As a service to the gay community, throughout this Valentine’s Day season, Queerty is playing Anne Landers/Dan Savage to the online gay world of Craigslist, our favorite go-to spot for unintentional hilarity. We’ll give our advice to online suitors, but we hope you’ll get involved as well, helping to play cupid to the digital masses teeming to breathe heavy.
To start the fun off, we begin with this “Missed Connection” from Brooklyn:
Me: hipster, bookish type; You: Anderson Cooper – m4m – 24 (Brooklyn)
Reply to: [email protected] [?]
Date: 2009-02-01, 8:45PM ESTI saw you at a Brooklyn diner on Saturday afternoon. You were eating with some friends and glancing up at the basketball game every once in a while. It was nice to see you out doing something so normal. You’re every bit as handsome as you are on TV – and you seem like such a great, genuine guy. I only wish there was a context in which our two worlds could overlap.
Queerty’s Advice:
Hey there Hipster Nerd! Congratulations on spotting the Silver Fox outside of his usual habitat of the West Village. That’s a real find. However, you’ll have to do more than sit in the corner pretending to read Swann’s Way to catch the attention of the fickle debutante of CNN. Here are some useful pointers to get you started:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
1. Be younger – You’re going to have to fake your age if you want to catch the scion of Vanderbilt. At 24, you’re a little long in the tooth for Cooper’s tastes. Dial that back down to maybe 21 and you’ll get a lot more attention. You can’t just say you’re 21, however. You have to feel 21. Try wearing an NYU jersey, though come to think of it, he might mistake you for a Tisch student. Better to go with a tight-fitting CUNY t-shirt. It’ll show that you’re not a snob, or at the very least, unlikely to have easy media access with which to report your affair.
2. Be Latin – Cooper’s boyfriends (which of course, he doesn’t have, because he’s not gay, but we digress) are usually Latin. See irritating em>Real Worlder J.D. Ordonez, whose from Miami and trains dolphins, when not browbeating transsexuals or Julio Cesar Recio, whose so Latin that he’s managed to be in his 30s and still nab himself some Cooper-love.
3. If you really want your world to overlap with the Coop’s you have to get the hell out of Brooklyn. All our favorite Cooper sightings are in the Silver Fox’s natural habitat of the west side of Manhattan. Hang out at Magnolia’s (looking young, looking Latin) and dress well. The sports angle you have going is great. Maybe read the NYTimes sports page at Cafe Dante. Of course, if you really want to run into Anderson, you need look no further than your nearest leather shop:
So, Hipster Nerd, I hope this helps. A word of caution before your heart gets broken: when it comes to “genuine”, you may be dropping the wrong anchor. Follow our tips and you may well nab yourself some Anderson, but don’t expect him to acknowledge your relationship in any way whatsoever, other than, of course, through coy allusions to his sexuality. You see, the thing Cooper loves to flirt with most is the media. That’s right, he’s ours. Lay off!
What advice do you have for a young Brooklyn nerd looking to score him a 360 degree view of Anderson Cooper?
lessthan
wtf? what exactly made cooper worth that much snipe?
Ed
Never send a boy to do a man’s job…
Nitesurf
You were eating with some friends and glancing up at the basketball game every once in a while
Anderson is not into sports. Maybe water sports but what the hell do I know? Thanks for the AC stalking guide that I’ll need when I get to New York.
j/k.
Peter Treviño
I am a male Latino, I am in very good shape, I think as if I were 20 years old, I could dress and act like a teenager, I live in New York, I am told that I look like Frank Langella when he was young — which was gorgeous! But I am close to 55. Do you think I have a chance that Anderson will notice me?
PeterGay
Frank Langella
Leland Frances
10 points for Japhy!!!
Anyone who has to ask what makes “cooper worth that much snipe” is LessThan tuned into the world and/or self-loathing gay.
