“Who the hell do I need to blow around here to get f-ed?” I wondered aloud, the fresh scent of rejection still lingering on my ironed button-down shirt.
It had been no more than three hours since he had left my place and yet I knew it was over. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I knew. Maybe it was in the awkward kisses from the night before. Maybe it was in the silence that slithered its way into the morning, as we lay snuggling on the couch. Or maybe was always there, hiding in hands and kisses that never quite fit. It was as if the world knew, he was hot tea and I was iced coffee. It had only been two dates, but we were doomed.
After talking every day for a month and a half, and two dates later, it was over.
Are you laughing yet? Because I am. To have this many feelings after two (very good) dates seems a bit extreme and painfully hilarious, but the thing is, this isn’t the first time. (Can someone say #DRAMA?!)
How about we take this to the next level?
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Related: Should I include that I am disabled in my dating profile?
I’ve been in Seattle for almost three months, have gone on countless dates, yet nothing ever seems to happen. Having moved here from Montana, I thought it would be much easier. I was in a new, progressive, and open-minded city again! The peen and penetrative possibilities were endless! Besides, I had never had issues getting with people in other big cities, such as Los Angeles or New York.
Yet, there is something to be said about Seattle.
I’m not sure what it is; it seems no one wants to get with me here. Is there something in Seattle’s water? Has all the city’s rain simply washed away the entire population’s desire to have sex with me? Am I a bad date? Or is it my disability? (I have cerebral palsy.
Of course, people say the disability is no issue, in the same way you tell a friend milk chocolate is no issue when what you really want is dark chocolate. (Oh god, now I want candy.)
“Oh it’s fine!” people will remark after telling them about my disability.
“It’s cool!” they’ll say. “No worries!”
Yet, if previous dates have been any indication, I have much to worry about. In the three months I have been here, I have experienced several situations that have made me question basically all the humanity.
During one date, the guy very kindly told me, “You’re doing a great job walking! It looks like you’re about to fall, but then you don’t!” as if I was a toddler just coming into awareness of my own bipedalism.
During another date, when deciding where to go, I suggested a nearby bar. “Looks like it’s a 5 minute walk,” I’d said.
“Yeah but that’s for like, a PERSON person,” he exclaimed. I was quick to point out that last I checked, I was a person, but that’s nether here nor there.
Related: Five Tips For What Not To Say To Someone Who Is Gay And Disabled
The point is, I have never felt more like an alien while dating than in The Emerald City. All too often I feel like I am having to teach my dates what it means to be disabled (boring!), when all I want to do is get boinked (fun!). In other words: most dates seem to morph into an education in DISABILITY 101 when I’d much rather prefer them to be in SEXUAL RELATIONS 301.
The one time I tried to bring it up the lack of sex with someone (he was another one of those “It’s cool, no worries!” types), it was chalked down to nerves. He had stayed the night – TWICE! – and yet, nada. “I wanted to though!” he’d said. Sigh.
It is frustrating to be not only sleepless, but sexless in Seattle as well. I’m in my mid-20s. Am I not supposed to be in my prime!?
At this point I could probably walk into any church and scream that I was a “born-again virgin” with all the action I am NOT getting. Every housewife in the city would cheer as if I was their own son, while tears of holy water streamed down the pastor’s face. (LOLZ, sorry, where was I? Moving on!)
I know what people are thinking: “Maybe it has nothing to do with your disability, maybe it’s just your attitude?” Which, OK fine, you may have a point. But it is hard to have faith when so many dates end the same.
Besides, I think I have a great attitude! In fact, if I never have sex again because of my disability, it’s fine. It’s cool.
No f-ing worries.
Related: What It’s Like To Date Someone Who Is Disabled (According To My Non-Disabled Exes)
djdosier28
I would have sex with you your cute and really cool I know all about cerebral palsy had a friend who has it she never let it stop her so don’t let it stop you anyway it would be great to meet you and talk but I live in Kentucky and you live in Seattle but good luck in finding someone you sound like a great guy anyone would be lucky to have you!
osiriszuberi
As a human being and an individual with a disability, he is looking for reassurance to be himself, find someone to date and be in a relationship. Thank you for the offer about having sex with him; I am sure that’s appreciated. Hiwever, he needs to be recognized as an individual and as a human being more than being recognized as a desperate for sex young man with a disability. We need to support our own community and I stand by you both.
Navalator
If he was here in Bangkok I woud crawl all over him.
thisismylife247
Get over yourself. Maybe it has nothing to do with your disability but possibly you’re not the great date you think you are.
p.s…I’d f*ck the sh*t out of you…or your colostomy bag.
