Following Tegan Zayne’s allegations earlier in January, plus two more men coming forward with similar stories of rape, YouTuber Bryan Hawn has accused adult star Topher DiMaggio of sexual assault.
Speaking to Instinct, Hawn said: “Last year, I was at Mickey’s in Los Angeles where [DiMaggio] was hosting for the night, and he came up to me, grabbed me by the legs trying to pick me up and put his hands on my ass.”
“I yelled for him to stop several times in the middle of the club and he persisted. The club went silent as everyone was staring at me. I had to wrestle with all my strength to get him off of me, he was so incredibly aggressive.”
That’s when Bryan says DiMaggio got verbally confrontational:
“When he finally stopped, he proceeded to call me a pussy, and tell me that I need to learn how to be more of a man. He continued calling me names as we walked back to his friends who were completely embarrassed for him.
To put your hands on somebody that you do not know in such an incredibly aggressive manner. It was wrong on every level. I am certain I am not the first guy that has experienced this unwanted attention and probably not the last.”
While Bryan’s story luckily ends there, it does touch upon a problem of unwanted touch that persists in many gay spaces, even in the era of #MeToo.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
He adds:
“I can only imagine in a bedroom setting. That is scary to think about. Just because somebody works in an industry promoting their physique does not grant anyone permission to put their hands on someone’s body.
This is not a petting zoo.”
Hawn is known for his musical YouTube parody videos that always feature him in various manner of undress.
He says DiMaggio is far from the first to mistake that as permission to lay their hands on him without consent.
“Topher is not the only one in the community that has crossed that boundary. If you don’t self control, you shouldn’t be allowed in the club, and alcohol and drugs does not make it excusable or acceptable.”
DiMaggio has strongly denied the original allegations of rape against him made by Tegan Zayne, saying: “These horrific accusations have shocked me to my core. All of my relations with this person have been consensual and willing.”
He has not responded to subsequent stories.
Ummmm Yeah
Well of course Queerty can’t just report what supposedly happened. The self loathers have to attack the gay community as usual.
bryanhawn
It didn’t supposedly happen. And we aren’t attacking the gay community. We are trying to protect it by saying this behavior does NOT represent us.
Brian Lange
This basic touching is now rape damn
bryanhawn
The fact that you think this is basic touching is the EXACT problem, but its great cause now people are done putting up with Molestation. If you want to be desperate and thirsty and put your unwanted hands on people, good luck, Cause their is a new awareness of support for the victims of this nonsense and people are not afraid to fight back.
JaredMacBride
I don’t know if this is true or if it’s an attention ho looking for attention. But if this is sexual assault a lot of sexual assault happens in a lot of bars on the weekend.
lauraspencer
Agreed. In 1999 NYC I walked into Splash (a popular gay bar) and was greeted by a large drag queen who squealed with delight to see me. He grabbed me and lifted me up in a bear hug as I flailed around yelling “put me down”. It caused a laugh for many people. I was embarrassed, but would I call that assault. NO.
happiness17
All of the guys who’ve accused can’t be looking for attention.
Kieru
“I yelled for him to stop several times in the middle of the club and he persisted.”
… and he persisted is rather key here. DiMaggio was verbally told not to continue touching Hawn int hat fashion and, by this account, continued to do so. That’s the point at which it stops being some horny gay boy looking for his next casual encounter and starts being full blown sexual assault.
If that’s happening in a bar on the weekend you should report it.
bryanhawn
a bear hug? you want to correlate a drag queen giving you a bear hug with this? are you high?
Nowuvedoneit
I have gotten many unwanted touches in gay clubs but I have not ever thought it was sexual assault. It’s grabby men and you just have to put them in place. A swing or punch usually knocks sense into them rather quickly. Screaming at the top of your lungs in a gay club is just getting attention.
I’m not the biggest guy I’m 5’8, and you have to be assertive with jerks. I have pushed grabby women too, it’s just you having to put your foot down.
