gruber-lucianoNick Gruber — heterosexual man-whore and professional stunt queen — is certainly the man of the hour, and while his 15 minutes should’ve been up about 5 minutes into his rise fall to fame, he seems to have been caught by a giant safety net of shade fashioned by other, slightly more vicious queens. Case in point, 0ver-the-hill guttersnipe, John Luciano, the 49-year-old man Gruber has been linked to when he’s not slobbering over 70-year-old Calvin Klein.

Michael Musto interviewed Luciano for Gawker and let’s just say no one emerges unscathed. We needed a shower just after reading it. According to unlucky Luciano, Gruber is so straight he’d fuck Betty White — but, honestly, who wouldn’t? — and he just sleeps with men for the money, fur and jewels. In other words, Nick Gruber is exactly the person you thought he was, but the way Luciano savagely goes in on the 22-year-old, you can’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy for the kid.

Below are a few choice tidbits from the interview. Word of warning, it’s gonna get severe up in here.

On Nick ‘s passing acquaintance with the truth: “Despite his denying it in your interview, he was completely doing a book [on Calvin Klein]. I see humor in everything because he’s such an idiot.”

On Nick’s sexuality: “He’s straight. He had a very fucked up, abusive childhood— horrific, practically worse than a cattle dog—and most women are not going to take care of him, so he turns to the company of gay men for support, paternal love, mentoring, and all those things. At the end of the day, if he can choose between sleeping with Zac Efron and Betty White, he’s going to choose Betty White, because that’s the way he is. When he went back with Calvin, Calvin should have just let him sleep with women, and he would have been fine. He’s gay for pay, and that’s what it is.”

On how Luciano met Nick, while flouting the tenets of AA: “Once in a while, I’ll step in an AA meeting, and that’s where we met. Once a year I’ll get the urge to have an 8 ball and have a little fun. Then I’ll go to a meeting.”

On Calvin and Nick’s relationship: “Yeah, it was true love. Calvin was in love with his body and Nick was in love with the wallet.”

On how Nick lays the pipe: “The worst lover I’ve ever had!”

Honestly, we don’t know who’s a bigger piece of trash: Nick Gruber for pulling stunts even Evel Knievel wouldn’t attempt, or John Luciano for, well, being John Luciano. Head on over to Gawker for the entire interview — it’s a doozy.

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