Okay, so, I’m not even reading the 500 posts since I was last on this page, because a cursory glance is all I need to see that the bigots are still hanging around, flaunting their sexuality and generally making nuisances of themselves. However, I think I have figured out why they’re here. (My apologies if anyone else has thought about this already.)
Check out this quote from before I gave up the reading…
No. 157 · dj
where are the nude photos?
Bingo! The bigots all found the site by searching for “Carrie Prejean nude pics” on their search enginge of choice. On Google, for instance, this very page comes up seventh in that very search. Our benevolent christian (fuckheads?) friends aren’t trying to spread the gospel…they’re looking for something to inspire their special alone time. Don’t make a mess on the keyboard, boys! :D
But since I have your attention for a moment, let me say a little something: die. I’m serious. If you don’t like GLBT folks, or prefer that we remain second class citizens, just do the world a favour and stop breathing right now. It’ll only hurt a little, maybe not at all, and it’ll be over fairly quickly. The best part? When you’re nothing more than an empty corpse, you won’t have to deal with the fact that the world is changing, and it’s starting to swing in favour of equality. Even better? We won’t have to listen to you primitives bitch and whine and moan about it anymore.
If you lack sufficient will to simply decide yourself into dying, may I make some recommendations to ease the process for you? There are a variety of options available for those who are interested in terminating their own life functions. A good method is using a gun. Large calibre is the best, of course, but any size will do if you do it right. Lots of folks stick the barrel to the side of their head, pull the trigger, and BLAMMO! They tend to wake up in the hospital, a week, two weeks, a month later, brain damaged and shitting their pants, but (unfortunately) still alive. It’s more effective to place the barrel into the mouth before shooting. This sends the bullet through the back of the head and, if you’re at least a mediocre shot, it severs the spinal cord, just about killing you instantly. I’ve also heard good things about the “straight up, under the chin” method, but I’m still iffy on that one.
Another option, for the more melodramatic, is the classic slitting of the wrists. Some tips to increase your chances of success:
1. Take plenty of aspirin beforehand. It acts as a blood thinner. If you’re already on prescription blood thinners, so much the better.
2. Remember, don’t cross the tracks, do follow them. Don’t cut across the wrist. This will probably clot before you die, and none of us would want that. Instead, cut up the arm, parallel to it. This opens the veins more, plus you bleed out quicker, thus suffering less pain overall.
Another option would be jumping off of a tall building. Remember, you want at least ten stories, but the more the merrier. The big thing is to try not to land flat on your back or stomach. Landing on your feet isn’t guaranteed to work either, and may just cripple you (which is a nice thought, but not what we’re aiming for). Your best bet is to attempt to land headfirst. That’s probably going to snuff you quickest.
I would avoid carbon monoxide poisoning (as in sitting in a running car in a closed garage, or with a hose connecting the exhaust to the interior) as it’s very possible to be discovered before the deed is done. Likewise, overdosing can be unreliable, so I’d stay away from that as well. Yeah, you may die, but you also might live, and that’s not helpful.
Remember, when the future is not on your side and the entire civilized world is making you feel like you don’t fit in anymore, your best option is to die. It’s been said that god helps those who help themselves. So why are you sitting around waiting for a rapture that’s never going to come? Get off your asses and help yourselves make it happen. When you get to hell, tell Satan I sent you. He’ll probably give you some drink tokens and a coupon for a free prostate massage (if you have a prostate, of course). Me and Satan, we’re like this.
Um, imagine me crossing my fingers for that last part. Internet, you know. You do have imaginations, don’t you?
Good. Now, get crackin’, kids! Time’s a wastin’, and the rest of us could use the space! Have a pleasant journey! :D