Hey ladies and super cool straight dudes who might be questioning their sexuality, ever wanted a gay best friend? You know, someone to teach you the difference between reading and shade, or keep you away from synthetic fibers, or just grind the gears of your really conservative Tea Party parents? Well, have we got a product for you! Jimmy…
If SEX in the City and Will & Grace taught us anything, it’s that g*y best friends are in this season. We’ve had the manbag, we’ve had leg warmers and iPhone fever, now it’s time for the new craze. Although not much can be said for his own attire, your Inflatable g*y Best Friend is ready to give you fashion advice, tell you if your bum looks big and b**ch about everyone who doesn’t wear Jimmy Choo’s. He may be rather quiet, but one look at that smiling, Gary Lineker*-esque face and you know what he’s thinking…”You go girlfriend!” Ready with an inflatable bunch of roses to cheer you up after any break up or bad day, your new g*y Best Friend will be at your side whenever you need a hug. An ideal gift for Hen Nights, Birthdays and Christmas stocking fillers, inflate your personality and kiss your worries goodbye with the Inflatable g*y Best Friend!
I really wished they handed out Pulitzers for product descriptions because yes to all of that. All of that tacky, trashy, stereotypical bullshit. Your Infaltable G*y Best Friend is basically Derek from Happy Endings:
British retailer Tesco had the Inflatable G*y Best Friend in stock at one point, but according to Gay Star News, “it was made unavailable a few months ago” and is “only accessible via the URL.” That seems to have flown out the window, too, since the link takes us to Tesco’s homepage and a search for “inflatable” turned up nary a g*y. Just a bunch of kid crap. And this:
Just in case you ever wanted “to make the ‘grim youth of today’ give up their seat for you on the bus.” Seriously. Pulitzer.
But at least Amazon’s still carrying it. And they don’t even censor the product’s name. Funny Tesco found the need, but we guess if you put “inflatable” in front of anything you’re just asking for trouble. However, the supermarket giant recently issued an apology explaining that the doll was “uploaded to the website by a third party seller but was removed from sale immediately because we found it offensive.
“The webpage should have been removed at that time and we are looking into why it is still visible two months later.We have very clear guidelines for third party sellers who list items on our website, and are very sorry that on this occasion they weren’t followed.”
Offensive? Maybe to Gary Lineker, who — in case you’re wondering, is a straight, married, British former soccer player and current sports broadcaster. And apparently he’s a shady b**ch?