Josh447
I know the drill too. However picking someone up against their will, most likely a weaker guy, is manhandling. Far from just a pinch on the a**. Topher is strong and built, these guys that are coming forward are not that level of tough. Seems he’s got the predator mode switched turned on and flyng out of control.
ChrisK
His narcissistic is the problem. He feels entitled to it like they should be thrilled that the Andrew Christian cover boy is giving them the time of day.
Donston
Abruptly grabbing on a stranger is wrong no matter the enviorment. However, considering that enviorment and your line of work it’s not behavior that should come as a shock. Someone aggressively pushing up on you, being incredibly physical and you having to constantly repeat no- that’s a different situation. It shouldn’t simply be up to the person having to contend with this behavior to change “tactics”. You shouldn’t have to constantly say no or use all your strength to get someone to back off. There’s this mentality that because it’s two men who are into men it’s not a big deal. That type of mentalty is partially why a decent amount of gay and gay-leaning have such self-destuctive instincts and “off” sexual instincts.
It does seem as if the dude has some predatory inclinations that are at least partly driven by arrogance.
Nowuvedoneit
Donston, all we know is that Bryan said it happened. I know in this me too environment it’s a mad dash to believe any accusation or accusations. Is Topher a jerk, predator, I don’t know. That’s the problem, I don’t know anything about these people to make me believe them in an any way shape or fashion. Am I victim shaming? No because I want this to be settled out of the Public arena and in a court ifit happened. Will they take it to court? No, so we are left with a he said/ he said situation.
It is wrong to grab someone without their consent and I do not condone it. I was stating from my experience that all it takes is a firm handle on the situation. If it becomes a more serious problem talk to the staff they will boot that person out rather quickly. There are steps to take to resolve it without screaming like a banshee as Brian said he did.
bryanhawn
Nowuvedoneit: There are 100 things wrong with your responses. First of all, by defending someone who is sexually assualting people, you’ve already lost. You’ve lost the respect of any reader. Not cool.
It is the response of any sane human being to try to resolve conflict verbally before physically. To just throw bunches around is erratic and unstable. It didn’t start off as screaming, My request got louder as he persisted and as his hands continued molesting my body. At the same time, the entire thing was physical. It was practically a full blown wrestling match in the middle of Mickeys. To accuse me of wanting attention when he has his arms and legs wrapped around my body trying to lift me in the air. You are delusional. I did fight him off of me, and with you being 5’8″ honey, you wouldn’t have lasted a minute. He would of had his way with you faster than you could blink. I am 6″ 1″ 190, 7% bodyfat and I had to fight to get him off me. You would of been a little pancake flipping around in the air. lol Your foot would be a lot of things, but down would not describe it. That’s just the reality. Its in your best interest to support the people speaking out, because you would of been lunch for him #truth
ChrisK
Not saying it’s right but if you flaunt your famous ass in a bar full of drunk and high horny boys it’s gonna get grabbed at some point.
Xzamilloh
Okay, there’s a pattern of aggressiveness… not looking good.
Josh447
Predators don’t prey on those they can’t dominate into submission.
ChrisK
I take that back. I guess it was more then grabbing. Still he does have an ass that is famous. I can see Topher moving in on it like it’s his.
He BGB
Speaking of manhandling, is the Manhandler still open in Chicago? That was my favorite hang out.
Polaro
Closed as long time ago.
ChrisK
Please. He’s not some mother Teresa of the year winner. He does porn. There’s allot of guys completely turned on by his behavior wishing he’d do them the same way.
jhon_siders
The thing I always laugh at about this story that Top Her is a top ???
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
When are you or any other gay media or damn media in general gonna get the balls to post about the pedo abuser Andi Dier tho. Jesusfckingchrist. This is Orwellian memoryhole shit. “Believe victims “ right?,. Except when it’s ideologically inconvenient!
Ummmm Yeah
That’s what I’ve been screaming for two days now and none of them will do it. And you get attacked by that trans nazis for even mentioning it.
