Tells Us About It

Dan Savage Knows Fear

Dan Savage seems to have it all: looks, brains, a steady income. Underneath his boyish, sly smile, however, Mr. Savage suppresses a deep, paralyzing fear. What does Savage have to fear, you may ask? Well, plenty.

First and foremost, politics are frightening, something he’s learned during his career and various editorial positions at The Stranger. So, sex’s – a subject of which Savage has written extensively on in his syndicated column, “Savage Love”. Desert islands are particularly horrific, especially when the escape hinges on unthinkable sexual acts. What else frightens Savage? Pictures of your oozing penis, so stop sending them.

How do we know all of this? We asked him. Read what Savage has to say about totally frightful things like Larry Craig, sexual hypocrisy and the aforementioned oozing penis.

After the jump, of course…

Queerty: Who are the top three scariest politicians?

Dan Savage: Jenna Bush, Jeb Bush Jr., and all future Bushes lurking in the scrota and ovum of every last member of that dense, selfish, clueless plague masquerading as a political dynasty.

QT: You’re stuck in a desert island with Dennis Hastert, Rush Limbaugh and Fred Phelps. You’ll be freed if you fuck one of them. Who are you going to do and why are they the best choice?

DS: Good God. Must I answer this question? I guess… uh… Fred Phelps, because he’s the most revolting of the three –way out in front of Hastert, and edging Limbaugh by a hair. Why Fred? Well, I figure I might have an easier time working up a hate-fuck boner for Phelps than the other two. Plus he’s the skinniest and I likes ’em skinny. But, man, just thinking about it makes me worry that I’ll never get a boner again. Out, out, damn mental image!

QT: Why are conservatives so scared of gay sex?

DS: Gays invented recreational sex, and they’ve never been down with that. Nowadays you don’t hear much about heterosexual sodomy — a lot of heteros aren’t even aware that they can commit sodomy. But once upon a time any sex act that wasn’t grimly reproductive was forbidden and sinful. And by “once upon a time” I mean “forty years ago.”

Not until the pill came along was heterosexual sex divorced, finally, from the threat of pregnancy. And, yes, I use “threat” intentionally. Women dying in childbirth, infant mortality, too many mouths to feed — pregnancy was often a curse. But the Sky God wanted a steady stream of new worshipers, so coming in someone’s mouth, ass, ear, armpit, etc., was taboo. Gotta get that spunk in there, make more people. Fruitful multiplication and like that.

Religious people have pretty much given up trying to control straight people’s sex lives. The cat is out of the bag and he’s getting a blow job somewhere. But they’ve drawn a line in the sand with us. Our recreational sex is still going to be taboo, because our sex can never be procreative, only recreative. Straight people can make babies. We can only make messes. So straight sex — all of it, procreative or recreative — gets a pass. We don’t. But within my lifetime — and I’m only 36 — oral sex was controversial. I can remember when it was a kink, something people “got into,” like people “get into” bondage or piss today.

QT: We’re meant to think democracy’s the best political system, which may be true. Despite all its advantages, our American democracy is not entirely liberal (as in the philosophy, not the stance.) What do you find to be our democracy’s biggest weakness? Or, if you’d rather, our government’s?

DS: The U.S. Senate and the Electoral College are anti-Democratic in the extreme. They allow small states and rural minorities to dictate to more urbanized states and coastal majorities — and we tolerate it, which blows my mind. Barbara Boxer represents millions of progressive Californians; that douche bag from Nebraska whose name escapes me [Chuck Hagel] represents a few hundred thousand backassward Nebraskans. But his vote cancels Boxer’s out. It’s a scandal.

QT: Which presidential candidate’s the worst choice? Why?

DS: Rudy McCain. No: Fred Romney. No, wait: Mitt Thompson. I’m sorry, but they’re all scary — all the R’s, at least. If after the Bush years an R manages to win the White House, well, we’re finished. Stick a fork in our country, folks, it’s done.

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  • Leland Frances

    Looks? By that, we assume you meant, “‘good’ looks,” for which we suggest you 1. compare his picture to that of any of them meat puppets you regularly feature, and, 2. turn in your Shallow Looksist Fag Card.

    Brains? By that, we assume you meant “‘working’ brain,” which after reading his moronic comments about straight sex, past and present, you really should have removed from your description of him. Straights have been having all kinds of sex beside penis-vagina intercourse since forever. Might he/you tiptoe through some ancient paintings of such acts or manuscripts of Middle Ages theologians defining sodomy both straight and gay or talk to my ex Cuban roommate about how many devout Catholic Cubanos who will not use the pill or condoms have, for decades, performed anal intercourse on their wives and girlfriends.

    There is life beyond the gay ghetto, really there is.

  • JH

    Leland’s a hater
    Leland’s a hater

    Excellent interview — I always love to hear from Dan Savage.

  • the big m

    “Ask any straight asshole that insists we can cured –that ex-gays exist — if he would let his daughter marry one. The answer, amazingly, is always no.”

    I find it funny how many people (gay or straight) assume that all or most ex-gays are men. What about all the lesbians who say they are ex-gay? “Would you let your son marry one?”, I mean why is that question never asked?

