We may dig dick, but we find a certain eerie comfort in old women's titties. No doubt, then, we're tickled a pervy shade of pink over Chris Zimmerman's forthcoming "Golden Girls Gone Wild" exhibit.

Our cousin Jossip describes the Frontiers-sponsored Los Angeles show, which features a breast bearing Bea Arthur, thus:

Bea Arthur, like you’ve never seen her before, and never, ever want to see her again.

Obviously they don't know us at all.

Homo Jack E. Jett, meanwhile, sent us an email this morning which read, "My buddy Lenora has purchased some artwork that in my opinion is priceless."

Who knew Bea Arthur and her 85-year old breasts could feed so many contradictions??

• These fuckers must have been on some serious drugs. First of all, they can't sing. Second of all, their lyrics are ridiculous (and a bit offensive). It's shit like this that makes us long for the days of the universal closet.

• Israel's Knesset has approved two bills that could be used to ban gay pride in Jerusalem and beyond. Though not specifically targeted against gays, the bills take on public events that could incite violence. The news come just days after J'Lem coppers approved this year's gay pride. Will Knesset enact the law and ruin the fun? Stay tuned…

• Meanwhile, Israel's Ministry of Tourism insists they're not courting queers, but it sure sounds like they're cruising them.

• A Guide To Recognizing Your Celebrated Sissies.

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Did you know that lesbians love Belinda Carlisle? We didn't - although it makes perfect sense. Carlisle did start her career as a teenager punker turned popster, singing about her sealed vagina with cutie peers, The Go-Gos. We can only imagine what their spandexed crotches did the labia loving ladies. Good things, we're sure.

Anyway, the thought didn't cross our mind until a reader sent us a link to Jenny Stewart's very lesbian interview with Ms. Carlisle. A sappho-journo through and through, Stewart gets all up in the girl-on-girl gossip. After Carlisle gushes over all her die hard dyke defenders and admits a crush on Debbie Harry, she gets a little deeper with these "shocking" revelations:

BC: …You know something? Believe me — I've been there and I've done it all. Let's just put it that way.

JS: Wait a minute. What do you mean by that?

BC: Well, without going into too much detail…I think all of us in the band, we've all had…we've all seen the experience you are probably wondering about. And, yeah, like I said, without going into too much detail, we've all been there and done that.

JS: Geez, Belinda.

BC: Well, it's true. And you know, my son is always online and stuff like that, so without going into too much detail…yeah.

Huh? Are we supposed to know what that means? Because we don't. Maybe they're speaking some secret lezzie language or something, because we just see a flimsy hint at a sexual past. "…Been there done that"? Done what? Did you muff dive? Finger some chick? Wear a strap on and fuck the shit out of some boi? We demand answers!

Unfortunately, Carlisle can't hear us through these textual rants, so maybe you guys should just go over, read the interview and draw your own conclusions. Also, while you're getting all worked up over Ms. C, why not relive Jack E. Jett's sit down with the chanteuse? It's better than a warm vagina on a winter morn'. Well, for us, at least…

For today's installment of The Totally Frightful Issue, we're handing the reins over to performative character and all-around nice guy, Jack E. Jett.

While those of you in Australia and Canada may know him from his talk show, Queer Edge, soon everyone can enjoy his eccentric, yet socially conscious humor when he launches his new Internet television channel, FU-TV, on Monday, October 30th on World of Wonder, ManiaTV! and The Akimbo Service.

Before that, however, read his ruminations on the rise of AIDS, how fear helps forge new directions, and how the hell he came up with Jack E. Jett in the first place.

In case you're too scared to figure it out together, you can find his piece after the jump.

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