Toxic masculinity

An alarming number of gay men say they’re totally turned off by feminine guys

A new “Masc Survey” conducted by Attitude reveals gay men have quite a bit of work to do when it comes to breaking down gender stereotypes within their own community.

More than 5,000 people participated in the survey, which was conducted in October 2017. Here’s what Attitude found…

71% of gay men said they are actively turned off by a prospective partner who demonstrates signs of femininity. Meanwhile, 29% said they saw more effeminate characteristics in men as a positive trait.

Related: This queen desperately wanted to be liked by guys seeking “masc” men, so he changed his appearance

When asked if they thought effeminate gay men “give the gay community a bad image or reputation,” 41% responded yes.

The survey also revealed that 41% of bisexual, queer, and gay men have considered themselves “less of a man” because of their sexuality.

So what’s the takeaway from all this?

Well, it looks as though a large majority of these gay men harbor misogynist attitudes, which they seem to apply toward themselves and others.

Attitude’s Editor-in-Chief, Matt Cain, calls it a “masculinity crisis within the LGBTQ community.”

“I’ve spent much of my life being made to feel as if I’m less of a man for being gay,” Cain says. “And that any signs of femininity I may exhibit make me a less important or less valued member of society.”

Related: Do Gay Men Have A Problem With “Glorifying Toxic Ideals Of Masculinity”? This Blogger Thinks So.

Cain continues, “I know lots of other gay men who feel the same way. In this context, it can be bewildering to get our heads around what it means to be a man.”

What do you think? Is there a masculinity crisis within the LGBTQ community? And if so, how do we fix it? Share your thoughts in the comments section…

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161 Comments

  • Pneumatikon

    God you really hate men. Well I love them. That’s why I’m gay. If I wanted a permanent bottom I’d get a girlfriend. Otherwise I have plenty of leeway on male femininity. My best friend is straight and he’s actually kind of feminine.

    • Notright

      Boom

    • Charlie in Charge

      Oooh, get her.

  • KaiserVonScheiss

    The only masculinity crisis is from the people trying to destroy it. It’s people who use the term ‘toxic masculinity’ who are the problem.

    It’s ironic that most of the pictures of men shown on this site are of half naked muscle hunks, the epitome of the masculine aesthetic. And yet, these same people want to destroy the concept of masculinity altogether.

    • DCguy

      What a shock, the anti-lgbt troll doesn’t like people who act “Too Gay”.

  • Creamsicle

    I don’t think that I would date a particularly fem guy, but that’s mostly because my interests are all related to nerd culture, and fem gays tend to be all about being basic. Don’t get me wrong, there are some times where being a basic gay is kind of fun, but on the whole it just feels like you’re letting someone else dictate your interests, which seems like a bit of messed up irony.

    My ex-boyfriend was kind of fem and had a lot of issues with internalized homophobia and feeling like he sounded too gay. His issues actually really affected our relationship because he hated talking about sex, and I joke about sex constantly.. He also seemed to have hang ups about how not many people perceive me as gay right away, whereas his voice gives him away instantly (although there are tons of straight men with gay sounding voices).

  • Brian

    I wonder if Cosmo tries to make women feel ashamed for not being sexually attracted to effeminate men?

    • batesmotel

      Ahhh, good point! Never thought about that.

    • CarrieV

      On the contrary — women’s magazines (and websites) praise the pursuit of non-Alpha males. Dating old-school macho men is frowned upon.

      I actually just now did a quick scan of a few top women’s magazine websites (including Cosmo), and it seems that advice about dating/relationships is pretty scarce… but there are oodles of articles about “Thirty Best International Destinations for the Solo Female Traveler”, “How to Retire on One Income”, “Letting Your Folks Down about Staying Single”, and “Best Resources for In Vitro Fertilization for the Single Gal”, and so on.

      Cosmo and their ilk aren’t shaming women for not being attracted to femmy guys at least.

    • Umoja

      CarrieV
      Alpha and beta males are both masculine in self-portrayal. An effeminate straight man does not typify the beta male (the worker, provider). The alpha is the loner, the aggressive or the outlier when it comes to masculinity.

    • Creamsicle

      Umoja,
      Alpha males are a fiction. They don’t exist in nature and the idea was based on behavioral studies of wolves that were later retracted because wolf packs are families, not breeding hierarchies. Humans have taken the meme and run with it though, so they may technically exist, but only as an artificially perpetuated misunderstanding of the way nature works.

