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“I instantaneously felt like I wish I had done this a long time ago. I expected a wave of love from family and friends, but I did not expect it to feel the way it felt… I think it’s one thing when you just know and assume people love you, and it’s different when you hear it, and when you hear it with sincerity. Right now I feel so incredibly loved. To have people that I never even expected to say anything reaching out to me ― people that I feel like personify masculinity and straight culture to the nth degree, who are coming out with a lot of pride for me ― that was really the moment to me that made me feel like, ‘Wow, that was there the whole time.'”–Country star TJ Osborne of The Brothers Osborne, reflecting on the reaction to his coming out earlier this week. Osborne told Ellen DeGeneres that he’d feared how his fans and the country music industry would respond to his coming out as gay. The response, so far, has been overwhelmingly positive.
Jack Meoff
? people that I feel like personify masculinity and straight culture to the nth degree, who are coming out with a lot of pride for me ?
Sad that many gay men still seek validation from the straight community.
Donston
Yes, I’m realizing just how overwhelming and rampant that type of validation seeking is. I used to think it represented only a very small percentage. So many “queers” stay caught up in wanting approval and affirmation from “straight guys” or masculine/masculine presenting guys, and they stay caught up in wanting to fit in with dudes in hetero relationships/guys who have overall hetero preferences and commitment ambitions. Yet, there are still people who say it’s not really a thing. However, I can recall being like that in my early twenties. So, I try not to judge. You also have to remember where he grew up and his genre of music. He clearly had a low bar of expectation, and a lot of his fans are probably “straight” and “masculine” males.
Monkey1
I don’t think he’s seeking validation from the straight community as a whole, he’s just saying some traditionally macho people he knows were fine with it and he was pleasantly surprised. Too many times people are made to feel like they have to fall into the “gay lifestyle” but really they’re just happy being gay and hanging out with friends like they always have.
Donston
The stereotypical “gay lifestyle” stuff is annoying. A lot of folks see “gay” and “straight” as lifestyles and blocks of sociology first. Considering where you are in the gender, romantic, affection, sexual, emotional investment, commitment contentment spectrum is secondary. But yes, many times when dudes “come out” we keep hearing the same stuff about “masculine” and “straight” guys. Damn near half of the “coming out” articles from this site this past year have featured guys looking to affirm their masculinity or looking for some “straight” approval. It does come off a bit insecure and validation seeking. Even if that’s not exactly where this quote is coming from, there’s clearly a pattern. Though as I said, considering where he grew up and his likely fan base I do get it.
wholelotanothin
You moron! He’s not seeing validation but Thanking and appreciating them for it!
Quit trying to inflame something that’s not there! People like you is exactly what’s holding back the LGBTQ community!
Donston
The fact that he felt the need to specifically shout out getting “straight” and “masculine” approval is a problem. At the very least, it hints towards the low bar set for “straight, “masculine” guys. People still give these dudes props for simply not being homophobic. That is something we need to grow past. His is probably an innocent quote, but it is tainted by so many “queers” before him who constantly seek “straight” and “straight world” approval and validation. It’s not really his fault that the quote reminds me of a lot of other shit.
I am happy TJ and the overall acceptance he’s received.
Monkey1
Donston, it seems that quote is a problem for you, but it’s not for him. I’m older than this guy by a bit but I too was happy my straight friends didn’t care, and because I was friends with them for so long I did want their approval. It doesn’t mean I was desperate, because If they didn’t give it then I was prepared for that friendship to end.
Openminded
Jack & Donston, the same thing immediately stood out to me also. It seems like a subconscious feeling that gay men aren’t macho or masculine. I’m probably reading too much into it, as I hope he is only feeling the love he spoke of in the article.
On a side note, he and his brother, John, were interviewed by Bobby Bones on the radio quite a while back and told a story of how a music producer apparently thought they were a couple and asked how they had met, to which they explained they were brothers and somewhat laughed off the idea that either one could be gay. I hate it for him that he likely felt that he had to hide the fact of his true self to possibly prevent moving forward in their career. Anyhow, proud for him and hope he only feels love from his fans in the future.
Rugby8
I find it odd that so many comments are negative. The man is happy that it went well. Some people like/appreciate the concept of “typical straight guy”. If you don’t, or aren’t, that doesn’t make it wrong.
As a 64 year old man about to celebrate his 40th Anniversary with his husband, it is terminology that speaks to me. 35 years ago the word Queer was among the worst things you could be called (imagine black people embracing the N-word)
Now its an accepted description. “Straight acting” is a very specific term. It is not toxic. If it doesn’t define *you*, that’s fine – but it doesn’t make it wrong
Donston
Rugby8, I’m all about letting people do what they want to do and express themselves however. That doesn’t mean that toxic masculinity, fem-phobia, “queer” insecurities, homo inferiority, straight/hetero-leaning superiority are not things. They are things. And whether he meant to or not, his comment reminds people a very typical dichotomy, something that’s still prevalent today: wanting to fit in with “masc-straight boys”. And yeah, it is frequently toxic. Was that the intention of his quote? Probably not. But was there even a reason to bring up “straight” or “masculine” guys? I’m honestly just over these silly “labels”.
Monkey1
Donston, I am worried by terms like “toxic masculinity”, there is no such thing. Some men are nice, some are bad, some are butcher than others, just because someone, gay or not, is happy being what you’d probably call “traditionally masculine” doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. Just because someoen may not love a drag show, doesn’t mean they hate themselves and are afraid of somehow becoming more feminized. I’m tired of the man-bashing, especially from other men. There is nothing wrong with us as a whole.
[email protected]
He never said he was seeking anyone’s validation. He said it was offered and he was glad. Check your projection!
MaineBuilt
No where did he say anything about seeking validation-he simply was expressing that it was nice that even some of the most masculine presenting, straight guys in his profession had words of support. Given country music’s conservative bent and lack of gay visibility it is surprising but also a good sign.
Donston
The quote is a bit uncomfortable because so many “queer males” spend a significant amount of time self-consciously trying to exude “straightness” and/or “masculinity” or they covet “straightness” and “masculinity”. There is this perception that queer/gay/homo-leaning males are obsessed with “straight” guys and are hyper self-conscious when it comes to “masculinity”. So, specifically shouting out “straight” and “masculine” was an uncomfortable thing, no matter the intention. Only one person here has flat-out said he was seeking “validation”. But it was an uncomfortable shout-out nonetheless.
Kieran
I saw the actual video of this interview on another website. Too bad you guys couldn’t find it. TJ was great.
rural queer socialist
It is sad that so many here are ‘debating’ that men can’t be ‘masculine’ or that women can’t be ‘masculine’ for that matter. Of course they can! And women can be ‘feminine’ and men can be feminine’. Stop bullying men, and women, about gender. You are sounding as wicked as the rest of them who can’t imagine varieties of feminine and masculine.
PollyDarton
Good for him! The article says he’s a “Country star” but I have no idea who he is.
Terrycloth
Just like a guy who does porn a star a pornstar..everyone who does country a star too..never heard of him before he came out..dosent make me want to check out his music. Hope he finds love and happiness