It all happened after coming out. I had no idea this silly thing was a weight on my shoulders. That’s my message to anyone in this town who thinks ‘I’ve got to stay in the closet to be successful in films.’ I didn’t. Do you want to be a famous movie star who has love scenes with ladies and in private be an unhappy gay? There’s no choice. Forget the career, dear. Go and do something else … A closet’s a really nasty place to live, you know? It’s dirty, it’s dusty, it’s full of skeletons. You don’t want it. Open that door — fling it wide and be yourself.”
— Sir Ian McKellen, who came out publicly in 1988, in a new interview with The Hollywood Reporter
Cam
Wait for all the panicked autonomous accounts to come on here screaming about what McKellen said.
The Hollywood P.R. firms will have every intern on every page defending the closet.
Daggerman
..he came OUT very well then……
Masc Pride
I’m not going to defend or slam “the closet”, but I think Ian has been a little sheltered by his experiences. He’s basically saying don’t be an actor if it means staying closeted, which is very easy to say when you’ve already had a successful acting career. Some guys aspire to do more than just live openly gay.
Ian McKellen and Neil Patrick Harris claim they’ve had nothing but great experiences as openly gay actors, which is nice, but that doesn’t mean that will be the case for everyone. One of today’s stories is an interview with a gay black actor saying it’s hard for gay black actors to get roles, yet we see straight black guys in everything these days. Ellen Degeneres said she lost everything after coming out (advertisers pulled out, her career stalled, depression set in, etc.).
A lot of people just starting out in acting are also usually very young. Young people are still figuring themselves out as a whole even with sexuality concerns removed. They should put their dreams on hold for their sexuality? Awful advice!
Ian’s statements start to seem a bit idealistic when you factor in reality. There’s no universal way to handle this type of thing. Every actor has to do what’s best and easiest for him or herself.
MCHG
@Masc Pride: You see that attitude on this site all the time. People who had a swell time coming out and being out judging people who fear losing it all if they do the same.
That being said, I think the One Direction fangirls that endlessly crush on those guys while ALSO desperately want them to be dating each other should motivate some actors to come out. Sure, SOME women are going to be childish and hateful, but for every one of those there’s going to be another who’s just dying to see cute pictures of him with his bf and is writing slash fiction about her favorite actors sleeping with each other.
Ian made a great point. It doesn’t matter how much money and fame you have if you spend every waking day with a huge weight on your shoulders.
Lets not lie to ourselves, people find out eventually. My advice to those actors would be get right with your family and friends and come out before some tabloid creep does it for you.
Michael Clifford
Absolutely, Sir Ian.
AtticusBennett
anyone who thinks those of us who are Out must have had it “easy” is clearly a delusional bitter moron.
i’ve yet to meet a queer person who came out and had it “easy”, who hasn’t experienced doors being closed to them and has been free from homophobic abuse and prejudice.
know what we see in here all the time? closeted miserable guys who denigrate those who are Out from a place of wimpy anonymity. “masc pride”< HAHAH! nothing masc about him, and nothing to be proud of.
know why coming out is hard? because you're all too often the first or only to do it. when i graduated high school it was me and two other classmates who were openly queer. in the last 15 years, more than 20 fellow classmates from our year have Come out.
you can't complain about a lack of visibility while choosing to remain invisible yourself. and we could all end this bullish*t close culture if we just stopped thinking of ourselves, and started thinking of how we can all help each other.
people have been coming out for decades, in times far more unforgiving than today. so why then in 2015 in north america do we still have grown-@ss MEN, grown adults, who refuse to come out? saying "i can't come out because it's hard and i might lose opportunities or people might be mean to me" is preposterous – all of us who've come out have experienced that.
if you're an adult, try to act like one. until you come out, you're not a man, you're a boy. stop thinking of your own issues and realize that you could be the one who ENDS that cycle of people from your community having to deal with that issue.
help the next generation. open the bloody closet door.
