to be happy. And continue to follow my creative muses. And hopefully it’ll leave me in the right place.

[An advice show] is really what I want to develop. … I really would love an opportunity to be more conversational and have a discussion, whether it’s girls going through a breakup or domestic violence, since my mom went through that. Whatever it is, I love giving advice and really listening to people.

Way better than I like talking, believe it or not.

Read Part I of Matt Baume’s exclusive Queerty interview with Chris Crocker

Read Part II 

Read Part III

By:           matt baume
On:           Feb 9, 2014
Tagged: ,

  • 29 Comments
    • tookietookie
      tookietookie

      He’s just marketing himself again. Oh, I’m just a regular preternaturally calm bloke who likes me coffee and Fiona Apple songs. Yeah, me too but without the videos and porn. What you see is what you get with him.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 9:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DShucking
      DShucking

      You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Part 3?

      Feb 9, 2014 at 9:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • balehead
      balehead

      I love the fact you were all Toxic Queening over Tom Daley….See “It Does Get Worse”….

      Feb 9, 2014 at 10:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Harley
      Harley

      So what’s up with Nick Gruber these days. Has to be more interesting than this tool.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 10:11 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • boring
      boring

      Despite what he says, I’m not Chris Crocker.

      For the record.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 11:25 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dixie Rect
      Dixie Rect

      I guess I missed it when the gay community decided this guy was interesting?

      Feb 9, 2014 at 11:45 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • davincibarnette
      davincibarnette

      I can’t believe this was stretched out into 3 parts, and why did you repeatedly say AND his boyfriend,yet we were never told a thing about him? Why am I actually commenting. What’s going on here ??!!

      Feb 9, 2014 at 12:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Merv
      Merv

      I like hearing people’s stories, even Chris Crocker’s. Queerty deserves credit for creating (or buying) their own content instead of just linking to other people’s work. I hope they do more interviews in the future, with various people.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 12:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • wagnerwallace
      wagnerwallace

      Chris Crocker is stupidity and immaturity personified. He’s trailer trash, dirty, and he’s not inspirational for the gay community, especially the younger gays.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 2:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ouragannyc
      ouragannyc

      @Dixie Rect: You are not the only one. Seems like Queerty has nothing better to do than giving that guy all that attention.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 2:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ouragannyc
      ouragannyc

      @wagnerwallace: I like it when brainless people like C.Crocker think they’re smart and talk non sense. Hilarious sometimes.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 2:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DistingueTraces
      DistingueTraces

      I’ve enjoyed this series.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 3:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BlackHouston
      BlackHouston

      Wow, they really stretched this Chris Crocker interview to the max. Chris, I commend your work ethic, and heck I’ll admit that it MUST take some form of intelligent talent to be ‘relevant’ some 8 years after your 15 minutes. However, you’d be the last person to come to mind when I think of someone to provide relationship or life advice. No offense, it’s got nothing to do with your character but more to do with your experience and’branding’ in the press.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 4:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JBnyc
      JBnyc

      I admire CC for not being afraid to be himself. If some people don’t like him for whatever reason, thats fine. I just don’t get why people leave such bitch, nasty & hurtful comments. Yes we all are entitled to our opinions but damn does the guy bother you so much that you stop and take the time spread your negativity? If you think about it who gets the last laugh? CC does, obviously he is on your radar and you dedicated the time it took to comment to him and no one else. Stop and put yourself in his shoes. How would you think, feel or act in his position. Spreading HATE is not what any community needs, gay, straight, bi, transgender or whatever. Hate only holds us back! Like what’s the point of this?

      “Chris Crocker is stupidity and immaturity personified. He’s trailer trash, dirty, and he’s not inspirational for the gay community, especially the younger gays.”

      REALLY!?!? Why is he trailer trash? Because he is from Bristol, Tennessee? Well Im from Bristol, TN so does that make me trailer trash? Personally comments like this don’t make me think about CHRIS CROCKER is a negative way. It makes me think HATE, CLOSE MINDED, IGNORANT, NEGATIVE, BULLY, BACKWARDS, ANGRY & CLUELESS. Yes, Im taking the time to comment because I support Chris & ANY other person who has the courage to express themselves. I just feel truly sorry for the people who spread the hate and negativity. Karma is a real bitch and she might not get ya today but trust she’s got your number.

      XO

      Feb 9, 2014 at 4:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      He’s closer to 30 than 20, I think it’s a little late to try to claim that he is just a kid searching for himself.

      At his age other’s are lawyers and doctors. Again, I hope he figures out what he is looking for but hopefully he figures it out soon, he is years away from being a kid.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 4:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Persa
      Persa

      Hey has 390,000 subscribers on Youtube (I just checked) and a documentary was made about him.

      Obviously some folks are interested in him (for whatever reasons they may have).

      I still don’t get what he had done that incites such anger and mean- spirited comments.

      It seems that any coverage of anyone under 40 who is active on the Internet or in any way sexual sparks nasty comments.

      I’d love to know why that is. I’ve not experienced this in Lesbian space at all but it seems very common with gay men.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 5:12 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DShucking
      DShucking

      @Persa: He has fewer subscribers than the channel dedicated to videos of people popping their back zits. Chris Crocker is an embarrassment to gay people of all ages and we need the rest of the world to understand this. If you have such a problem with it why did you click on the article, read all the comments and then comment on it yourself in at least two threads so far? Is it really that difficult to live by your own example?

