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Holy Shit! Suri Cruise Exists

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After months of nay-saying, second guessing, and general cynicism, here’s at least some sort of proof that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are raising a child together. Gorgeous, no? Too bad we still have no proof that the little tyke is actually theirs.

We still suspect one of the original – and surprisingly believable – story: the baby came from L. Ron Hubbard’s frozen sperm. Regardless of her origins, she’s a cute kid. Look at that preternatural head of hair! Just gaze into those eerie, all-encompassing eyes.

Yeah, the great Shiloh/Suri showdown for Earth’s soul may be years away, but it’s good to know your enemy early. In the off-chance that Suri Cruise isn’t some demon spawn destined to lead our planet into some grotesque, dystopian future, and she’s just like any other baby, we’re sorry. Life will be tough for you, little one: your mom looks pilled out within an inch of her life, your father’s a recently unemployed nutter, and you’ve got assholes like us watching your every move. Welcome to America, honey.

By:           Andrew Belonksy
On:           Sep 6, 2006
Tagged: , , ,
  • 17 Comments
    • Chris
      Chris

      Haha! You know, everyone who saw this last night said, “She’s beautiful (or other adjective)” and then followed it up with something cynical like,”But,she’s wearing a toupee.”

      Give it up. That baby is a spitting image of Katie Holmes (almost frighteningly so) and, you’re right, she’s gorgeous.

      Sep 6, 2006 at 9:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Juny
      Juny

      she is a beautiful baby only STUPID people will say she is not!!! and you will see until she grown up and she will be very very very gorgeous girl/lady…

      stupid people maybe they are ugly and their babies are ugly…

      Sep 6, 2006 at 9:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Katie
      Katie

      So Tom and Katie had to give in and give out everthing they value, including the precious of their lives? What kind of world we are living in?

      Sep 6, 2006 at 10:21 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Katie
      Katie

      So Tom and Katie had to give in and give out everything they value, including the precious of their lives? What kind of world we are living in?

      Sep 6, 2006 at 10:22 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • KJ
      KJ

      Celebrities and their babies — Yawn…….

      Sep 6, 2006 at 10:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Martini-boy
      Martini-boy

      I hope she grows up to be a big dyke. Then her dad would REALLY go mental — that is, if he can get any more mental than he already is.

      Sep 6, 2006 at 11:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ERNEST
      ERNEST

      That pic has been confirmed fake, from what I have been reading and hearing from people.

      Sep 6, 2006 at 12:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Will
      Will

      For being a only a few months old thats a very old looking baby. Looks to be at least 8-9 months old. its obviously a fake

      Sep 6, 2006 at 2:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • John
      John

      Its funny cause me and my brothers and sisters were born with a lot of hair…my little sister especially back in 1985 in NY and when she was born the doctor got scared cause you know how the head comes out first.? well it was a lot of hair. Black straight thick hair and she was very white…i guess when you mix some genes they are compatible like that, cause my cousins and all don’t look like that. She is distinguished and looks like snow white.

      Sep 6, 2006 at 8:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • John
      John

      Its funny cause me and my brothers and sisters were born with a lot of hair…my little sister especially back in 1985 in NY and when she was born the doctor got scared cause you know how the head comes out first.? well it was a lot of hair. Black straight thick hair and she was very white…i guess when you mix some genes they are compatible like that, cause my cousins and all don’t look like that. She is distinguished and looks like snow white.

      Sep 6, 2006 at 8:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Delanie
      Delanie

      Suri Cruise is one in a million. She is gorgeous! I didn’t expect her to look so strikingly beautiful. I mean, she doesn’t look like many babies. Her eyes look cool!

      Sep 6, 2006 at 9:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Hedy
      Hedy

      BABY SURI is absolutely GORGEOUS/STUNNING/ and perfectly BEAUTIFUL.

      Sep 6, 2006 at 10:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • lindsey
      lindsey

      okay “will” you are abviously dumb. ..

      For being a only a few months old thats a very old looking baby. Looks to be at least 8-9 months old. its obviously a fake

      said: Will on September 6, 2006 2:39 PM

      do you know anything about babies? dont act like you do because u sure as hell dont saying something like that. babies are born all different sizes and some with hair and some with NONE. hair makes a baby look older…my first born had a ton of hair just like suri. My second child NONE! when i compare the photos of them when they were the same age….they look months apart because of all that hair. awwww so does thit mean i am lying about my children? its so ridiculous what people are saying that this baby isnt real. some people need to GET A F’ING LIFE SERIOUSLY. uhh stupid and jelous people piss me off

      Sep 7, 2006 at 2:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • lindsey
      lindsey

      and by the way shame on everyone who talks shit about a little baby. u people need help

      Sep 7, 2006 at 2:07 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • lindsey
      lindsey

      pardon the spelling mistake on my first comment there lol who looks stupid now. but for real people dont believe all this bullshit you read…people get paid to make shit up like this…pathetic….

      Sep 7, 2006 at 2:09 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Will
      Will [Different person #1 using similar name]

      Lindsy what should piss you off is your spelling, grammar, and your total disregard for letting other people state their opinions…………BITCH.

      I pity your hairy children.

      Sep 7, 2006 at 2:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mai
      mai

      there are really crazy people, with nothing to do, out there… that’s the only thing that can explain all the stuff that’s been said about these two and their lovely baby

      Sep 7, 2006 at 9:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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