Shaun T says gay men married to women message him “every day” for advice
By David Hudson · 9 comments· Updated on January 26, 2024
Shaun T (Photo: Facebook)
Fitness guru Shaun T was a guest on a recent episode of ‘The Align Podcast’ (episode 418). The show explores the connection between physical health and mental wellbeing.
Shaun, 44, the originator of the Insanity workout, is an out and proud LGBTQ+ advocate. Followers of his social media know that besides workout content, he also shares lots of videos of his home life. He’s been married to his husband Scott Blokker for over 10 years and the two are raising twin boys, who were born in 2017.
The discussion was largely around sexuality, relationships, and intimacy. Host Aaron Alexander asked Shaun how often he received messages from men in heterosexual relationships telling him that they were gay and unsure what to do. Shaun’s response has surprised some.
“Every day of my life,” he replied, emphatically.
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“I feel so horrible because a lot of these guys are still very much into having sex with their wives,” he continued. “They just want to have sex with men, too. They come to me and they’re like, ‘Oh, you know, I’m gay, blah, blah, blah’. I’m like, ‘Do you still enjoy having sex with your wife?’ And they’re like ‘yeah’. So I’m like, ‘Would you classify yourself as gay?’
He continues, “Labels are one of the toughest things because when you’re looked at as gay, it’s… oh, you don’t want anything to do with a woman, when I know plenty of gay guys that will still have a threesome with a girl in the room.”
“And, I know plenty of men that have a wife and they like fooling with guys, but they have still incredible sex with their wives.”
Shaun’s comments prompted backlash online.
“Ultimate betrayal,” said one. “If you’re gay be gay. Don’t betray yourself nor the people that Love you most. People have lost their way. All in the name of exploration and loving yourself and self acceptance.”
A woman who was married to a man having sex on the side also responded.
“As a wife of someone who wanted to have/did have sex with a man, it was devastating when I found out. Cheating is cheating, didn’t matter if they were with a woman or a man. I was faithful, he wasn’t. Didn’t matter how good our relationship was, how good the sex was, it was a sham.”
Others agreed. One said, “Just because you have the desire to do something doesn’t mean it’s right to act on. Cheating in a marriage is always wrong. Always. If you need to experiment and explore, don’t get married.”
Others said that things are never black and white.
“Fluidity is for everyone if we could just drop the labels and the shame,” said one commenter.
Others suggested some women are more accepting of a male partner’s bisexuality than others might imagine.
Shaun T responds to reaction online
Shaun himself responded to some of the backlash.
“It’s funny how so many comments are related to things other than COMMUNICATION and the fact that these are actual fears people have. Stop being so shallow and focus on the bigger message which is: STOP TRAPPING PEOPLE INTO A BOX and MAYBE just MAYBE people will find freedom with who they are! I SAID WHAT I SAID!”
He’s right. We didn’t hear Shaun T advising anyone to cheat on their partner, but we did hear him say a lot about the importance of communiction.
Shaun offers plenty of inspiring insights and empowering content through his social media. He appears to enjoy a blessed family life and a fun relationship with his husband.
This episode of ‘The Align Podcast’ makes for an interesting listen, with Shaun and Aaron discussing intimacy, how traditional gender roles can shape romantic needs, and what straight people can learn from gay guys when it comes to relationships.
Shaun also talks about surviving childhood abuse, and how to keep the passion alive in a relationship.
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Sounds like many contemporary people are so obsessed with LABELS that it has obscured what they want in a partner and in a relationship. If happiness is important to you, it really is a good idea to do a lot of exploration before settling down.
His infomation days were annoying and lame and he seemed like a man child. I like this older, hotter more debonaire vibe. I watched without the sound on of as is often the case with the shlock they offer here, as to not ruin his older muscle daddy hotness.
It’s more like a midlife crisis thing. Guys are so scared of their same sex feelings. They watch the porn and jerk off but never try it to find out if its their thing. Rush into marriage, have kids then next thing you know they are 35-40. They justify it as life is short. Should have had more courage in their younger single days.
Okay, what, I can’t spell LABELS! Holy mother of god! I do that with bagles and bagels….and don’t even get me started with i before e exept after c! Oye vay!
How many “heterosexual” men married to women but ardently desire to be with men say they still enjoy sex with their wife because acknowledging otherwise would threaten their whole life reality, identity, role, and sense of masculinity…They “want it all.” The mind can create amazing defense mechanisms to defend against consequences that are feared… I remember a gay guy who came out in his late 20s who said prior to the “lightening bolt” self revelation, he had never once thought about, considered, imagined, fantasized or in any way think he might be gay….Someone a lot smarter than me might be able to speak to the psychology of how the mind can offer defense for emotions and feelings that are ego-dystonic.
These types of conversations tend to be cringe because they tend to always link back to gay panic, hetero expectations and “straight” superiority. They become about making closeted “queer” males feel good about their hetero partnerships and deceptions. Out queer males still haven’t grown pass the desire to placate and constantly comfort “straight presenting” guys.