      Feb 9, 2014 at 5:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @Persa:

      Nice try liar. Funny how you try to turn this around on gay guys, but your comment is laughable. Look at the commentary about people like Courtney Stoddard in “Lesbian Space” and then try to claim the same thing.

      But at least Crocker’s fangurls are getting a bit more clever.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 5:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Persa
      Persa

      I don’t think you have to be a fangurl to wonder why these fairly innocuous young people incite so much ire on gay websites.

      Courtney Stoddard isn’t a lesbian so I have no idea why that seems relevant. She’s not part of the lesbian community, there are no young lesbians looking at her life for any kind of “lesson” or role modeling.

      This is a gay website and the majority of the vloggers and Internet people covered here are gay and male.

      The resounding response always seems to be anger or insults or general dissing even for Olympic athletes.

      I don’t see that kind of behavior on the lesbian websites I frequent daily when it comes to lesbian vloggers and lesbians who are popular on the Internet. I’m wondering why it’s so different.

      I think we, as older lesbians and gays, should be a better example when it comes to how we talk about younger gays and lesbians. That is all. I think it’s peculiar that the default response to any gay male vlogger/model/Internet person is insults and dismissiveness.

      I don’t think any one’s value lies in whether or not I like them or think what they do is valuable to me.

      But as an older lesbian who works with younger lgbt folks all the time I don’t find nearly as much professed irritation with these vloggers and Internet gay and lesbians than I do from people who comment on the gay blogs and the general age of the folks commenting seems to be a lot older.

      I think that disconnect is interesting. Thousands of young gays and lesbians and straight folks turn up to see these vloggers and Internet folks when they have meetups and they see them as role models for how to be out, gay and happy with oneself.

      Yet the older gay males who comment just don’t seem to either know or believe that the shared life experiences of vloggers like Chris Crocker or Tyler Oakley or Davey Wavey could be valuable to anyone.

      I read the comments because I AM interested in the vloggers because this kind of openness didn’t exist when I was their age and I think it’s fascinating that these young gays and lesbians have such a platform and I’m interested in the different ways they choose to use it.

      I am also interested in discussing things with other gays and lesbians, hence why I comment.

      I asked what I think is a very legitimate question about the way we as gays and lesbians communicate about these kinds of young people and I get insulted in response for even bothering to ask or consider any other way of responding to these kinds of posts.

      The viciousness is what I don’t understand.

      Can you not see how unnecessarily nasty your responses are?

      This post is about Chris Crocker but I have seen the exact same kinds of responses to other posts about young gays on the Internet so it is obviously not just about him, specifically.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 6:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DShucking
      DShucking

      @Persa: If you keep up with these lengthy diatribes I’m going to have to start charging you an hourly rate.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 6:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Persa
      Persa

      You don’t have to read them

      Feb 9, 2014 at 6:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DShucking
      DShucking

      @Persa: You don’t have to read all the posts that you come in here to comment on.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 6:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tracy Pope
      Tracy Pope

      @Persa:
      My answer to that is:

      “From what I’ve seen and read about Chris Crocker the interest in him is an inexplicable wonder”.

      Sure, there is some snark there but it’s not particularly mean-spirited!

      Feb 9, 2014 at 6:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DShucking
      DShucking

      @Tracy Pope: He’s very, very sensitive when it comes to Chris Crocker.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 6:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bob LaBlah
      Bob LaBlah

      Why not ask “probing” questions such as :

      Chris, when will you do a double/triple penetration scene?

      Chris, what is the largest dildo you ever used?

      Chris, how deep does your boyfriends arm go in when you are being double fisted?

      Chris, do you think you will ever do a water sport scene with you on all fours with your butt up in the air pulled wide open with both hands and the guy peeing standing in a chair?

      Chris, do you think you will ever do a creampie/felching scene again?

      Chris, do you think you will ever do a scat movie?

      Chris, how many black guys do you think you can handle in a bareback orgy before your next hit off the meth pipe?

      None of those questions are any more stomach turning (considering who is being interviewed after all) than the ones asked during this interview.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 9:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Observant
      Observant

      @Persa: I read (or at least scan) every Qweerty post just to keep informed of what’s trending in the community. Though personally I’ve no interest in Crocker’s life, I’m not put off by the attention he receives. Please know your comments were heard and appreciated by at least one regular reader. Thank you.

      Feb 10, 2014 at 12:10 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • diklikkr
      diklikkr

      Why do I keep getting a weird druggie druggie vibe from Chris Crock of poo ? I don’t have anything against him personally. I just don’t see what he has to offer as an actor or anything else. You cannot call him a role model. PLEASE Queerty. LEAVE CHRIS ALONE !!!

      Feb 10, 2014 at 7:54 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • robirob
      robirob

      For some reason I think this exclusive three part Chris Crocker interview is some kind of passive agressive cosmic joke on us for demanding from queerty and the gay media in general to pay more attention to actual gay celebrities.

      Feb 10, 2014 at 1:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @robirob:

      LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Yeah, we should be careful what we ask for huh? :)

      Feb 10, 2014 at 8:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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