BillyElliotwannabe
@Thisismylife247, he did not mention a colostomy bag. If that was supposed to be a joke, it is extremely unfunny. Get over yourself – you are not all that!
drewthemoviefan
“However, he needs to be recognized as an individual and as a human being more than being recognized as a desperate for sex young man with a disability.”
Ummm… the entire article is about the fact that he is a young man with a disability who is desperate for sex.
Nahald
He could come across as too needy, Cuteness that he has aside, that will turn some guys off.
BigDaddy58
Hey buddy, you are not alone! I’m single, gay, and disabled too…I lost my partner of 18 years due to cancer almost 5 years ago now…
I’ve been lost and alone in Pennsylvania ever since..I’m well aware of the loneliness and devasting crippling effect rejection can top off the facts of your disability, but hey…all I can do is wish you luck, I know eventually you will meet the man of your dreams and who accepts you for the great guy you are! Keep smiling dude!?
osiriszuberi
It is very unfortunate but true. According to your experiences, people are not able to see you for who you are but the are only able to see you with your disability. The great majority of gay people is too shallow to recognize that even with a disability, you are an individual capable of loving and able to reciprocate. Many blessings.
tham
You mean, the great majority of PEOPLE.
This is not an exclusively gay issue, if you lived in the US, you’d understand that.
Lookyloo
Except he said he had NO PROBLEM getting laid in other big cities like LA and NYC. This is, to him, a Seattle specific situation.
I mean, you did read the article, yes? You did see the specific title, yes?
I’m gonna go a different route than you and single you out for having crap reading comprehension and not claim all gays do just because you do.
JaredMacBride
So a guy who takes himself way too seriously, even while attempting to be funny, is writing off an entire city because he’s been there three months and none of his dates has wanted things to go further? Methinks the problem has been misidentified.
tham
What is your favorite vodka? Or should I say, in the Moscow discotheque, what’s top shelf?
CarlIsle
Thank you! Read between the lines people.
jay_kay
Some people are so ignorant , he should not have to tell them . But he wants to be honest , to the guys he date . My partner has MS , he gets in pain a lot .. We have sex .. What’s wrong with this world , its like guys don’t want a wounded man , cause he cant put out ..
I am blessed to have a great partner and friend .. Love him .. Yet others are looking for muscular and big dick . That’s not the way , if you want to wait until your 60 or 70 . Then no young guy wants you , unless you have money like Trump . And you can marry him and wait for him to die .
God Bless this guy for trying , and yet no one will have a wonderful relationship with him .. He is a one or a million guys out there that will find a beautiful man . And enjoy great sex and 1 in a million relationship .
Tobi
“Then no young guy wants you , unless you have money like Trump . “
You’d be surprised. I get hit on all the time by young guys with Daddy fantasies. It’s really weird.
JodyBoy
I have to say, that muscular guys for me are a turnoff, a deal breaker even. I like young smooth twinks only, And I don’t care what his dick size is, though I do like uncut. Long hair, a pretty face and a skinny body and I’m hot to trot.
ChrisK
@JodyBoy. That’s because your sick in head. For you it’s about domineering and control. Most pedo’s say exactly that too.
tham
I’d throw him a few. That’s a great smile…
Ukin Blome
WOW! You had a second date? How did you manage that? I’m still stuck trying not to get stood up on the first date!
CastleSF
Maybe celibacy is the answer. A lot of creative and successful people are celibate. When you don’t waste time looking for that fleeting pleasure, you have plenty of time and energy to achieve your goals and make your dreams come true. By then you’ll be a magnet for truly wonderful men.
Mandrake
Excellent point!
StupidBoy
Good point. I gave up sex about 4 years ago. I just published my first book and am working on my second. Sometimes the loneliness and isolation gets to me, but I can channel that into my characters.
Kangol
You really come off as anti-sex. This young man wants to have sex. As he writes, he didn’t have an issue doing so in other big cities, but he’s encountering a challenge in Seattle. Maybe think about how he might meet decent people for sex in Seattle, instead of counseling no sex, which you’re clearly terrified of. And yes, quite a few very creative and successful people have lots of sex. Lots.
ChrisK
@CastleSF. Another “evils of the promiscuous” warnings brought to you by Danny595 aka CastleSF.