  • Vaginalooz

    Dan has promoted unprotected sex. It is pathetic that you are showcasing him like a champion of our community. Having worked with him, I know he is pathetic.

  • Ash

    “What about all the lesbians who say they are ex-gay? “Would you let your son marry one?”, I mean why is that question never asked?”

    That question is never asked because men aren’t considered property of their father the way women used to be. It is still traditional to ask a father for permission to marry his daughter. But you never hear of a woman asking a parent to marry their son. Anyway, a simpler answer to your question, big m: Patriarchy.

  • stevo

    Dan Savage for president! Great interview!

  • Dan Savage

    I hate to comment on this personally, but can Vag give a link to the place where I promoted unprotected sex outside of committed relationship?

  • daniel11211

    i’m always torn with him- he seems misanthropic and oddly self serving, yet i totally agree with most of what he says- it’s an odd sensation

  • Leland Frances

    Mr. Savage, you “hate to comment on this personally”? Does being a “virtual” pundit make you above criticism? I trust that your “promotion” of “unprotected sex [within a] committed relationship” has come with all the appropriate caveats involving testing. If I’ve declared myself “committed” and “monogamous” with someone I met last week that doesn’t mean he’s not capable of infecting me nor I incapable of infecting him.

  • Johny Payne

    whaaat? Vag and Leland are crazy. Dan Savage has long been a proponent of responsible, consensual, respectful and safe sex. He does promote experimentation and kink which shouldnt’ be twisted into anything other than what it is. Dan Savage rocks. You go, faggot.

  • Mr. B

    Ash, I’d go so far as to say it extends into this overriding belief that women don’t really have much in the way of sexuality, and sex that doesn’t involve penises (“What do girls DO together, anyway?”) tends to be taken less seriously than sex that does. Especially big scary MAN-ON-MAN SODOMY.

  • Leland Frances

    Mr. Payne, please don’t put words in my mouth—or anything else. I never asserted that Savage had done anything other than what you say, but rhetorically inquired if he had as I am unfamiliar with his entire oeuvre having been turned off by the few things I have read by him.

    If he has done as you say regarding responsible sex, then bravo for him. That, however, doesn’t make his Queerty interview above any less ignorant.

  • Mr. Poe

    36? Uh huh. More like 43.

  • Julie

    Who are all these haters? Dan Savage rocks. Nice interview.

  • Michigan Matt

    Great interview. So funny.

  • [email protected]

    I must state that I draw some offense to Mr. Savage’s comments about our nation being a Democracy. It is not. The Framers of our Constitution did knowingly and willingly divert us from a true Democracy, because in a true Democracy, the Majority ultimately tyrannizes the Minority. By having the foresight to grant us a Representative-Democracy, a Republic, the Framers of the Constitution ensured that no pluralist faction would be able to impose its will through legislation against the minority without issue or challenge, because if the majority continues to run roughshod over the minority, the majority will eventually violate the rights of the minority protected and enshrined in our Constitution.

    Both the Electoral College and the Senate act as checks, whereby one state is not marginalized and ignored in policy that affects all states equally. Article IV of the Constitution alone guarantees that a citizen of one state will be granted the same privileges of all other states, without exception (Why haven’t we challenged the Defense of Marriage Act again, as it violates the Constitution?). To even conceive you are inconvenienced in some manner, be it discriminatory or not, because someone in Nebraska is given a voice equal to yours is the height of both arrogance and ignorance.

  • Vitamin.D.Deficiency

    Nice review. Kicks in when I ran out of coffee.

  • fgdh

    hdfsksd fgjhfgskjsd sgjdsj.

  • Mark

    Dan- you’re 43. Stop going out of your way to lie about your age.

    You did it earlier this year in your column (claiming 34) and got hundreds of letters calling you out on it and had to apologize in the next week’s column.

    You were born in 1964. It’s even documented in your own books. Stop the lying.

  • Scruff

    Great interview. I’m a huge fan and look forward to Wednesdays when i can read his column online.

    A few years back, during a vacation at a gay resort in Palm Springs I read “The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant” poolside.

    It was very funny, by the end of the weekend, just about every guy staying at the resort had come up to me to ask what i was reading due to my laugh out loud outburst while nude sunbathing, I told them and hopefully it resulted in actually book purchases ;-)

    Dan, great work, keep it up!

  • A Dave

    Mr. Poe and Mark, you genius sleuths you! Mr. Savage’s age is, of course, a matter of public record, but he sometimes “lies” about it as a self-deprecating joke. Subtle humor is lost on some people, though.

  • Mr. Poe

    A Dave,

    I thought it was funny.

  • Leland Frances

    Suffering succotash! Is a willingness to deep throat and swallow any collage of historical ignorance and half wit hot glued together by someone like Savage an indication that more and more gays stopped reading in the fifth grade or is there a factory somewhere deep in the swamps of New Jersey turning out deaf, dumb, and blind Savage Trolls and Reichen Trolls and HRC Trolls and GLAAD Trolls and…..

  • Nason

    Oh my gosh!! This counts as civilized dialogue in politics now! Let me off at the next stop. This bus is headed for the abyss.
    I feel very sorry for you, and those who share your opinions.

Comments are closed.