Episode 10 of Logo’s The A-List: Dallas concludes the season with yet another blow-up between Levi and his besotted admirers Chase and Taylor. (We are stunned!) Meanwhile James decides to move to another city to get away from his friends and their annoying habit of trying to help him straighten out his life. Also, much of the blogosphere’s preseason vitriol directed towards this show had to do with Taylor the Terrible’s meeting with Ann Coulter, which producers shrewdly earmarked for the grand finale.
In the meantime, Levi—whose powerful cowboy pheromones have turned most of the cast into moon-eyed obsessives—learned from his doctor that it is unlikely he will ever return to the competitive rodeo circuit. He’s gutted by the news. Levi’s body, still suffering the after-effects of a snapped spine years earlier, just isn’t up to the rigors of the sport. Luckily, however, he is invited to announce and offer color commentary for the upcoming gay rodeo finals. He jumps at the chance, given it combines his two great loves: men and horses.
ecue with James and Phillip, who offers his usual bitchy commentary; and yet a third vignette with Ashley, who is tickled pink and happily helps him compose a prayer to recite when he leads a blessing of the rodeo.
Of course, Levi wonders aloud about the appropriateness of thanking Jeebus for all of the handsome cowboys he expects will be in attendance.
Of course you can, Levi!
“God made these good-looking people,” Ashley chirps approvingly.
Levi squirms uncomfortably during his get-together with Chase, who doesn’t yet know that Levi hooked up with Taylor behind his back. Oh, just tell Chase the truth, you damned horndog! Save us the confrontation we know is on the horizon!
Chase continues to profess nonchalance about his relationship with the laconic cowboy, but nobody is buying it. In fact, even conflict-avoidant Levi remarks at one point that he believes Chase has become more emotionally invested in their dalliances than he expected. Yeah, you think?
Dallas’ nightclubs and bars, dabbling with party promotion and getting into booze-soaked slap-fights with his entourage, he will be moving to Los Angeles to pursue his latest whim: acting.
Absolutely no one thinks James will enjoy any better luck curbing his self-destructive tendencies in the City of Angels than in the Big D. They offer tepid support, which irks James to no end. He whines relentlessly about being made into a project, particularly by Ashley. In fact, she doesn’t know he’s moving until Levi accidentally spills the beans. She is not pleased one whit.
For all of her faults, Ashley has genuinely tried to expose James to a healthier lifestyle, as well as sunlight and fresh air, instead of the stale cigarettes-and-beer fumes of a nightclub at 2am.
Ashley, to her enormous credit, is not intimidated when James tries to whine his way out of taking responsibility for his actions. She doesn’t believe that he is strong enough not to be seduced by the wicked, wicked temptations waiting for him in Los Angeles without the support system of his friends. She doesn’t back down even when Phillip, James’ cohort Brayden and others try to pick a fight over what they perceive to be her meddling. (Chase shrewdly observes that Phillip is irritated because meddling in their lives is his job.) “She’s been harder on me than anyone this summer,” James gripes. “Parole officers, whatever.”
Wait, what—parole officers? Did we miss a storyline there?
Speaking of L.A., Taylor the Terrible spends part of the episode there to meet Jimmy LaSalvia, the co-founder of gay conservative group GOProud. (Following the A-List tradition of getting real-world press for cast members, LaSalvia recently blasted Rick Perry pollster Tony Fabrizio as a one of those “faggots who line their pockets with checks from anti-Oh you mean like gay gay Republicans?
LaSalvia notes their organization was founded to show the world that “not all conservatives are anti-gay bigots.” The group plans to raise $1 million to further their goals for the 2012 elections and LaSalvia believes Taylor can help them target smaller donors. The Tempest in a Teacup is offered a test run the following afternoon over lunch with Ann Coulter because LaSalvia wants to see if he’s presentable, essentially, by observing him in action with a Republican heavy hitter.
They also exchange a couple of awkward jokes about how conservative women are sexy “because they’re happy.” Oops, there goes breakfast!
The next day, Taylor is gleeful when Coulter arrives for lunch. She is charming and personable and wins him over utterly. Taylor explains that he doesn’t want to be defined by his homosexuality; Coulter instead encourages him to be defined by his Christianity instead. When they discuss pro-life issues, she and Taylor agree that all gays ought to be pro-life. It’s her belief that the first group of people to begin aborting fetuses when the gay gene is discovered will be “liberal hippies.”
We’re not so sure about that, Ms. Coulter—we’re pretty sure the Fundamentalists will find some kind of loophole to excuse terminating their gaybies.
Ann and Taylor later debate what Jesus actually says in the Bible about homosexuality and fornication. And Ann tells him she wants the boys to fix her up with their straight brothers.