CastleSF
Chris, stop spreading the untruth. Danny and I are two different sane commentators who happen to disagree with you and Kangol on many issues.
jkb
I think it’s the age of the guys you date. I can appreciate your preference being guys your own age, but one’s twenties is full of worry about what others think of you. Instead of enjoying the experience of being intimate with someone new, unique and interesting, many men also like to brag to their friends about their conquests (particularly in their twenties). I think time will prove to be more kind to you. Or you can move back to LA or NYC and keep getting some.
kwharton
One “disabled” person to another, I get this. “Just” be you. MS is the outside but it doesn’t effect the inside which by your writing looks great.
redcarpet30
Not to minimize your expertise but I don’t think it’s just the disability. Seattle is where gay sex lolives go to die if you aren’t perfectly able bodied, muscled, young, and big dicked. And even then there’s something about the PNW that just makes people stand-offish and afriad.
readycarlos
Totally! I’ve lived in LA, SF, NYC, Seattle and now Portland. I think the PNW was cursed by evil homophobic witches back in the 1800s or something. Both SEA and PDX have active gay communities but there are not as many men as LA or SF and certainly not NYC. But there is so much attitude it’s laughable!
ChrisK
I used to live in Seattle. It was mostly twinks and an older crowd. When guys like myself get into their twenties/thirties we fly the coop to places like LA, SF, etc. When the excitement is over we come back.
Sam6969
More generally, it is not common (for gay people) to find easily and quickly the right boyfriend. It takes some time and the fact he keeps having dates is a good thing, as others, disabled or not, may not even have this chance.
I would suggest him to review his expectations on potential partners and, maybe lower them, as it could expand his opportunities and the chance to find Mister Right.
Also, I would ask him: if a partner happens to show signs he is really interested in him, how does he react, how does he feel? Joy? Fear? Sometimes, when we expect people to reject us, we reject them first. Some of us can sabotage relationships like that. If it is the case, ask a therapist to help you.
Sam6969
* or we can even make them reject us, clearing ourself.
Of course, I am just reviewing some possibilities.
dfwenigma
Once upon a time people dated. Today it’s a hook-up culture – more than ever before. The phone based apps have created a world of quick, no strings fun. I sense that the guy wants exactly that – quick, no strings fun. Relationships may well be a thing of the past or at least a fading notion. Some experts have said over time that men are not made for anything closely approaching regular sexual experiences with just one person. People here have written about relationships – but this guy, in his twenties doesn’t live in that world. He lives in a world where the quick boink is actually the preference. In his case I suspect that his physical disability may turn some men off. But there may also be some internal stuff going on as well. Note the tone in the article. That comes through too. “Would you just boink me already…that’s what I want.” Some men who want the quick f**k also don’t want any strings, any guilt any sense of connection at all. I suspect a physical disability reminds them of their own humanness. That sense that our noses are the wrong size, our butts are too flat. our “members” aren’t big enough (or are much too big). That we don’t make enough money. He’s encountering a problem that lies within modern gay twentysomething culture that is made far, far worse by social media. Once upon a time a relationship or at least living in proximity to other gay men was a requirement if you wanted quick, frequent hook-ups. Now all you need is a smart phone, transportation and a strong sex drive and you’re good to go. I think twentysomething start out with some handicaps that are more mental than physical today – and it’s partially imposed by technology, partially by new societal norms that make being gay more bizarre than it’s ever been.
Sam6969
dfwenigma,
I agree his difficulties to find a lasting partner may not be only linked to his disability or living area, and it might even not be the main issue. His intentions to look for a partner seem quite divided. On one hand, he clearly writes he is looking for sex partners and on the other hand, he complains that after a few dates they break up. So, is he looking for a love relationship or just hookups/boinks? Of course, we can start having sex and then see, if it works, but then do not complain men not always fall in love with you or even want to carry on dates.
If his intentions are quite confused, men coming to him might be too or cannot fit such contradictory expectations.
I think he is still in a “Peter Pan” state of mind, willing to experience sexual freedom, lightness of life and, as you wrote, he does not want to be hindered by strings. If he does not really want to commit himself in a love relationship, it is fine, as long as he is clear and honest with him about it, as it plays a great role in his search for- and selection of- a partner and initial dates.
Dating apps do not help in the process of finding a love partner, if ads are first oriented towards sex. On the other hand, you can also be explicit when writing your profile on some of those apps (not the most sexually oriented) to filter people and attract potential right guys.
o.codone
dfwenigma, you said: “quick boink”. That’s cute. Really. And, I’d definitely give this kid a quick hard boink if I had the chance. He’s cute af.
nijingakure
I just want to tell you, having had experience myself in Seattle, that I don’t think it’s you. It’s them. I don’t know what it is about men up there.
Josh447
I can attest after living there that the cute factor is pretty much entirely missing in the gay community. The decent ones descended on Portland on the weekends where many cuties abound.
Maybe this guy needs to get to another city.
smanofsteel76
Fly me to Seattle and I can help you. I have a disability too but mine is worse because it’s a mental health disability that people can’t see so I have trouble in Chicago! I can’t make a connection to save my life with Autism! We can help each other!!
roth99
I think it could depend upon how severe the condition is. In my brother’s case, he never learned to speak and needs constant care and attention. I think many are able to function on a very high level in society from what I have seen and would be great partners especially if they are self-supporting.
