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Raising My Rainbow
  RAISING MY RAINBOW

Guest Blogger: A Thank-You Letter From Uncle Uncle

 

Since I started this blog, my brother—the one and only Uncle Uncle —has said more than once that he wished he could thank my supportive readers. I asked him to do it; to write them—you—a letter. Here it is. I love my brother.

Thank You from Uncle Uncle
(A love letter from a slightly effeminate,
completely gay, totally fabulous brother/uncle)

My brother and I have always been close. This is how we napped as children.

I consider my sister to be my best friend and one of my closest confidants. We chat almost daily and share our trials and tribulations like we shared her Barbies decades ago.

When she first brought up C.J.’s “creative” nature I was skeptical: I told my incredibly intuitive sister that “this girl-toy thing” was just a phase and he’d be tackling things like miniature bulldozers and bug robots that turn into regular robots in no time.

But honestly, deep down inside, I was scared. I was really just hoping it was a phase. I was hoping that that dainty hand with the rhinestone encrusted manicure placed delicately on a hip would soon be reaching for a baseball glove or a football thingy. I knew that if, in fact, what my sister was feeling was true, that my nephew would have to face the same bigotry, hate, fear and torment that I faced.

It’s true, I now have a fabulous life in West Hollywood (a.k.a Gay Disneyland), I have amazing friends, an insanely handsome boyfriend and an artistically and emotionally rewarding life. I love, love, love my family and hanging out with my two rad nephews. And I couldn’t care less what my feeble-minded relic of a neighbor thinks or says about my new pink cashmere sweater that’s perfect for transitioning into fall.

But this, this is my precious beautiful nephew. I don’t want him to know that people are ugly. I don’t want to think that soon he will most likely be called “fag,” “gay,” “sissy” and “fairy” by kids in his school and in his neighborhood. I don’t want him to realize that those same kids have parents and teachers that think it’s okay for him to be called names because he’s “gotta learn.”

I don’t want him to get beat up because he knows the entire routine to Madonna’s “Vogue” video or fired from a job because he thinks the assistant manager has good hair. I don’t want him to have to have thick skin. I don’t want him to feel like there’s something wrong with him because of who his heart leads him to love.

Perhaps I’m projecting.

Uncle Uncle's recent craft.

As C.J. gets older and continues to not “phase out” of his fantastically pink phase, I’ve begun to realize that C.J. and I are different. His parents have already raised him to be proud of who he is; to relish his creative use of purple, pink and all the other non-gray colors. He feels safe to twirl, flit, flip, skip and bounce. C.J. has what I didn’t have. C.J. has a home that loves him for who he is, not who they want him to be. To say my sister and brother-in-law are fantastic parents is like saying the Grand Canyon is huge. It’s obvious. They have effortlessly created an environment that is at once safe and fun, yet disciplined and structured.

You’d think I’d be so happy. My possibly gay nephew is on Easy Street because he has parents who couldn’t care less what his sexual orientation is as long as his future partner promises to split the holidays fairly.

Unfortunately, all the bigotry my sister and brother-in-law are protecting C.J. and my older nephew from has been transferred to them.

My sister knew that other kids could be rough, but I think she was unaware of how horrible adults can be. As my sister holds one of C.J.’s hands and his Cinderella doll holds his other, walking through sales racks at Marshall’s, it’s not uncommon for the ladies shopping to raise their eyebrows to heaven and heave looks of disgust in my sister’s direction.

A BOY! CINDERELLA!? OUR BRAINS WILL EXPLODE!

She’s lost friends, she’s had to stand up to neighbors, she’s come out to family members, she’s had to take meetings with teachers. She’s had to bravely defend C.J.’s right to be exactly who he is. It hasn’t been easy. Everybody and their mother in Orange County has a child-development degree and think it’s their duty to tell my sister all the damage she’s doing to her sons by creating a safe home where her kids are encouraged to express themselves honestly and openly.

In essence she’s been forced very quickly to experience the bigotry and hatred gay people feel because she’s decided to protect her child from it.

C.J.'s recent craft.

