A gay bachelor from Montana says he’s 46 and never been in love, and he isn’t sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, so he’s asking Dear Abby for her opinion on the matter.
“Although I’ve had a few crushes, I have never been deeply in love,” the man writes. “I don’t like going out to the bars and, because my town is extremely Catholic, there are only a couple of gay-friendly ones.”
The man says he’s not actively looking for love, nor is he very interested in doing so. He has his cat and his sisters. So maybe that’s all he needs?
“Everyone I know keeps asking me if I have found someone, and I keep telling them I don’t believe in love. I’m content. I don’t do anything but work, so I always say I never have time.”
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The man wonders: “Is there something wrong with being single all your life and not having a significant other? … Does a person have to be with someone if they are content being alone? Yes, I would like to go out, but why does it have to be with a partner?”
Abby keeps her response short and sweet.
“If you are comfortable flying solo, it is perfectly acceptable to live your life that way,” she writes.
“The people who are telling you otherwise may mean well, but you do not have to take it to heart. Live your life the way you want, do not second-guess yourself and don’t allow yourself to be pressured.”
“If you are content,” Abby concludes, “you are doing fine.”
What do you think? Should this man be worried if he’s happily single? Share your thoughts in the comments section below…
Invader7
Listen to your self…Don’t define yourself based on your relationship status.. I always am my BEST friend.. And I’ve had 3 men want to join my life.. Don’t fret over being single.. One day when you least expect it, kapow.. Mr. Right may appear…
RIGay
I have been with my husband for 21 years now, and we are in a closed, monogamous relationship.
But I before I met him, I was HAPPILY single, confident and comfortable in that skin. I realized early on that when you are single, YOU and ONLY YOU are responsible for how you feel. Either you can make yourself feel miserable, or you can make yourself feel fantastic. For many years, I chose the later. I lived every day like it was the best day of my life. Celebrated life, celebrated those in my life. Picked and chose who would be allowed in and who I would keep at arms length. I was a voracious reader; always had a stack of books on the nightstand. The television was relegated to the closet in the living room (open the closet door to watch TV). Landscaped the back yard for complete privacy (clothing optional; it was Florida, after all). Home companions were a dog and two cats. Life was exquisite!
Then my husband and I crossed paths one night shoving dollars down a G-string at a male stripper bar. He was first a “one night stand” that turned into a two night stand, then into a “Long-distance” relationship, then into living together. There are many times I feel like shit around him – usually followed by me realizing that we are not communicating. But he is the love of my life, my best friend – the most important person in my life. Sure, filled with faults and quirks. I think in the 21 years, we’ve only had, perhaps 3 bad arguments, one bordered on separation.
For as comforting as the solitude was for many years, it is equally as comforting to share – knowing that we’re both in our mid-late 50’s. That we have built our home, our nest. Planning for retirement. And thanks to Marriage Equality, not really worried about what comes later for us; life, health, death.
DarkZephyr
While I DO believe in love, I say more power to him. He’s lucky that he doesn’t feel this need for another person to be happy.
GayEGO
This is OK, sometimes relationships do not work but that does not mean one has to have one to enjoy life.
EbonyOnly
Nobody is more qualified than you to be you because you are with yourself 24 hours a day seven days a week.
Enough said.
justgeo
Happy or resigned?
winemaker
Wow, this article really hit home with me. It’s kind of scary seeing yourself through another person going through the same issue. I’ve been out 42 years and when i came out, i had a coupe of major issues to overcome. the major one being I was very heavy and realizing through coming out, i needed to get serious about losing the weight and getting healthy and finally having some semblance of a social life. I recall going to my first gay bar, when i was very heavy and recall how rudely i was treated and i ended up thinking this is how gay people acted toward each other. This was my catalyst to lose more and more weight and get into better shape despite these rude nasty guys. Over the last 30 years or so, I’ve lost almost 200 lbs of my original 378 lbs. and still wonder how much more do i have to lose before i get any attention, hopefully meeting some nice guy for something other than a ‘hookup’. I’ve realized these issues are their issues and not mine. if these guys can’t see a diamond before them that’s their loss, not mine. Over the years iv’e had a few short term relationships that for whatever reason didn’t work out. Living in San Francisco the so called ‘gay mecca’ doesn’t make meeting quality gay men who want more than just a ‘hookup’ or casual get together easy. it seems the attitude of many men here are looking just for sex and nothing serious that in the long run will leave them alone,
Mars414
I’ve been single for over 10 years–I mean not even a date–and I’m good. If the right guy crosses my path one day, I’d give him my best effort. But if I’m single for the rest of my life, I’ll live my best life that way.