It gets better? Maybe, maybe not. As elucidated on a recent Reddit thread, some gay and bi guys still haven’t been embraced by their families after they came out or were outed as gay.
“For those of you who got disowned from your families, did they eventually come around?” the original poster on the thread asked. “How long did it take?”
Related: Parents refused to attend gay son’s wedding so he wrote this letter to clear the air
Some of the more upbeat responses came secondhand, from commenters like the guy who said his husband’s father refused to talk or even look at his gay son. “After a year of this, my husband laid down an ultimatum: either he engage with him and start working towards a relationship, or my husband would stop calling and coming home forever,” that commenter wrote. “My now father-in-law realized that this wouldn’t end well for him (my mother-in-law would have been absolutely crushed and likely would have left him), and finally started talking to my husband again, slowly at first … He even told me that our wedding was beautiful on the day of.”
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Another came from a commenter whose friend came from a highly religious family. “After he came out, they told him that he was dead to them,” he said. “Several months later, his brother contacted him and told him that he had researched what the Bible said about homosexuality and that he didn’t believe that it said anything about it being a sin, and even if it was, it’s the same as gossip or murder — there are no ‘degrees’ of sin. So his brother basically accepted him. Sometime after that, his parents came around, as well, and now they are both very active in supporting gay rights and pastor a gay-affirming church.”
Other commenters, though, have not been so lucky. “My mom will now talk to me over the phone. It’s a bit uneasy, we’ll have a 10-15 minute conversation every few weeks. My father though… Last I saw him, he told me if I ever came around, he’d put two bullets in my head. The only contact I’ve had with him since was when he had my mother ask me for a substantial sum of money.”
Related: Grandpa disowns homophobic daughter for kicking out his gay grandson
Meanwhile, one guy cited his family’s Mormonism as the roadblock to a substantive reconciliation. “My father never spoke to me again, save to tell me repeatedly I was going to burn in hell,” he said. “After he died, my mother softened a bit and we resumed a kind of ‘stiff’ relationship. It was never really good, but it was something. One sibling out of five speaks to me now.”
Another commenter said that he too came from a Mormon upbringing, and after he came out, he was forced to keep his bedroom door open, to have nightly “talks” in his parents’ room, and to turn over his computer for daily Internet history and file history checks. “And then, silence,” he wrote. “I was told to move out. Sometimes, on lonely nights when my dad was away, my mom would call me and tell me how much she missed me.”
“It’s been a few years since then,” he added. “I currently live with my boyfriend. There’s still radio silence between me and my family. I’m hoping that one day, when my dad is older, he will want to talk to me again. I’m hoping that I can bring my boyfriend home and play some family games and show my family how sweet he is and how happy he makes me. Show them his cool tattoos. Maybe… maybe….”
These sobering stories come not long after a study published in the journal Pediatric Clinics of North America reported that “parental rejection is associated with health risk behaviors and poor mental and physical health outcomes among LGBT individuals” and that “sexual minority emerging adults with higher levels of family rejection were more likely to report attempted suicide, high levels of depression, illegal drug use, and engagement in unprotected sexual intercourse.”
Parents of LGBT teens, take heed. And individuals on both sides of the equation — parents and their LGBT teens — can visit the PFLAG website for resources such as literature and support hotlines.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Those “parents” have absolutely no right to claim that title. Religion is a CHOICE one makes. If the vile words some homophobic closet case wrote thousands of years ago causes you to cast out your own flesh and blood when you burn out your vile mortal coil you will be in for a very rude shock upon seeking entry into the Gates of Heaven…..
St Peter will advise you your ticket to the deepest darkest bowels of Hell has been procured, processed, and punched. Satan will be welcoming you….
Tombear
The largest percentage of homeless youth on the streets is because they have been kicked out of their fundamentalist or Evangelical households.