My sister is strong. This blog is brave. I tell her all the time “you’re blazing a trail” (and I never use cowboy terminology). She’s making it better for the next generation of homosexuals and their families by speaking honestly and openly about her family.

So, THANK YOU so much for supporting my family, my sister, my brother-in-law and my nephews. My sister has a small group of friends that love her and support her and I’m thankful for them too, but it’s you guys out there—many of whom, like me, are gay—that give me so much pride. I know you appreciate this blog and my family. I love that it’s not just me that reinforces how good what she’s doing is for the world and for her sons.

Thank you. Vogue on.

Love,

Uncle Uncle

By:           Raising My Rainbow
On:           Sep 15, 2011
Tagged:

  • 59 Comments
    • the crustybastard
      the crustybastard

      Awesome.

      Just…awesome.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 3:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dennis
      Dennis

      Good words, your right, Awesome

      Sep 15, 2011 at 3:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      Psst: another uncle uncle never talked about except from the sidelines writes an anonymous letter as a GUEST BLOGGER on Queerty saying how proud he is to be gay. OH. You are damaged alright and full of shit. That isn’t pride girlfriend. Next time -you- read an article in the New York Times notice the author signs their freagin work. What a crock. It must run in the family. Keep in mind fellow commenters this is a GUEST BLOGGER not a commenter. A GUEST BLOGGER compliments of Queerty claiming to be the brother of another anonymous GUEST BLOGGER submitting long ago photographs that ALSO do not show their faces. oy freagin fucken vey. What pride. Let me get my gay flag.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 3:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cinesnatch
      Cinesnatch

      I guess this wouldn’t be a Raising Rainbow post unless Ewe threw in his disparaging two cents. LOL.

      However, my bullsh!t detector is starting to go off. But, even if this was fictional, it’s pretty harmless, however insipid it’s getting to be. Laughs all around.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 3:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Queen
      Queen

      Kim in http://www.celebslam.celebuzz.com

      Sep 15, 2011 at 3:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      This seems like an expanding fictional soap opera in the making. Hurry up and call LOGO tv. He even lives in a gay ghetto called West Hollywood. That settles it. Ring the 12 noon bell. Sound off the fog horns. Freedom has arrived!!!

      Sep 15, 2011 at 3:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stupid
      Stupid

      @ewe: Ummmmmmmm I think they’re protecting the identity of the child, who isn’t able to self-identify as gay or straight yet. Isn’t that the right thing to do?

      But I think this guest-blogger series is seriously over. One post from a cool mom is great. Now it’s getting super-annoyingly-self-congratulatory. Yay, you’re a great mom. Let’s move on.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 3:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dr. Dick
      Dr. Dick

      @ewe: Big words from a bitch posting anonymously online. THROW LESS SHADE hunty, your sourpuss is showing!

      Sep 15, 2011 at 3:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @Dr. Dick: Dumb words from you who didn’t take note of what i wrote. In other words, you are an idiot.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 3:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @Dr. Dick: Needless to say not much insight from someone using the username “Dr.Dick. Maybe you should be the next hypocritical two faced double standard guest blogger on behalf of Raising my Rainbow?

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dr. Dick
      Dr. Dick

      @ewe: Yes, I am an idiot, you’re right. If YOU’LL notice, I didnt impugn anything stated in your comment, I just meant you’re kind of a bitch in general, so if stating my opinion is a matter of idiocy vs intelligence then we clearly understand the word “opinion” differently

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @Stupid: My sisters kids have a different surname than me. What are you talking about protecting the identity of the child? Was there some sort of crime committed? I can assure you no one she knows would know or care if i was living in West Hollywood either. They certainly would not come looking for me to bash a nephew. this whole thing is pathetic feel good crap that doesn’t feel good at all. lmao.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dr. Dick
      Dr. Dick

      And for the record, ewe, I don’t really give a shit about this blog series as I find it more than inane. Cue the bloody kumbayas

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:12 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @Dr. Dick: You left out the part about being anonymous when i addressed the difference between a guest blogger and an anonymous commenter ( like the one you are Dr. DICK.) Having said that you may want to lick and kiss Obamas balls next time he mentions his LGBT brothers and sisters and then shits on them. It seems to be enough for you. Lastly, i am well aware i am a bitch. You aint tellin me nothin new. This shame filled blog about a theoretical gay son is insulting.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      I see a woman strolling her child in a baby carriage. i think he is heterosexual. STOP THE PRESSES!!! Let’s blog about the toddlers sexual orientation shall we?

