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QUEERTY QUERY

QUESTION: What Do You Think Of The Idea Of Intergenerational Relationships?

gay-menEven though the world (OK, the gay world) has been abuzz at the rumored relationship between 19-year-old Tom Daley and 39-year-old Dustin Lance Black, they’re only the latest example of a gay relationship with an age gap.

Matt Bomer and Nick Gruber are only recent examples of guys who’ve partnered up with men a few years older. Even civil rights icon Bayard Rustin got in on the act.

Some are disgusted by the idea, but others are passionately in defense of the “mentoring” aspect that a gay May/December relationship can have.

That said, we pose the question to you, Queerty readers:

What do you think of the idea of intergenerational relationships?

By:           Rob Smith
On:           Dec 13, 2013
Tagged: ,
  • 114 Comments
    • BritAus
      BritAus

      How is it rumored? They are.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 8:30 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Meowzer
      Meowzer

      My husband is 14 years older than I am… and we’ve been together 28 years. So, yeah, it works.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 8:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TonyK
      TonyK

      My husband and I have been together 9 years, married for 3.5. It’s bad enough we’ve had to fight(and still are) for marriage equality, do we really need to judge age too?? Just saying. Love is love no matter what the age, sex etc.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 8:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MikeE
      MikeE

      A 20 year age difference is NOT a “May/December” relationship. For crying out loud. The ageism Queerty promotes is more “disgusting” than any age gap between two consenting adults.

      It seems that every time this topic pops up, Queerty implies that the older person in the relationship is something shameful, disgusting, creepy.

      So Queerty plays in to the whole “only young gay men are worthy of attention”.

      Even your favourite “silver fox” Anderson Cooper (for some odd reason, his name pops up EVERY time you want to talk about older gay men) is younger than I am.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 8:43 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BJ McFrisky
      BJ McFrisky

      My belief is that Queerty, aka TomDaleysLoveLife.com, has absolutely and completely jumped the shark by showing their obsession with this guy. Strange, sad, and stunning that this is the topic of every other story on this site.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 8:48 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Degas
      Degas

      Keep throwing logs on the ageist fires, Queerty. The flames are bright and the coals are hot. Would you move on to something other than this couple?

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • skylerbound
      skylerbound

      I’ve dated/been in a relationship with older men (10-15 years older than me) when I was like 18 on. I’m 27 now and guys my age are more interested in dating/being in a relationship now versus when I was 18-25 when it was all about being casual.

      I didn’t have a problem with the age gap and if anything the guys I was with were a lot more responsible and informative on things or maybe I felt more comfortable asking. I never felt taken advantage of at any time and mostly we just wanted the same things out of a relationship.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:02 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EdWoody
      EdWoody

      Mother of god, are we STILL talking about this? Let the boy fuck whoever he wants. Isn’t that the whole point of gay lib?

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:04 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mikeincleveland
      mikeincleveland

      They most likely keep writing about Tom Daley-Dustin because it gets them the more page views over the never-ending-crazy-Right-Wing-person said this or most of the Rupaul recaps. There’s a reason why sites keep writing about certain subjects and it’s because they’re the ones that most people click on.

      Just to the right of this comment section is the (paid for) suggestion feed for stories on other sites, one of which is the deep, thought-provoking “Celebrities Who Used to Model for Abercrombie and Fitch.” You know what’s funny about this, what would appear to be, a silly attempt at click-bait? It’s probably going to be one of that site’s most-read features for the day.

      Daley-Dustin is the perfect Ashton-Demi story for the gay community to wrap its pop-culture-destoryed attention around and gossip about during holiday get-togethers and drinks with the boys at the club this weekend (again).

      Stop thinking that the world doesn’t read this (seemingly trite) stuff.

      Way many sites from Just Jered to Huff Po to Perez himself have made a nice mint making “______ of the Year” stars out of couples like these two because people (and lots of them on Queerty I can almost bet) love reading about this stuff. “What will happen next between those two?”, “Which one will cheat on the other first?” are no different being uttered out of our mouths as they would out of all of the straight people thinking the SAME exact thing about every straight celebrity couple’s relationship that is splashed on the supermarket tabloids every week. Same concept, same cash pay out for media. If the public didn’t want it, the media wouldn’t give it to them.

      If Queerty did a Listicle like, “10 Things About Tom Daley-Dustin’s Abs That We Love” it would, hands-down, be the biggest draw on their site for the week, if not month.

      Why do you think they brought back “Morning Goods” gang?

      It’s called “Business”.

      And this couple’s relationship (for good and bad) is going to bring a lot of business to the LGBT media.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:16 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • andy_d
      andy_d

      @mikeincleveland: LIKE!
      Going back on subject . . .

