In the age of online dating, all it takes is a flick of the finger to end a potential love story before it even begins. And now we’re getting down to the nitty-gritty about why gay guys swipe left!
“For those looking for a long-term relationship, what slightly unusual, controversial, or unpopular reasons make you swipe left on dating apps?” a Reddit user recently asked in the r/AskGayMen forum.
Among the dozens of reasons commenters listed, some were relatable. (We’re not into crypto scams either.) Some required elaboration. (Wait until you read one user’s “ages that end in 9” theory.) And some just made us feel personally attacked. (What’s wrong with geeky cat lovers?!)
In any case, here’s a taste of the conversation, with responses edited for readability:
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“Honestly, if someone’s profile is excessively ‘chill,’ I immediately swipe left. Especially in terms of bios that read like Instagram captions. Like, you’re given the task to write a paragraph about yourself and all you put is, ‘Adventure, sea, and fun. Message me to see if you match the vibes Xx’?”
“If he’s holding a fish… just not for me.”
“Any use of filters in pics signals insecurity and/or immaturity to me. It’s an instant turn-off.”
“If they are attractive as sh*t, I swipe left. Because I know I’m too ugly for them, so I don’t even waste my time.”
Related: He says he swipes left on guys who are too hot, and he’s not alone
“Pictures of motorcycles.”
“I’m dead wrong for this, but when their profile says ‘twink’ and they’re not.”
“A guy who only has pictures of his body. A body pic or two is fine—you worked hard for it, so show it off—but just relying on your body might indicate to me that you’re not that personable.”
“Videos of you lip syncing to TikToks or other such vapid nonsense.”
“Goatees.”
“Mullets.”
“If in his Instagram more than 70% of his pics are selfies, I’m swiping left.”
Related: New study says what we already knew: Dating apps can make our social lives worse
“‘No drama’ … Usually people who put ‘no drama’ are the ones causing the drama’.”
“Extremely social/active people. I find it to be a major turn-off when people always need to be busy/surrounded by others. I prefer to relax and unwind in my downtime, not cram more into an already-busy schedule. I’ve found that those are the people who don’t enjoy their own company, and if you don’t enjoy being around yourself, chances are I won’t either.”
“When they mention anything about investing or cryptocurrency. It’s most likely a scam. But when it is not, some tend to talk about investing all the time and how well their life is going because of investing.”
“Any mention of religion.”
“Anybody who writes in all caps. It’s just not necessary.”
“If a guy states that he likes photography, traveling, and fashion in his profile, I immediately swipe left. I can already deduce the level of annoying and boring from those three things put together. I once dated a guy who only spent most of his time on Instagram, and I swore to never again.”
“Pics with sunglasses on. Gotta show face/eyes in at least one pic. Pics of them with a woman or one where she is cut off. Pics of their dog more than of them. Gym pics. Pics that are hazy or clearly years old. Ages that end in 9—for example, 39 or 49. (Experience tells me those men are most likely 47 or 58, respectively, and lying about age is a dealbreaker.) Torsos only.”
“Every pic is them wearing sunglasses or a mask. ‘Traveled to 80+ countries and counting.’ Long strings of emojis. ‘Looking for a partner in crime.’ Poly or EMN. (Nothing wrong with that, just not for me.) Overly geeky guys. Cat worshippers. Pics with lots of friends and you can’t tell whose profile it is.”
“When they say they’re one of the few gentlemen treating you with respect. Gives me too many nice-guy vibes, haha.”
trell
Personally, I regard apps like Grindr etc as just a choice, in the same way as you can be ‘scene’ or ‘non-scene’.
…but Grindr has become a money-grabbing data-mining POS of late. It once was fun, unusual and a breakout for gay guys looking to hook up/meet socially/develop friendships. Now, it’s just ads to unlock premium content, poseurs, catfishers or the same old profiles sending random dick pics. It’s rare to have a good conversation anymore on the app, and if you don’t reply to a pic that some random guy sends you of their junk, within 5 minutes, you get accused of rudeness. It’s become a glut, and it’s unfortunate that there is no genuinely good, genuinely free, decent and universally friendly alternative out there, because as far as I can tell, all the alternative gay dating apps are aimed at niches, and all seem to have followed the same untenable monetization process.
bachy
Check out OKCupid!