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dr. Dick
      Dr. Dick

      @ewe: Ok, you lost me with Obama lol. All Im sayin is you rant a lot on a blog series you claim to hate. I dont find it terribly stimulating/productive, but no one is being harmed, so you’re just wailing for attention. I am not anonymous, as I am a member and have linked to my other sites multiple times in the past. Your negativity is noxious, and I regret engaging you in the first place. Sorry I called you a bitch

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the crustybastard
      the crustybastard

      Ewe, you aren’t a bitch.

      You are seriously demented, and disturbingly stalkerish in a really creepy way.

      If there is anyone left in your life that you can turn to for help, ask them for help today. Even if there isn’t, there are mental health professionals in your area.

      Consult them. Please.

      Because you aren’t healthy. You must know that.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @Dr. Dick: Your regrets have nothing to do with me.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @the crustybastard: You are insulting and that is all i have said about this rediculous shame filled blogger obsessing on the sexual orientation of a young boy. Someone should call child protective services. No wonder they want to remain anonymous. And heal thyself. I have always thought you were a self indulgent wanker myself. Tit for tat.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      And what is all this nonsensical support for the brother now about anyway? “Hi Folks, i am gay too and i live in west hollywood and i love my sister for loving her own son.” I don’t know about anyone else but you are supposed to love your own children. Notice how the brother does not feel the need to be grateful that his sister loves her heterosexual son. It’s all very wierd. I don’t like it. I am always gonna say it and i happen to be strong enough to tell the wimps on here who think its ok to attack me instead of out these self hating people obsessing on the sexual orientaion of minors. She does not get away with that just because she is a heterosexual mom. You wouldn’t. A gay parent would be in court if they behaved this way. The story on this blog about the Texas Judge proves that.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • brilou
      brilou

      Ewe… Thanks for your thoughtful comments. You really brightened my day. Brilliant food for thought for all.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • j
      j

      They don’t wanna post their child’s face all over the internet. Understandable. Loved the letter, love the column. Haters gonna hate? ;P

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      These people are exploiting homosexuality. They are not exploiting heterosexuality. They are making a point of making homosexuality a topic of conversation when it doesn’t even need to be. Why are they dragging homosexual orientation of a young boy into the spotlight? For what purpose? One must ask since they have two sons why they are obsessing on the one son that is not heterosexual and claiming on a blog to be all accepting of him. They aren’t. They need to attend classes or therapy because they are not offering anything of value to gay people when it is them that need the enlightenment. Just because she drags her gay brother from West Hollywood of all places doesn’t give her blog credibility.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @brilou: thank you very much. I appreciate it.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 4:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Katt
      Katt

      Some of you gay bitches need love… Jealous much?

      Awesome post, made my heart smile. :)

      Sep 15, 2011 at 5:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Thomas Maguire
      Thomas Maguire

      The uncle is blogging now?

      Oy.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 5:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Little Kiwi
      Little Kiwi

      lovely

      Sep 15, 2011 at 5:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the crustybastard
      the crustybastard

      You’ve posted more than 1/3 of the comments on this thread — largely incoherent rage — but you attack ME for being “self-indulgent?”

      /facepalm.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 5:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • With Wicked Abandon
      With Wicked Abandon

      When I was a kid, I liked both Barbies and G.I. Joes. I especially liked it when Barbie got all “dolled” up and then kidnapped by the evil forces of [whatever toy was pissing me off], so that someone like Joe would have to go save her. Sadly, though… He wasn’t in time. Tragic what that tank did. Then they caught poor Joe. Wanna know what a BB gun shot to the heart does to a G. I. Joe action figure? >:D

      Sep 15, 2011 at 6:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kurt_t
      kurt_t

      Damn, but this series brings out the vitriol. Why? It seems really thoughtful and worthwhile to me, and I’m not even gender variant. I drink beer and go to Hooters. And not just to get ideas for my Halloween costume. I mean I actually like the food.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 7:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Roger Rabbit
      Roger Rabbit

      From those of us that find this woman AMAZING! and LOVE hearing her side of the story,
      THANK YOU for your courage and your strength!

