What is most frightening, beyond the epileptic colors [on Adventure Time], are the characters, who often indicate a socialist agenda among the writers and the staff both for the show and at Cartoon Network. We begin with the protagonist: Finn, an irresponsible young boy wearing seductively short shorts who schizophrenically socializes with his dangerous imaginary sex partners and experiments with cross-dressing.
Jake, a dog, is a stand in for the shameful fans of the show, he is overweight, lazy, sarcastic and all-around obnoxious. Jake does not respect dogs and it is clear that this show does not care for Man’s Best Friend, unless it is in some sort of ironic crude manner that is so popular among the youth nowadays. Jake has a gay sex partner named Lady Raincone, who is a tribute to Lady Gaga and My Little Pony. Lady Raincone is a rainbow unicorn and is one of the most homosexual components of the show.
Princess Bubblegum, a representative of a blend of the homogay lifestyle and the scary parts of the internet, is especially destructive. With her pink, feminine appearance she may even seem like a wholesome young lady, but this is deceptive. Her phallic crown and bad temper indicate that she represents angry hordes of flaming homosexuals, and her love for the myths of science and “Geek-dom” show that she is both an atheist and a feminist. Princess Bubblegum is the antithesis of morality and Christian values…
Each episode of Adventure Time profiles a different orgy or rave had by the gang and their Technicolor friends and enemies. They mask this for parents by identifying these gang bangs as “adventures,”, when in reality they are nothing but drugged sodomy and rainbow colored evildoing. Nearly every episode involves some sort of new dirty fetish or erotic fantasy being enacted by the posse, and sometimes strangers are involved…
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
We must stay firm and rigid in our moral defiance and protest sinful shows like Adventure Time. Adventure Time could potentially lead YOUR child to a lifetime of depressed nefarious fetishes and experimentation with sodomy and illicit drugs. Adventure Time glorifies atheism and homosexuality and should not be permitted anywhere in the Christian home.
—Crusader Christopher Christenson, railing against the morally corrupting power of Cartoon Network’s Adventure Time, on Christ Wire.
johnnyism
FYI, ChristWire is satire.
Christopher
@johnnyism: It’s amazing how many people get duped by Christwire.
Oh well
Christ Wire is a hoax! Just like that Betty woman who has a fake church.
LandStander
OMG hahahaha! Ok so, for those of you not in-the-know (like Mr. Avery maybe?), Christwire is kind of like the Onion. Only instead of satire of normal news, they satire crazy religious people.
Don’t worry! It is very easy to be misled! It is hard to tell the difference between this satire and the real crazies (which says a lot about how crazy the real crazies are!)
AladinSane
It’s called Poe’s Law http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe's_law
FreddyMertz
That was awesome!….I was like “say what!”….as I read it..then like I’m..”oooo…hell nah!”….then I started thinking of all those toons that crossed dressed…Bugs Bunny.the redneck Elmer Fudd, etc….and then I’m like “no she d’in’t!”..then I got to the bottom of the piece and saw Christwire..them I’m ROFL! They got me…bitches!
EmmaMTF
>as I was reading “Wow, this sounds exactly like something I’d see on ChristWire”.
>> … from ChristWire
YES!!!! HAhahahahaa fucking <3 Christwire. Glorious mastertrolls at work, ladies n gents.
Shannon1981
Christwire is trolling the whole world and getting away with it, Queerty. You got punked.
kouros
lol hahahaha this is hilarious. Aside from the fact that this is sarcasm, adventure time is definitely not a kids show though, watch it high and it is the most hilarious thing ever
Tone
Would anyone have been surprised if instead of Christwire this appeared on the deadly serious FOTF or AFA? Christers see naughtiness wherever they look, they’re the most sex-obsessed people on the planet.
Shannon1981
@kouros: Watch it drunk, even better…
Dan Avery
I’m a big fan of Christ Wire and even have their book. I’m well aware it’s a satire site—it’s also funny as hell.
B
No. 2 · Christopher wrote, “@johnnyism: It’s amazing how many people get duped by Christwire.” It’s not so amazing given how some fundamentalist Christian’s rantings make Christ Wire look reasonable!
DanChi
Oh man, i think i need to start watching this show!
redboiwalkin
y’know whats a fun drinking game? take a shot everytime they say or do something inappropriate on the show. stuff that would be innocent if you were a child, but well, “what” moments for everyone else 🙂
Pat Duffy
All Hail Gunther;>!
Bipolar Bear
One of my favourite Christwire pieces:
“Power Bottoming,” The Most Disturbing New Trend in American Homosexuality
http://christwire.org/2011/05/power-bottoming-the-most-disturbing-new-trend-in-american-homosexuality/
oska
“Finn, an irresponsible young boy wearing seductively short shorts who schizophrenically socializes with his dangerous imaginary sex partners and experiments with cross-dressing.”
have they seen bugs bunny!!!!!!!!!!!!
Danny
ROFL… Christwire should end all their articles with “Now remember, if you’re a true Christian and reading this, stop masturbating this instant. God is watching.” 😀
Ben
Oh my Glob! This article is funny…still gonna watch adventure time though because its funny and the voice of the dog is the same as Bender from futureama
IzzyLuna
I never knew about this show but after that REVIEW, damn….! I’m SO WATCHING IT NOW!
Ramsey
Wow, I was ready to go off until I saw it was from ChristWire. I love Adventure Time!! Especially LSP!!
stevoj
every time i get on the treadmill at the gym this show comes on and EVERY TIME i nearly fall off that thing from laughing so hard
this show has got to be one of the funniest programs on television. thanks for spreading the word Chris!
Bryan
Lol, while the article is stupid, it does have a minor point about Adventure Time, there are lots of subtle, hidden perverted stuff that should not be in a children’s cartoon.
linger
It’s not “Lady Raincone,” it’s “Lady Rainicorn.” And she’s not gay at all…she and Jake have a completely heterosexual relationship. Although, it is interspecies (there’s actually a plot point about how the rainicorns and dogs had a war with each other, and Jake worried about whether her parents would be hate him for his race).
FakeDrudge
Fakedrudged. Thanks for the lulz.
Maya
What a twat. MAYBE if you didn’t force religion and how kids are supposed to be down their throats they might see the standards. There is NOTHING wrong with adventure time, you sick demonic bastard.
Christian Comics
Many cartoonists and artists in Asia’s media are going through a transition. The iconic image of an artist hunched over a cluttered desk in a corner of a busy newsroom still rings true for many of them except that they now hold close both their pencils and computer mice.
Bossalino
What the Glob…that article is tops blooby
Nathoa
LOL satire.