As we groggily–perhaps even resentfully–settle back into the daily drudgery of our lives following Memorial Day, new mysteries abound, teasing and tantalize us.
Some of those mysteries: Why has the newly out Colton Haynes shared a boldly bare-assed Instagram photo complete with a platinum blonde ‘do, a moody mannequin who stole that blonde ‘do, and Tom Ford, dressed as a certified sniper and applying some sort of motorized buff puff to that bright bare ass?
The news of all this platinum blonde hair and bare ass business has sent shockwaves through the blogosphere, Hollywood Life feverishly reported:
It’s not clear why the photo was taken, but we thoroughly enjoyed discovering it on our Instagram feed. It’s such a perfect butt, don’t you think? Round, firm and the actor has an amazing tan. What more could you want?!
Ace Showbiz was equally frantic about all this unbridled butt-bearing:
The “Arrow” actor took to the photo-sharing app on Friday, May 27 to post the racy image of him showing off his bare butt.
Rocking his newly dyed hair, he’s seen lying on his stomach while a man with the same hair color held his hands. His boxer briefs were pulled down to reveal his butt cheeks. “By @stevenkleinstudio &@tomford . #ValleyOfTheDolls,” he wrote in the caption.
But all is not what it seems.
Being far more than mere news aggregators, we put our investigative reporting chops to the test, and immediately put our two biggest clues–“Tom Ford” and “Valley of the Dolls”–through our state-of-the-art Google machine.
What we found may shock you.
As this spread by Flashback Editorial reveals, Colton Haynes merely posted a photograph taken from a 2005 fashion series shot by Steven Klein and starring Tom Ford called–yes–Valley of the Dolls, a nod to the Jacqueline Susann groaner.
Here are more shots from that series:
So the butt-bearing photo isn’t Colton Haynes, but he did bleach his hair in an apparent nod to the stylings of 1995:
A video posted by Colton Haynes (@coltonlhaynes) on
So, yeah. There’s that.