      My partner is 18 years older than I. This past October 29, for our THIRTY FIFTH anniversary, I took him to one of my favorite places in NYC. While there, I proposed. We are getting married in DC in April or May.

      As long as there is EFFECTIVE communication and respect to supplement the LOVE, the relationship will work regardless of the individuals’ ages.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:24 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JennyFromdabloc
      JennyFromdabloc

      Everyone should experience a May/December romance. My most recent boyfriend was 15 years older and we had a great time. Nothing satisfies like an experienced lover.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • GayTampaCowboy
      GayTampaCowboy

      It is VERY frustrating that age-disparate relationships evoke such strong reactions (Stereotypes) – be they gay or str8. The younger one is a “gold digger” or has “daddy issues” and the older one is a “cradle robber” or is going through “male menopause” – REALLY?

      Let’s call it what it is – SELF-LOATHING!

      That’s right! The vast majority of younger gay men have adopted the self-absorbed, body-conscious, “who-do-i-want-to-be-seen-with-at-the-club-that-will-make-all-the-other-guys-jealous” mindset. There’s also alot of fear and denial about getting older. Mind you, this is a fairly common trait among all men, but it’s more pronounced in the younger generation. Oh, and this attitude isn’t new!

      There’s a similar reaction in the gay community when many see a thin or muscular guy dating or married to an obese guy. All kinds of gasps are heard and a wave of snickers and whispers fill the room. Why? Because just like serosorting – many gay men believe there are pre-defined rules of attraction and selection. And, those who break those rules are judged and villified.

      Bottom line, pun intended, F@CK them! Those who stand in judgement don’t pay your bills or live your life. And, if we all tried to live our lives to match social stigmas, we’d never find happiness.

      There’s always someone for everyone!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:02 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CoolBeansandChili
      CoolBeansandChili

      Queerty, I think you’re misusing terms a bit here.

      I thought May/December romances were just that, regardless of age difference. You met someone who made your summer amazing, then realized that things became quite different once you two had to start covering up and rely on personality for the winter.

      I get that on the surface intergenerational relationships seem to fall under this, but the calling these May/December relationships (or flings, etc.) is wrong. It totally depends on the two people involved. If either party can’t bring anything more to the table other than abs or a credit card, then the ‘fling’ will be just that.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:15 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kevininbuffalo
      kevininbuffalo

      Daley/Black isn’t May/December, not even close, More like May and the first week of August. Love who you will and the critics can go f**k themselves!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:20 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • StephK
      StephK

      My personal preference has always been to be within a 5-10 age span of my boyfriends. Although there is much to learn from those significantly older or younger than I , I have always enjoyed most someone in a similar stage of life. Having said that, I will nevertheless repeat those famous 5 words from 2013..”Who am I to judge?” and the maxim “To each his own”.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:20 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      If the relationship is healthy and works for both parties I have no problem with it. The only time I would question it is if one of them has absolutely no life experience and will be growing and changing a lot in the next few years.

      If for instance one of them is 45 and the other is 18, I would assume that there is going to be trouble when the 45 year old is 50 and slowing down and the 18 year old is 23 and just wanting to branch out and experience life and things that the 50 year old may have already done and be bored with.

      Then again, if we prevented relationships on the premise that they might fail nobody would be in one.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:26 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • franiel32
      franiel32

      Intergenerational relationships are perfectly legitimate. Are the couple in a consensual relationship? Are they of legal age?
      Then it’s their prerogative.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TheMarc
      TheMarc

      @Cam: Well said, Cam!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:40 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • petensfo
      petensfo

      I’m 50. Take 20 yrs for example; could I date at 30 year old? Yes. Would I date a 70 year old? Maybe.

      I dated a 25 year old when I was early 40’s… age was never the problem but Immigration was. Which is the other point, American 25 is not, rest of the world, 25. And of course, it also depends on the person, so save your vitriol.

      Personally, I don’t understand the knee-jerk opposition to this question. It’s a gay-blog after all & I think it’s something people genuinely consider. Lighten up.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:59 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • balehead
      balehead

      This has nothing to do with numbers…Dustin Lance Black dates younger so they won’t challenge his typical white man authority issues….

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:03 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • balehead
      balehead

      Why does this site have such a Hard on for this creeper?…

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:06 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • liammcg
      liammcg

      The best advice is found in Dan Savage’s Campsite Rule:

      in relationships with a large age disparity, at the end of the relationship, the elder partner should leave the younger in “better shape than they found them”. This includes no diseases, no fertilized eggs, no undue emotional trauma, and whatever education that can be provided, i.e., “I wish that my older boyfriend would have observed the campsite rule with me, now i have a broken heart and a monthly prescription for valtrex.”