Nowuvedoneit
What does your anti-trans agenda have to do with this? I’m sure emailing them is more of an efficient way to spread your nonsense.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
^pedo apologist and enabler detected
Geeker
There’s just too much smoke not to be a fire.
am_psi
He’s at the bar to make money by shaking his ass at a bunch of drunk gay guys and then is shocked when somebody touches it? More like a professional attention seeker trying to bandwagon on #metoo. I’m sure somebody was recording this exchange, let’s see the video.
ChrisK
Maybe he’s pissed that no one stuffed his fancy jockstrap with more cash. Retribution and all.
http://prntscr.com/iam4ra
bryanhawn
I was not at the bar to make money, and I wasn’t shaking my ass. I was a regular person. Listen: I’m going to be very candid with you. Before working full time for youtube, I was a go go dancer for 10 years. I understand unwanted hands, grabby people, and undesired attention. Never in my life have I had anyone come at me so incredible aggressive and forceful. This is not about me, its about the many other boys that will experience this persons forceful sexual behavior if people do not start speaking up. If me speaking up helps him think twice about being this way or even saves 1 person from experiencing this, then I’m happy. No one deserves to be aggressively sexually molested and you need to get on the ride side of this. This is not about attention, its about protecting our community. You don’t have to like me. I’m cool with that. But this is about a much bigger picture and to not be in support of it isn’t painting the best color for you
QTYMann
Saw a meme on Facebook with Fry from FUTURAMA with his eyes narrowed wondering if #metoo doesn’t mean “pound me too.”
chris33133
At four accusations, most people I know decided that Bill Cosby might not be the completely upstanding paragon of righteousness that he has always portrayed himself as being. Topher DiMaggio has now been accused by four independent people. Maybe, it’s now time to put aside the snide and snarky retorts and to look more seriously into whether he’s actually assaulting people.
am_psi
A porn star who later willingly screwed him, this pseudo-porn star who suffered what could be described as unwanted horseplay and two unidentified individuals that reported his “crimes” to a porn news site and the blog arm of a hook-up app. I’ll remain skeptical until some actual evidence turns up, a police report is filed or a credible accuser publicly steps forward.
thisismylife247
Am_psi : define “a creditable accuser” you mean someone who doesn’t show off their body? Who doesn’t wear tight or skimpy clothes? Has a socially respectable career? Or maybe it means someone who doesn’t wear stupid hipster dufus hats in their profile pics
am_psi
thisismylife247: Oh no! Now you’ve hurt my feelings! How will I ever recover from that sick burn?
Also: Nope, guys who suck dick for a living, internet thots and anonymous sources are not credible to me.
moose_keating
Well put.
Xzamilloh
I’m sorry, but some of these comments are indicative of how nuance goes out the window. I am the first to say that skepticism needs to be exercised when making claims of rape, and I will continue to advocate for victims to go to the police instead of Facebook or Twitter, but let’s be clear: Bryan Hawn’s account highlights a pattern of aggressive behavior the other stories note, and just because Hawn makes a living showing his nice round butt to the world does not give anyone the green light to go up and grab it, especially if he isn’t giving you the go ahead to do so.
I mean, I didn’t think that needed to be said on here, but good lord, man.
Paco
Wow. Being manhandled in a gay club is now sexual assault? Boy am I glad I am beyond the gay club age limit now. That was considered a compliment in my time. This generation is extremely prudish about sex. No wonder gay establishments are closing left and right.
Polaro
Yeah, the snowflakes are taking over; anything that hurts their feelings becomes a good reason to become the center of attention. I’m sure he’s just mad that he did not get a selfie of being “assaulted” for his social media.
thisismylife247
Yeah but back in your day slavery was considered ok
Paulie P
Good thing he wasn’t around in NYC in the 90’s lets say when most bars had a back room that pretty much anything goes. Mr. Hawn surely can’t be serious…. There must a dip in subscribers at his onlyfans page:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q30zFKl-ays
Paco
@Paulie P – The 90s were the best and there was no question, if you were out showing your ass, you were looking to be touched, fondled, and groped.
