When he was a teen, Anthony Bowens threw himself into the world of wrestling in an attempt to counteract his intense shyness.
It worked to a degree — but coming out as bisexual still proved to be a tremendous challenge.
Bowens — a handsome 27-year-old athlete signed to BMG Models who wrestles under the alias “Vigilante” — tells Attitude about his experiences being bullied as a child and the adjustments that needed to be made before he could live as an openly bisexual man in the world of pro-wrestling.
Bowens came out publicly in September 2016 alongside his boyfriend, the popular YouTube personality Michael Pavano.
Related: Pro wrestler Anthony Bowens reveals how he met his boyfriend. Spoiler alert: It’s complicated.
It almost didn’t happen.
“Michael wasn’t angry,” Bowens said, but I saw he was disappointed and that broke my heart.”
Eventually he worked up the nerve and told the world he was bi — something he’d known about himself since adolescence.
“I think it was somewhere in the middle of high school”, he tells Attitude for their annual “Body Issue.”
“I was sitting at a table and a couple were walking down the street and I was like ‘Wow that girl’s beautiful.’
Then I noticed that I was also looking to see who she was holding hands with and I was like ‘That guy’s kind of attractive too…'”
By coming out as bi, Bowens had to deal with a stigma from both guileless members of the straight community and the often artless, militantly closed-minded gay community.
On both sides of the barbed-wire fence, Bowens would be labeled “gay” by people who questioned bisexuality and its legitimacy on the sexuality spectrum.
“I didn’t know that there was this big — I wouldn’t say ‘war’ — but discrepancy. Which wasn’t the point of me coming out,” Bowens says.
“If I was with a woman — or anybody was with a woman — and they married her, and they were with her for the rest of their lives, that doesn’t change the fact that they’re still stimulated by men.
That doesn’t make you straight, you’re still bi.”
These days, Bowens isn’t overly concerned with how people label him.
“If you were to call me gay I’d be like ‘OK’. I’m not going to get pissy over it, you can call me what you like.”
Original photos by Greg Vaughan, shot exclusively for Attitude‘s Body Issue. The rest are culled from Bowen’s Instagram account.
crowebobby
Good looking couple. Going by their photos they seem to have great personalities as well.
Kangol
I agree. He’s gorgeous and they make a beautiful couple. They do seem to be very happy. More power to them!
Donston
This is where the “bi agenda” and “identity politics” become a lil’ troublesome and why I rejected the bi identity. This dude has said he’s not romantically or sexually interested in women and doesn’t see himself having a real relationship with a woman. Yet, he kept constantly talk about “bi pride”. I don’t see where “bi pride” comes into the equation if you have no real desire or passion for anyone but one gender and can’t see yourself having a real romantic relationship with anyone outside of one gender. Thinking someone is “beatiful” doesn’t equate to orientation. This is the same issue with very, very straight-leaning people who rep “bi”.
If we’re gonna accept that orientation is a “spectrum” and can have many dimensions then these standard three phrases simply don’t do it justice. According to some over 50% of people should be walking around talking about their “bi pride”. If you know that you’re just not into women or men like that and don’t want to get too specific just say you’re “queer” or “mostly into dudes/chicks” and keep it pushing rather than spatting on about “bi pride”, which just dilutes the movement for those honest, close to 50/50 bi and pan people.
However, he doesn’t deserve any criticism.
JaredMacBride
“Bi” must be more marketable right now than gay.
Donston
It always has been.
He probably has some attraction to women, however minimal, and therefore, he has the right to identity as “bi”. I just think it’s lame to constantly be hyping a bi identity and talking about your ‘bi pride” (which he was doing for some time on social media) when you know your desires, attractions, passions, romantic interests and romantic satisfaction veer greatly towards one direction and that’s something you’ve embraced.
JaredMacBride
Since virtually every human is “bi” at least to some extent, “Bi pride” is like “homo sapiens pride,” and is almost meaningless. But if it makes this guy happy and helps him get modeling gigs good for him.
Donston
I’ve only recently learned to see it that way. I’m too obsessed with self-truth and embracing being a majority gay person to be walking around talking about “bi pride”, and I would wager that no more than 40% of people are completely, thoroughly 100% straight or gay. Yet, only a small percentage of everyone else (particularly men) actually have strong sexual desire, arousal, passion, romantic interests and romantic satisfaction for and with men and women. Also, copping this identity doesn’t really help the people who are exceptions.
But if identifying as bi, fluid, pan, etc. makes a very gay-leaning or straight-leaning person build self-comfort, helps them combat internalized homophobia and external homophobia, and makes their careers easier to maintain then more power to them. But miss me with the “bi pride” talk.
bushwickfreddy
On point!
Rex Huskey
who wants to be part of the clutch of “gurls” and vapid professional sissy homosexuals (gays) so well represented by commenters on this site. For me, I’m happy with and proud to be queer. F*ck the gays. Let the man define who he is. Period.
