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OK Senator Suggests Making It A Crime For A Man To Spill His Seed Anywhere But In A Womb

Queerty reader Sooner Muscle tipped us off about an Oklahoma lawmaker who petitioned for an amendment to an anti-abortion bill that would outlaw shooting a load anywhere but inside a lady’s woo-hoo.

Currently, the Legislature is debating a bill that would effectively ban abortion in the state as an invasion of the “protectable interests” of unborn children.  SB1433, known as the ” Personhood Act” was introduced by Sen. Brian Crain (R-Tulsa) and would give full rights to zygotes from the moment of conception,

The text reads, in part:

The Oklahoma Legislature finds that:

1. The life of each human being begins at conception;

2. Unborn children have protectable interests in life, health, and well-being; and

3. The natural parents of unborn children have protectable interests in the life, health, and well-being of their unborn child.

4. The laws of this state shall be interpreted and construed to acknowledge on behalf of the unborn child at every stage of development all the rights, privileges, and immunities available to other persons, citizens, and residents of this state.

5. As used in this section, “unborn child” or “unborn children” shall include all unborn children or the offspring of human beings from the moment of conception until birth at every stage of biological development.

6. Nothing in this section shall be interpreted as creating a cause of action against a woman for indirectly harming her unborn child by failing to properly care for herself or by failing to follow any particular program of prenatal care.

That’s not that different from the “Personhood Amendment” that died in Mississippi. (Doesn’t anyone care about the rights of proposed legislation?)

But State Sen. Constance Johnson (D-Oklahoma City) took things one step further: She filed an amendment to the bill that added the following:

“However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child.”

That’s not just the re-criminalization of all gay sex acts, but blowjobs, handjobs, facials, body shots, wet dreams and even jacking off (all of which, we’re told, straight men like a lot).

Oh, and condoms would be a no-no too.

We were almost ready to make Sen. Johnson our patented Douche of the Week when we found out she was being a wise-ass. She thinks SB1433, is as dumb as we do and was trying to make a point about how sexist it is to equate a woman’s rights with that of a clump of cells at conception. Johnson later withdrew the amendment.

Democratic State Sen. Jim Wilson tried to add a protest amendment as well, one that would require guys to provide housing, food, transportation, health care and other essentials to any chicks they knocked up.

It was shot down because, while the Oklahoma Legislature doesn’t think childbirth is a woman’s right, they do think it’s totally her responsibility.

We like that Johnson tried to illustrate how preposterous SB1433 is, but now we’re afraid she’s planted a dangerous seed in the minds of the Religious Right: Life begins at ejaculation.

A full vote on SB1433 is expected as early as Thursday.

Photos via Oklahoma Senate, Caleb Long

By:           Dan Avery
On:           Feb 8, 2012
Tagged: , ,
  • 11 Comments
    • divkid
      divkid

      is whacking off at a sperm donor clinic permissable.
      just imagine the line outside that clinic.

      Feb 8, 2012 at 10:12 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Robert in NYC
      Robert in NYC

      then that means no more blow jobs from the wives of Gingrich, Santorum, Romney, Paul (ick) and the entire GOP!!!!

      Feb 8, 2012 at 10:26 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • divkid
      divkid

      many a midwesterner would have been fine with the womb stipulation… but tarnation! why’d they have to specify *woman’s* … and with all these luuurvly piggy-wiggs.

      Feb 8, 2012 at 10:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jonathonz
      Jonathonz

      That’s pretty awesome! Gotta love her for that!

      Feb 8, 2012 at 11:24 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ryan C
      Ryan C

      Senator Wilson is an awesome guy. So glad he’s my senator in the mess we call a legislature.

      Feb 8, 2012 at 1:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      This must be a joke. No way could anyone be this stupid.

      Congrats to the democratic senator making the wise crack, but we all know some yahoos out there would simply love to make that a law. I mean, after all, dildos are illegal in Alabama.

      Feb 8, 2012 at 1:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TASTEY GOODIES
      TASTEY GOODIES

      @Shannon1981: SO DO WOMEN HAVE 2 RESORT 2 CYLINRICAL VEGGIES? OR HER FINGER OR HER PARTNER’S? IT IS SYMBOLIC OF A PENIS.

      Feb 8, 2012 at 4:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mike UK
      Mike UK

      I was reading this and thinking !what the fuck, only in America” lol, then read on a bit further to read that she’s taking the piss! funny but dangerous all the same, as previously said some fuckwit is bound to take her seriously and actually try to make it law!!!

      Feb 8, 2012 at 6:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tjr101
      tjr101

      I would like to see an amendment to the bill that stipulates that these women that are forced to have these children are given free healthcare and that the child is also given free healthcare up till the age of 26. Just watch the hateful social conservatives heads explode.

      Feb 8, 2012 at 11:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Vladimir Zharkov
      Vladimir Zharkov

      Couldn’t they themselves be accused of breaking the law if they’ve EVER masurbated?

      Feb 9, 2012 at 12:24 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @TASTEY GOODIES: I am sure they cross state lines and get them..

      The laws in places like that are asinine. That one is a deliberate jab at lesbians and gay men, though, obviously. “Deviance,” they call it.

      Feb 10, 2012 at 3:03 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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