      Other than that, play on. I went through my older man phase and am (decades later) now in my younger man phase. Both are equally enjoyable.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:12 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • balehead
      balehead

      Dating younger to “look younger” is always sad….

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • David Gervais
      David Gervais

      @andy_d: Congratulations

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:34 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • sportyguy1983
      sportyguy1983

      These intergenerational relationships (about 15 years of age difference) is nothing more than one guy with daddy issues and the other not wanting to grow up. They are doomed to fail in 95% of cases, but to each his own.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ajai
      Ajai

      I think it’s great. Love is hard to find and maintain, how can anyone knock it? My husband is twenty years older than me. People who would judge us for our ages are no more important than people who would judge us for being the same gender.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AuntieChrist
      AuntieChrist

      I think it DEPENDS on the generation…Ageism is definitely more of an issue within the gay community…But our whole society is fixated on youth and beauty…If Black looked older, queens would be screaming foul even louder than they already are.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:53 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Elloreigh
      Elloreigh

      A fair number of the men I dated before settling down were 10-15 years older. My husband is not quite 6 years older.

      I have a brother and sister who both have considerably younger opposite-sex spouses.

      So I frankly don’t see what the big deal is. Queerty is making a mountain out of molehill, and in doing so they are playing into some of the worst rhetoric we face from the far right concerning allegations of predation.

      Personally, I can’t picture myself dating someone younger. On the other hand, I do remember being a bit frustrated when I was in my 30s and it seemed most of the men my own age were only interested in dating younger guys.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:54 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwtraveler
      jwtraveler

      @balehead: @sportyguy1983: I think that any relationship between consenting adults is nobody’s business but their own. Am I mistaken or isn’t that the central premise of the gay rights movement?

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AnitaMann
      AnitaMann

      People ought to mind their own business. With that said, when my daughter was 20 she dated a man who was 35. I was thrilled when they broke up a year later. He was too old for her. But, I never said a word while they were dating. She needed to learn that fact for herself. So, I kept my nose out of it.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwtraveler
      jwtraveler

      @CoolBeansandChili: Wrong! Queerty’s right.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:57 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TonyK
      TonyK

      @franiel32: EXACTLY! It is their business!!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tookietookie123
      Tookietookie123

      As an 18 year old, personally, it isn’t exactly my cup of tea, mainly due to the fact that whether or not he likes me for me or my age and whether or not I would be the youngest they’d ever go(I have an overactive imagination) would come into question more than I’d like. For everyone else, I guess that’s ok since it isn’t anyone else’s business, I just hope they’re in it for the love and not just sex(which is all too common nowadays).

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:12 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dxley
      Dxley

      Queerty is full of hateful people. Wow!!! The very same people who want to be treated equally and have equal rights just like everybody else are the most intolerant group, and so what if Dustin likes younger men? What business is it any of yours? They’re both consenting adults and are not harming anybody!

      I’m so loving me some Tom and Dustin. Keep it coming, Queerty!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JohnnyRalph
      JohnnyRalph

      My boyfriend is 44 years older than me and I couldn’t imagine a guy who was better for me. I don’t want his money, I just want his love. Why is that so hard to understand?

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sweet Boy
      Sweet Boy

      Young people may fall in love with older people…get over it

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • coventgardenmartin
      coventgardenmartin

      @mikeincleveland: well said!!! this sums it up perfectly and people who are b*itching about seeing stuff like this or hot pictures of half naked men, or other fluffy articles, read this. They are a business that needs page views for revenue generating and salicious sells, and i personally dont mind it if they also have deeper content, which they do.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • coventgardenmartin
      coventgardenmartin

      I’ve dated younger guys ever since I came out in my mid twenties. The largest being 17 year difference and he was the best boyfriend I ever had (liked random things from clubbing to classical concerts) and we could talk for hours. When my friends would remark on our huge age gap I’d remind them of my parents story, two years apart and divorced after 7 years, and my bfs’ parents story, 16 year difference and still married after 22 years. Age closeness is no more a guarantee of long term relationship success than anything else. The relationship works if the fundamentals are there, full stop.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 12:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mikeincleveland
      mikeincleveland

      Instead of trying to tear apart Daley & Dustin’s love, why don’t we focus our efforts instead on trying to defeat people who want to ban all of ours?