ShowMeGuy
Whores are people too….and if they don’t want you humping their leg……get off of their leg.
DarkZephyr
First off, nowhere does it say that Bryan Hawn himself used the term “sexual assault”. Secondly, if someone is gonna grab your ass without your permission and *continues* to do so despite your protests, it IS indeed assault. This may sound cliche, but no means no. I have long been a fan of Topher DiMaggio, I actually considered him an example of my ideal man, and I certainly didn’t want to believe these allegations, but as Xzamilloh has pointed out, there’s a pattern here, and Hawn apparently has dozens of witnesses that can back him up. Topher needs to get a ****ing grip on HIMSELF rather than on other people.
BGinBigD
Surprise! Surprise! A porn “star” in a gay club, most likely high, groping anyone he sees fit. Sounds like a typical night in West Hollywood. Poor thangs, these porn people think they are universally admired wherever they go. Bless their hearts.
Polaro
That was not sexual assault. This nonsense turning everything into sexual assault needs to stop. Calling this sexual assault diminishes actual sexual assault. I’m not even sure a cop would take an assault claim seriously based on this story.
thisismylife247
Actually, I think a cop would take this seriously. I’m a social worker who works with youth exoffenders; I have a (straight) kid who walked up to a girl at a club and squeezed her tit. Thought it was funny until he was charged with sexual assault and now has a record.
Female, male, straight or gay unsolicited and unwanted sexual attention is just that…unwanted.
Polaro
Seriously, not even close to the same, which is why we have this problem of not understanding levels of severity. And, I doubt this juvenile you are talking about has a criminal record. I call you out for lying.
dean089
I’m thinking of all the times I’ve been to gay bars or events and heard things like “Oh you love it and you know it!” Maybe some did, maybe some didn’t. Face it, guys, you weren’t a tea party with grandma. If all these instances get re-defined as sexual assault it’s going to get ugly.
leobaga
You’re disgusting, ChrisK. But of course, you already know that.
happiness17
Topher has an awesome body. That being said I’m sure a lot of his pictures have been photo shopped. Topher often comes off as having a huge ego.
It’s like he thinks he’s god’s gift to every guy who’s gay. I’ve seen him interviewed a few times. He had a pompous attitude. He spoke of his website. For $15.99 a month a person can have access to it. That’s ridiculous. If it were just one person who was accusing him then maybe it
wouldn’t be true. Four people accusing him? He’s definitely in the wrong. It sounds like with his attitude he feels that he can touch any guy he wants.
happiness17
Does anyone know if this guy’s birth given name is really Topher DiMaggio?
Or did some agent or producer give that name to him? Until a month or so ago I’d never even heard of this guy.
Xzamilloh
Trust me, you’re not missing much. He’s an expert salad tosser from what I’ve seen, but he’s a strict top who sucks at it, but he has a huge fanbase so f*ck my opinion
thisismylife247
NOBODY should ever go to New Orleans
PinkoOfTheGange
Go read the comments @ Instinct. There are stories from Huston of these blitz attacks.
Stephen
When I have met adult film gay guys I have been struck by their humanity. I have met 4. We laughed. Used cliches to break the ice and then talked like guys, not celebrity fawning. I have worked in film & TV 30 years. It sure breaks the ice. I have fun, kept it brief unless they choice to chat more.
DiMaggio I had never seen in clothing. Only one DVD scene. I don’t buy porn so I did not know him. I saw ten minutes of a video and rolled my eyes and changed the channel. He is handsome and not my type. More Bel Ami type.
Seeing him in Puerto Valllarta was disturbing. I shook hands. Confused. I didn’t know him. And when he said his name I remembered the video. . Embarrassed I just said the first thing that came to me. ‘’Sorry, I didn’t know you in clothes. I have only seen you in action”. I moved on. The uber machismo vibe, not my choice.
