What’s it like to be with someone who is gay and disabled and an occasional hot mess?

As a gay man living with Cerebral Palsy, I get asked this question a lot–in one form or another. I could tell you all about it. But what’s the fun in that? Instead, in a moment or sheer genius (or sheer stupidity, depending on who you ask), I decided to ask my non-disabled former flames what it’s like to be with someone who is gay and disabled.

I asked them, in their words, to tell me about first meeting, sex, dating and why they never proposed to me. Curious for more? Read on!

Non-Disabled Former Flame #1


On first meeting:

“When I first saw you, you were sitting down, so no, [I did not know you were disabled]. I turned to my friend and said that you were cute, but I had no intentions of speaking to you, because I’m normally too self-conscious to approach people in bars. When I saw you get up and walk to the bar, it totally transformed who you were for me. You became this beautiful vulnerable creature and it made you so much more attractive to me, and it was the moment I decided to give you my number… When I saw you walk it was just so human and so real that it kind of washed away all of those barriers and reminded me that we are the same, and that’s actually what made it okay in my mind to talk to you.”

Non-Disabled Former Flame #1, again…


On walking around in public:

“The day we hung out, I was noticing more and more throughout the day that the way I held my body was changing. I noticed myself walking slightly in front of you, as if I were shielding you from something. I noticed my muscles tense up like I was ready to fight. I noticed every single person that looked at you and I caught myself preparing lines to tell them off if they ever said anything negative about you.”

Non-Disabled Former Flame #2


On sex:

“It wasn’t that weird, except that you couldn’t move your legs much… Boinking a disabled guy is just like boinking any other guy, really, in that it might be terrible, it might be great, it might be average. I think that we managed to hit on several points along that spectrum! As far as sex was concerned, the air mattress was a bigger hurdle than the disability.”

[Fun fact: I lived on an air mattress for three months while living in Los Angeles, judge me!]

My Boyfriend


On dating, in general:

“[When we first met in person], I didn’t know what to expect, but it didn’t frighten me. I thought you were a nice guy and you were cute, so why not? I remember being really nervous and you were too. You kept doing what I now know as your anxious laugh. Most of the time I forget about it. To me it’s not really a thing. Until people stare at you. That bothers me.”

So there you have it, folks. The next time you meet someone who is gay and disabled, go on a date with them! We are fun and nice and cute, according to my exes. Before you go, however, just prepare for staring, lots and lots of staring.

Related: Five Tips For What Not To Say To Someone Who Is Gay And Disabled

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