Hi Jake,
I’m 22, and since I’ve been in the “gay scene” for a few years now, I’m aware enough to know that I’m pretty attractive to other guys. People say I look like a young Alex Pettyfer from the original Magic Mike. I get a lot of attention when I go out to the bars, and people are always cruising me, and hitting me up on the apps. My question is, should I capitalize on this and start an OnlyFans? I could really use the extra cash, and I’ve heard from some friends you can make a lot. I’m always horny anyway and enjoy flirting, so why not just get paid for it? My only reservation is wondering if it’s somehow going to come back to haunt me down the road. Should I bite the bullet and set up an account, or am I going to regret it?
Broke Gay Boy
Dear Broke Gay Boy,
The irony that you resemble a down-on your-luck character who ultimately decides to become a stripper to capitalize on his sex appeal is not lost here. In a way, both an exotic dancer and an OnlyFans “content provider” are doing the same thing: selling a fantasy to people who want to be titillated and feel like they have a special connection to someone who they are sexually attracted to. The only difference is that the latter is offering the experience online.
In both of these scenarios, there’s an exchange, and everyone benefits. I give you money, and you give me the fantasy. We live in free market, and as long as both parties are in agreement of the transaction, I don’t see any problem here.
There’s a lot of criticism around things like the adult entertainment industry, exotic dancers, and yes, OnlyFans. People are quick to judge, and yet are the first ones to buy a subscription, or renew that Sean Cody membership. Whether you’re a model, stripper, adult entertainer, or even an influencer, you’re putting yourself out there to capitalize on something that people want. There are a few important things to consider, when considering entering this line of work…
Be clear about your own personal boundaries.
Ask yourself: What feels right for you? What is too much? Do you feel like you’re being true to yourself, or being taken advantage of? With OnlyFans, a lot of people don’t show complete nudity, for example, and that feels better for them. On the other hand, you may be totally sex-positive and have no issue posting a full-on masturbation video. A lot of guys get “turned on” by the idea of “turning on”, which seems mutually beneficial to me. How often you want to engage directly with a customer is also your decision to make. Check in with your anxiety level when weighing the different options, and gauge where you fall.
Proceed without any shame or guilt.
Examine your own feelings about what you want to do, and if you have any shame, work on releasing it. You don’t want to go into something if you’re ultimately going to feel bad about yourself. If you have ideas that you’re doing something shameful or “wrong” in some way, but are doing it anyway to make a buck, you might want to talk to a therapist and work through these internalized judgments. Where does this shame come from, and is it valid? How can you think about it differently?
Know that some people might not be okay with it.
Unfortunately, we live in a world with Puritanical roots, and although we’ve come a long way, there are still those out there that think something sexual, or even sexy for that matter, is somehow irreverent. It’s up to you to be strong enough to not let those opinions get to you, and accept that this is their view. If you don’t believe you’re doing anything wrong, then opinions of others won’t affect you as much. It’s not up to us to manage everyone else’s views.
Be okay with the potential consequences.
In certain arenas, you may be limiting your options because of hard-wired conservative ideologies about sexuality. For example, if you’re planning to go into politics one day, just know that having a JO video online may not land well with future voters. It doesn’t mean it’s impossible, but it might be an uphill battle. Family members may also have feelings about it. (Although if they somehow found their way to your page, isn’t that a little creepy?) Perhaps, however, it’s time we change people’s views about sexuality, and flip the narrative. Being sex-positive is a good thing, because sexuality is a part of what makes us human! Would you still vote for Pete Buttiguig if he had an OnlyFans? I would.
You have more currency than just your sexuality.
Whether or not you decide to capitalize on your sex appeal, know that you also have other things to offer besides that. Sometimes people who grow up really good looking begin to lean on that as a crutch for their self-worth, and feel like that’s all they can really offer people. You are so much more than that, so even with your OnlyFans raking in the cash, make sure you remember that. You won’t be young and hot forever, and you’ll need to cultivate other aspects of your self-worth.
At the end of the day, if you want to start this journey, do it for you alone, on your own terms, while releasing shame. If a future job rejects you because of your past, is that really a corporate climate you want to be in anyway? We all need that money, henny. It’s how we feel about ourselves that matters most.
Struggling with your own issue? Reach out to LGBTQ Therapy Space to schedule a free video consultation with an LGBTQ clinician in your state who fully and authentically understands you. And don’t forget to follow us on social for LGBTQ mental health tips, and more!
Jake Myers the Founder of LGBTQ Therapy Space , the first LGBTQ-owned and operated national platform for teletherapy. He is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in both CA and FL, with an online private practice of his own based in SoCal.