(“I don’t follow politics,” he says), while Ashley expresses admiration for Coulter’s straight-shooting ways.
Chase, however, is personally offended that Taylor met with her. He rolls his eyes and flinches whenever her name comes up. Taylor understands there is more going on under the surface, of course; his formula for revenge has been on a slow simmer ever since Chase hooked up with Levi behind his back when he and the cowboy were supposed to be “monogamously dating.” Ashley is shocked when she learns that Taylor’s most recent fling with Levi was part of the plan. “It’s twisted,” she says.
Like an evil puppeteer, as the group converges at a post-rodeo banquet, Taylor masterfully pokes and prods Chase into a confrontation about Coulter’s beliefs before steering the conversation around to monogamy and then dropping the bomb that he is still banging Levi.
At this exact moment, the producers hilariously cut to a shot of James downing his tumbler of alcohol in one gulp. (They’re fools if they don’t submit this episode for Emmy consideration.)
Chase is visibly wounded and storms out. His master plan having come together, Taylor sparkles with pleasure. Outside, Levi struggles to explain himself and Chase shoves him away.
This storyline is left unfinished as the last scene details one final confrontation between Ashley and James as he packs up his car for Los Angeles. She gently tells him she believes he’s making yet another wrong decision but understands that he’s got to wrap up his storyline make his own mistakes.
This tough love is contrasted with confessional interviews from Levi, Chase, Taylor and Phillip, none of whom clearly give a tinker’s damn whether James gets plastered and drains his trust fund in Dallas or Los Angeles—or Paducah, KY, for that matter.
And with that, James drives off into the golden Texas sun.
Next week: Wendy Williams flips her weave for The A-List: Dallas reunion show! Ashley is confronted for her meddling ways! Levi calls out James for obsessing on their long-ago affair! Chase says Taylor is a sociopath! Phillip calls Chase a whore! Chase calls Phillip a bitch! Yee-haw!
JC Adams is a Los Angeles-based writer, filmmaker and blogger of moderate renown. His first book, Gay Porn Heroes (Bruno Gmunder), was published in September. Find him on Twitter @GPTimes.
Mike in Asheville
Um, the idea of “s/he who must not be named” means not naming them. Like Beetlejuice, saying AC thrice, and another will appear from the vile pit of despair inflicting poison and vomit in her path; like Voldemort, a demon dripping with a bloody thirst of power. Yike and yuck, please do not bring up that horrid name. Oops, gotta run to barf.
QJ201
Does anyone watch this show but those writing recaps. “We watch so you don’t have to”
Scott Bonzitski
What is the “A-list” and when is it on? Only asking cause’ I’ve been able to advoid it this far. I don’t want to “inadvertantly” tune into it. Just another “reel” tv show. Give us something with substance and I’ll watch…SB
stevoj
logotv should invest in some creative original programming. i don’t get the premise of these a-list shows, especially the dallas boys. they’re all what 21-22… what have they accomplished that’s noteworthy
Breadquanda
Wendy don’t wear no weave.
Franco
Why do you guys pay any attention to Ann Coulter? If you stopped mentioning her she would go away.
Jason
If Ann Coulter were even vaguely relevant today, she wouldn’t be on this D-List show.
She’s not.
Her brand of crazy’s been co-opted by others even crazier and nastier than her, and she’s just a has-been splashing around in a bucket of spit trying to get noticed.
Chad
Luckily I have managed to avoid the A-List as well. The only time I ever hear or read about it is her on Queerty. So from everything I have read on here the show is centered around this one guy named “Levi”. There must not be anyone else on the show because all you ever read about is this one guy.
Ronbo
Just another reason to skip the A(hole)- list.
christopher di spirito
I don’t understand Queerty’s endless fascination with this awful program and Ann Coulter?
Call me crazy but it just cheapens your brand and makes this website seem irrelevant to its readers.
HM
So Annie…let’s call her by her old New England name….comes from a brood of stuffy, cold Connecticut blue bloods, has dated Muslims, pals around with lesbians and drops in on eclectically Blue State tv fare…..and she wants us to believe she really is a right wing Rosa Kleb surfing on waves of adolation rolling in from the conservative heartland?
Uh huh. The only thing missing on the Coulter Subaru Outback is the retro De Colores window sticker. See you in Hyannis, Annie.
Owen
I did not watch A List New York until I was with some gay friends and they were watching and I found it FREAKIN’ hilarious. Seriously, every time Rodney said ANYTHING was heaven. I’ve never watched an episode of the Housewives shows (the paradigm which I’ve heard the A List bases it’s on) but I thoroughly enjoyed hating those boy. I mean, I loathed them. To be fair, I don’t loath the Dallas cast. I don’t like them, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t wish them death. Which is sad, as that’s what made NY so much fun (for those haters who can’t have a good time with these show, sorry, you’re missing a hoot n’ a half). However, last night, when they made the quick edit to James after the Taylor dropped his Levi bomb to Chase…that shit might be the funniest moment on Logo EVER (and I’m including anything on any season of the Drag Race).
