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True Blood Recap Roulette: The Hunt for Russell and Decent Dialogue

Anyone can just spell out what happened on last night’s episode of True BloodIn fact, you can’t swing a dead shapeshifter without hitting someone’s recaps.

So every week this season, Queerty contributor Jason Sweeten is going to give us a different spin on the previous night’s episode: it might be a screenshot slideshow, a sock-puppet re-enactment, or even some Kabuki theater. (If we can just get the budget approved). He might not always succeed, but at least it won’t be boring.

This week: Charts and Graphs!











And finally, something that impacts all of us. And by all of us, I mean me:

Jason Sweeten is a contributing writer (and graph maker!) for Queerty. And yes, he realizes that he included a table. Photo: John P. Johnson/HBO

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    • Gauthier

      I’m gonna make it my job to comment on every single one of these True Blood recaps because they are some of the best stuff Queerty has to offer. yet again, this one was ingenious and fucking hilarious. i second the motion someone made previously that you make these for a couple of other queer-oriented series :)

      Jul 9, 2012 at 2:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jason Sweeten

      @Gauthier: I read (obsessively?) the comments, so thanks for the support.

      Jul 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Gauthier

      @Jason Sweeten: Yass gurl, you’ll get nothing but support from me. Maybe push around those whiny hos at Queerty a little, they should definitely go in this direction overall. And maybe they’ll get more enthusiastic, intelligent commenters instead of the usual abundance of HORRID trolls and hate-spewing bigots (the queer ones, that is, which makes it even worse). And for heaven’s sake, when are they going to enforce bans on people like Jason? Sorry, I got sidetracked. Great job, I look forward to your next installment, haha

      Jul 9, 2012 at 2:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • raisedsouth

      Love the TruBlood recaps they are the best, and for the rest of Queerty it has its ups and its lows and its downs. Thanks for the Trublood!!!

      Jul 9, 2012 at 3:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • averaqe person

      You creative types are all alike with your fancy ideas and unorthodox slants on the world today. The time will come when the conservative masses will rise up and demand a return to the traditional recaps that have proven themselves over millenia.

      Jul 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Michael Preston

      LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR RECAPS!!!………………..and REALLY AVERAGE PERSON???!!! But I guess your profile name sums it up..

      Jul 9, 2012 at 4:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kayo

      I’m very sad this season isn’t nearly as good and captivating as the previous ones. It seems to be picking up now but we’ll see. Terry doesn’t deserve his own plot, so boring omg.

      Jul 9, 2012 at 5:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dame

      So what was up with Jesus scenes? Why did he appear to both Lafayette and his mother?

      Jul 9, 2012 at 11:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jo

      Can this Jason dude get his own Tab on this site already? It’s the most creative, intelligent and entertaining writing on this site. Keep these recaps coming. And yes, I just said coming. -jo

      Jul 10, 2012 at 6:45 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • MJ (different from the other one)

      this made me laugh.

      Terry’s story was only remotely interesting once they brought the Ifrit out. it would’ve been even better if it killed Patrick and left it there since we now know the whole story.

      I know Hoyt’s pissed and all but that doesn’t mean he has to come out of the house dressed like a poser. someone help this boy, he’s getting desperate.

      Am I evil for saying I don’t care that every shifter that Sam knows has been dying lately?

      there better be something good coming out of Lafayette’s story with dead Jesus

      Jul 10, 2012 at 8:02 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Making up stuff is fun!

      Jason, please take over Queerty and remake it in your image. These recaps are by far my favorite thing on this site.

      Jul 10, 2012 at 8:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Misti Ridiculous

      Holy hell. That is brilliant. Awesome. Brillawesome.

      just stupidgood.

      Jul 10, 2012 at 10:18 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Misti Ridiculous

      Holy hell. That is brilliant. Awesome. Brillawesome.

      just stupidgood. i can’t wait till next week!

      Jul 10, 2012 at 10:19 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jason

      Boola boss (that’s Irish for “Clap Clap” (the good kind not the bad kind)) to whoever done this!! Trés Bien (that’s French). Das ist so gut ya (that’s German for the best Orgasm in my life). Nien (that’s German for an orgasm in General). *__* (That’s German for faking an orgasm).

      Jul 11, 2012 at 12:23 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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