I do not buy or watch porn often. $59.95 each! I am 60 and active sexually. Love my bears! Easy going men.
Ten minutes I chatted with a great Latino guy a little older with that Mexican charm and politeness. Dimaggio was talking to a couple behind me and said, “It creeps me out when real old farts try to flirt with cheesy lines. Yuck. Like, not a chance man!”
The small 8 gay men’s dinner/bar cruise all heard it. I took the high road and ignored him. We all noticed the pregnant pause – silence. You know, when everyone knows an asshole moment just happened.
I took no offence. ‘Youth and looks with no social skills is a huge turn off.’ You could tell me he has 12”, I found him immature, judgemental, full of himself and possessing poor boundaries.
Sexual allegations are alleged. That’s serious. And it’s in keeping with the evening at a new hotel opening for gays, especially. Great hotel! Celebrity Host was a dud. I am sorry his impulse control and behaviour with strangers is in question.
The shock of the fellow aggressively grabbed, the embarrassed reaction by the friends and sadly, the rape allegation. Excess pride is not attractive. It’s unprofessional in a host. It lessens him in the eyes of others. The rest of the tour not one person mention but several were more chatty, kind and compassionate at each bar, thereafter. Nice group of good guys!
In the ‘ME, TOO’ movement we are now predisposed to listen to the harassed and/or victim(s) in the situation. When an uber male leaves a trail of red flag behaviour that he is deflecting responsibility. I hope the rape allegation and aggressive sexual harassement are resolved.
Either way. It’s not unexpected but it is unacceptable. I hope the truth comes to light.
ChrisK
Ha. Topher is a real life Zoo Lander without the charm.
ChrisK
Sweety no offence but I’ve seen your posts so I’m hardly offended.
leobaga
Why would you be offended if it’s the truth? You silly.
Sam6969
It is very likely that if Tegan Zayne had not found the courage to be the first to publicly expose himself and report Topher’s alleged behavior, the others would not have come forward. Therefore, we would not be talking about his “aggressive sexual pattern” with gay men, and the present (and probably future) victims would have remained alone with their abuse. I do not know what will be the consequences for Topher, but what I know is that it will be much harder for him to assault people henceforth. Hopefully, there will be less victims of his misdeeds in the future (particularly, of course, if a legal procedure is finally launched).
Going alone to the Police in the first place and risking to be laughed at, since you have little proof, support and no other testimonials on your side can be quite harsh for some people (particularly if you are in the porn industry). It does not mean they should not go to the police, but it is their decision and we cannot say it is right or wrong. Probably also, society as a whole should ask itself, if the legal procedure (all along) or communication about the process can be improved…There may well be some work there depending on the State in which you live, for instance. 16% of raped people reporting to the Police means there is an issue somewhere.
Also, along with this particular case, it is interesting to see the subsequent reactions among gay people, and that what we call a “gay culture” (or gay patterns) actually really exists. There is this assumption behind those reactions that between men, it is supposed to be sexually much more direct; that if you go in a gay bar, it is normal to see and accept that kind of behavior. It is no big deal, since we are gays and sex is part of our identity or usual rough business, etc. Besides, we are not talking about someone, who just touched another person’s bottom (and it may be still too much for some people), but grabbed the guy and aggressively obtruded himself on his body against his will. Most importantly, as Bryan Hawn put it:
“People have said before, ‘well, it’s a gay club… what do u expect’.” Bullshit! Take pride in your community, we aren’t a bunch of wild animals, we are humans. And if we want the rest of the world to treat us with the decent respect of a human being, it’s time we start acting like ones” [between ourselves, I would have added].
The very disrespectful Topher’s behavior and its acceptance by some gay guys, the lack of respect and support of the gay complainants, is symptomatic of the way we esteem ourselves as individuals, but also as a “community” or social group. It is deeply ingrained.