Mark
Have never watched this program or anything on Logo and after all the crap they’ve pulled, I never will.
Ogre Magi
Amnesty International should classify this show as a form of torture.
Colin
So unfortunate they pulled it!
ronsfo
Ann Coulter, what an abortion of woman she is.
Moshe
Love Ann. Smart, super funny. A lot of you seem to find her very threatening.
CBRad
@Moshe: (That’s partly because of gay misogyny).
Mike
@christopher di spirito: Clearly Logo and Queerty have some sort of business arrangement, and I’m sure there are certain stipulations that Logo wanted in exchange for help with funding the website, like these recaps promoting it, and those full-page A-List ads plastered all over the front page (kind of like what they’re doing with Svedka today).
Earlier this year Queerty almost didn’t go on. Now it’s still here, but now you know who the advertiser is.
mizzymm
At one point, she says the Bible says no fornication if you’re gay, and the next secound she wants the gays, to hook her up with their brothers. Horny Ann, Ugly, hateful, horny Ann!!
timncguy
@mizzymm: @mizzymm: She didn’t say no fornication “if you’re gay”. She just said the bible says no fornication. This makes one wonder if she knows the definition of fornication.
But, it also puts gays in a difficult spot. If fornication is against the rules and you aren’t allowed to marry, then you can never have sex. But, if gays could marry, then the fornication rule would apply equally to all both gay and straight.
GOD (gay old dude)
Behold all the love and acceptance of the gay community. Oh—wait a minute—I didn’t mean love and acceptance—what I see is more like projectile vomitting of seething hatred instigated by disdain toward anyone who doesn’t think like you. How very rainbowy of you all. But then again, the gay community has been nothing but bitchy toward A-list ever since they announced there was a—gasp!—Republican on the show. Shame on those producers for not respecting your hyper-sensitive feelings, when obviously they should have made the cast a bunch of cross-dressing seniors who still rant about FDR.
Pocket Otter
What I find amusing is all the people who apparantly watch this show, but at the same time apparantly hate it. Confusing, indeed.
CBRad
@Pocket Otter: And I STILL think a lot of people actually think the show is real and not scripted.
Mike in Asheville
@GOD (gay old dude): Perhaps you missed my last response to you on another Queerty thread: Time to change that ego driven moniker to a more accurate one: SOD — senile old dude.
mizzymm
Ann is also 50, and never married, The Bible , and her party frown on sex before marriage. I guess she must be a virgin. Not.
christopher di spirito
@Mike: Yes. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.
GOD (gay old dude)
@Mike in Asheville: It’s an acronym, Einstein. Just like the acronymization of your name translates into MIA, i.e., Missing In Action, which would be a blessing if you lived up to it. (You see? I can be just as rude as you! What a country!)
Jason
@GOD (gay old dude): You’re obviously a POQ (pathetic old queen) bound for extinction, who can’t even understand an obvious distinction that even a 2-year old could. We don’t hate Republicans. We hate ANTI-GAY Republicans who’ve spent a big chunk of their careers making vitriolic anti-gay public statements, who’ve spent their time actively passing anti-gay legislation, and who’ve either silently stood by or supported said legislation.
Ann Coulter has been spouting anti-gay garbage, and has been supporting the nastiest of anti-gay politicians for decades now. And that’s not even the tip of the iceberg when it comes to this woman’s pathetic attempts at insulting people who aren’t cut from the same mould as her.
There’s a difference between Republican Ann Coulter and Republicans Susan Collins, Bill Weld, Alan Simpson, Justices Souter and Day O’Connor. If you don’t get that, then you don’t deserve the protections the “rainbow-y” gay community of mostly people on the so-called American left have spent decades fighting for. What you deserve is hiding in your moth-balled closet as you take the insults of social conservatives, which is well and good because you probably get off on it.
Hideous person.
GOD (gay old dude)
@Jason:
Yes, Jason, when two people have differing opinions of COURSE it means the other person is a “pathetic old queen” or a “hideous person”. It must be because your opinion is obviously superior to all others (as name-calling always reflects). And to cherry-pick and say “we (as if you include all homosexuals in your personal rant) don’t hate Republicans, we hate ANTI-GAY Republicans” is a laugh-out-loud moment in Queerty history. I challenge you to peruse the comments on this site and come away with any opinion other than Gays Hate Republicans—period. Do they have reasons? In some cases, sure, but by the same token, a lot of blacks and Asians and middle-Easterners don’t like white Americans, regardless of their politics, simply because they are what they are—does that make it OK? Is hate condoned by you if the victim doesn’t fit your profile of who can and cannot be victimized?