Godabed
These white boys in Seattle can be vicious. lol. Ive been living here West Washington for 4 years now, I have the opposite problem, fetishism, couples. It’s like no single intelligent outgoing people live here. Just oversexed inexperience guys who are unbelievably selfish. Being black Pansexual in the PNW in a more rural area is the worst, not that going to the city is better.
I seriously hope you find someone nice to date. If we ever meet I’d definitely hang with you.
Serpentar
I would take him on a few dates :). I live in Seattle and have dating accounts, haven’t seen him on there :(. Sorry that Seattle has given you the cold shoulder, people with disabilities can be shunned in this city for sure. I’ve lived around the city for around 4 years since moving up from South Texas, and while it was a change, there is definitely something with the city concerning disabled people. Most people are very tolerant at face level, but if anything is going further emotionally or physically, they start to second guess. I would probably sleep with you, depending on how the date went. Hopefully people try to get to know you first before wanting to get down your pants :P.
crowebobby
If we can all control what we’re sexually attracted to, so as to not hurt anyone’s feelings, why don’t we all just fuck girls and make our lives much easier. I have nothing but the highest regard for India Indians and find them attractive but without any sexual appeal whatsoever. And it’s not their color, because I find cafe au lait Puerto Ricans the hottest things in the Western Hemisphere. Bone white young Russians the hottest things in the Eastern. In a set of identical twins, one could blow my mind and the other leave me cold . . . that’s a rarity of course. I just don’t understand how you can make up a set if rules that everyone has to adjust their sexual desires to. (That doesn’t mean you can’t be sensitive and polite in your dealings with those who, forever what reason, don’t turn you on.)
FrChris
OMG Josh, I’m sorry that you’ve had those experiences…
If you were on this side of the Atlantic I’d shag you to hell and back, as long as you returned the favor lmao.
Big hugs, my most beautiful friend.
You’ll find a human being with a brain eventually…
<3
Josh447
Seattle is very mental clicky. Not about a fun vibe mainly because of all the rain and cloudy skies and the highest suicide rate of any state in the US.
Sun and light depravity could be part of it Josh, hang in there.
skeldare
I thought you had a boyfriend. Sorry to hear if you broke up.
https://www.queerty.com/like-date-someone-disabled-according-non-disabled-exes-20160514
mike 111
Unpopular opinion: the worst dating in the world is in the PNW. When I read the title of this article I can’t say I was surprised in the least. Just because places like Seattle, Portland and Vancouver have big gay populations does not mean that people are open or friendly or accepting. These cities are particularly cliquish and judgemental…it’s very hard to find a real connection (again just my experience…living in Seattle and Portland for 10 years and visiting BC at least 15-20 times)….I’ve had better luck with guys literally everywhere else.
JarMa13
Just a thought,
if the disability doesnt matter, why dont you date someone with cp?
But remember the law of attraction. The universe os your source. You can attract the only glass of water in a vast desert.
Stop focusing on your rejection.
Or come to terms with how safe it is.
Your life is yours to create, so create it as you choose.
kurt_t
Josh, if I may be allowed to think outside the box here, maybe, as we say in my line of the work, you’re looking for the exception on the wrong line. Maybe it’s not your disability that’s scaring your dates away. Maybe it’s your sense of humor.
In my experience, funny guys have a tough time getting laid. Funny gay guys, I mean. If you like girls, and you’re funny, you go to the front of the line. Christopher Hitchens made some interesting (if controversial) observations along those lines. But I think maybe because bullying often takes the form of joke-making, gay men shy away from funny men. I think that phenomenon explains a lot of drag culture. We let men who take on a female persona give us all kinds of tongue-in-cheek abuse that probably would feel a lot less comfortable coming from a man who looks like and sounds like a man.
But what do you do about that? Your funnybone is part of you, just like your eyes, and your hair and your nose and your disability.
And it’s a beautiful part of you, a miraculous part of you. Just like all the other parts. And one day somebody’s going to see that beauty and say “That is the great miracle of my life, that person right there. Nobody else is that person. Nobody else is that miracle.”
Meanwhile, you just need to keep being you, and keep seeing the beauty in yourself, keep seeing the miracle that you are.
Lookyloo
You think he needs to rethink his sense of humor/personality?
Did you miss the part where he said he had no issue getting laid in other big cities like LA and NYC?
Or you think his sense of humor lands just fine in LA and NYC but is a total turnoff to guys in Seattle for some reason? Is that you point.
His personality is regional? Is that what you’re saying?