It can be exciting to have a nice unknown guy in a gay bar putting his arm around our shoulders, in a protective or affectionate way (as long as we are okay with that and can say no). Some guys like it even more direct, such as having their crotch or their bottom grabbed, but it is probably not the majority and as long as the “target” person says no, it should be followed by immediate withdrawal and excuses. If it lasts too long and particularly if it is aggressive, it indeed can be qualified as a sexual assault. The fact some gay guys do not understand the problem shows how deep is the issue.
Ene-Ocho
“I yelled for him to stop several times”
“I had to wrestle with all my strength to get him off of me”
That is text book sexual assault. This isn’t a case of some guy grabbing another guy’s ass at a club. This is a case of some guy grabbing another guy and refusing to let go.
If you yell stop and he won’t stop, it’s assault. If you have to use all your strength to force him to stop, it’s assault. Forcing yourself on somebody is an assault. Why is this so hard to understand?
Paco
“and he came up to me, grabbed me by the legs trying to pick me up and put his hands on my ass.”
Umm.. yeah he wanted you to straddle him at a party. Oh the horror! First world pre-transition gay millennial problems! Make a living showing your ass to the world and then act shocked, just SHOCKED that someone tried to pick you up and carry you at a party.
That is NOT sexual assault. You are not a helpless woman. You sound like an attention trap (c*ck tease) that should be avoided.
ShowMeGuy
Whores are people, too.
Paco
They sure are, but unlike attention whores, actual whores feel validated when people make physical advances toward them.
This guy is an attention whore and here’s why…
The allegations against Topher include, unwanted penetration, through persistent coercion, taking advantage of someone being passed out on a substance, and busting a lip and being forced from behind.
Then comes along poor little Bryan Hawn that thinks he deserves some of the #MeToo attention because Topher tried to lift him up and carry him in a club. Yeah and when you try to lift someone from the front, the ass is the easiest place to support their weight with your hands. Sorry, but to trying to make a big deal out of some personal space being violated to what had allegedly happened to the others, is laughable and really disgusting.
The fact that he says he has to deal with it from many others, but decides to single out Topher who is being accused of actual sexual assault by others, just screams that he is desperate for attention and makes a mockery out of what happened to the other men. Hope he got the number of new followers he was expecting to get by publiciziing his non-story.
Bob LaBlah
This guy saw an opportunity to grow his youtube audience and went for it. I don’t believe it because in his videos he is forever flashing his big, beautiful rear end. If anything he begged for it from Topher.
bryanhawn
You are a liar. Don’t spread lies about me. If you can’t figure out the line between marketing your physique and sexual assault, then I’m sorry I can’t help you. l get that your pea sized brain thinks someone showing their body on the internet is a greenlight for your dirty hands, but keep thinking that, your arm won’t be the first that’s been broken. I can promise you that. I have a right to defend my personal space and body from predators like yourself and you will wish you had a different mentality by the time I’m done with you. I am no victim of sexual assault. I handled the situation and I will not hesitate to handle you. That doesn’t change the intention of what was happening or the hundreds of boys past and future that will have to deal with unwanted hands grabbing at their body. Defending sexual predators is not a good card to play my friend. You will lose.
Paco
“I am no victim of sexual assault. ”
So why then, Bryan, are both Queerty and Instinct making the claim that you were sexually assaulted by Topher? It seems that you should be setting the record straight and request that both sites change their headlines. I’m sorry if I was rough on you in the comments, but it was those headlines and your differing account of things that made me suspicious of you.
bryanhawn
continuing to forcefully grab someone against their will is sexual assault. Do I need to draw you a diagram?
bryanhawn
Correction: New Orleans better think twice before putting their hands on me. If I’m interested, you will know.