(and you’re right about my name—I’m not even old, so from now on it’ll be Gay Onmipotent Dude)
Mike in Asheville
@GOD (gay old dude): And who is the dipshit, dipshit?
MIA IS NOT an acronym, moron, as one pronounces the letters and not used as a single word, as in the name Mia Farrow.
Your dipshit MONIKER of G-O-D can be an acronym when used as a word God, but you, Mr. Dipshit (my new moniker for you) use all caps, indicating that each letter be pronounced. Your use of “GOD” would ALWAYS be considered a moniker, but only dipshits like you, Mr. Dipshit, would be so moronic to count GOD as an acronym.
Let me agree with Jason @ #29, that POQ — Pathetic Old Queen is a more than acceptable moniker too. So, Mr. Dipshit, which shall it be: Mr. Dipshit, SOD — Senile Old Dude, or POQ — Pathetic Old Queen? Do let us know. Cheers.
christopher di spirito
@GOD (gay old dude): Please do yourself (and us) a major favor and Shut the Fuck Up. Your moniker needs to be changed to ‘Gay Old Harpie.’
Pitou
@GOD (gay old dude): Actually.. I’m pretty sure Jason hit the nail right on its head.. “We don’t hate Republicans. We hate ANTI-GAY Republicans who’ve spent a big chunk of their careers making vitriolic anti-gay public statements, who’ve spent their time actively passing anti-gay legislation, and who’ve either silently stood by or supported said legislation.”
I think it’s safe to say that Gays do not in fact hate all Republicans, but do hate those that Jason so clearly describes in his post, and I feel it’s safe to say that a VAST majority of the LGBT community would agree, hands down.
I’m a gambling man, POQ, so I’d wager 200 hrs of community service to be donated to a local LGBT-related (Youth, AIDS, Elderly, homeless, etc.) org of your choice, in your area (Verifiable proof WOULD be required, that if Queerty took a poll.. and the question was framed as such, that I’d win, and you’d be donating some hard time to a highly worth-while cause. To stay with the topic, the poll should be limited to LGBT only, and framing should be:
(I don’t really know what to put as C., D., etc. as really the only question is about Anti-Gay Republicans vs. ALL Republicans)
Question:
It is often assumed that all LGBT’s hate all Republicans, period. Please select your response below.
A. I hate ALL Republicans
B. I hate ANTI-GAY Republicans who’ve spent a big chunk of their careers making vitriolic anti-gay public statements, who’ve spent their time actively passing anti-gay legislation, and who’ve either silently stood by or supported said legislation.
David Ehrenstein
In the next episode of “The A-List: Dallas” Ashley nails Ann Coulter with a strap-on and Levi becomes an ex-gay.
Gimme A Break
QUEERTY…
Come clean and let us know how much LOGO Ad Revenue you get for posting this bits every week. It is clear that those who watch it, hate it and the rest of us just read it to comment about why the hell are you talking about it. Do you realized that 1000’s of awesome gay TV exist on the net. You know…like you are on the net by the way) that deserve way more attention but don’t have the ad revenue to pay. You are becoming the Calista Gingrich of the gay press.
Spike
Nice of LOGO to give a hater like Ann Coulter such a forum to spread her hate. Can’t wait for the God Hates Fags to get their opportunity to be on the show.
CBRad
@Pitou: All gays in the gay ghetto of Manhattan (and other cities) hate all Republicans. They don’t think about it, they just follow it as one of the Rules. That’s what the gay is now. (Historically they’ve been brilliant minds like DaVinci and Bacon. Now they are blank robots). If you move to Manhattan and don’t make sure everyone knows you hate every single Republican, the out-of-town squatters like Andrews Towle, Humm, and Belonsky will very angrily scream at you and flap their limp wrists, “You’re not being a good gay-gay!!” Can you imagine anything more retarded than adult men actually saying and doing that? That’s what you’ve come down to, dudes.
Chapeau
Why Queerty? Why? Please spare us any more of the A-List. It sux .. and not in the good way.
DVD to iPod giveaway
i do not like him.
LJC
I watch this show On Demand usually to kill time on a Sunday morning and what strikes me most is how much all these people talk without actually ever saying anything. Is that what being A List means? And it’s too bad the Dallas crew had no one near as entertaining as Rodiney from the NY episodes.
Bruce Majors
The Canadian TV series “ReGenesis” (starring Ellen Page before she was in movies) covered anti-gay eugenic abortion way back in 2007:
http://bighomocon.blogspot.com/2012/01/regenesis.html