If a guy claims to be “gay” but also claims that he still enjoys sex with his female partner then he’s probably saying that he believes he’s inherently homosexual or that he has way more passions, romantic feelings, emotional longing for his sex. You can be a homosexual male who learns to enjoy sex with cis women, especially if you start sexually engaging with women at a young age. You can be an inherently heterosexual male who can learn to enjoy sexual activity with cis males. You can be bi/pan/experience fluidity but only really enjoy sex with one type of person. The problem is that we still talk about “sexuality” as if it’s just one thing. “Sexuality” is the types and rates of attraction, arousal, desire, enjoyment, paraphiliacs, the general strength of your libido, who you enjoy pleasing. If we understand that “sexuality” means a lot of different things then we’d perhaps become less obsessed with and paranoid about “sexuality” and “labels”. Just like many folks still don’t get the variance of the gender, sexual, affection, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum. This is what leads to many men feeling as if because they have certain attractions or can enjoy sex with a certain type of person then that means that they need to legit be with that kind of person. Sociology, psychology, sexuality, love, relationships are way more complicated and individual than that. All of it just leads to manipulation, self-consciousness and insecurities from men.
I of course wasn’t talking about all queer presenting men. Sorry if it came off that way. But there’s also no doubt that a decided percentage of queer presenting men hyper focus on defending DL guys or are obsessed with hooking with “straight presenting” guys. But also, that wasn’t really the point of my post, just an aside to get out of the way before I went in. The main point is that we focus so much on identities, sociology, the male ego and sex that the actual realities of sexualities and the gender, sexual, affection, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum are treated as an afterthought.
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bachy
Sounds like many contemporary people are so obsessed with LABELS that it has obscured what they want in a partner and in a relationship. If happiness is important to you, it really is a good idea to do a lot of exploration before settling down.
abfab
His infomation days were annoying and lame and he seemed like a man child. I like this older, hotter more debonaire vibe. I watched without the sound on of as is often the case with the shlock they offer here, as to not ruin his older muscle daddy hotness.
Lables shmables. What are ya gonna do?
Darson
It’s more like a midlife crisis thing. Guys are so scared of their same sex feelings. They watch the porn and jerk off but never try it to find out if its their thing. Rush into marriage, have kids then next thing you know they are 35-40. They justify it as life is short. Should have had more courage in their younger single days.
abfab
I am so effing glad I knew………I was born Gay. And I love my lable.
abfab
Okay, what, I can’t spell LABELS! Holy mother of god! I do that with bagles and bagels….and don’t even get me started with i before e exept after c! Oye vay!
Tim44309
How many “heterosexual” men married to women but ardently desire to be with men say they still enjoy sex with their wife because acknowledging otherwise would threaten their whole life reality, identity, role, and sense of masculinity…They “want it all.” The mind can create amazing defense mechanisms to defend against consequences that are feared… I remember a gay guy who came out in his late 20s who said prior to the “lightening bolt” self revelation, he had never once thought about, considered, imagined, fantasized or in any way think he might be gay….Someone a lot smarter than me might be able to speak to the psychology of how the mind can offer defense for emotions and feelings that are ego-dystonic.
Donston
These types of conversations tend to be cringe because they tend to always link back to gay panic, hetero expectations and “straight” superiority. They become about making closeted “queer” males feel good about their hetero partnerships and deceptions. Out queer males still haven’t grown pass the desire to placate and constantly comfort “straight presenting” guys.
If a guy claims to be “gay” but also claims that he still enjoys sex with his female partner then he’s probably saying that he believes he’s inherently homosexual or that he has way more passions, romantic feelings, emotional longing for his sex. You can be a homosexual male who learns to enjoy sex with cis women, especially if you start sexually engaging with women at a young age. You can be an inherently heterosexual male who can learn to enjoy sexual activity with cis males. You can be bi/pan/experience fluidity but only really enjoy sex with one type of person. The problem is that we still talk about “sexuality” as if it’s just one thing. “Sexuality” is the types and rates of attraction, arousal, desire, enjoyment, paraphiliacs, the general strength of your libido, who you enjoy pleasing. If we understand that “sexuality” means a lot of different things then we’d perhaps become less obsessed with and paranoid about “sexuality” and “labels”. Just like many folks still don’t get the variance of the gender, sexual, affection, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum. This is what leads to many men feeling as if because they have certain attractions or can enjoy sex with a certain type of person then that means that they need to legit be with that kind of person. Sociology, psychology, sexuality, love, relationships are way more complicated and individual than that. All of it just leads to manipulation, self-consciousness and insecurities from men.
Diplomat
“Out queer males still haven’t grown pass the desire to placate and constantly comfort “straight presenting” guys.”
Complete nonsense.
Donston
I of course wasn’t talking about all queer presenting men. Sorry if it came off that way. But there’s also no doubt that a decided percentage of queer presenting men hyper focus on defending DL guys or are obsessed with hooking with “straight presenting” guys. But also, that wasn’t really the point of my post, just an aside to get out of the way before I went in. The main point is that we focus so much on identities, sociology, the male ego and sex that the actual realities of sexualities and the gender, sexual, affection, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum are treated as an afterthought.