Click >>> www.g-letshave.fun
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Yooper
Something tells me Reddit novellas are based more on the author’s inner wishful life story whether triumph or tragedy, rather than reality.
bodie425
Thanks the gods that you’re here to interpret their reality for them, and us.
RevJames
You really really need to stay on your meds. They can silence those voices in your head Yooper.
Yooper
Feel better? Good. My intent wasn’t speaking for you or others, just think referencing Reddit “commenters:” does not a legit story make. As for my meds, doing fine.
cynicalsteve
@Yooper sit down you tired-ass queen, let the adults in the room talk.
Yooper
I can picture your arms akimbo, tapping your foot in utter indignation. I’ll gladly join the kids table as it seems the adult table is for pissy-ass queens with their twats aflame.
ChrisDC
Yooper, you might be right, in some cases, but there are more than enough real world examples of this that the occasional “inner wishful life story” doesn’t negate the facts. When I was a kid, I had a friend whom I’ll call Keith. We never talked about the fact that both of us were gay, and he was not my boyfriend. We grew up in the same (very small) town, went to the same school, attended the same church. His parents found out he was gay, disowned him, kicked him out of the house, and set him on a downward spiral of drug and alcohol abuse from which he never recovered. I came out to my parents, who responded by working their asses off to pay my Harvard tuition. This was in the late 1970’s. I ended up as a civil rights, and LGBT rights, advocate and lawyer with a background in constitutional law. (I was able to pay for Georgetown Law myself.) You wouldn’t recognize my name, but you’d recognize my work. Keith died of an officially accidental, but actually deliberate, overdose about 6 years ago. If I’d known what he was going through, I might have been able to help — or maybe not. The question haunts me, and I’ll never know the answer. The only difference between him and me that I can figure out is our families. He thought he was alone. I had my parents, my grandparents, my sisters and my aunts and uncles. He didn’t think he had anybody, and he was wrong. Just because folks on Reddit may embellish details from time to time doesn’t mean that the general gist of their stories isn’t true. (Although their arguments would be better served by relying on actual facts — it’s not like they’re in short supply.)
CraigHerrald
My Jehovah’s Witness parents have never “come around.” I was outed and disfellowshipped in 1983. There were a few occasions when they did communicate with me, but it always lead to them trying to get me to come back. (There’s no way to be openly gay and a JW. They view it as an “imperfection” that will be cured by God after Armageddon.) They are very hateful and judgmental people who have destroyed the lives of my siblings. My youngest brother died as a result of not getting a blood transfusion which could have saved his life. I have 2 nieces who live in the area who are not JW’s but I rarely see them outside of social media. I’ve learned to accept my “family” are those friends in my life who love me unconditionally.
roth99
Your statement is very sad. You have given up much to be who you are and not what some think one must be. I think that any religious belief that is so wrong about our sexuality should be questioned as holding the truth about anything.
chuck
My JW mother never really accepted me or my 25 year relationship. Her last words to me were “we’ll all be together after the resurrection”, not if I can help it!
Lindoro Almaviva
Does it really kill you to link the thread? if you are going to make money of these people stories, you could line to it
Daniel
My situation is the reverse from most others disowned by my family. I’m gay (Surprise!) and knew I was back in 1970 but do to many different circumstances got married and had two boys with my wife. Flash forward 30 years and I came out – was outed. The kids were gone and I didn’t see a “happily ever after” with her. Divorced now, I met a man and married him. I’m finally REALLY happy now for the first time after 3 decades of pretending. One huge downside, my kids have divorced me. Even sending Christmas cards last year was met with a terse 4 sentence response complete with legalistic language threatening me to stop contact. So there you have it. I literally made these boys, changed their dirty diapers, raised them, supported them, LOVED them and now, I’m done. Unless their attitudes change I’ll never see my grandchildren. I get it that my ex-wife, who claims to be Christian, is done with me but setting my kids against me…..? To make it all the worse I’m only 20 minutes from either child.