WRAP IT UP

Seminary Compares Gay Sex To The Second Coming, Antigay Backlash Ensues

church-condom-277x300At least one antigay Christian is not pleased with a recent stunt pulled by a seminary based in Chicago.

At the 2015 Wild Goose Festival, an annual music fest held in Hot Springs, NC, each July, members from the Chicago Theological Seminary handed out free rainbow condoms with the following instructions: “Chicago Theological Seminary, Take Two (For the second coming!).”

Now, Christian blogger and self-proclaimed “teller of America’s betrayal” Bethany Blankley is taking personal offense to the condoms in a bizarre new op-ed.

Related: 10 Bible-Based Reasons Why Christians Should Love Homosexuality

“The text blatantly suggests Jesus Christ’s Second Coming relates to one needing two condoms for multiple partners or multiple orgasms,” she writes. “Alternatively, the ‘Christian’ seminary is likening the Second Coming of Christ to gay sex.”

(As anyone who’s actually had gay sex will likely tell you, this isn’t a far off comparison. But we digress.)

Blankley then goes on to accuse the seminary of blasphemy and heresy, and of exhibiting “an obvious representation of hatred toward God and His Word.”

“Only an apostate Christian and apostate church could celebrate or encourage gay sex or orgies,” she continues. “Only an apostate Christian and apostate church could advocate being ‘LGBTQ friendly.’ Apostasy is inherently anti-God.”

Then she spews a bunch of random quotes from the Bible before hectoring, “Jesus Christ’s apostles clearly admonished new Christians to stop participating in sexual depravity, specifically gay sex and orgies, because it was not of God!”

(Hmmm. We checked with an expert and, actually, that isn’t true. But whatev.)

Blankley concludes by writing: “Jesus Christ’s return is infinitely more important and incomparable to a joke printed on a condom package. Genuine Christians, who have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, joyfully and anxiously await his return.”

Don’t hold your breath, Bethany.

Related: Five Bible-Based Responses To Common Arguments Against Marriage Freedom

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14 Comments

  • Grant Mealey

    Oh gawd….it’s actually quite clever! And for a really good cause ???

  • Ralph Vendegna

    Bethany Blake you nasty girl. Not a damn thing wrong passing out condoms. Use your head instead of keeping it up your back side. This is showing that someone cares about another persons health and to take safety precautions. So Get Over It Girl.

  • Hana Chan

    LOL too funny! all snarkiness aside, though. if they really want to minister to homosexuals, humor will probably get them a lot further than fire and brimstone. every gay person in the world has probably had hell preached at them, how many have been ministered to with understanding and humor?

  • Nathaniel McManus

    I can’t seem to find any way to incorporate an apostate “aprostate” joke. Nobody invited her to the gay sex orgy anyway. Just because she can’t mind her business, doesn’t mean we should stop fucking.

  • Ladbrook

    How does someone who never existed in the first place, die and then “return?” Oh, never mind. Whatever, Bethany. Whatever.

  • Dennis Johnson

    I think she should hold her breath. Blue might look good on her.

  • Brian JC Kneeland

    They don’t want to minister to – they want to judge!

  • Dakotahgeo

    ROFLMBO!!! If it were for these underground christian hedgehogs, we’d have no humor or comedy on earth! What are these holy nimrods thinking of? They’re an abomination to a very loving God! They should be very careful, lest God decides God needs at least 20-25% more of GLBT people on earth! It COULD happen… i.e., water into wine, walking on water, making Jimmy Hoffa disappear… but I digress…………

  • Dakotahgeo

    @Dakotahgeo:”If it WEREN’T for these underground….” Oops!

  • jwtraveler

    Christians with sense of humor. Who would’ve guessed?

  • hyhybt

    God has a sense of humor. Bethany apparently does not.

  • GayEGO

    How does she know? She must be experienced in dealing with condoms for the second coming i.e. having sex two times with guys. Of course she probably has given guys oral sex without the condoms as well! :>)

  • synchroman

    Christianity is a religion as are Judaism, Islam, Bahá’íFaith, Hinduism, Taoism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Slavicneo paganism, Celtic polytheism, Heathenism(German paganism), Semiticneo paganism, Wicca, Kemetism (Egyptian paganism), Hellenism, Italo-Roman neopaganism.
    Religion is a culture system that claims the path to God or the gods and the spiritual worlds.
    Many religions have narratives, symbols, traditions and sacred histories to give meaning to life, the origin of life, or the universe. Most religions also dictate morality, ethics, religious laws and preferred lifestyle of their followers.
    Religion is a faith based power structure to control a culture system and will gets it tentacles into government if this culture system dominates all other less dominate culture systems. e.g. Christian faith base groups denying interracial and same gender Marriage Equality for decades in this country by forcing their religious beliefs via forcing government laws to be enacted against such equality.

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