Simon Doonan Knows His Place…

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The Oscars sure were lesbianic, huh? We had Ellen hosting, Jodie scowling, Portia vamping, Melissa singing and winning.

One would think that Hollywood had become one big lesbian meet-and-greet. According to uber-fashionista and known homosexual, Simon Doonan, it has.

And what’s more, we should have seen it coming.

He writes in The New York Observer:

While out lesbian couples mingled with the Wills and Jadas and vied for awards with their heterosexual peers, we poofters were relegated to our traditional behind-the-scenes nelly roles of frock-making, hair-teasing and frothy-commentary-providing. (See this column.)

It’s our own fault. We totally had it coming… For years, we have promoted and leveraged our own stylishness and savoir-faire by contrasting it with lesbian frumpery. This nasty tactic has come back to bite us in the ass. Tired of being characterized by us as gargoyles and grotesques, the gals have taken back the night. We are now their employees. This is our punishment for decades of piss-taking.

It’s true. We totally deserve it.

It’s only down hill from here. Once California floats off into the pacific, the ladies will reestablish Sapphos and that’ll be the end of us. Better start sucking up now.