Desert Boy
Is ‘Vicious’ returning, Ian? Please say yes.
zooby
@Masc Pride: Ellen is a terrible example and contradicts what you are saying. She came out in the 90s… I mean, if there are homophobes NOW, imagine how it was back then. And yes, she did lose her show and advertisers pulled out, but now look at her – who doesn’t love Ellen? She made one of the biggest comebacks ever and is currently the biggest talk show host. Entertainers should be thankful for Ellen for taking all of that early on. Nowadays, people CAN come out in the entertainment industry and no one bats an eye. The ones who are defending the closet are those cowards who think people will care about who they are sleeping with (News flash – they don’t)
People are going to find out eventually either way when you are in the public eye. Want to live a private, closeted life? Don’t choose a career in entertainment in which you pretty much are giving up your privacy.
zooby
@AtticusBennett: Thank you!!!!!!!! I can’t stand these cowards wanting to have their cake and eat it too. These gay men who say things like “I don’t have to tell anyone I am straight! Do straight people have to announce who they sleep with?” are the SAME as the ignorant people who say “Who cares if ____ came out? You don’t see me coming out as straight!” or my favorite – “why is there no straight pride parade?”
They are only hurting themselves and shooting themselves in the foot. I mean, these men are out there on GRINDR (of all places, right?) while trying to have a “straight” life.. LMAO.
Masc Pride
@MCHG: Yeah, I’ve noticed that too, and usually from the same types that go postal if they ever detect a hint of judgment directed their way.
I feel like it’s a personal path for everyone. The next guy (or woman) may have obstacles that weren’t a problem for me. I’ve seen and heard of circumstances where remaining closeted was advantageous at the time. A lot of people were closeted while they established themselves, which led to the power to be unaffected by coming out when they were ready. The whole “live your truth no matter what” idea is nice but not always practical.
@zooby: Ellen is still talking about her experiences in 2015 (she’ll be the first interview of Oprah Winfrey’s Masterclass series) and acknowledges this is a dilemma a lot of people still face, even people who aren’t entertainers. We can look at Ellen’s comeback, but we can also reference the super fast rise and fall of Michael Sam. Like I said, it’s different for every person, so it’s rather arrogant to attempt to dictate some type of universal protocol.
Masc Pride
And I’m aware that Michael Sam wasn’t an actor, but it’s pretty much the same issue.
zooby
@Masc Pride: Nice straw man argument. She is talking about it because it was a big moment in her life – but that does support why people need to remain in the closet. That was the 90s. And even so, there is no good reason for someone to remain in the closet, especially as a public figure where we have websites like TMZ or PerezHilton or the National Enquirer.
And this is about people who are public figures, though people who live “closeted” lives hurt the community and themselves more than they realize.
Michael Sam is another bad example. It was not about him being gay, it was about him not being good enough. He clearly did not want to play football – he wanted to be a celebrity. Funny, he did not quit DWTS or his reality show, but once the got the chance to play football, he only made it a WEEK before he quit. Seriously dude? And you say you weren’t allowed to play because of your sexuality?
SeeingAll
If it’s true that being openly gay makes one not-as-marketable in show biz, then I don’t criticize actors just starting for staying closeted (or, at least, private). It’s hard enough to make it in that business. But for those who make it, with at least a modicum of success, I think there’s an obligation to “come out” these days.
Doughosier
It’s easier when you’re the kind of actor or singer no one wants to have sex with, like Sir Ian.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
I agree.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@Cam: And, they certainly did. You are a cool dude. I read your posts and I agree with every word you say. You’re a refreshing commenter in a sea of homophobic gay men and self-loathing.
CurlyMop
I was honestly thinking of this man recently, when also thinking of all the gay “stars” out there I suspect are closeted but remain there shamefully. While men like this you can actually respect.
Masc Pride
@zooby: You clearly don’t know what a straw man argument really is. It seems any example–whether Ellen’s 1990’s coming out or Sam’s 2012 coming out–will be a bad one since they doesn’t correlate with your point and the way you feel everyone else should think. True, Michael Sam may have not been all that focused on the game, but has anyone else in the NFL come out since? To my knowledge there are still no active out NFL players, and that says so much. It may be even harder post-Sam.
Whether it’s an aspiring actor, football player or even the average Joe, if remaining closeted helps them advance their careers, that’s what they should do. Are you and the rest of the judgmental out crusaders offering to feed them, clothe them and pay their bills if the coming out goes south? No. So it’s really none of your business. None of us owe each other anything. If you want to be an activist then goody for you. Some people just want to live their lives, and that’s fine too.
Masc Pride
*don’t correlate…
alphacentauri
@AtticusBennett: Well said. I came out first as gay at 15 to people at school, and then as bisexual when I was 18 as this is common for lots of bisexual people; but I go on other sites and see closeted bi and gay men whining about how they could “never come out” and that their “careers” would be ruined, etc. and these people are from North America and it’s not like they are from a place where if you come out as LGBT you get killed.
zooby
No, it is a bad example because they don’t correlate with YOUR point. You have yet to provide any proof of anyone’s career in entertainment suffering (especially a RECENT example) due to their coming out.