  • WhattheF

    I know everyone has their own opinion. Maybe it’s a Wyoming, but I want a man. Not a man that acts like a woman. You can be whomever you are. More power to you! That doesn’t mean everyone should be attracted to you. As always, attraction comes down to preference and taste.

  • JaredMacBride

    I bet every one of the guys who said they found “effeminate” men unattractive would gladly take a blow job from one.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      Yes because if an effeminate man is blowing me I don’t have to listen to him talk. :)

  • Josh447

    There’s fag and there’s fem, I think the two get intertwined. Women don’t act like gay fags exhibiting fag behavior, and some call that fem. It’s not. It’s fag. Completely different from how women act. Now some guys do exhibit some fem traits and that’s cool. But they don’t exhibit fag lingo or body language. Case in point, that guy Ross who used to do interviews on TV, had his own talk show for a short while, but has disappeared, he doesn’t express fem, no woman acts like that, that expression is total fag, (possibly learned behavior) expression. I think that distinction needs to be addressed before one can get an accurate vote, and there would be two voting booths to visit on this issue. At this point calling fags fem, is an insult to women.

    • CarrieV

      Excellent point about that necessary distinction, Josh.

    • Creamsicle

      You seem well adjusted and very content with yourself.

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    “Well, it looks as though a large majority of these gay men harbor misogynist attitudes”

    Reminder: Gay men are not women

    • Josh447

      Zactly. Misogyny is knocking women, not gay men with fem traits, big difference.

    • Umoja

      This article reads like “Pin the [SJW term] on the donkey”, a blind-folded and feeble attempt.

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    Stop policing other people’s libidos

    • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

      Within an acceptable non-spacey continuum

  • Josh447

    PS Ross Mathews. Queen Mary on legs does not equal fem, it equals fag-noxious, which can be very entertaining, in short spurts, but it’s not “fem” from what I can tell. Far from it.

    • Donston

      You got some of it down. Some people’s behavior and mannerisms (including masculinity) is more driven by narcissism, showmanship and/or sociology. But there’s also natural degrees of femininity and different degrees of gender dis-morphia.

    • Brian

      While I don’t think Ross Matthews has a masculine bone in his body, I think he dials up the queeniness by several notches when he’s on camera. He’s the gay Charo.

  • Donston

    Internalized homophobia, fem-phobia and obsession with retaining some sense of hetero-normalcy are each big individual problems for many gay and gay-leaning men. However, if you’re not into effeminate guys then that’s not what you’re into. I know I have found many types of men attractive but prefer a man who can offer me some masculine and feminine traits. It’s what works best for me romantically and sexually. But just because you’re not attracted to a certain type of guy doesn’t automatically mean that you resent that kind of guy (although sometimes it does mean that). And there are many men who like to think they are conventionally masculine or a “bro” but are in fact obviously queer.

    • Xzamilloh

      I’m masc, gurlfriend!!!

  • crowebobby

    So we “homosexuals” have no control over our sexual taste because it’s inborn, but everyone with sexual tastes that don’t coincide with ours has to just pull-up-their-socks and get back on the “right” track . . . with all of them it’s just a matter of “choice.”

  • IWantAFullBeard

    Well, I’m a very masculine homosexual male and I like guys who are both feminine and masculine. Doesn’t really matter to me either way. Hit me up :)

    • Seabelly

      Okay, you’re my favorite person today, all day.

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    This bizarre underlying notion peddled in “queer” circles that masculinity ipso facto is “toxic” is itself toxic; a myopic dogma promulgating a damaging one dimensional caricature of masculinity (commonsensical definition) as being necessarily synonymous with being incapable of gentleness, sensitivity, and being emotionally closed off and much worse besides. Gay/bi men have as much right to feel pride in their masculinity (the type derided as unfabulous or boring) as do effeminate men of their own preferred gender expression, and like them whether it’s achieved with some degree of artifice and effort or entirely natural.

  • jd.cali

    Graham,
    Please use the correct terms if you are going to surmise what the survey suggests….
    “Misogyny” or “misogynistic attitudes” as you write does not relate to men hating men. That is not the correct definition.
    Misogyny is hatred towards women or females. It has nothing to do with hatred to specifically ‘feminine’ women as opposed to not towards ‘masculine’ women or men or the concept of femininity vs masculinity. Women only. So it should not be used here.
    Thanks.

  • Paco

    I bet 95% of the respondents would be viewed as less than masculine in the eyes of others.