Donston
You say a bunch of homophobic sh*t then follow it up by claiming to be proud to be “queer”. I identify as a “homo-leaning queer”. Specifically, I’m a homo-romantic gay-leaning pan-sexual, but that’s obviously doing too much identity-wise. I identify as I do because I feel it is the most specific and honest yet practical identity I can find. I love that I am majority gay. I love that I can love a man, commit to a man and be completely satisfied sexually and romantically with a man. I embrace all that.
I’m just sick of people like Rex (and his multiple handles) who use their identities to feel special or unique, to separate themselves from gay-identifying people, to feel superior to gay-identifying people, to shield their internalized homophobia or misandry, to maintain their ego and/or to make their social life easier. People like you are a huge part of the problem.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
“if you have no real desire or passion”
Again, please define your terms. Like, say, would the tangible content of his fap folder satisfy your standards …or only above a certain ratio?
“However, he doesn’t deserve any criticism.”
<_<
Quintessentially, dishonestly, Donaston. Playing both sides against the middle in every argument.
Rex Huskey
Yo dunce-ton: how arrogant of you to think you and the other gurls commenting on here are all separate individuals and someone like me is but just another “handle” of someone else. Listen deary, I am def no one’s handle and I tell it like it is from decades of being myself, sucking str8 d*ck and GD tired of fruit flies like you trying to tell folks what being queer is all about!
You and your limp-wristed, sissy, squat-when-you-pee, feminine: “a homo-romantic gay-leaning pan-sexual”, sisters of perpetual indulgence ilk… sure the f*ck don’t represent me!!
I suggest you invest in more barf bags.
Donston
Rex, it’s funny how you (and your other handles) never get this upset when it comes to overt showings of homophobia. Only when it’s time to hate on gay men, Liberals, women or non white people do you show any real teeth. This type of behavior is part of the reason why I rejected a “bi identity”. I got tired of gay identifying men wanting to be with me because I had a kid and wasn’t “100% gay” and using me as some way to diconnected from their homosexuality and indulge their hetero worship. And no, I’m also not “limp-wristed”. What does masculinity or feminity have to do with any of this? But I guess fem-phobia is just an easy thing for you to lean on when you have no real argument.
As I said, I am a majority gay person and I fully embrace that. I can only have anywhere near complete romantic, sexual and emotional satisfaction with a guy. And that’s something I learned to fully embrace. After doing so, I had to rebuild my ego and sense of self. So, even if I still identified as bi going around talkin about “bi pride” would be an inherently lame and even manipulative thing for me to do and would undermine how much work it took for me to get to this place.
Finally, when I said he doesn’t deserve criticism I’m speaking truthfully. He doesn’t. I’m talking about lgbtq and identity issues in general. He seems pretty well adjusted and self-comfortable, unlike many who post here.
Donston
Considering this is a story about someone who’s dating a semi-effeminate guy and who himself has stereotypical mannerisms and stereotypical “gay face” (he could never “pass”) your random fem-phobic rant seems especially random.
To Divkid: I apologize for always looking at the big picture and pushing aside the BS. I’m aware I can come off a bit harsh, impersonal and arrogant because of that (though those are things that you are far more often). However, as usual, though you’re critical of me and dismissive of me, you don’t seem to be actually disagreeing with me.
Godabed
You don’t get to tell someone how they identify, period. You may be more gay leaning pan sexual, you may be satisfied with how you identify. You don’t get to dictate how other people feel or choose to see themselves.
Sexuality is fluid. I had many labels growing up, at first bi, asexual, pansexual, gay, omnisexual is where i am most comfortable. And what i am so tired of like Like Bowen is other ppl trying to tell me where i fit in. One’s sexuality is deeply personal and can evolve as they come to understand it.
One thing this article gets right is that people who identify more as gay or hetero are so damn protective about how they should label someone else and delegitimize them. If you don’t understand someone’s sexuality ask them, but don’t judge them. That’s the part a lot of people have a problem with.
jd.cali
Bi today, homo tomorrow.
Rex Huskey
sounds like a personal thing
the_ashpan
of all the ‘bi’ people i’ve met, only a handful truly are and it actually messed them up quite a bit…… in my experience most of the people i’ve met who identify as Bi are either trying to soften the blow of being gay or want to have an alternative orientation as they are straight…….then there’s the fag hags who are straight but want to feel more part of the gay scene, which i find just pathetic!….But there are some real Bi people out there, just not all who say they are.
If he can’t ever see himself with a woman then is he REALLY Bi? We all look at birds and think ‘she’s hot’ but wouldn’t be sexually attracted to them, that doesn’t make us Bi…..it just makes us appreciate their look, surely?!
Donston
There are men who are genuinely close to being 50/50 bi (my cousin is one of them). But those men tend to have a lot of contradictions in their orientation or contend with a ton of paraphilias and dissatisfaction. They also rarely come out. I’m actually thankful that my orientation didn’t develop like that. As it stands, the majority of “proud to be bi guys” tend to be very gay-leaning men desperate to hold on to some sense of hetero-normalcy and who sometimes have mommy issues, contend with extreme hetero-worship and/or resent gay men or men in general. While some of the rest tend to be very straight-leaning guys who are sometimes turned on by things like penis or cross-dressed men or like to occasionally be dominated by masculinity but lack substantial and sustained attraction, desire, passion and romantic satisfaction for guys. And some of the rest lack any real attraction, arousal, passion and romantic satisfaction for any gender.
