“Answers” And More Questions In Very Queer Kern Case

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Sally Kern’s ears must be on fire, because we just can’t stop talking about her! First came the Oklahoma lawmakers infamous rant and then we had that whole “first amendment” debate. The juiciest story of all came yesterday, when we looked into rumors that Kern and her husband, Dr. Steve Kern, had and hid a homo son, Jesse.

Dr. Kern, who’s a Baptist preacher, issued a statement to squash those gay rumors – and perpetuate some others. It’s actually very clever:

Our son is not gay. We would still love him if he was, but that would not change the fact that homosexuality is a chosen life style and that we would pray for our son to have a change of heart. My heart goes out to the many parents who have lost sons to AIDs [sic] and other STDs. Those kinds of deaths are tragic because they could have been avoided.

Ah, yes, we gay folk are simply crawling with infection! We practically are AIDS!

Meanwhile, more internet chatter led us to the Oklahoma State Courts Network, a beautiful internet archive of the state’s criminal records. And guess what we found?! Three – count ’em, three! – cases against a man named Jesse Jacob Kern, who may or may not be related to Sally and Steve Kern, who just happen to have a son named Jesse.

The first Kern case involved some attempted oral sodomy and went down, so to speak, on March 27, 1989. That charge was dismissed by request of the state on June 9, 1989. What’s most interesting, however, is that this Mr. Kern just happened to be in court on that same day on a charge of trying to “obtain money by false pretenses,” whatever that means. Kern also stepped up to a driving under suspension charge. He was convicted of both on October 10, 1989.

That must have been a hard year for this Jesse Jacob Kern – and his parents are definitely to blame!