bryanhawn
ChrisK, Your opinions are completely irrelevant because you want Topher to touch you. That makes the behavior of forcing someone against their will impossible. This applies only to the people who DON’T want his hands on their body. The behavior of someone aggressively molesting someone against their will is not wanted by anyone. By definition: it can’t be rape or sexual assault unless they don’t want it. So its impossible for anyone to be turned on by this behavior. By definition: they are turned off. #makesense
projo
Bryan Hawn has made a career out of exploiting his body and now is going to claim someone else is exploiting his body? Was he at the bar/club dressed in overalls and a turtleneck? I doubt it. I cant say for sure, but sometting tells me Hawn encouraged this type of behavior and then got upset because it didnt turn out to be go how he wanted. Double standard/hypocrite
bryanhawn
My career gives zero people consent to touch me. If you don’t understand that feel free to learn it the hard way. I encouraged nothing and was dressed in a hoodie and jeans, not that it matters cause I can wear whatever the fuck I want and your dirty disgusting hands will never be welcome. Understand?
I sent one message verbally and physically… and it was “Get the fuck off me!”
I had not even seen Topher until he was literally wrapped around my body so your allegations are bullshit. I encouraged nothing. Go back in your troll hole.
yaletownman
Meant to write continuing, not confusing in my second paragraph. queerly needs an edit option.
prarie pup
I know I’m going to hear about this but, BOO-HOO, Bryan. You make a living showing your bare-naked ass; that is the “message” you put out into the universe (no pun intended). Is it really that surprising that someone misinterpreted the message? I do not condone sexual assault…but there is a nugget of truth to the “he was asking for it” defense and Bryan kinda-sorta is.
bryanhawn
Keep thinking that way, it will get your arm broken. The only one misinterpreting anything is you! So don’t be surprised if I snap your elbow. I have a right to defend myself. I don’t mind teaching you the hard way.
therealzam
I’ve met both of these guys in my years around WeHo and am also familiar with the ins and outs of the porn industry (no pun intended). I also have some experience with YouTube and content monetization. Overall I’m completely on Bryan’s side in this instance. As far as Topher, I definitely see a pattern of bad behavior, but I believe that this pattern of behavior is a result of other factors which have not only allowed him to behave as he does, but even encouraged it.
First and foremost, having a career in which you willingly allow yourself to be seen as a sex object DOES NOT mean you forfeit your right to claim sexual assault and harassment. Moreover, being attractive doesn’t mean that you can’t sexually harass others. Furthermore, flirting (even to the extent of showing one’s ass) does not grant the other party carte blanche to do whatever he wants to the flirt. The fact that so many don’t understand these simple facts is pretty sad.
Bryan has ZERO reason to be jealous of Topher. He’s independently wealthy and could sit on his ass all day if he wanted which means he does what he does because he wants to. I mean the guy can afford a billboard on Santa Monica Blvd. On the other side of the coin neither porn stars nor Andrew Christian models make good money unless they escort on the side, have a great sugar daddy, and / or can properly market themselves effectively. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not broke, but doesn’t do as well as Bryan and definitely can’t afford his own giant billboard on prime West Hollywood real estate. If he’s on a billboard, Andrew Christian foot the bill.
Bryan’s also a smart guy who has far more career choices open to him. He clearly enjoys showing off his physique, which is far more impressive than that of Topher, and gains plenty of attention thanks to his YouTube channel. I don’t know whether Topher is well educated, is independently wealthy, etc., yet he clearly has far less control over his career and is basically a porn actor & doesn’t have the behind-the-scenes skills demonstrated by Bryan’s incredibly well produced videos.
As far as the pattern of behavior which Topher has clearly demonstrated I believe he is in the wrong. The pattern of behavior in which he is alleged to have engaged is wrong, period. His alleged habit of forcibly grabbing other guys and forcibly groping and grinding his victims in clubs, as Bryan and others have claimed, is at least sexual harassment, if not assault & battery. Furthermore, if Bryan’s claim that Topher continued his actions after Hawn said no is true is in no way excusable.