    • Frank

      EXACTLY so much of this “debate” is about PERCEPTION

    • miserylovedme24

      There’s a difference between being less than masculine and being Jack from Will & Grace.

    • Frank

      some people find Jack more comical than feminine

      Also there are some gay men with FAKE MASCULINITY and FAKE FEMININITY (their scene, their looks, their gesture and other outside things that are as moldable as putty)…

      It is more that many gay men recognize that they are gay and that is AWESOME….

      but BE YOURSELF and whatever road that happens to be I am sure you will find someone to interact with on all levels from a hook up to a lifetime together

    • torrentprime

      But this article is *full* of “you shouldn’t be like X” and “only fake/trying to pass idiots act like Y”.
      So “being yourself” is more like “be yourself, subject to community approval on whether or not we say it’s cool for you to act like that. Hater.”

  • Xzamilloh

    I get that there are different authors and they have different styles and opinions, but overall, this mix of being preachy and then splashing the page with “articles” devoted entirely to the male physique — like the Saturday Instagram lineup — make you guys complete hypocrites. You fawn all over the hot straight guys, the hot gay guys who look masculine, but when it comes to gay men like Johnny Weir or EJ Johnson, you say stuff like “Yasssssss” “Looking fierce”… you never comment on how attractive fem men like them are. So cut the crap, Queerty, you are just as guilty of the same misnomer of misogyny Graham is trying to apply here

    • Donston

      Yes, there is plenty of hypocrisy. But it’s so persistent on this site that calling it out has become redundant. This site is just a mesh of articles posted on other sites and click-bait. And nothing more. Also, trying to dictate who people find attractive and shaming them is an idiotic move. Opening up a conversation about why people are attracted to the types of people they are attracted to or a conversation about gender roles and resentments or about internalized homophobia would be far more apt. But that’s a sticky situation that this site (or really any lgbtq sites) are not about.

    • Donston

      Also, as I said, everyone’s definition of “effeminate” is very different. I don’t automatically think of someone as extreme as EJ when I think of effeminate. Guys like Tim Tebow, Neil Patrick Harris and Matt Bomer are who came to mind.

    • Josh447

      Hi Donston,
      You consider those three guys to be effeminate?

    • Donston

      When they’re at their most natural, least self-conscious selves, yes (you would have to search videos on Youtube to see them in their most “natural” states). All three have stereotypical “queer” voices and mannerisms. However, none have affectations, are aggressively effeminate or seem to be exaggerating their behavior or instincts.

    • Donston

      However, I have found some men who have obvious affectations and are aggressively “queen-y” to be appealing. If someone’s cute, charming and not annoying it’s whatever to me. I’m even cool with some cross-dressing here and there.

    • Donston

      But this is why I say “polls” like this are mis-leading. Everyone has their own idea of what “effeminate” is.

    • batesmotel

      As always you nailed it. They hypocrisy is very telling.

    • Josh447

      To Danston
      Hmmm…. I don’t see any of those guys as effeminate, maybe gay but that is not an easy call. Before I knew they were gay, save Tebo as we don’t know, I wasn’t sure, as they did pass to me as straight. Now Tebow, who knows. I have no gaydar that calls him out just looking at him hearing him or watching him move. But as you said, the fem scale is different for everyone. Tho I hear no gay voice in any of them, nor do my straight friends. Now if fair they may be entirely different, as you said, it seems one would have to dig to find a natural setting. But for what they show the media, they got straight down.

    • Knight

      XZAM HAH!!! You freakin’ NAILED IT!!! Yeah, the Queerty agenda sucks. Coming here is like dating a very hot but stupid model; you just want to say, “hey, when I want you to open your mouth, I’ll pull out my dick. Now just do what you’re good at and sit there looking pretty”.

  • Brody

    So we who don’t care for men who act like ladies are now self-hating misogynists?

    Funniest fukking thing I heard all day.

  • kcXanadu

    It’s not about being anti fem. it’s about pro what you like. Why would i waste my time looking at blue shirts if I want a green one? Being masculine is not a problem. You can be masculine without being an asshole. I wish people would stop acting like they’re one and the same. We need our partner to make us feel a certain way. If we want to feel dominated, we need a visual. I’m 6’3” and having a 5’2” guy just won’t work. I need SIZE for that. Is that wrong of me? No, because I’m saving people time by being upfront with what I want and what I DON’T want. The problems are the people I don’t want. They try to convince me that my honesty is a lie and that I’m somehow a bad person for being honest.
    People need to deal with the truth. The truth is we all have things we look for in a person. I’m happy with my masculinity. I’m no alpha but i refuse to feel ashamed simply because someone’s angry that I don’t want them. Get over me as I’m over you.

