“Gay” may have once meant “happy,” but there’s nothing jolly about this collection of crazy queers.
Sure, there are some great homos out there – countless, in fact – but some men loving men made their mark with tooth, nail and pure, unadulterated evil.
Thus, without further ado, we present to you some cold bitches, including this lovely gent: former Polish Prime Minister Jaroslaw Kaczynski. Sure, he’s only “allegedly” gay, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be a nasty queen!
Andrew Cunanan: Don’t be fooled by his good looks, California-native Andrew Cunanan had a heart of darkness – and a shiny pistol. He used said pistol to murder five people over a four month period in 1997. Cunanan’s most famous victim, of course, was fashion designer Gianni Versace, who Cunanan assassinated in front of the fashion designer’s Miami mansion. Prior to that encounter, Cunanan shot and killed former Naval officer Jeffrey Trail and architect David Madson, both of whom were friends. Some friend, huh?
From there, Cunanan booked it to Chicago, where he killed real estate mogul Lee Miglin, whose car he stole. Realizing that coppers would be on his tale, Cunanan ditched Miglin’s wheels and took Pennsylvania caretaker William Reese’s truck. As you can imagine, the price was Reese’s life.
All this psycho bitchery landed Cunanan on the FBI’s most wanted list, but authorities never got a chance to take him in: Cunanan shot just before being captured.
Fritz Haarmann: Cunanan’s not the only queer serial killer – and he’s certainly got nothing on German-national Fritz Haarmann. Most of you probably don’t recognize this man’s name, but perhaps you recognize his nickname, the Butcher of Hanover, a moniker he earned for the 24 murders he committed between 1919 and 1924. And these were no “normal” murders. Haarmann picked up gay prostitutes or other down-and-out men, took them back to his place and screwed them twice: first in the butt and then in the neck, which he bit through and led them bleed to death. Such a task takes a great amount of work, so Haarmann allegedly got some help from his live in lover, who served twelve years in prison. Haarmann, meanwhile, was executed.
Emporer Nero: Sure, “gay” didn’t exist in the Roman Empire, but gay acts sure as shit did, and Nero had a number of flaming flings, including one with man he had previously castrated. So, what’s so evil about this guy? Well, aside from the conquering and pillaging, Nero wanted to rule Rome so badly that he killed his adoptive brother. Then, when his mother objected to his tyrannical ways, he killed her, too. A grown man murdering his mama? Icy!
Roy Cohn: It’s hard to get more cold than Cohn. This New York-bred lawyer first gained prominence for helping prosecute alleged communist spies, Ethel and Julius Rosenberg, who were later executed. The anti-commie trend continued well into the 1950s, when Cohn helped Senator Joseph McCarthy purge the government, Hollywood and the rest of America during the McCarthy trials.
The Ruskies weren’t the only target on his list. According to author David Johnson, Cohn helped McCarthy fired nearly 200 government employees for their alleged gay ways, even though many were already murmuring about Cohn’s own sexual appetites. Cohn would later die of AIDS-related causes, although the original “official” word was that he had succumbed to cancer.
Jaroslaw Kaczynski: Woof. Here’s one evil witch. While Prime Minister of Poland, Kaczynski – and his twin brother, president Lech – made it his mission to rid his homeland of the homos and backed education minister Roman Giertych’s attempt to ban gays from teaching. The European Union wasn’t too pleased with his anti-gay attitudes and publicly criticized him. Like so many nasties, however, Kaczynski denied discriminating against gays, but, in the same breath, said society has no use for the lavender set:
Nobody is limiting gay rights in Poland… However, if we’re talking about not having homosexual propaganda in Polish schools, I fully agree with those who feel this way. Such propaganda should not be in schools; it definitely doesn’t serve youth well.
…
It’s not in the interest of any society to increase the number of homosexuals – that’s obvious.
Too bad Jaroslaw’s long been rumored to dig the dudes. And, in fact, allegedly spurred a secret service investigation. Meanwhile, his nasty attitude no doubt contributed to his 2007 electoral defeat.
Gargamel: Evil wizard Gargamel made it his mission to destroy the Smurfs, a plot that dates back to 1959, when the blue ‘toons thwarted his plan to use one of their own in a gold-making potion.
Like so many homos, Gargamel never found the true love that may have cured his evil ways. Rather, he lived alone with his rotten – and equally evil – cat, Azrael. He would later take on a young charge named Scruple, who got booted from wizard school. It would later be speculated that the duo had more than a working relationship.
Gargamel, who’s still alive, though hasn’t been heard from in ages, never found the courage to come out. Tired of the wizard’s dastardly aims, Huckleberry Hound blew open his closet door in a 2005 Salon interview.
Gargamel had no comment.
The Ex-Gay Leaders: Need we explain this one? Anyone who tries to convert gays must be cold blooded.
Ernest Rohm: What’s more evil that a Nazi henchman? A gay Nazi henchman who goes after the homos. While many of Adolf Hitler’s cronies allegedly got off on man-on-man action, Rohm’s become one of the most notorious. And his plotting against the Holocaust’s gay victims was allegedly motivated by an urge to rewrite public opinion. Or that’s what historian Louis Snyder says, at least: “[Rohm] projected a social order in which homosexuality would be regarded as a human behavior pattern of high repute…he flaunted his homosexuality in public and insisted that his cronies do the same. What was needed, Rohm believed, was a proud and arrogant lot who could brawl, carouse, smash windows, kill and slaughter for the hell of it.” This bully apparently became so popular among Nazi sympathizers that Hitler had him offed.