      Dec 13, 2013 at 1:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Josh
      Josh

      Can we stop with the Tom Daley stories! He is gay, he isn’t the first nor is he the last, also, he isn’t even the most famous person to come out as gay. Hell, I didn’t even know or care who he is! On the topic of inter-generational relationships, I have a few friends who are in them, and married very happily. It works for some and doesn’t for others, not sure what the big damn deal is, hell in New York or LA you see 60yo guys with 20 or 30 something women all the time, as for gay men, it is fairly common, as long as both parties are at the same emotional maturity level. Some 40yo gay guys can act just as selfish and insecure as a 20yo, age is just a number!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 1:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • danny
      danny

      HHMMM. Not sure. I am wondering what generation of proofreader signed off on this title. ; }

      Dec 13, 2013 at 1:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BJ McFrisky
      BJ McFrisky

      @danny: Touché, Danny, touché.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 1:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jimstoic
      jimstoic

      When I was young, it seemed easy to fall in love. Now I’m 50 and understand that, for many of us, that’s an illusion of the young. So I don’t condemn any legal relationship in which the parties say they are in love. When I was young, I had flings with guys 18 years older. Then I got older and had flings with guys 18 years younger. Now I’m in a happily monogamous LTR with someone three years younger, i.e., within the range most people think of as normal. We don’t live in a world where people stay with their first sexual partner forever anymore, so it’s not like someone is locked forever into a relationship with someone a lot older (or younger) if they find it doesn’t bring them lasting happiness. Love should be respected wherever it exists. Judging is a waste of time and energy.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 1:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Franco C.
      Franco C.

      I don’t think the intergenerational relationship aspect of this story works in regards to DLB and Daley. The reason is that though Daley is of legal age, he’s a teenager. When I look back at that time in my life, I wasn’t terribly bright, and didn’t have much to offer in the way of knowledge or experience that could possibly challenge someone nearing 40. That’s not to say that Daley is not wise beyond his years, maybe he is. However, when I see a middle-aged man dating someone who is a teenager, a person who can’t really make decisions that are in his best interest, who is possibly struggling with his sexuality, I have to pause. Is it just about sex? Good times? A relationship is far more than these items. Anyway, I do have friends who are 20 years apart in age, and they have been together for many years and have stable, loving relationships. What business is it of mine? None.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 1:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • twoguysbrooklyn
      twoguysbrooklyn

      My hubby is 12 years younger than I am. Together 26 years.

      Some “oldsters” are young at heart. Some “youngsters” are old-souls.

      Like the Pope says, “Who am I to judge…” Ha!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 1:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dixie Rect
      Dixie Rect

      Robbie Rogers must be pissed that Daley is getting all his Queerty press. I see a queen slap fight coming.

      Oh, and date someone older, younger, who the hell cares!

      Dec 13, 2013 at 2:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwrappaport
      jwrappaport

      Age is certainly not just a number, and I know of no serious discipline that would make such a fatuous claim. The deeper and indeed more defensible proposition, I think, is that age is neither a necessary nor sufficient condition for many of the qualities we (at least I) value most in a partner: intellect, morality, emotional intelligence, cultural literacy, and wisdom. I buy that claim, but I also think that these qualities generally develop over time and are enriched by life experience, for which there is no substitute.

      Speaking for myself, I’d love to date a guy who looked like Tom, but I’d also like to date someone who could connect with me intellectually and culturally. I’ll be honest: my knee-jerk reaction is that a 39-year-old screenwriter probably doesn’t have a whole lot of common intellectual or cultural ground with a 19-year-old sports star. I could be completely wrong, but there it is.

      @jwtraveler: It is our business to the extent that we were expressly asked for our opinions. Also, I think you’re dead wrong about the gay rights movement: it’s about ensuring our legal and social equality, which entails positive and negative rights, not just the latter.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 2:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rockery
      Rockery

      @JohnnyRalph:

      Yes I don’t know you… but that is just ODD, even you have to admit that 44 years? So if it works for you, fine, but… it’s weird. A 25 year old dating someone 70??

      I think its OK I have no problem I could even see myself going 15 or 20 years older but more than that people are going to think its my father. I would be uncomfortable as well

      Dec 13, 2013 at 3:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • trevordaniel
      trevordaniel

      I am 21 years older than my partner. We have our own business and home. This January we will celebrate a partnership of 35 years and still going strong. True, unconditional love is that shared by two adult individuals. If age difference is a negative factor one would do well to ask themself “why?”

      Dec 13, 2013 at 3:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • wakeupscreaming
      wakeupscreaming

      Personally, I would never date anyone more than 12 years older than me. And I’m not attracted to younger men… At all.
      When I see huge age differences in gay couples, I do judge, and I will judge. Clearly the younger is selling himself like a whore because he has no other talents or education and becoming a kept-boy is the easy way out. And the older is a pedophile who can’t stand men his own age. When I see you guys, I AM judging your ass.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 3:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MK Ultra
      MK Ultra

      Round and round
      and away we go
      and away we go
      and away we go

      Dec 13, 2013 at 3:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • unreligious
      unreligious

      There was a twenty year age difference between my parents and they were together till death parted them. Consequently I have never understood people freaking out over an age gap between two people. If it works for them than it is no one else’s business.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 5:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jimbryant
      jimbryant

      If the older man has a hot body, I’m all for intergenerational relationships. For instance, if I were 25 and he were 65, he could teach me a few things.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 5:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bmwblonde
      bmwblonde

      All the guys above who stated that any long-term relationship is about LOVE and COMMUNICATION ~ have got that just right. We know a 72 year old woman (brilliant, sexy, vivacious) married for 22 years to a man who just turned 40 — and it WORKS. THEY had to get past all kinds of asinine judgment, comments and “disgust” from both their families.