Notright
There are no depths too low for the desperate to go for sex it seems
blacksheeprainbowflock
You look beautiful! If you were ever in town believe that I’d love to go out for drinks and get to know you. Who knows where that’ll go? Don’t let those guys get you down because despite your condition, they’re the ones that are blind!!
surreal33
Self-love, self-respect, and self-confidence are aphrodisiacs they transcend looks and disabilities.
David Bolton
I fucked him—no, seriously.
I knew it was him as soon as I saw the headline. He was very straight up about the CP and we played around at a bathhouse and had a great time.
jaack
We as a community claim that we shouldn’t be judged by a stereotype but gays & lesbians do it every day. We judge so many people by superficial characteristics! So wrong.
We have to keep looking beyond the surface of the young man or woman and find the individual within who is crying out for acknowledgment that they are much more than an impairment. Celibacy isn’t an answer, it is hiding a valuable human being to a life of despair and steals the affection so desperately needed by one with a handicap. All I can say is keep an open eye and when you least expect it, a love connection is just waiting. Mine took 2 years after my heart was broken. But that ONE TRUE LOVE is there for all. Never isolate yourself or you won’t find the special someone who is looking too.
dropshot118
That was funny and well written article. I guess I can’t relate to his plight because I always thought the Seattle guys were nice to me and hot. One guy wanted to blow me in a park and another wanted me to move there and be his LTR after one date. LOL
I guess its just the group of men he is targeting because not all of them are stuck up. I think the disability thing just weirds men out.
Josh447
…. as she tightened her collar, fluffed her corset, whisked up her Bible and frumped away.
Jbris
He is pretty damn cute. But lets be honest I can’t get a proper date.
Good gay guys around my area, are few and far between. I don’t have pecs, so it makes it more difficult. I’ve got one cute guy on the ringer, but he only wants me for my endowment.
I’ll take it for now.
sidney3
where can I follow him? Does he have a instagram account? =D
Notright
Speaking of dating will all the gay men take this survey please. https://packedman.com/quiz/gay-men-and-size/
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Glad to see he’s not going for the sympathy vote, because clearly doesn’t mind coming off as obnoxious (a quality I thought I was inured too being around this site’s commenters ) and distinctly entitled. Some people (Jaxton) don’t even get dates
Greg
You didn’t say what your disability was. But you said it looks like you might fall, but then don’t, so I’m assuming you’re not in a wheelchair. When that guy slept over twice, why didn’t you make the move? He said he wanted to, and if you made the move, he probably would have gone for it. Last question, does everything work?
Heywood Jablowme
He says right in the article that he has cerebral palsy.
ThisChrisGuy84
This guy is full of it.
I know tons of disabled men, some in wheelchairs, some who are blind, or deaf…and not only do they have active lives, they have active sex lives. I dated a man who had a disability (he had an amputated leg), and that guy was the best sex of my life. Hands down.
If this man isn’t getting laid, then it has to be a personality flaw.
Lookyloo
Did you read the article (or are you just dumb)?
He says he had no problem getting the ‘d’ in other big cities like LA and NYC. SPECIFICALLY says this a new problem for him since moving to Seattle. So, do you think he only has a “personality flaw” in Seattle somehow?
Heywood Jablowme
“most dates seem to morph into an education in DISABILITY 101 when I’d much rather prefer them to be in SEXUAL RELATIONS 301.” I can understand why he wants that, but seriously… those two comments about his walking ability are pretty innocuous. Is he really offended by stuff like that? Would he prefer that everyone he meets never ask ANY questions and just act nervous around him all the time? Probably not! He may not like the “Disability 101” stuff but it’s still a “required course.”
He does seem a little “conflicted” as some here point out. Is he looking for a relationship? Most guys in their 20s aren’t really looking for that yet. Is he looking for casual sex, but more on a regular basis? That seems easier to find at his age. What’s your goal? Focus!
CastleSF
Heywood, he needs to set the bar high. If he is looking for a committed relationship, he may or may not get one but conceivably sex can happen along the way. However, he is only looking for random sex, then random sex is probably all he will get, which will leave him lonely and unsatisfied.
Heywood Jablowme
@CastleSF: That doesn’t logically follow. People can meet for casual sex, then sometimes they just hit it off emotionally.
Relationships are a matter of compatibility. You don’t need to be officially, specifically *Looking For A Relationship* in order to stumble into a relationship. Sometimes relationships happen when you’re not necessarily looking for them.
But I suspect what Josh is doing is… sending mixed signals, bringing up the subject of relationships when it is not really appropriate to do so, that sort of thing.