I’ve interacted with and observed Topher’s actions over the years and have observed him engage in the exact behavior of which he is now accused. I’ve also been yelled at, harassed, and threatened by him on many occasions in spite of the fact that I made no effort to interact with him, was often on the opposite side of a club (when I was there early or after the venue had closed), and outright lacked the ability to get close to him given that he is almost always in an elevated ‘VIP suite’ which is completely in accessible to me given my disability. I may even have video of one or more of these encounters from my safety cameras and retained as a result of his harassment.
Given his aforementioned behavior I’m inclined to believe the rape accusations against Topher. Yes, the behavior of which he is accused is rape. The fact the parties were paid to have sex with one another on camera does not mean Topher can use his sexual partners as he sees fit off camera. Porn sex is very different from normal sex and far less fun than it appears in almost all situations. The need to have extra footage & alternate takes makes it rather clinical and monotonous. On top of that, many positions may look good on camera but can be uncomfortable and awkward. Almost every part of the encounter is made all the more bizarre and unnatural by the needs to stay ‘camera ready’ until the end and make sure the camera can see the action throughout the scene. Additionally, many actors play a character in their porn persona which may be completely different than their real personalities. Finally the actors control of whom they have sex with and the type of sex they will have is very limited.
In spite of my statements and bad experiences with Topher, I also feel the need to defend him. Topher is not a real person, but a character. The real man is Romeo Fink, and that man may be completely different from the person we know and write about. When he is working as Topher, his job is to stay in character. That character is one who engages in the type of bad behavior of which he is accused. Topher takes what he wants, gets what he wants, when he wants it and everyone he is with inevitably succumbs to his will because deep down, they want a guy like him. Things aren’t so simple in real life. This makes being Topher in public a particular challenge. How can he hold back when he plays a character whose name is a play on the word ‘topper’?
I believe there is no argument that it is Romeo’s responsibility to navigate the fine line between being Topher and engaging in the behavior of which he stands accused, but many factors make this especially difficult for him. First, there isn’t anyone there to tell him when he has acted appropriately. It’s not like his employers feel the need to, much less have the resources to educate him as to when and how he must hold back. He is also pressured to go full Topher by his fans and the studios. I mean, if his fans were to see him bent over and getting dry humped, the fantasy of Topher would be ruined. Sadly, many don’t care what he does and even expect him to get away with his behavior just as he does on film.
Challenging the actor’s ability to restrain his character even further is the issue of intoxicating substances. If he is making an appearance as Topher he almost definitely has access to as much alcohol as he wants, not to mention illegal drugs. Alcohol wise, he almost definitely gets what he wants from the venue and I’m sure many fans want to share a shot with him or buy him a drink. When I’ve seen him at clubs, he almost always appears wasted and I can definitely see why he may have difficulty practicing restraint. Furthermore, comes the issue of illegal drugs. Personally, I can’t say the he uses these substances and won’t accuse him of doing so, but I will say that he likely feels a lot of pressure to use and abuse them. If he does, this makes things all the more difficult. I’ve seen so many adult actors used by the industry, lured in by drugs & alcohol and finally dumped on the side of the road once they become too messy and or loose their looks. In the end they are broke, suffer from addiction problems, are left not knowing how to live a ‘normal’ life, have no safety net, and must live with the stigma of their former career for the rest of their lives.
Topher needs help. He should have been told his behavior was wrong years ago, but clearly no one stepped in to impose reasonable boundaries. While I stand by his alleged victims, I truly feel sorry for the guy. Unfortunately, I believe it is too late for him to regain his former status. I still hope he is able to make peace with his actions and find acceptance wherever he may find himself in the future, and hope he has friends and family who will stick by him and help him on his journey.
I would be remiss not to conclude by acknowledging the plight of Bryan and his other victims. Just because I can see why Topher may have acted in the way he did does not change the fact that he was wrong. I am glad you had the courage to come out and tell your stories. You’ve saved many from the trauma of his cruel and out of control behavior. Those who have attacked you for doing so are simply put, wrong. You’ve clearly won a great victory in having him removed from the industry and raised awareness of issues which are rarely understood by the general public. I hope you can find solace in this fact and know that you are not alone.