      As well, some 25 year-old (or younger) gay men do seem to have “old souls” (albeit, not yet generations of experience) and yet they are weirdly mature EMOTIONALLY; whereas lots of 40, 50 or 60 year old men are simply terrified little boys wearing “Grown Up”suits. Living for a long time is totally independent variable from DOING YOUR EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL WORK.

      And, slso right on: younger gays who show scorn, disgust, fear or treat as “invisible” – older people (including us older Queers who for decades fought huge battles which younger gays are now harvesting) — is just another cliché chunk of (their) gay SELF-HATRED. Except of course, that is it IS mildly annoying to be looked right through, as through one were made of Elderglas, which is why I don’t give the time of day to the SF gay “community.” Oh, abd I’m NOT bitter” (and very happily re-married to a beautiful man “even” older than I am now). People who are ageist might as well wear a tatoo on their forehead: “I’m too scared to LIVE.”

      As usual, anything I post here seems to end the thread. Oh well.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 5:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • claretaqoe150
      claretaqoe150

      my buddy’s aunt makes $85/hr on the computer. She has been out of work for five months but last month her payment was $19686 just working on the computer for a few hours. check…… http://tiny.cc/fzy17w

      Dec 13, 2013 at 5:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @Cam: I have to repeat that. Well said sir. You have a way of saying things in a very logical rational way and I find myself agreeing with you often.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 5:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @Rockery: No if it’s a 44 year age difference were talking people thinking you’re dating your grandfather;)

      Dec 13, 2013 at 5:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @wakeupscreaming: I do see your point and I think there’s allot of truth in that.

      We all do it. You know when you’re out and about and you see the couple with the obvious generational gap and immediately snicker about how much $ the older is worth to have that at his side.

      After reading some of the comments here I realize that not everyone falls into those camps. However, no doubt that $ is the common denominator in most of them.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 6:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Reid Condit
      Reid Condit

      Intergenerational relationships? I love the idea and as an elder resident of city (San Francisco)where gay bathhouses are de facto banned and who avoids smoke-free bars, it’s the idea I have to be content with — mostly.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 6:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Alienist
      Alienist

      Get real. My husband and I celebrated our 31st anniversary of commitment this year. He is 18 years younger than me. Real relationships are not bound by a certain number of years, one way or the other.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 6:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • theben1965
      theben1965

      Call me a nut, but I’ve almost always dated older men. When I was a gayling, to me, dating another guy in his teens or twenties would have been like the blind leading the blind. I wanted someone, and still do, who can teach me about the world, share their experience and knowledge and enjoy seeing the world through my perspective.

      When people asked me why I liked older men, I would reply, “I want a man who knows where to put it and how to wiggle it.” But in reality,I learned a lot from the older men I dated; primarily that quality trumps every thing.

      Sometimes the most inexpensive mom and pop dive can serve far better food than a 5 star restaurant and make you feel like your extra special. I learned that from dating a multi-millionaire 30 years older than me when I was in my early 20s. He and his friends could eat anywhere, but they sought quality.

      I like to think I was one of the quality persons in his life, may he rest in peace. Don’t look askance,or think a boy is just kept because he’s dating an older gentleman. Maybe he likes quality too.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 6:07 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Matt1961
      Matt1961

      I’ve told this story before, but I’m 52 years old and my boyfriend is 21. we’re very much in love and our group of gay friends are very much ok with our relationship. We’ve gotten the side eye, and the ‘how does it work for you’ query, but for the most part it’s been ‘C’est la vie’

      His family are very supportive as well. They have accepted our relationship because we’re both invested in it fully. They work, and they work well. I’ve never been in better health, because I want to be with him for as long as possible, and he makes better choices because he’s able to share in my life’s experiences.

      I read an article about the ‘campground rule’ where it’s said that the older partner in a intergenerational relationship is responsible for helping the younger partner to grow and thrive, thus leaving him / her better off in the event the two separate down the road. I truly believe in this principle and I do all I can to promote that very ideal in all we plan and do.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 6:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @Matt1961: As long as your not supporting the boy financially then you have a real relationship. If you are then you only have the Rentboy kind. Either way is ok btw.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 6:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MikeE
      MikeE

      @wakeupscreaming: Maybe if you took your medication regularly you might not wake up screaming?

