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  OH MY GLOB!

Is Cartoon Network’s Adventure Time Perverting The Children Of America? (Answer: Yes!)

What is most frightening, beyond the epileptic colors [on Adventure Time], are the characters, who often indicate a socialist agenda among the writers and the staff both for the show and at Cartoon Network. We begin with the protagonist: Finn, an irresponsible young boy wearing seductively short shorts who schizophrenically socializes with his dangerous imaginary sex partners and experiments with cross-dressing.

Jake, a dog, is a stand in for the shameful fans of the show, he is overweight, lazy, sarcastic and all-around obnoxious. Jake does not respect dogs and it is clear that this show does not care for Man’s Best Friend, unless it is in some sort of ironic crude manner that is so popular among the youth nowadays. Jake has a gay sex partner named Lady Raincone, who is a tribute to Lady Gaga and My Little Pony. Lady Raincone is a rainbow unicorn and is one of the most homosexual components of the show.

Princess Bubblegum, a representative of a blend of the homogay lifestyle and the scary parts of the internet, is especially destructive. With her pink, feminine appearance she may even seem like a wholesome young lady, but this is deceptive. Her phallic crown and bad temper indicate that she represents angry hordes of flaming homosexuals, and her love for the myths of science and “Geek-dom” show that she is both an atheist and a feminist. Princess Bubblegum is the antithesis of morality and Christian values…

Each episode of Adventure Time profiles a different orgy or rave had by the gang and their Technicolor friends and enemies. They mask this for parents by identifying these gang bangs as “adventures,”, when in reality they are nothing but drugged sodomy and rainbow colored evildoing. Nearly every episode involves some sort of new dirty fetish or erotic fantasy being enacted by the posse, and sometimes strangers are involved…

We must stay firm and rigid in our moral defiance and protest sinful shows like Adventure Time. Adventure Time could potentially lead YOUR child to a lifetime of depressed nefarious fetishes and experimentation with sodomy and illicit drugs. Adventure Time glorifies atheism and homosexuality and should not be permitted anywhere in the Christian home.

—Crusader Christopher Christenson, railing against the morally corrupting power of Cartoon Network’s Adventure Time, on Christ Wire.

By:           Dan Avery
On:           Apr 7, 2012
Tagged: , , , ,

  • 30 Comments
    • johnnyism
      johnnyism

      FYI, ChristWire is satire.

      Apr 7, 2012 at 6:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Christopher
      Christopher

      @johnnyism: It’s amazing how many people get duped by Christwire.

      Apr 7, 2012 at 7:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Oh well
      Oh well

      Christ Wire is a hoax! Just like that Betty woman who has a fake church.

      Apr 7, 2012 at 7:22 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LandStander
      LandStander

      OMG hahahaha! Ok so, for those of you not in-the-know (like Mr. Avery maybe?), Christwire is kind of like the Onion. Only instead of satire of normal news, they satire crazy religious people.

      Don’t worry! It is very easy to be misled! It is hard to tell the difference between this satire and the real crazies (which says a lot about how crazy the real crazies are!)

      Apr 7, 2012 at 7:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AladinSane
      AladinSane

      It’s called Poe’s Law http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe's_law

      Apr 7, 2012 at 7:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • FreddyMertz
      FreddyMertz

      That was awesome!….I was like “say what!”….as I read it..then like I’m..”oooo…hell nah!”….then I started thinking of all those toons that crossed dressed…Bugs Bunny.the redneck Elmer Fudd, etc….and then I’m like “no she d’in’t!”..then I got to the bottom of the piece and saw Christwire..them I’m ROFL! They got me…bitches!

      Apr 7, 2012 at 8:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • EmmaMTF
      EmmaMTF

      >as I was reading “Wow, this sounds exactly like something I’d see on ChristWire”.

      >> … from ChristWire

      YES!!!! HAhahahahaa fucking <3 Christwire. Glorious mastertrolls at work, ladies n gents.

      Apr 7, 2012 at 8:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      Christwire is trolling the whole world and getting away with it, Queerty. You got punked.

      Apr 7, 2012 at 9:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kouros
      kouros

      lol hahahaha this is hilarious. Aside from the fact that this is sarcasm, adventure time is definitely not a kids show though, watch it high and it is the most hilarious thing ever

      Apr 7, 2012 at 9:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tone
      Tone

      Would anyone have been surprised if instead of Christwire this appeared on the deadly serious FOTF or AFA? Christers see naughtiness wherever they look, they’re the most sex-obsessed people on the planet.