      And for all those stupid women in Orange County, I quote the Dog Whisperer:
      “Love can’t fix a psychological condition”

      Sep 15, 2011 at 8:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Nick Thiwerspoon
      Nick Thiwerspoon

      I think it’s great that Queerty let’s this woman and her brother do a guest blog.

      Can’t understand the bitchy comments, actually.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 9:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark
      Mark

      Oh my fucking God, if you people don’t like the series then don’t fucking read it. How hard is that? I can’t think of a website where the commenters are bigger assholes than the commenters on this site.

      Sep 15, 2011 at 9:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • wtf
      wtf

      @Mark: Exactly. Apparently someone didn’t take her meds. AGAIN. Dear Ewe (EWW) please just shut up already. You write the same fucking thing every fucking time. We get your perspective, ok? Enough. They’re not going away, ok? So suck it up and MOVE ON. That’s what a healthy person does – they MOVE ON. If you don’t understand what Raising my Rainbow is about then you’re not going to get it. Fine. You think it’s exploitative. That’s your prerogative. But must you barrage the board with vitriol every fucking time? Can’t you just your peace and MOVE ON?

      Honestly. What a stupid cunt you are.

      Sep 16, 2011 at 1:10 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @wtf: And you are a second class citizen. I wouldn’t tell you to suck it up and accept it but sadly you already have that mentality for yourself.

      Sep 16, 2011 at 10:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @kurt_t: And who are you exactly? The Cousin in Chelsea??? Lol

      Sep 16, 2011 at 10:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      Please stop blogging about the sexuality of a four year old. You are creepy people.

      Sep 16, 2011 at 10:10 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • irisgirl
      irisgirl

      Hey UncleUncle—-this was an awesome post, and I’m just sorry that such meanness was expressed in many of the comments.

      I’m an unwavering fan and supporter of your sister and CJ and the whole family, and of this beautiful Blog.

      Bless you all!

      Sep 16, 2011 at 11:24 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • papparon
      papparon

      @ewe STFU! We are tired of your trolling BS. Your comments are vapid, meaningless and a waste of bandwidth. If you don’t like this series then STOP READING IT.

      And BTW – YOU are the creepy one with your obsession over this topic! PERVERT!

      Sep 16, 2011 at 11:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @papparon: You are in denial and manipulative. Tell me how many parents and gay uncles are blogging about the sexual orientation of their heterosexual children? Then come back and lecture everyone on what equality looks like? Twisted cunt. Do something original.

      Sep 16, 2011 at 11:31 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      These people are so dysfunctional and ignorant that they have to blog to an unknown audience that they love their own child even though he plays with a pink doll. It’s bizarre. They are the enemy of that child. They are holding him captive staring endlessly and making him feel like he is not from them. They are fucked up. There is nothing to complement them about. They should shut their mouths instead of emotionally masturbating for their own satisfaction.

      Sep 16, 2011 at 11:37 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      Imagine a gay parent blogging this way about their perceived heterosexual child? They would be ostracized.

      Sep 16, 2011 at 11:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      I think my son is straight. He plays with a red fire truck. And my daughter spends all her time with her Barbie. But i love them. I really do. Amn’t i wonderful. I struggle with it but i am accepting of them. I really am. I am i am.

      Sep 16, 2011 at 11:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      Little Butch told me he wanted to start playing baseball. It was right in front of all my friends that this happened. I felt so self conscious but what am i to do. I smiled and said yes Butch, you can be and do whatever makes you comfortable.

      Sep 16, 2011 at 11:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      Tiny Sally picked up a croquet knitting needle today and attempted to sew herself a dress. I cringed but caught myself knowing it’s all my own stuff not hers. She can be who she is. We all can. I am gonna pick up that book “free to be you and me.”