      I am 11 years older than my husband. We’ve been together 12 years. And HE makes more money than I do. So young guys dating older guys more often than not has absolutely nothing to do with money.

      honestly, with attitudes like yours it’s no wonder you wake up screaming. I imagine you also have very few friends. most people don’t like being around judgemental bitches for too long.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 7:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hotshot70
      hotshot70

      as long as the younger one is legal age, who cares. If the older guy can still “rise to the occasion”, more power to him.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 7:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Teleny
      Teleny

      I have rarely seen it work with gay men that I’ve known. The cultural differences that come with age seem to have been the culprit. On the other hand, my lesbian friends seem to have better luck. As long as its legal (over 18) I don’t care what any adult does with their romantic life.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 8:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • SolsticeOfMarin
      SolsticeOfMarin

      Actually, my experience with the May/December relationship has been that the younger man is the one really in control and is the one most likely to move on once he has gotten what he needs. In addition, the negative condescending attitudes of not only the majority of the LGBT community, but also society in general towards older men who prefer the company of younger men is not very supportive.
      Prime example, while on vacation we were out on the patio at a Starbucks in Maui enjoying a latte when a lady within ear shot told her husband “the police should just do something about that” as she glared in our direction. Really? Jealous much or just that homophobic?
      And of course the many other ‘if looks could kill’ situations we encountered eventually made my younger lover so uncomfortable that he became very uncomfortable being seen in public with us together.
      Sad, but true. I am glad the younger generations of Americans are becoming more tolerant of gay couples in public, but don’t fool yourselves WE STILL HAVE A LONG, LONG WAY TO GO.
      Just glad I was part of the generation that fought decades for the rights most younger members of the LGBT community enjoy today. However, sometimes it seems like they really aren’t that aware of the struggle of those who went before and seem to take us for granted as we get older. Typical LGBT community behavior that unfortunately seems to confirm the adage adopted by many older gay men = “The only thing worse than being old and gray is to be old and gay.” Hopefully, as we “age as a community” we will begin to develop more LGBT Senior Services to honor and care for the generation (my generation) who fought the great fight of the 20th century including surviving the horrors and death of thousands during the AIDS epidemic. Many of us were denied the opportunity to achieve our full potential through the interruption of careers behind being fired just for being gay. Therefore many of us will approach our so-called Golden Years depending mostly on Social Security and Low Income Housing to survive. We are a proud generation and not very excited we have been forced to depend on others for help, but like they say “It is what it Is.” We are proud warriors who still grieve for the many we lost during the fight for our rights. Blessed Be & May Peace and Prosperity Be Upon You :-)

      Dec 13, 2013 at 8:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bjoh249
      bjoh249

      Age is just a number depending on the person. Some are totally their age physically and mentally, some are not.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JoeYVR
      JoeYVR

      LOVE IS LOVE. I’m 46. My husband is 76. We’ve been together 10 years (married 6). We are happy and our families are very supportive.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 9:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @MikeE: I went back to reread what he had to say. First off he’s talking about huge age differences. Yours does not fall into that category. Secondly, I don’t think he’s off base when he says these kind of relationships are based on something outside of love. It’s more like “I need your youth and you need my $”.

      Obviously, not every case is like that but I think the vast majority are. I’ve been around these kind of couples and every one I’ve seen reflects that whether they admit it or not.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @SolsticeOfMarin: Well, said and beautiful. Peace to you too brother.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @JoeYVR:Sounds like you’ve got a really good relationship. Makes me smile a bit too:)

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @Stache1: Btw. I’m only talking about the older guys strictly looking for the very young where there’s just a big difference in age.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bjoh249
      bjoh249

      I just saw some pics of Black and Daley from some event in Texas. I swear they look about the same age. Black has certainly taken care of himself.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Frank Lee Mideer
      Frank Lee Mideer

      When I was 20 I hooked up with a sexy, lean, muscular man with gray hair. He mentioned that he was old enough to be my grandfather but I scoffed and said maybe father but not grandfather! But he showed me his license and he was 63! One of the best times I’ve ever had and never again looked at any man with age in mind. Although my husband of 34 years and I are only 11 months apart (me older)I still think of him fondly now and again. Keeps ME young.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 10:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jimbryant
      jimbryant

      I always find it amusing how gay men often castigate society for judging homosexuality but then go around judging everyone else. He’s too fat, he’s too old, he’s ugly…these are some of the most common things you hear coming out of the mouths of gay men in bars.