      Apr 7, 2012 at 9:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shannon1981
      Shannon1981

      @kouros: Watch it drunk, even better…

      Apr 7, 2012 at 10:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dan Avery
      Dan Avery

      I’m a big fan of Christ Wire and even have their book. I’m well aware it’s a satire site—it’s also funny as hell.

      Apr 7, 2012 at 10:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • B
      B

      No. 2 · Christopher wrote, “@johnnyism: It’s amazing how many people get duped by Christwire.” It’s not so amazing given how some fundamentalist Christian’s rantings make Christ Wire look reasonable!

      Apr 7, 2012 at 10:45 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • DanChi
      DanChi

      Oh man, i think i need to start watching this show!

      Apr 8, 2012 at 12:43 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • redboiwalkin
      redboiwalkin

      y’know whats a fun drinking game? take a shot everytime they say or do something inappropriate on the show. stuff that would be innocent if you were a child, but well, “what” moments for everyone else :)

      Apr 8, 2012 at 2:03 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Pat Duffy
      Pat Duffy

      All Hail Gunther;>!

      Apr 8, 2012 at 6:29 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bipolar Bear
      Bipolar Bear

      One of my favourite Christwire pieces:

      “Power Bottoming,” The Most Disturbing New Trend in American Homosexuality
      http://christwire.org/2011/05/power-bottoming-the-most-disturbing-new-trend-in-american-homosexuality/

      Apr 8, 2012 at 6:55 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • oska
      oska

      “Finn, an irresponsible young boy wearing seductively short shorts who schizophrenically socializes with his dangerous imaginary sex partners and experiments with cross-dressing.”

      have they seen bugs bunny!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Apr 8, 2012 at 9:07 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Danny
      Danny

      ROFL… Christwire should end all their articles with “Now remember, if you’re a true Christian and reading this, stop masturbating this instant. God is watching.” :D

      Apr 8, 2012 at 9:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ben
      Ben

      Oh my Glob! This article is funny…still gonna watch adventure time though because its funny and the voice of the dog is the same as Bender from futureama

      Apr 8, 2012 at 12:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • IzzyLuna
      IzzyLuna

      I never knew about this show but after that REVIEW, damn….! I’m SO WATCHING IT NOW!

      Apr 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ramsey
      Ramsey

      Wow, I was ready to go off until I saw it was from ChristWire. I love Adventure Time!! Especially LSP!!

      Apr 8, 2012 at 1:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • stevoj
      stevoj

      every time i get on the treadmill at the gym this show comes on and EVERY TIME i nearly fall off that thing from laughing so hard

      this show has got to be one of the funniest programs on television. thanks for spreading the word Chris!

      Apr 8, 2012 at 11:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bryan
      Bryan

      Lol, while the article is stupid, it does have a minor point about Adventure Time, there are lots of subtle, hidden perverted stuff that should not be in a children’s cartoon.

      Apr 9, 2012 at 3:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • linger
      linger

      It’s not “Lady Raincone,” it’s “Lady Rainicorn.” And she’s not gay at all…she and Jake have a completely heterosexual relationship. Although, it is interspecies (there’s actually a plot point about how the rainicorns and dogs had a war with each other, and Jake worried about whether her parents would be hate him for his race).

      Apr 9, 2012 at 8:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • FakeDrudge
      FakeDrudge

      Fakedrudged. Thanks for the lulz.

      Apr 9, 2012 at 11:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Maya
      Maya

      What a twat. MAYBE if you didn’t force religion and how kids are supposed to be down their throats they might see the standards. There is NOTHING wrong with adventure time, you sick demonic bastard.

      May 10, 2012 at 4:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Christian Comics
      Christian Comics

      Many cartoonists and artists in Asia’s media are going through a transition. The iconic image of an artist hunched over a cluttered desk in a corner of a busy newsroom still rings true for many of them except that they now hold close both their pencils and computer mice.

      May 15, 2012 at 2:55 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bossalino
      Bossalino

      What the Glob…that article is tops blooby

      Jul 22, 2012 at 3:07 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Nathoa
      Nathoa

      LOL satire.

      Aug 6, 2012 at 11:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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