GayMafiaKingpin
Come to Steamworks Seattle. You’ll almost definitely get laid. Hell, ask for Dave when you come and I’ll give you a free 8-hour room rental.
http://www.facebook.com/steamworksseattle
CastleSF
What is the justification for gay bathhouses these days? They are an outdated institution and I imagine people are likely not on their best behavior there. Time to close them down.
Heywood Jablowme
@CastleSF: Bathhouses are safer than inviting a total stranger into your home, or going to a total stranger’s home.
CastleSF
I have heard that gays go to the bathhouse to have wild reckless unsafe sex. Your argument that bathhouses are safer than other settings may be flawed.
dwes09
Castle is apparently very sheltered and naive, has little ability to critically evaluate anything, and yet opines about things he has no experience with as if his imagination is the highest authority in the universe. Sad really.
He is the ultimate young regressive.
Heywood Jablowme
@dwes09: True!
@CastleSF: (Sigh.) Well for one thing, condoms are freely available at bathhouses. Wild unsafe sex is actively discouraged there, as are drugs. Gay guys have unsafe sex at home and do meth at home all the time.
@GayMafia: On reflection I think Josh’s disability would be much LESS likely to be a concern in a bathhouse setting. After all there’s not much walking involved so CP would be less noticeable. The main concern would be the lack of young guys there – does Steamworks have a night devoted to the younger crowd?
CastleSF
Dwes, one doesn’t need first hand experience to understand what life is like in some environments. Actors do that all the time. They don’t need to be a doctor or a lawyer to play that part. I don’t need to be at a bathhouse to imagine what unspeakable acts must have happened to the lost wandering souls in the dark rooms as I have witnessed similar reckless behaviors at gay public events.
ChrisK
@CastleSF. Hey Castle. No one seems to ever agree with you. Danny will be coming along any minute to back you up. Lol
ChrisK
@GayMafiaKingpin. Not sure that’s a good option for someone young. I’ve been to Seattle Steam works and it’s mostly old timers and tweakers.
CastleSF
You proved my point, Chris. Bathhouses need to be shut down soon. Their usefulness has expired. I can imagine that only sad, lonely, and closeted gays would visit such a horrid place.
GayMafiaKingpin
CastleSF: Yes, actors do try to portray as if they have experience in something, for which they’ve never experienced, and they are often wrong, much like you are.
Bathhouses are simply a building in which we allow members to have sex with one another. We’re no worse than a hotel. We’re no worse than taking home a stranger from the bar. We’re no worse than hooking up with random people via apps on the smartphone. If you’ve never been to a bathhouse, then you really do not know how they work. You just don’t. You’re going off of old stereotypes and propagandized versions of what bathhouses are.
I’m not sure how a building can be the cause of the downfall of man, like you seem to be implying. It’s like you think these guys wouldn’t have sex if the club weren’t there. They’d just do it in the park, like the old days.
Additionally, we provide condoms-a-plenty for free. We provide STI/HIV testing three days a week, for free. And we provide info and assistance in obtaining PrEP.
In short, wait until you know what you’re talking about before you chime in.
Terrycloth
Slow news day queerty..? This article is a year or more old…
Stephen
Westcoast cities are young in age ergo insecure in confidence and culture. No sex in a longer while than usual. First I thought it was ageism. But no. And bathhouse and anonymous sex are depressingly unsatisfying. I like something a little less sex focused and 1-3 sex dates only.
So I understand the celibate lifestyle, not by choice. You are not alone. Friend with CP had a hard time and moved back east. Troubled by longer harder winters.
Fear not … it’s not you. Don’t put the blame on yourself. Fewer guys but not totally barren.
It’s not hopeless. I have population of 2600! Small town. So ferry ride only way to main city! Have hope, reject self doubt. You are the perfect you. It takes a mature confident guy who has self awareness in himself. We all have flaws, limitations, disabilities. I have all three. I only get offers from married guys in open relationships. A recipe for disaster as the first one hurt would be me. So creative person hear, I make my time count … not a person seeking self, I create life.
Accentuate the positive!
SafetyHarborCpl
GayMafiaKingpin beat me to my point: If you just want to get laid to “scratch that itch,” then hit a bathhouse. That’s why guys go there – simple, right-to-the-point, done. Be safe, have fun. Done.
Now, if you’re looking to date and look for a relationship, then let the intimacy happen organically.
Also, don’t rely solely on apps or gay dating sites – get out and circulate in the community. Join a social club, some activity that interests you.
I dated a guy with CP and fell hard for him – the sex was great, our dating was alot of fun and we had alot in common, but he dumped me because I was too thin. Hmmm….go figure aahah……but it all worked out in the end. He found his ideal “hus-bear” and i found my husband at a Starbucks.