      Sep 16, 2011 at 11:48 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • chuck
      chuck

      This is a gay blog! Why are comments being made about ‘not blogging about the sexual orientation of their heterosexual children’? I would expect a parent talking about a possibly gay child to emphasize that child in this blog rather than the straight brother.
      I can see why Prop 8 passed in California…the amount of ‘backstabbing’ in the gay community seems to be overpowering. Don’t be hypocrites…it doesn’t bother me as a gay man when I see an obviously effeminate child walking with his mother, a guy swishing his way through Macy’s, a bear wearing leather, or even two obviously in-love guys kissing in a public park. It also doesn’t bother me when I see a kid playing football with his dad or a hetero couple sucking face.

      Sep 16, 2011 at 11:50 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      “And yes Sally picked the color Blue. What of it? so what. I mean can’t a little straight girl like a boy color? I am trying. I really am.” PUKE!!!

      Sep 16, 2011 at 11:53 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • declanto
      declanto

      @ewe: My what a clever ploy you’ve used here, EEEEUWWWE. You managed to usurp an entire thread and devote it to your own narrow bandwidth, that is, shrill, bitter, resentful,negating, discouraging, singularly misanthropic bitchiness that really smells like PUKE. It’s the total opposite of openness, acceptance, encouragement, positive reinforcement, appreciation, community, tolerance, and the bright-shiny star of hope for the betterment of mankind! (I thought of adding trumpets and angels here, but decided to go for understatement instead)

      Sep 16, 2011 at 2:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @declanto: well you get what you give girlfriend. You should know that by now.

      Sep 16, 2011 at 6:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • GG
      GG

      @ewe: Ok, I tried really hard to understand your viewpoint despite being full of useless insults, and basically you are saying that what they are doing is bad because they are talking about the sexual orientation of a four year old kid. And that they should shut up because they are only doing normal things like loving their child and that nobody would blog like that about a heterosexual child.

      First, you are wrong on the account that they are talking about the sexual orientation of their child, they are only talking about their child being non-gender-normative.

      Also, I agree that loving your children should be obvious but here we are talking about loving your children for who they are and not trying to change them. I don’t know in what kind of world you live in but in our world, it really isn’t obvious and plenty of children are denied to be themselves by their parents and family just this minute.

      I also strive for a world where everybody could be who they are but I don’t think that denying that it’s not like that right now is going to help…

      Sep 16, 2011 at 9:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @GG: Fuck you and your non gender normative bullshit and tired rhetoric. All that means is that you are comparing anything different from heterosexual as the standard. Idiotic politically correct madness gone haywire. You are a victim. Who the hell are you talking about when you say “our world” anyway? Seems you may have some sort of psychiatric disorder going on in that ONE split mind of yours GG. Oh. It’s just your lousy way of insulting me thinking you are being intelligent, witty and/or swift? Think again. I am not talking about what children go through that are abused. I am speaking strictly about these two parents and now a gay brother who want the whole fucking world to know everything they are going through yet know nothing at all about them. That is called closeted shame honey. Grip reality. I am not denying nothing about discrimination and oppression. I am saying that these bloggers contribute to it while people like you encourage them. Fool. go bother someone else. I see right through your calm veneer and you are a pompous insult getting back what you dished out ten fold.

      Sep 17, 2011 at 1:14 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      Ann Rice used to write soft porn under a different name. FOR MONEY. There is something suspicious about these two parents touting a rainbow kid and their own emotional troubles and trauma that have nothing to do with a four year old.

      Sep 17, 2011 at 1:19 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      @GG: Here is some semantics for you to include in your pc roster kook. These two parents,their emerging gay uncle and any other self proclaimed heterosexual are not going to identify themselves by labeling me. Does that make sense to you? If not you don’t even know you are being discriminated against.

      Sep 17, 2011 at 1:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      Does anyone else think these two parents just have a hard time playing house the way they want to with all the current occupants? I do.

      Sep 17, 2011 at 1:26 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      They would be TeaPary diehards if they didn’t have that kid. I guess there is something to be grateful for after all.

      Sep 17, 2011 at 1:33 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe
      ewe

      That’s it. Love them and let them know they are awesome if you must. I have decided to stay completely away from any future posting on how i feel about these blogging family members. Au revoir.

