Back in August 2016, we shared the uniquely awkward moment in which “heartthrob of the Olympics” Pita Taufatofua was accosted by Al Roker, Hoda Kotb, and Jenna Bush during a cringeworthy Today Show segment.
The clip featured the soul-drinkingly chirpy trio smearing palmfuls of coconut oil all over the shirtless flag-bearer and Taekwondo fighter, while he appears frozen in an otherworldly thrall of discomfort.
Related: “Today” In Supreme Awkwardness: Al Roker And Co. Smear Lotion All Over Studly Tongan Olympian
Days after, another Today Show personality lured Taufatofua into even more smeary shenanigans: Alex Ficquette (aka Alex on the Plaza) asked Taufatofua if he’d be willing to demonstrate how to best apply coconut oil to one’s own physique — y’know, in order to better show off their gleaming musculature. Because, much like masturbation, it’s just not the sort of thing one should learn to do alone.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Here’s a taste of that dialogue, in case you haven’t committed it to heart:
“Where do I start? What do I do?” Ficquette airily wondered.
“Okay, it’s magic stuff. As soon as it touches your skin…”
“Muscles grow?”
“Muscles grow. 100%… 100% better.”
Well, now you can look forward to Taufatofua causing any number of reporters to stammer, stutter, walk confidently into lampposts and oncoming traffic, trip over turnstiles, etc.: He’s just qualified for the Winter Games — as a cross-country skier.
Related: Tom Daley Unwittingly Steals Spotlight From Equally Adept, Equally Speedoed Daniel Goodfellow
To celebrate this banner occasion, we thought we’d take the opportunity to ransack Pita Taufatofua‘s Instagram account.
Here is the (low-hanging) fruit of our labors:
Greg
The Today Show promotes this kind of thing, but fires Matt Lauer.
Rex Huskey
and the connection is what????
SPEEDOSWIMMER
What EXACTLY is your point and premise for argument???
inbred much?
amigay
Difference is, he was cool with being touched.
Kangol
Good for him in terms of making it to the Olympics. Something tells me it’ll be worth a medal if he can even finish the race in the top 25.
SPEEDOSWIMMER
Pita Taufatofua makes me so MOIST……….*cooter snapping*