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Homo For The Holidays: Queerty’s Essential Thanksgiving Survival Kit

When you realize everyone from high school got fat, married or both, you’ll be ready with your old friend, Palm Selleck.  Thanksgiving is just oozing with sexual imagery,  what with all that basting, stuffing and gorging (those skank Pilgrims!). Who can blame you for sneaking away to release some “holiday tension”?


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Thanksgiving is just a government-sanctioned excuse to put on ten pounds. It marks the beginning of the dreaded season of holiday bloat, which inevitably culminates with a walk of shame to the gym come January 2. Why not cut that resolution off at the pass in the shadiest and least healthy way possible?  Your major organs may hate you, but your swimsuit will thank you come spring.


    • 1EqualityUSA

      oh, wow. This is the brand that had me give up alcohol back in 1985. I came home drunk on Wild Turkey and screwed up a painting into which I had put six months of my life. When I woke up and saw how screwed it was, I gave up drinking that day. Twenty eight years later, who would have thought that a turkey could have so much influence. I did have an aunt that drank, as well. The reasons compiled. Waiting until it became insurmountable seemed dire. No regrets. Have a beautiful T.G. Queertiers. Remember, sugary drinks give you the worst hangovers. Apricot brandy, no.

      Nov 20, 2012 at 8:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • toren123

      With me it was Canadian rye. Well I am a Canuck! To this day I can’t even stand the smell of it. But a Bombay Sapphire classic martini with a whisper of Noilly Prat vermouth, and I can get through any family Thanksgiving. Well maybe two of those classics!

      Nov 20, 2012 at 11:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • the other Greg

      My family doesn’t drink. No wonder I never go there!

      Nov 21, 2012 at 4:50 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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