And the fact that no one else in the NFL has come out does not mean s hat. How does that prove anything? There are cowards everywhere – that doesn’t make it ok.
And I am far from an activist – I have yet to even go to Pride, but I have been out since I was 13 (in the 70s, mind you) and have no regrets. Yes, it was hard at times, but that is what being a man is all about. You know who else says the EXACT same thing you are saying defending the closet? (“Don’t be judgmental! It’s none of your business! I want to live a private life”) The closeted married men on Grindr. Just saying.
Go read AtticusBennett’s reply, I think he said it best.
Joe
I feel the same as the SIR. However, the bigger that star, the most likely he or she will come out. John Travolta comes to mind.
Joe
Meant, NOT COME OUT, not come out.
SeeingAll
@alphacentauri: People can invest their whole lives, tons of money and years of study for their careers. I don’t think we should criticize those afraid of losing all that. Though, I’ll admit, I’m not sure what careers they’re talking about, in the western world, in 2015.
Masc Pride
Zooby, repeatedly stating that you think these are bad examples doesn’t magically make it so. Ellen wouldn’t still be talking about events from decades ago if it was all water under the bridge today. The clip of her discussing it is the lead in advertisement for her upcoming interview.
Again, it’s very easy to judge people as cowards when you’re not walking in their shoes. No out active NFL players actually speaks volumes because it means that the players have gotten the message that it’s not okay. Have you ever been a gay NFL player? No. So even though you’re full of opinions on how they should run their lives, you actually don’t know what may be at risk for them. I don’t see a whole bunch of out gay actors giving Bradley Cooper and Ryan Gosling a run for their money either. Steve Grand has stated in many interviews that trying to make it as an out gay singer has been difficult. He had to practically beg for money to finance a project that sold like 100 copies.
We may not presently see a lot of celebrities (who aren’t athletes) lose it all after coming out. We’re seeing entertainers start out as out who aren’t going much further than gay-related movies/TV and gay audiences. It’s a lot like porn star popularity. Some people want more than that, and gay still puts limits on things even in 2015.
Go read my original post because I clearly stated that I’m not defending or bashing the closet. I’m simply understanding of those who are in difficult situations. It’s insane to even attempt to dictate one way for everyone to maneuver through something so personal and complicated. Let’s not be so sanctimonious and hypocritical.
SeeingAll
@Masc Pride: “..simply understanding of those who are in difficult situations. It’s insane to even attempt to dictate one way for everyone to maneuver through something so personal and complicated. Let’s not be so sanctimonious and hypocritical.” Yes. Especially because a lot of those critics had nothing to lose when they themselves came out. In fact, for some of them it’s a desirable attention-getter.
Masc Pride
@SeeingAll: Yeah, I’ve noticed a lot of the guys that are most vocal about dictating how other guys should live have kind of voluntarily confined themselves to the gay bubble anyway. It’s really not hard when you live in a gayborhood, work for a gay organization, only go to gay-friendly establishments, write gay blogs, and just generally gay it up 24/7. There’s really nothing to lose (aside from your sanity and concept of reality). lol
SeeingAll
@Masc Pride: Or they’re rich and secure and don’t have to work anyway.
Masc Pride
@SeeingAll: Oh yes, trust fund gays always have all the answers to life’s most perplexing mysteries. lol
zooby
@SeeingAll: @Masc Pride: Nope. I live in the south, have paid my own bills since I was 18, and came out when I was 13. I already stated I haven’t even gone to Pride. But of course, you have to resort to generalizations to support your cowardliness to remain the closet.
Masc Pride
@zooby: Oh yeah? Well I came out when I was 10; what took you so long? lol
SeeingAll
@zooby: Wha ? Who are you, zooby ? You weren’t even on my radar when I …said whatever.
zooby
@Masc Pride: LMAO. Sure you did… Yet you’re being so defensive about people staying in the closet. You aren’t fooling anyone.
And right back at you – just because you say they are great examples FOR staying in the closet doesn’t make it so. Ellen is talking about it to Oprah because she is telling her life story and that is a big part of it. Does not prove your point at all… especially since she came out in the 90s.
And again, you’re assuming things. Re-read what I’ve already wrote. That does not mean anything. And Matt Bomer or Neil Patrick Harris don’t seem to be getting great roles and only play gay characters?