Cecil Rhodes: Colonialist business man Rhodes never would have described himself as gay, but various historians have suggested that the British-born son of a clergyman got down with the guys. In fact, Rhodes, who helped establish Rhodesia, later Zimbabwe, allegedly preferred blond, Aryan men. He obviously didn’t care for black folk: Rhodes’ mining and diamond businesses, as well as his imperialist expansion, easily exploitable labor. Not even the bitchiest of fags can justify such atrocious human rights violations. Unless they wanted to be on this list, of course.
There are many many more cold bitches to be had, so why don’t you guys make some suggestions and look forward to a sequel?!
I'm So Sure, Helen
Oh No! Jerry Falwell has risen from the grave and is now in charge of Gay History Week at Queerty. I feel so anti-proud of my roots!! Got any evil hairdressers up your sleeve?
PJ
Jeffrey Dahmer, anyone?
How about John Wayne Gacey?
Captain Hook. He spent all that time chasing after Peter Pan.
They are all ice queens, if you ask me.
John
Maybe I’m missing something…I often do…but this seems a really odd entry in the blog. Is there a particular motivation?
Tim in SF
Cunanan was not a serial killer, he was a spree-killer.
andrew
Oh, Jerry Falwell my ass. The fact of the matter is that there are plenty of naughty gay boys and girls (cannibalistic Mr. Gay UK, anyone) and to pretend like there aren’t would be short-sighted, naive and downright foolish. Why can’t we all have a laugh at bad gays?
mag90069
Wow. The level of ignorance here is astounding. Since when has any serial killer or mass murderer or generally creepy person been described as heterosexual? I don’t remember anyone talking about the hetero Pol Pot. Yeah, and that straight dude, Kruschev in Russia. He was bad. But no one ever says remember that straight guy in the Soviet union who killed 50,000 people.
Doing crap like this only justifies straight people doing the same thing. Which we all hate. Grow up Queerty. You suck. In the gay and bad way.
Kieren
This isn’t funny or useful. Bad, Queerty. Bad!
Sammy C
Psh. What about Joe McCarthy?
MJ
To include Cecil Rhodes is totally retarded. I suppose Queerty prefers Zimbabwe to Rhodesia, though. They left out Clyde Barrow, Panzram, the Kray brothers, the bisexual Charles Manson, the bisexual Rev. Jim Jones, Keth Chester Hill (of Baytown, Texas, the black male charged last year with sexually assaulting several white males- considered the U.S. first serial rapist) and the Queerties themselves, who STILL haven’t corrected their part as co-villains in the Duke lacrosse rape hoax.
MJ
Sorry, obviously I meant to say first serial rapist of MALES in the Hill case.
Kid A
Arg. Bisexuals always get the bad rap.
Charley
We Gays are inately gentle and good people, although I feel like shooting the TV when FOX news shows it’s face.
Charley
Queerty, you are funny and the bad boy on the block. Some of the politically correct bureaucratic bloggers that I know come here, Pamshouseblend, Bilerico, Interstate-Q and others visit you regularily if not daily, but they don’t have you on their recommended reading lists. Maybe they are ashamed at a site being too outrageous and sexual. Very funny.
Keep up the good work.
I'm So Sure, Helen
Oh wait, it’s all coming back to me, now — those hilarious stories of wacky, sociopathic killers who happen to hunt same-sex victims as the target audience for their knee-slapping comedy routines. I mean, what’s funnier on the naughty scale: the contents of Anna Nicole’s refrigerator or the contents of Jeffrey Dahmer’s? Thanks for being there to remind me of the laughter.
I'm So Sure, Helen
PS. I, for one, love your blog, Andrew, and visit regularly.
neroX2
This post was really interesting and unique.. Can’t wait for part two!
Szymon Niemiec
Jaroslaw Kaczynski…. yeaah… every gay person in Poland “knows” something about this men. And no one has courage to say it clearly…
I am wondering, when some journalist check, why before he become PM, he visited Amsterdam many times…;)
Doug
J Edgar Hoover
Paulo
Eileen Wournos and one of the Kray Brothers was also gay and
What about all those Catholic priest pedos, just because it’s same-sex abuse does it make them gay?
chgo921
Like any list, there will always be people who say “how did you leave off . . . “. Here’s mine:
Leopold and Loeb.
CitizenGeek
I agree with Andrew; it’d just be silly to ignore the fact that there are some total bitches in the annals of the 20th and 21st centuries that have been gay.
As for John Wayne Gacey … not sure you could describe him as gay. Most pedophiles that target young boys (as Gacey did) are not necessarily gay (i.e. wouldn’t be interested in having sex with other men of their age). According to some psychiatrists, they are attracted to the feminine characteristics of young boys.
Rob Moore
Interesting list. I was not aware of the rumours around Jaroslaw Kaczynski. It just goes to show that gay people are as diverse as straight people. Most are decent people and a few are really sick, evil fucks.
As for you folks who just can’t stand to acknowledge that all gay people, except your most recent ex, are just the sweetest, nicest, most giving people in the world, some are. Most of us are just people who mostly do good, but occassionally fuck up.
This is a really interesting list. I had read some things about Cecil Rhodes and his not so casual interest in blond, fratboy types. He bore some of the responsibility for the Boer War since it brought adjoining territory under British rule and gave him better access to the coast. He most certainly exploited natives to build his enormous wealth then used some of that wealth to establish the Rhodes Scholarship. Back then, nonwhites need not apply.
Charley
Jaroslaw Kacynski. That recipe is out of my kitchen. Too much mayonnaise.
sugarsmack
Yasser Arafat and the evil queen from Snow White. Actually Disney is full of gay villains or so I recently read.
wildeoutwest
The evil Nazi fag name was spelled Ernst Röhm (or Roehm if not using the umlaut).
blackiemiko
who are the 2 cute guys in Orange suits?
papapi
I doubt the percentage of evil queers is any greater than the percentage of evil breeders. Evil queers just receive more attention regarding where and with whom they pet their parts.