      Dec 13, 2013 at 11:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Manchester
      Manchester

      @jimbryant: I have to agree with you.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 12:26 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • bjoh249
      bjoh249

      @jimbryant: Couldn’t agree more.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 12:44 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mrmcbubbles
      mrmcbubbles

      It makes me feel like our 10 year difference isn’t much of a difference anymore :/

      Dec 14, 2013 at 12:53 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Garth
      Garth

      Some guys amaze me . We gays fight like hell to be treated as equal and not be judged and then become some of the most judgemental . What a hypocritical crock !

      Dec 14, 2013 at 3:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • guest4ever
      guest4ever

      Liberace was in an intergenerational relationship with Thorson and in the end largely ruined Thorson’s life.

      The relationship was not only intergenerational… it was also pedophilic.

      NAMBLA, Rent-A-Boy, Butterfly Kisses and the sex tourist destinations around the world bare witness to the cravings of older homosexuals for young flesh.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 6:34 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dakotahgeo
      Dakotahgeo

      This a very interesting topic! What does one do when they are pursued by a wonderful young man, 30 years younger? We’ve been partners now for 6 years, and when he comes to the EUA/USA this coming June or July, we will get married immediately with a permanent residency in mind. That way I can travel to Brazil also and have a heck of a better healthier winter than up here in the frigid Midwest, lolol. I suspect we’ll be together for life once we are married.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 7:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Carmen L. Ashmore
      Carmen L. Ashmore

      Ellen responded I am in shock that a stay at home mom can get paid $4859 in four weeks on the computer. read this post here>>>. http://bit.do/fjmi

      Dec 14, 2013 at 8:53 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • gwydion
      gwydion

      Like Katy & John sing… You love who you love.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 9:10 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EGO
      EGO

      My partner of 50 years is 10 years older than me and we have a friend whose partner was 30 years older than he is. The only problem was that his partner passed away after 22 years, and at the time, there was no same sex marriage in 1997.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 10:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sebizzar
      Sebizzar

      I love seeing them and I’d definitely love to have a daddy ;P

      Dec 14, 2013 at 11:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kernos
      Kernos

      Most guys I know who have long term relationships (>20 years) have been intergenerational.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 11:43 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dxley
      Dxley

      I cannot believe that I actually AGREE with Jim

      Dec 14, 2013 at 12:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • CoolBeansandChili
      CoolBeansandChili

      @jwtraveler: I admit my ignorance! I’m going to just blame it on my youth, if that’s alright. I did some digging on the actual definition, and now everything makes WAY more sense.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 2:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @guest4ever: Technically speaking it’s Ephebophilia since were talking about teens.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 4:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @Dakotahgeo: That was my other thought and I wanted to ask some of these other guys with their much younger boyfriends. I see this allot. Latin and South American guys looking to get into the US. They want into the US bad and being poor as shit they might see this as their opportunity. Plus, there’s allot less stigma on these kinds of relationships. I think it’s the same as you see with Russian bridemaids in the straight realm.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 4:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @guest4ever: One more thing. NO ONE ruined Scott Thorsons life but ST. He was a hustler and a drug addict. He’s still milking it to this day too.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 4:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwtraveler
      jwtraveler

      @jwrappaport: I have no idea what ‘negative rights’ are. Sounds like an oxymoron to me. And I don’t think that Tom or Dustin asked anyone’s opinion. That makes it none of our business.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 10:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwtraveler
      jwtraveler

      @wakeupscreaming: “Clearly” you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. But maybe you’re a fundamentalist Christian Teaparty interloper, in which case you don’t know anything about anything except how to hate people.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 10:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwtraveler
      jwtraveler

      @Stache1: I wonder, would you say that any heterosexual marriage in which the husband is supporting the wife financially is not a real relationship, and therefore the wife is really a whore? If so,I suspect that some of the self-righteous commenters on this page have mothers who are whores.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 10:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • coffeeaugur
      coffeeaugur

      I think the same as 39 year old man with a 19 year old girl … it’s pretty gross, the old dude should know better … botox, money, and liposuxion, doesn’t make you young … Black needs to grow up and be a real man.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 10:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwtraveler
      jwtraveler

      @CoolBeansandChili: Thanks for that. You don’t have to blame it on anything. As a teacher, I feel that it’s not only my job, but my mission in life to educate. I’m always pleased when someone is willing to recognize his mistakes and learn from them. I’ve learned never to be afraid to say “I don’t know” to my students. Though they’re sometimes surprised, I remind them that “not even teachers” know everything, and there’s nothing wrong with saying you don’t know as long as you’re willing to learn. Thanks again for being willing to learn.