Steve Grand – again, another example of a mediocre person at what they do blaming it on “I am gay, this is why I am not huge!” No, it’s because Steve Grand is nothing special. Sam Smith, on the other hand, has been selling out stadiums worldwide and he came out when his first major hit came out. So how do you explain him selling out stadiums worldwide and winning big at the last grammys? IIt’s about the talent, sexuality has nothing to do with it at all. Anyone who claims it is going to stop them for advancing in their careers is using that as an excuse for their cowardliness.
Masc Pride
@zooby: LMAO I didn’t believe your little coming of age tale either.
And right back at you – just because you say there is no good reason for staying in the closet doesn’t make that so. It’s interesting how celeb coming outs have pretty much come to a halt seeing how it’s all a piece of cake now. It’s just the occasional YouTube “star” these days. Guess all the entertainers that are out now are all that exist.
Matt Bomer and NPH are hardly in Bradley Cooper/Ryan Gosling territory. Delusional much? And I’ve only seen Matt Bomer play gay and very unconvincingly bi in this season of AHS. And let’s not forget HIMYM was (supposed to be) a comedy, so it was very fitting for an openly gay guy to play a str8 character there. Terrible examples, Zoob! You entirely missed the point. Go back and re-read what I said. It wasn’t just about playing gay actors playing heterosexual roles.
That’s 100 percent your opinion that Steve Grand didn’t make it because he’s nothing special. I know guys that like him and his music. It seems you’re the one assuming a lot now. Justin Bieber was never anything special, but that certainly didn’t stop him. As far as Sam Smith goes, flukes happen every now and then. Elton John, Melissa Etheridge and George Michael were even bigger than Smith. But that was decades ago, so it doesn’t count, right? LOL
zooby
@Masc Pride: Pfft you don’t have to believe me. But it’s at least more believable than the guy defending the closet claiming he came out at 10…
And your defense is what I just used to disprove YOUR bad defense. Getting a little desperate there, Masc Pride. I can tell you are running out of things to back up your terrible arguments for staying in the closet. Celebrity outs have not come to a halt, google coming outs of 2015, 2014, 2013, etc. and you’ll see plenty of people who came out that year.
“Guess all the entertainers that are out now are all that exist.” So in that case, maybe there are no gay men in the NFL! See how bad your arguments are?
I didn’t say they were in Bradley Cooper territory. Bradley Cooper is not in Jack Nicholson or Al Pacino territory (again, bad arguments). This isn’t about fame at all. You’re saying that coming out ruins the actor’s chances of getting great roles, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Or did you run out of mediocre singers or sport players to prove a point? What does it being a comedy have to dow with anything? Again, using straw man arguments.
“That’s 100 percent your opinion that Steve Grand didn’t make it because he’s nothing special.” Just like it is YOUR opinion (not a fact) that he didn’t make it cause he is gay. Yet you say I am assuming things? Oh boy.
Oooh so my Sam Smith example is a “fluke that happens now and then.” WAIT, so you are saying it happens – entertainers CAN be out and their careers won’t suffer? I thought coming out in entertainment world was shooting yourself in the foot? Thank you for proving me right!
Masc Pride
Zooby, you don’t have to believe me or agree with anything I’m saying either. You have an extremely twisted interpretation of what has actually been said. You consistently fail to fully understand comments before rushing to respond with unnecessary hostility. It’s pretty clear you just want to pick fights with people.
1. I never stated it was impossible for gay entertainers to go mainstream. Not even once. I’m actually the one who mentioned Ellen Degeneres, Elton John, Melissa Etheridge and George Michael. I said that it’s rare and the gay label can be super limiting more often, all things that I’ve also seen and heard gay entertainers claim repeatedly.
2. Sam Smith had ONE successful solo project, hardly evidence of long-term success. Anyone with a good publicist can have a great year. Bad example, Zoobs! In 2008, everyone was saying Gaga was the next Madonna, but it didn’t exactly work out that way. Remember Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, the pro-gay (for good press) hetero act? Everyone thought they were the future of progressive pop music with a message. Heard from them lately?
3. The glaring flaw in your logic is that it fails to factor in how different people are in different situations. The aspiring gay figure skater will have an easier time being openly gay than the aspiring gay football player. The aspiring dance pop “divo” will have an easier time being openly gay than the aspiring gay rapper. Regular guys too, the guy who works at the makeup counter will have an easier time than the construction worker.
I recommend you watch a documentary called “The Butch Factor”. All of your responses show a very narrow and judgmental perspective. Stop trying to claim you’re somehow helping the gay community by bashing and shaming gay people who are having a hard time.