Simon Doonan Knows His Place…

The Oscars sure were lesbianic, huh? We had Ellen hosting, Jodie scowling, Portia vamping, Melissa singing and winning.

One would think that Hollywood had become one big lesbian meet-and-greet. According to uber-fashionista and known homosexual, Simon Doonan, it has.

And what’s more, we should have seen it coming.

He writes in The New York Observer:

While out lesbian couples mingled with the Wills and Jadas and vied for awards with their heterosexual peers, we poofters were relegated to our traditional behind-the-scenes nelly roles of frock-making, hair-teasing and frothy-commentary-providing. (See this column.)

It’s our own fault. We totally had it coming… For years, we have promoted and leveraged our own stylishness and savoir-faire by contrasting it with lesbian frumpery. This nasty tactic has come back to bite us in the ass. Tired of being characterized by us as gargoyles and grotesques, the gals have taken back the night. We are now their employees. This is our punishment for decades of piss-taking.

It’s true. We totally deserve it.

It’s only down hill from here. Once California floats off into the pacific, the ladies will reestablish Sapphos and that’ll be the end of us. Better start sucking up now.

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  • Ash

    I love the smell of sheepish fags in the morning. Smells like vindication.

  • WTF?`

    Well, when Cali washes away will all the girls, who’ll be left to fix our cars? Oh, that’s right – hot straight boys. Viva la Revolucion! Gotta love big ol’ stereotyping queens like Simon who graciously accept the roles society expects of them. His article may as well have read: It was a fortunate night for several stalled Limos at the Oscars; myriad dykes were on hand to fix flats, change oil and rebuild transmissions before stylishly flitting off to the show in that soft-butch way. Meanwhile… the boys flounced around backstage in sequined onesies and one mass lisp, which reminded many of a large hot air balloon slowly deflating. After some casual sex in the bathroom, many resumed their duties of mincing and gossiping.

  • nystudman

    WTF? get a sense of humor. I usually don’t like his column but this one was hilarious. Extra points to the copy editro for that headline.

  • Hip-Hop-man

    Hi, all. I have internet… :)

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