Logan
For me
Anyone that only lists their “no’s”
Only one photo
Only photos of groups of people
Only body photos
Man buns – I know, but they were ugly when they were fashionable and that hasn’t improved with them going out of style
And this is petty – but, guys with cats – I just really dislike cats and would never ask someone to get rid of a beloved pet to be with me.
bachy
All of the above except – “guys with cats!” I love cats and think guys with cats have a certain mystery that guys with dogs do not have. I also use OKCupid (not Grindr) so there are not a lot of overly sexual images.
My controversial “NOs” are:
1. Guys photographed in a pool with a dolphin
2. Guys photographed in a bed with their arms wrapped around a dog
3. Guys bragging about a season pass to Disneyland
4. Guys in heavy drag makeup to emphasize their feminine allure
5. Guys who indicate they get blotto “frequently”
1898
for me, it’s a dealbreaker when someone writes “i hate cats” in their bio
there are plenty of animals that i wouldn’t want to keep as pets, and many that i’m allerigc to, but i don’t *hate* any of them
i also think that a lot of people make animal allergies into a much bigger deal than they really are. i’m extremely allergic to dogs, but that’s what allergy medicine is for, and i’m using it anyway from april through october, so what’s the big deal?
dbmcvey
I think as long as you’re not sending people hateful messages it’s nobody’s business why you don’t respond.
Rugby8
Agree!
People like what they like, and that’s ok!
Rambeaux
Wow!
People swiping through so many, varied “No’s” leaves me thinking that they don’t date much.
5 to 10 words in a profile isn’t the guy’s whole personality.
Man About Town
How in the world does a guy who likes photography, traveling, and fashion automatically make him annoying and boring? How do you jump to that conclusion? Ludicrous!
dbmcvey
Consider the source.
andrewmpls
Those three things don’t really go together except if they’re really saying is, “I love staring at IG.” And anyone who says, “I love traveling” gets side eyed. Everyone loves traveling…
SDR94103
I hate people who start a sentence with “honestly” “I ain’t gonna lie” “to be honest”
thisisnotreal
me and you would not get along then haha.
winemaker
Whatever happened to meeting guys in person at say, church, if you go to church, the gym or wherever. Many if not most of the men on these apps have personality problems, play games, aren’t serious or are a waste of your time . Not to be totally negative but these venues bring out the liars, losers, fakes and, flakes, game players and guys who think it’s ok to play games, be rude and childish despite they’re adults. These guys should be grown up enough to know what they want, can be open minded and flexible in their wants or desires ( there’s no such person that’s perfect in every way he, hasn’t been born yet) and have left their juvenile attitudes and behavior back in high school. Bottom line, adults who act like adults
bachy
well said.
DavidIntl
I am certainly like the traditional idea of meeting a guy spontaneously in person. But good luck getting them to even look up from their phone for long enough to make eye contact, much less strike up a conversation.
SFMike
To many of us meeting anyone into a church is a real red flag.
scotty
or a church basement.
1898
reasons i swipe left:
• face not visible in any of their pics
• age not shown in their profile (most of the actual dating apps require the person’s age to be shown, but almost all of the hookup apps allow the person to hide their age). i don’t discriminate based on age, but if you’re hiding it i’m going to assume you’re ashamed/embarrassed or too young
• obviously lying about their age, i.e. grey beard and heavy wrinkles but their profile says they’re 34… who do they think they’re fooling?
• their “about me” section just brags about being XL/XXL or going to the gym 12 times a week
henare
there’s no such thing as dating apps or hookup apps. They’re all useful for the same things.
1898
@henare so you’re saying eHarmony and ChristianMingle are the same as Grindr and HOLE? lmao