Again, if you want to get laid – go where guys get laid. If you want a boyfriend, act like one – he’ll come to you.
bigrobert
will fuck if I was there and seattle I will love to have sex with you Josh Galassi I love to meet you go out get to now you more and go out with you and have sex to Josh Galassi
JLinMN
I’ve seen this blogger write basically the same article several times over the past couple years. Either he is shopping the same story around to different platforms OR there is something off with his personality and people are really just not attracted to him. You have to ask yourself after years of having the same responses, this is probably not your disability that is turning people off, it might be you.
BillyElliotwannabe
Josh, what a cute guy. I hope you can meet a very good man who can see past the disability and see the person. I hate to say this, but many people mistakenly believe that cerebral palsy means you have a mental disability. That is not true. For the sake of other readers, Cerebral Palsy is a disability where the communication between brain (CNS) and the rest of the body is damaged, and so speech and movement is more difficult and can be affected. People with cerebral palsy might also have a learning disability, but that is clearly not the case in Josh’s situation. On the contrary to write such a great article, he clearly is as sharp as a pin. You look great. The problem is, I think people who believe you have a learning difficulty, Josh, is that they may be accused of taking advantage of you and charged, as if you like a person under the age of consent, cannot understand, and therefore give consent.
On seeing you, you look very handsome, but my first worry would be how old is he,because you look very young. Apart from that, you are a stunning young man and I would love t have you as a boyfriend – unfortunately I live in London.
slc
You are bright, handsome, have a great winning smile, and from your article I would say you are eminently dateable and sexy too. Here’s hoping you find the right intelligent sexy endearing loving guy or at least a good fuck soon!
Andy
Hi guys,
I can understand that feeling disabled gays have when sex is not in sight. I have a respiratory issue which has me wearing 02 24/7 I’m waiting for a lung transplant. Til then, I feel extremely self conscience and once I heard a guy in a bar tell his friend, people like him should stay home. Nice eh?
Don’t give up!
ShortBearBHam
I am disabled and live 2 hours north of Seattle. For a liberal area I find the Pacific Northwest very closed minded when it comes to dating a disabled person.
ElPillo
Sadly, we promote bitchy “heatherness” but have this illusion of equality, inclusion and tolerance
readycarlos
Come to Portland! I’ll bang you into next week! Woof!
3235142779
u are really disgusting and RUDE BRO
Heywood Jablowme
Josh is cute. Most here seem to agree he’s cute. But yeah, there’s something off.
He resents having to teach “Disability 101.” But he resents the fact that most guys he meets are ignorant about disabilities. Then he resents any ignorant questions or comments they make about disabilities. Apparently he’d prefer that everyone be mind-readers?
At least here, he’s blaming Seattle gay guys instead of doing that usual Millennial thing of blaming the entire “gay community” for our wicked and un- woke ways!
Endy
I am gay and Deaf, sign ASL and don’t read lips, and no one in Houston will have sex with me. This article has almighty hit right spot on and accurate. That truth!
Guys in Houston have been preaching the equality, inclusion, and tolerance, but are they actually practicing what they preach? Hardly! This is what called “double standards.”
Please don’t listen to those trolls. Bad advice is rife. It can come from someone who means well, but doesn’t know all the facts about being a person with disability and so gives you bad advice. Typically, you know these sources. They’re lovable people who just don’t get it or they just don’t get you.
Be strong, Josh. Don’t give up. Ask a guy to put some good words out for you and set you up with a guy who is willing to take a chance.
Heywood Jablowme
“Guys in Houston have been preaching the equality, inclusion, and tolerance,”
Really, they talk that way in real life? That goody-goody stuff is probably in the “mission statement” of your local LGBT Community Center. But no one talks that way in real life!
Kinsey6
@Endy WTF?? Is that really your pic? You’re HOT!! Hard to believe you have any trouble getting boinked at all… deaf or not. Not that I doubt what you say, just that it seems so implausible. Do you think it could be a communication issue and guys just not wanting to invest the time into learning ASL(?). I’d certainly jump your bones (assuming you didn’t mind me being 53, which you probably do, and having a much misunderstood disability myself).
3235142779
I AM NOT SURE OF THE GUYS NAME, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM.
DOES ANYBODY KNOW HIS NAME?
beachcomberT
Couple of thoughts — how are you meeting people to set up your “countless” dates in 3 months? Through online dating sites? If so, I think you need to be explicit about your CP and your sexual abilities and preferences. Something like “Have CP but enjoy erections and orgasms and am versatile.” Second, have you joined a CP support group or looked around for a GLBT CP support group, or are you biased against fellow CP people? If your self-esteem depends on your ability to hook up with a perfect hunk, you may need a therapist more than a date.