Discover more
Diplomat
I avoided porn due to it biting me in the butt later on. And it would have. So I’m glad I never did it though I think it would have been a blast.
I think scarcity might be a wrong reason to do it. I think it really needs to excite you, like it’s a passion you want to fulfill, then go for it. But in this culture, it’s still taboo. I have a great friend who ruined her potential with porn robbing her chances of a great career.
So I’ve seen the bad effects. Butt it’s public exposure jobs that really get sidelined.
Then there’s reputation. Alot of guys won’t date porn stars.
I’d say if it’s just about money, try another income stream. The chances of porn work hurting some part of your life is pretty high. Or become a trailblazer for routing out negative sexual puritanical beliefs. Life’s short but I think passion is the keynote.
jt1990
If I still had my looks I’d use them to marry a rich lady. Hell maybe even a man if he was rich enough! If your hot I say consider modeling. Attractiveness works really well in networking, too regardless of the industry you work in.
Diplomat
PS. My friend is an awesome gorgeous singer. She had gone through all the interviews for American Idol and was set to film her live on stage debut performance. The day before shooting she got called into the big wigs office and was confronted about her past. Needless to say she left losing that gig. Broke her heart.
Hayden
Was it Frenchie Davis? I loved her so much and was disgusted how they treated her
Diplomat
No it was a different girl.
WeHoGuy69
“Know that some people might not be okay with it…”
SOME people?! Try every employer imaginable, all of whom routinely Google any prospective hire. It might be nice to think that we live in a society which is beginning to accept sex workers, but ANY excuse an employer has not to hire you, they’ll take it. And the Internet is forever.
bachy
Agreed. Sure there will be fans, but people who imagine they will encounter no significant life problems if they start uploading sex videos of themselves online are living some kind of Pornified Fairy Tale. Keeping your sex life private and non-monetized is still the best way to go.
surfnspy
Two paths.
One you do OF and be cool that everyone knows about it including potential partners, employees, kids, your family.
Two, you don’t and instead you rely on your mind to raise cash.
If you don’t think you’ll ever be scrutinized or discriminated against, your family doesn’t care about you nude on the net, you would only dates someone who was fine with it and you never plan on having kids (who could be the subject of bullying because of it) then go for it!
Man About Town
In your list you left out the riskiest group: employERS.
gaylovee
A man with a big dick for the night look for on the Site -> hot4.app
GlobeTrotter
I know a few guys that have done porn, and without exception every one of them regrets it. It might sound like a good idea at the start, especially when you’re young, good looking and just want to make a few bucks, but porn lives forever and ever, and has a way of always coming back to bite you in the ass. One friend of mine made 2 porn scenes while in college to make ends meet. He was promised that the video would only be sold in the one porn shop in the town we went to college in. Years later I found the video at an adult bookstore overseas!! What they never tell you is that larger porn producers buy up smaller porn producers, who then redistribute the videos to much larger markets to recoup their acquisition costs.
I eventually emailed this college friend to let him know I saw his porn video for sale in Europe. He told me that despite having a law degree, he’s never been able to find work as a lawyer because of these two porn scenes he did 20 years ago. My advice: until the world changes, you should ONLY do porn if you have NOTHING to lose and have ABSOLUTELY NO AMBITIONS for higher office or a professional career.
On another note, a career in porn is strongly correlated with drug abuse and incarceration. Proceed at your own risk!
strap2900
You can make enough money on OF to not worry about future employers. Be smart and invest your money in real estate or the stock market and retire at 30. Many OF performers make 1 million plus a year.
PhillyProud
There’s no shame around this. He should be free to do with his body what he wants. Unfortunately, in this day and age, particularly as the good ol’ US of A is beginning its journey to become a fascist theocracy, an OnlyFans may come to bite him in the butt (and not in a loving way a top is about to show his appreciation for said butt). Even if he thinks he’s not going to lead any kind of life where this might be a problem, the best piece of advice would be; life isn’t mapped out. Things change.
winemaker
Well if you ain’t so special, like so many other wannabees. That said, why should other guys waste their hard earned money on watchhing some guy jack off or hear some sob story when there’s pornhub and so many other free porn sites along with ‘flirt for free’ which isn’t free. Too bad, so sad, time to get a real job, aka on that pays a regular salary instead of expecrting other people to support you. Time to grow up and realize nobody owes you a living and the sooner the better. And the satisfaction you earned your money with a real job, priceless, to say the least.
Wow, i thought leeches and dead beteats only lived in California, sheesh!