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Happy Endings

Survivor Worship: AfterElton interviews gay Survivor-contestant, Brad Virata. Is he the next Reichen? We hope not… [AfterElton]

• Yak Fest: A two-day HIV conference just kicked off in Mumbai to discuss new advances in the battle against the disease. And, also, how there’s no cure. [Express India]

• Gender Road Bender: Spanish street signs will soon sport female figures in an effort to fight sexism. Sexy… [The Washington Post]

• Baby Tobey: Tobey Maguire‘s girl-friend squeezed out a baby girl, which is funny, because we didn’t even know she was pregnant. Nor, actually, did we care. [Star Magazine]

• Pill Mania: More HIV-Poz South Africans than ever are getting the meds they need. Hoo-rah! [365 Gay]

• Run Girl! A lesbian refugee in England’s being deported back to Uganda. And, as well all know, the Ugandans aren’t so keen on the homos. [The Guardian]

By:           Andrew Belonksy
On:           Nov 13, 2006
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
  • 1 Comment
    • Leland
      Leland

      While we’re still trying to get over the last one, in order to be “the next Reichen” one must:

      A. Have, at the age of six, “designated a corner by the door (of your bedroom) as the bathroom. (And) instead of leaving (your) room…actually (urinated) on the carpet in the corner.” Page 5, “Here’s What We’ll Say” by Reichen Lehmkuhl.

      B. Describe your childhood as “particularly nuts” because you were required to do such emotionally scaring things as take out the trash and wait to start eating until the rest of your family was seated and served. Page 52, “Here’s What We’ll Say” by Reichen Lehmkuhl.

      C. Write that Matthew Shepard was murdered in 1992 rather than the actual 1998. Page 296. “Here’s What We’ll Say” by Reichen Lehmkuhl.

      D. Include in your book such bon mots as, “I was always been eager to ski.” “Each discharge comes with it a thorough investigation.” “Everyone also agreed to learn something from this lesson.” “He started speaking at me frantically.”

      E. Develop an atomic narcissism capable of melting anyone in its path through such experiences as growing up having your family literally celebrate your birthday twice a year. Page 206, “Here’s What We’ll Say,” Reichen Lehmkuhl.

      F. Learn to say. “Enough about that. Let’s talk about me,” in as many languages as possible.

      G. After your boyfriend has pointed to you in reply to the question, “What’s sexy to you?” from a “New York Times” fashion writer, say: “Sexy is when someone knows …how to tell someone else they look good.”

      H. Introduce yourself to Sen. Barack O’Bama as, “the one who is leading the fight to lift the ban on gay people in our U.S. Military.” [SLDN has been notified and are closing their office and looking for other jobs. No shared book proceeds were forthcoming in any case.]

      I. Be thrilled to be one step closer to sainthood, having just been named “Saint Mary Military” by the Seattle branch of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, after which you reiterated to them your pledge to “do everything in my power to earn and deserve this award.” Nevermind that now your stealing Lance’s lines, too, and you both immediately left for a party.

      J. Treat “true loves” like Goldilocks treated porridge. “This one’s too hot. This one’s too cold.” Until you land the Lance that laid the golden egg.

      Nov 13, 2006 at 10:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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