SH*T HAPPENS

Santorum Promises To Flush Himself Out Of Race If He’s Smeared In Iowa

Santorum—the candidate, not the sexual side-product—has promised to drop out of the presidential race if he comes last in the Iowa caucus next week.

“If I finish dead last behind the pack I’m going to pack up and go home,” Rick Santorum said on the Iowa radio station WHO.

Don’t pop the bubbly yet—the homophobic former senator is optimistic about his chances:  “I don’t think that’s going to happen,” he added. “I think we’re going to be very much in the mix and I feel very good that we’re going to surprise a lot of people in how we finish.”

Santorum has seen his poll numbers jump from the low single digits earlier in the month to 16% in a Time/CNN poll released Wednesday. That same poll put Mitt Romney in the lead with 25%, followed by Ron Paul with 22%, Newt Gingrich with 14%, Rick Perry with 11%, Michele Bachmann with 9% and Jon Huntsman with 1%.

Since most of these guys are actually running for cushy Fox News commentator gigs and not the White House, they should all be very happy.

Source: CNN; Image via Gage Skidmore