      Dec 14, 2013 at 11:12 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dlfk
      dlfk

      My partner and I have been together for 11 years. There’s a 27 year difference between us. Like any relationship, we can’t try to make each other into people we aren’t. We share some interests; we have different interests. We have friendships with some of the same people; we also have our own individual friends. Clearly, we’re at different places in life. But what’s the big deal? We are very close, communicate every day throughout the day, even when traveling separately for work. We look forward to our time together. We’re very happy together. (And, yes: as the older one, I do get tired of the ageism in the gay community. Perhaps we’ll learn that forcing stereotypes on each other is just part of internalized oppression.)

      Dec 14, 2013 at 11:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DShucking
      DShucking

      Old people. Eewwwwww.

      Dec 15, 2013 at 12:42 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DShucking
      DShucking

      It’s funny how gay men don’t speak out against ageism until they start to get past their ‘prime’.

      Dec 15, 2013 at 1:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rot55
      Rot55

      Sorry folks…it’s all about the money…those that have it get the young ones! Believe me if these didn’t have money the youngins wouldn’t pay them no mind!

      Dec 15, 2013 at 12:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @DShucking: Great way to generalize. What a duch.

      Dec 15, 2013 at 2:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DShucking
      DShucking

      @Stache1: *douche

      Dec 15, 2013 at 5:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DShucking
      DShucking

      @Stache1: and it’s true. You all know it, too.

      Dec 15, 2013 at 5:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • PeterCee
      PeterCee

      @Stache1: So you’re the expert. Well, horseshit! There are young men who are turned on by older guys and have no interest whatsoever in people their own age. But, as you’re the expert, I suppose you know all about that.

      Me? 69. Lover, 33. And when we met 8 years ago when he was still a PhD candidate without any income, he insisted on paying his own way when he could so that cretins like yourself would not accuse him of any commercial aspirations.

      You’re an insult to our intelligence. Crawl back under your log. I am just thankful that fools like yourself have no part in our lives and never would have.

      Dec 15, 2013 at 7:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @PeterCee: Maybe you didn’t read this..”Obviously, not every case is like that but I think the vast majority are.” I was just expressing an opinion and there’s a reason that stereotype exists. Plus, I was only talking about older guys preferring the company of barely legal boys. You can be pissed off all you want and call me names but it doesn’t change that fact.

      If it makes you feel better sweety then you’re right and I’m wrong. If seems like you need to believe that.

      Dec 15, 2013 at 11:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • wakeupscreaming
      wakeupscreaming

      @jwtraveler: clearly jwtraveler, you need to take the dildo out of your ass, and stick it into your cakehole so I don’t have to hear your face.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 5:48 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jwtraveler
      jwtraveler

      @wakeupscreaming: Get help.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 2:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Atomicrob
      Atomicrob

      “Some are disgusted by the idea . . .” Really? Human relationships run the gamut of possible combinations of race, age, location, etc. . . I hardly think it’s unique or outrageous for a 19 year old to date a 39 year old. It’s based on mutual attraction and compatibility. The general obsession with youth in our society is shallow. Makes for good filler on a website though.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 5:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DShucking
      DShucking

      @Stache1: So when I do it I’m a generalizing duch but when you do it you’re ‘just expressing an opinion and there’s a reason that stereotype exists.’ What a hypocrite.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 7:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Stache1
      Stache1

      @DShucking:Not wasting my time talking to you. Eff off.

      Dec 16, 2013 at 11:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jud
      jud

      I’m 64 years old–and am only interested in younger men–who are top men—and I have met a number of young guys who enjoy the relationship we develop.
      The only thing weird to me? is that some way young guy would like me!
      I don’t see this as any kind of issue at all except that it is not the “norm” for relationships.

      Dec 17, 2013 at 5:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • PeterCee
      PeterCee

      @Stache1: @Stache1: Strangely enough, you just did.

      I didn’t realize you had other equally stupid stop-press statements to make, not only in regard to this page’s subject – on which you know absolutely nothing – but, in fact, all over this web site.

      Looking forward to more of these astutely subjective, baseless observations, your bad grammar, and your equally bad spelling. And as long as you are prepared to pass negative comments about people like myself and others whom you don’t know (and I am sure would, under no circumstances, be interested in knowing you) and their relationships, I trust you’re also prepared to have your dumb opinions ridiculed – as they well deserve to be – whenever they magically appear.

      And, incidentally, “sweetie” is not spelt “sweety”…. if you want to indulge in cringeworthy epithets attributable to the white framed sunglasses/cosmo set, try and at least get the spelling right.

      Have a nice holiday and try not to let your imagination run riot.

      Dec 17, 2013 at 9:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DShucking
      DShucking

      @Stache1: But you just did. So you’re a hypocrite and a moron. That’s been established.

      Dec 18, 2013 at 9:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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