Nitesurf
It seems to me that Anderson Cooper can handle his personal life and his relationships any way he sees fit. Why is it that no one gets on Sam Champion’s case or Ricky Martin’s? And Shep Smith of Faux is ALSO rumored to be gay. None of them have ever acknowledged their sexuality either but yet Anderson is always the one being kicked around for keeping quiet. So what if he wrote a book? It was never intended to be about his sexuality or who he dates.
matt
Well played, Queerty. Clearly you are seeking to preserve the special private relationship between Anderson and the gay press. You mock and belittle Anderson’s rumored choice of boyfriends and dating life then disingenuously question his decision not to publicize said boyfriends and dating life. Think of all the similar judgement and ridicule he could be enjoying from the press at large and the public if he invited them in! Tempting!
The Coop and the media have been in a two way flirtation for years. There are plenty of other non-out gays in news, but somehow the gay media and gossip blogs only have eyes for Anderson. They’re always at his window trying to coax him out, chattering to the world about him, or throwing stones at him in blue balled bitterness.
Maybe if you all try dog piling on a different guy instead for a while Anderson’ll start appreciating you? Or the other guy will be the sort who might actually buckle to the pressure and come out?
Buddy
From my perspective, Cooper is one of those annoying guys who peddles his private life to advance his career (the book, the interviews, the stories about his mother and about his brother who committed suicide), but then demands privacy when it comes to his orientation.
He’s like those stars who trot out their obedient spouse and children for promo time but are “shocked, shocked I tell you” when you report on their tryst with an 18 year old same sex hooker.
Meh.
Nitesurf
It’s his right to “peddle” whatever the heck he wants to. It’s HIS life. If he doesn’t choose to disclose his sexuality, that’s his business.
Jonathan
I ran into the Silver Fox in the train station in Baltimore a few weeks back… Although it was early, he was decidely unfriendly. He has that “don’t get in my space” vibe… which is actually not universally the case with celebs. Spike Lee, for instance, was friendly on the train into DC; Paul Krugman is usually pretty open. Sat down with me, had a coffee, and discussed healthcare reform; Charlie Rangel has also been pretty nice when I’ve seen him on the train.
The only other person I ran into who was a complete ass was Tucker Carlson. So, congrats Anderson. You have more in common with Carlson than Spike Lee, Paul Krugman, and Charles Rangel.
Alan down in Florida
Spike Lee, Paul Krugman and Charles Rangel are unlikely to having every other gay man in the universe wanting to get in their pants like Anderson does (myself included).
Tucker Carlson is a know homophobe (with delusions of violence). Why am I surprised he is a complete ass? Actually, having watched him for years, that was information I already knew.
At the risk of sounding like a whining Britney fan, leave Anderson Cooper alone. He is fully capable of leading the life he chooses to lead and it is neither our business to approve or disapprove.
His mother’s bio was sub-titled “Happy At Last.” I hope Anderson is Happy Now. Get your own lives in order before criticizing someone else’s life.
Alex
Really, it must be so tiresome to appear friendly and engaged at all times, shitty day or not, to not offend the people you don’t know coming up to you. It’s a pity he didn’t feel like having a coffee with you, but concluding him to be a complete ass based on your own one run-in encounter when you were both waiting on a train some morning seems a bit harsh. Are you always nice to anyone and everyone?
bklatina1
I’m not sure if he’s gay but after reading this:
http://www.latina.com/blogs/vivo-por-tivo/exclusive-jd-ordonez-real-world-talks-immigrants-anderson-cooper
I wonder.
sparkle obama
that’s kind of rude to talk about how you need to be “latin” & under 24 to date anderson cooper.
“gay” may be the last minority to get “discriminated” against (hello, transgendered)
but “latino” is apparently the last group to be legally fetishized, if you know what i mean.
just quit it, queerty.
show a little class.
the way you talk about cooper, rupaul, ian thorpe etc.
is really scurrilous.
why don’t you just call yourselves a gossip page, instead of a “gay agenda” page?
you types are shady on here!
you claim to “hate” perez hilton, but are you any better than he in these instances??
en-tyway, i am watching you dolls…