Orientation can develop in a multitude of often strange ways. One needs to be grateful for being a self-comfortable majority straight or gay person. Being anywhere near 50/50 bi is not easy for a man sociologically and especially psychologically.
dfwenigma
Not that anyone’s interested in my opinion, however, this is my experience with “bi” versus “gay”. I have met “bi” men who in fact were gay. The term “bi” was transitional for them – they couldn’t accept their sexual identity so they called themselves bi to be more accepted. There are many reasons people identify as “bi”. But I have met some – very, very few – men who say they’re bisexual and genuinely are. Meaning that they have the physical and emotional drive to be with either sex to one degree or another. I say either because the bi men I’ve met have not been transgender and queer friendly. These men are a bit different because the drive is not simply sexual. There are both gay and bi men who are with men purely for sexual reasons. There is no emotional connection. And then there are men who sexually identify as gay but enjoy the deep emotional connection with women only – they can’t connect with me. Although I think the spectrum is wide – I also think there are men who rougly fall into the above categories. Not that there aren’t exceptions or that the above are “right” or “wrong” simply that for some people they are.
dash_board1
@Donston, I understand that you are very passionate about specific and honest identity. I assume that’s the reason behind your change from identifying as ‘homo-dominant bisexual’ to a ‘homo-romantic gay-leaning pan-sexual’.
What I find perplexing, and quite ironic, is that a bisexual/pansexual person such as yourself seems to believe that only 50/50 or close to 50/50 bisexuals should identify as such? But why? A mostly straight man or a mostly gay man (like yourself) are both still bisexual, it doesn’t matter where that person lies on the bisexual spectrum. I mean, it matters for you on a personal level and it will matter to your partner (male or female) but how does it matter at all to the larger public what type of bisexual you are?
I think it’s quite dangerous for bisexual men to misidentify as gay. What happens if a mostly gay bisexual man’s preferences change over time, which, as I’m sure you know, can happen? What happens if a mostly gay bisexual man meets a certain woman who, against the odds, ticks all the boxes for him and he falls in love with her? What happens then? Well, unfortunately, if this bisexual man was misidentifying himself as gay to the public then he will unwittingly contribute to the myth that homosexuals can somehow change or haven’t met the right woman yet. Whereas if this man had correctly identified as bisexual all along then his interest/relationships with women would be completely expected and benign. That’s why I think this wrestler is making the correct decision by identifying as he truly is: bisexual, even if, at the moment, he is currently in a relationship with a man or currently has greater interest in men, as both those things may change over time.
Jaxton
Bisexual men have NEVER been as marketable as bisexual women. The difference s due to one very important inequality between the sexes: men reward women for acting bisexual even if she is totally faking it but women do NOT generally reward men for acting bisexual.
Men reward women for faking it. This encourages women to role-play according to what turns on a man. This “faking it” aspect of women’s behavior is also starkly evident in the way women use make-up to enhance their appearance on a daily basis.
As for Anthony Bowens, he is entitled to be monogamous in his behavior. You can only be monogamous at a time with one sex, not two sexes. It doesn’t diminish the fact that he is bisexual in orientation simply because he chooses to be monogamous.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Respectfully, It aint anybody’s place to proclaim ex cathedra what does or does not constitute “genuine bisexuality”, by dint of invoking subjective, unstable and transient culturally conditioned amorphous qualities like “emotional connections” or by proffering presumptuous “insights” into the psychological or sociological motivations of complete strangers. Unlike, say, “Trans” or “Queer,” bisexuality (as distinct from the political identity) is an easily scientifically testable/falsifiable, physiologically measurable trait befitting the most parsimonious definition. Namely, do the relevant sexual cues trigger the reward system in the brain’s sexual software (as it were) resulting in making ones dick hard (In this case).HARD science. Everything else is extraneous unintelligible noise.
RobF
From Bowens’ Instagram: “One year ago today I took a chance of going down to meet @michaelpavano for the first time the night before his birthday. I had no idea I’d be meeting the love of my life. Thank you for finally making me the happiest person in the world.”
What happens to the “love of my life” when Anthony wants to sleep with a woman?
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
“What happens to the “love of my life” when Anthony wants to sleep with a woman?”
Gay men—even married ones—have the most open relationships of anyone. What happens when one of them wants to sleep with a different man?
RobF
Hey, Prince of Snarkness — Sleeping with a different man is different than sleeping with a woman. Think about it!
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Not different in principle. One might be with a guy who is white/tall/ugly/young but indulge an occasional irrestible urge for a guy who is black/short/handsome/old, or any number of other qualities your present partner is unable to satisfy