CastleSF
Danny, whatever his flaws might be, his life is immensely more difficult and challenging than mine and presumably yours. In his case, I don’t think I am in a position to offer him any advice other than the suggestion of celibacy, which he obviously doesn’t have to follow.
Sam6969
I think the bathhouse is a place to go as a last resort. It is much better for any young man to give ourselves the chance to persevere in talking first, even online, to a potential lover, learn to know each other step by step, than going for sex in a bathhouse or other cruising places.
It is not a question or morals, but a question of not giving in to imprinting a habit that could take him away from searching more complete and satisfying relationships. Why? Because it will be more and more difficult as time goes by. There is a risk this habit crystallizes in his mind (like a short circuit to satisfaction) and prevents him from healing whatever relationship issue he may also have (if he has any).
Going to the bathhouse can be very addictive and the time spent there is lost for making your love relationship experience, mature emotionally and develop the skills to keep a boyfriend by your side.
So, Josh, whatever your choice, be careful 😉 I am not pretending to know better than you or know what is good for you, as I know nothing. Still, be careful not falling in risky habits. Cheers 😉
Sam6969
Also, as I read recently someone saying wisely: “the flower of our youth” does not last forever and it could be more and more difficult to find the right guys that make us grow, as time pass. Keep trying and be confident 🙂 Keep in mind you have all your assets, NOW.
WindsorOntario
Thought I’m not disabled, I don’t think it matters – however, I absolutely empathize with this young man. I think a lot of the problem is where gay men tend to flock towards – very competitive, affluent cities where the most successful among us move to. I lived in Toronto for much of my adult life and found absolutely NOTHING – reason being most gay men who move there have very high levels of post-graduate education, high paying corporate jobs and expectations for perfection – be it condos, cars and definitely men. There’s an expectation that if one has been successful in education and employment, one ‘deserves’ to be seen with ‘only the best’. And if that’s not you, chances are you won’t find anything. Seattle is also one of those places.
I’m not saying everyone who lives in these cities is like that, but stop and think. Gay men only make up about 2-4% of the male population and out of that 2-4%, many of us want to be where other gay men are. And again, we don’t gravitate to small towns where it’s cheap to live and nothing ever happens. The strike we have against us is the fact that the cities we want to live in are also the least affordable and most competitive. It’s a painful realization that the very place you waited for years to go to ends up being the place where, yea, there’s lots of gay guys, but many are liars, cheats and cowards.
Unless you develop a very thick skin and are okay with those facts of living in cities like Seattle, I think you might be happier in a smaller city without the attitudes and personalities you are finding.
AdrianS
No one is entitled to sex. If people don’t want to fuck you ( or me or the next guy), get over it. No one HAS to. Not you or any other easily offended group (Race, femininity, obese…). Why writing an article complaining and closing it saying you are cool with never being fucked. It seems you are not if you had to write this. I give a fuck what people think. I’ll fuck whoever I feel like to and it’s reciprocated. People have the whole right to be as picky/choosy as they want. I’m not entitled to sex/dates and no one is. FFS grow up people!
Lookyloo
Wow. After replying to a few commenters who missed major parts of the article I read down and realized my attempt would be futile.
So, I’m just going to post this one blanket-reply here – Though I know most people/commenters won’t see it.
ATTENTION READERS/COMMENTERS:
The article writer SPECIFICALLY SAYS he had no problems hooking-up in other cities like LA and NYC.
This is a NEW PROBLEM he’s experiencing that’s SEATTLE SPECIFIC for him.
If you came to give advice, unless that advice is Seattle specific, you’re wasting electricity.
Boy, it’s like nobody has reading comprehension around here.
CarlIsle
He lost me when I read that he’d only been living in Seattle for “almost 3 months”. Seriously? What will he do if the drought stretches to a year or two? Go postal on everyone?
BigDaddy58
Why dont you show the guy a little compassion and just go postal on yourself! You have No Idea what its like to be gay and disabled…
CarlIsle
Are you serious? Going without sex for 2 and bit months is not a big deal. That was my point since you obviously need help with comprehension.
CarlIsle
PS I bet the irony of telling someone to have a bit of compassion in the same sentence that you tell him to go postal on himself, is lost on you too. What a beautiful human being you must be.
anddeboer
As a gay male in seattle, the guys are hella shallow and pretentious. I’ve been here 10 years now and have very few gay friends because most of them are not very nice people. So I feel you man. And if there was some way we could get in contact with each other, that would be cool. For friends, or even fwb.
Jacob
Aw, hun…
I’ll pack my bags and when I get up there we can screw till the cows come home.
Really though, some of the best sex Ive had was with a paraplegic man. I wouldnt mind giving you a ride ?