I’m 22, and since I’ve been in the “gay scene” for a few years now, I’m aware enough to know that I’m pretty attractive to other guys. People say I look like a young Alex Pettyfer from the original Magic Mike. I get a lot of attention when I go out to the bars, and people are always cruising me, and hitting me up on the apps. My question is, should I capitalize on this and start an OnlyFans? I could really use the extra cash, and I’ve heard from some friends you can make a lot. I’m always horny anyway and enjoy flirting, so why not just get paid for it? My only reservation is wondering if it’s somehow going to come back to haunt me down the road. Should I bite the bullet and set up an account, or am I going to regret it?
Broke Gay Boy
Dear Broke Gay Boy,
The irony that you resemble a down-on your-luck character who ultimately decides to become a stripper to capitalize on his sex appeal is not lost here. In a way, both an exotic dancer and an OnlyFans “content provider” are doing the same thing: selling a fantasy to people who want to be titillated and feel like they have a special connection to someone who they are sexually attracted to. The only difference is that the latter is offering the experience online.
In both of these scenarios, there’s an exchange, and everyone benefits. I give you money, and you give me the fantasy. We live in free market, and as long as both parties are in agreement of the transaction, I don’t see any problem here.
There’s a lot of criticism around things like the adult entertainment industry, exotic dancers, and yes, OnlyFans. People are quick to judge, and yet are the first ones to buy a subscription, or renew that Sean Cody membership. Whether you’re a model, stripper, adult entertainer, or even an influencer, you’re putting yourself out there to capitalize on something that people want. There are a few important things to consider, when considering entering this line of work…
Be clear about your own personal boundaries.
Ask yourself: What feels right for you? What is too much? Do you feel like you’re being true to yourself, or being taken advantage of? With OnlyFans, a lot of people don’t show complete nudity, for example, and that feels better for them. On the other hand, you may be totally sex-positive and have no issue posting a full-on masturbation video. A lot of guys get “turned on” by the idea of “turning on”, which seems mutually beneficial to me. How often you want to engage directly with a customer is also your decision to make. Check in with your anxiety level when weighing the different options, and gauge where you fall.
Proceed without any shame or guilt.
Examine your own feelings about what you want to do, and if you have any shame, work on releasing it. You don’t want to go into something if you’re ultimately going to feel bad about yourself. If you have ideas that you’re doing something shameful or “wrong” in some way, but are doing it anyway to make a buck, you might want to talk to a therapist and work through these internalized judgments. Where does this shame come from, and is it valid? How can you think about it differently?
Know that some people might not be okay with it.
Unfortunately, we live in a world with Puritanical roots, and although we’ve come a long way, there are still those out there that think something sexual, or even sexy for that matter, is somehow irreverent. It’s up to you to be strong enough to not let those opinions get to you, and accept that this is their view. If you don’t believe you’re doing anything wrong, then opinions of others won’t affect you as much. It’s not up to us to manage everyone else’s views.
Be okay with the potential consequences.
In certain arenas, you may be limiting your options because of hard-wired conservative ideologies about sexuality. For example, if you’re planning to go into politics one day, just know that having a JO video online may not land well with future voters. It doesn’t mean it’s impossible, but it might be an uphill battle. Family members may also have feelings about it. (Although if they somehow found their way to your page, isn’t that a little creepy?) Perhaps, however, it’s time we change people’s views about sexuality, and flip the narrative. Being sex-positive is a good thing, because sexuality is a part of what makes us human! Would you still vote for Pete Buttiguig if he had an OnlyFans? I would.
You have more currency than just your sexuality.
Whether or not you decide to capitalize on your sex appeal, know that you also have other things to offer besides that. Sometimes people who grow up really good looking begin to lean on that as a crutch for their self-worth, and feel like that’s all they can really offer people. You are so much more than that, so even with your OnlyFans raking in the cash, make sure you remember that. You won’t be young and hot forever, and you’ll need to cultivate other aspects of your self-worth.
At the end of the day, if you want to start this journey, do it for you alone, on your own terms, while releasing shame. If a future job rejects you because of your past, is that really a corporate climate you want to be in anyway? We all need that money, henny. It’s how we feel about ourselves that matters most.
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Jake Myers the Founder of LGBTQ Therapy Space , the first LGBTQ-owned and operated national platform for teletherapy. He is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in both CA and FL, with an online private practice of his own based in SoCal.