      Sep 17, 2011 at 1:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • declanto
      declanto

      @ewe: Thanks for sharing, we’ll miss your viper-tongued repartee. Oh, how I miss those Saturday afternoon camp-sessions at the Fruit-loop. You’ve really warmed me up, girlfriend.

      Sep 17, 2011 at 4:07 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Giselle
      Giselle

      Dear Uncle Uncle: awesome post, you raise some excellent points! …have a “child-development degree and think it’s their duty…”, hahaha, hat’s brilliant! Very good way of phrasing it, really made me laugh. Please tell your sister that she is wonderful and doing exactly the right thing by both her sons. I’m a straight woman and I whole-heartedly support her.

      Dear Queerty editors; when can we vote comments/commenters up or down ? The comments by this troll Eew person are note just putting me off from reading the comments, they are beginning to turn me off the Queerty site itself. This is really starting to get to me, badly. And I think the sheer fact of posting half of all comments above proofs this person’s troll credentials. If this were Twitter you could block someone and not have to scroll past the pathological outpouring. Please, please consider some kind of system like youtube (or AfterElton, I really enjoy the thoughtfulness of comments and exchanges on that site), this is really getting me down badly.

      Sep 17, 2011 at 3:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • aqua2284
      aqua2284

      I spent my morning reading through various posts of “Raising My Rainbow” and I have to say I’m a little torn. For the most part I’m left thinking, wow…this woman really loves her son.

      Whether he is gay or trans or not, he has traits/mannerisms that might cause people to perceive him as such and then treat him negatively based on their own beliefs. I applaud mom for recognizing this and providing him with such a supporting environment. Also, kudos to her for trying to ensure his safety by speaking with teachers. My parents knew that kids started calling me gay in 5th grade, but didn’t do anything because they took the “kids will be kids” approach. The problem was, I was gay and I was being taught that gay was bad. I didn’t have anyone to tell me otherwise and I lived in internal torment. Based on my own experience I wish someone had stepped in like she did. Also, if he is experiencing discomfort regarding his gender I’m glad his mom is open to helping him.

      My question with regard to CJ is whether or not there actually is a gender issue here. Is he developed enough to know and communicate this? If he hasn’t said he has issues with his gender one shouldn’t make that claim based on observations of his behavior. I am speaking specifically to the use of the term “gender non-conforming”. It would be helpful if the author explained what she meant by this and more importantly what it means to her son. Is she referring to the fact that he likes pink, fuzzy slippers, wears dresses, and wants princess panties? If so, how does that relate to his gender or his understanding of which gender he belongs to? Are there other ways he displays gender incongruity? Does he purposefully model other “female” behaviors as a means of expressing his desire to be female? If you scoff and say it is too early to tell or it is for him to communicate such things, then isn’t it too early to apply such labels? I’m asking these questions not because I don’t believe the author, but because she doesn’t seem to provide this information.

      Dresses might simply be costumes to him. Some boys tie on a cape, others throw on a tutu. It isn’t a gender issue unless he wears the dress as a means to express his desire to be a woman. It is the same thing for the princess underwear. I don’t see a gender issue there. As far as I can tell, he didn’t want panties because they were girl panties, he wanted them because they had pictures of princesses. If that’s the case buy him a pack of boy underwear and iron on some princess decals. I’d argue based on the information a better term for his fashion choices would be “expected dress non-conforming” as it doesn’t appear he is trying to express gender through clothing. In the end I don’t see the need for a label at all, why not just “my son”.

      To her credit mom is trying very hard to help and protect her son. She is even sharing her life with strangers to solicit advice and hopefully elicit understanding. Reinforcing that everyone is different, and it is ok to be different is great. Acknowledging the fact that he is drawn to female clothing is important as he may not have developed the means to communicate his gender issues yet. Should CJ state later that he does have concerns with his gender knowing when he began to display those concerns and how he did so might be helpful. I wonder though, has anyone tried to figure out his motivations for choosing clothing not typically associated with his perceived gender? If it is too early to ask him then it is probably too early to start using labels. Maybe the problem is gender and orientation seem to be discussed concurrently, and while definitely related they are two very separate constructs.

      Sep 17, 2011 at 7:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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