    • miserylovedme24

      Exactly. I’m overweight and I would bet money that most of these feminine twinks complaining about this issue would have no problem rejecting me for that. It’s just how it is. And whatever, I don’t want to force someone to date me and I don’t see why they’d want to either. I found someone that loves me for me and I’m better for it.

    • Knight

      Misery from my experience, there are a LOT of guys who like guys like you with meat on the bones. Don’t get down on yourself. Do the best with what you can to keep yourself healthy in body and mind and the rest will fall into place, bud.

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    Some peoples sexual cue detection “software” is wired to respond more strictly to rigidly demarcated gender cues/dimorphism. Get over it!

  • Kieran

    I blame TRUMP for this survey.

    • Brody

      Don’t be paranoid . . . the Russians obviously did it.

  • Kieran

    So what’s the takeaway from all this?

    The takeaway is that most gay men are turned on by male and masculine characteristics rather than female and feminine characteristics. If they wanted female and feminine they’d date a girl.

    • Brody

      Damn you and your logic.

    • Danny595

      That’s definitely true. But the position of the effeminate man is even worse that that. Because if you have ever had the unpleasant experience of meeting them, you immediately see that they don’t exactly act like women. They exhibit all the worst aspects of femininity and none of the positive aspects. And they add their own toxic elements, like snapping and making bizarre hand and head movements, etc. It comes off less like genuinely feminine behavior and more like a manifestation of obvious mental illness.

    • Frank

      being a feminine or masculine caricature is incredibly limited and self-defeating in my humble opinion because WHERE is the authentic person WHO is the authentic YOU

    • scallywag51

      Danny your confusing femininity with affectation. We all have feminine and masculine traits that may be predominately one or the other. Affectation which is defined as behavior, speech, or writing that is artificial and designed to impress and a studied display of real or pretended feeling. Our femininity is who we are and affectation is something we do and I understand why you find it unpleasant. Older gay man here and in my experience many gay young men are affected but cast it off as they mature. Now we all know feminine gay or straight men who can’t help being soft spoken or more feminine because like us (being gay) they were born that way. One of my best friends thought he was the most masculine thing on the planet until he opened his mouth or walked across the room. He had not idea how obviously gay he was.

    • Danny595

      scalawag51 – From that last comment, you seem to be laboring under the delusion that all gays are effeminate and that any gay person who isn’t effeminate is faking or is not being authentic. You believe things based on prejudice not on facts. You disrespect millions of people and insist that they must be like you or else they aren’t being real. There’s a word for that.

      You also disregard 40 years of social science, which shows that the large majority of gay men and boys are not effeminate. It is unquestionably more prevalent among gay/bi males than straights, but it isn’t a majority phenomenon in either group. And that holds true for studies which looked at g/b males as adults, as young adults, as adolescents or even at their early childhood age 2-5. You desperately need to hold onto your delusion that “authentic gayness” = effeminacy because dragging all gay men into your problem and pinning it on sexual orientation makes you feel less responsible for your manhood fail. But you are fully responsible for failing where most gay men naturally succeed. Own your fail and improve yourself.

    • torrentprime

      Gosh, Danny, that was… almost subtle. ?

  • Seabelly

    To paraphrase Pema Chodren (and yes, I’m getting all JesusBuddhaOprah about it,) we are the sky, our social affectations (like our feelings and moods) are simply the weather. They are not the core of us, any more than a temper tantrum or a glum Wednesday are. Most of how we react to others is an expression of how we feel about ourselves, anyway. If a whole “kind” of person upsets us, we have to look at that as individuals, because it’s our own personal problem, not a group one.

  • He BGB

    Dan Savage also says it’s misogyny in the film Do I Sound Gay?.

    • Danny595

      lol. Who cares what he says? He worked at Blockbuster video and got his job as a “sex advice columnist” in the 1990s as a joke. Those are his qualifications.

    • Knight

      Ugh…Dan is a gay minstrel show. He couldn’t be more of a gay stereotype. The only good thing I can say about him is Michael Signorile is slightly worse…

  • Danny595

    It’s alarming that only 71% have a negative view of effeminacy. We all need to educate the other 29% about the harms which come from manhood failure and the association of gender deviance with poor physical and mental health. Let’s all unite to fight against toxic effeminacy.

    • Josh447

      It’s not toxic effeminacy, that’s silly. It’s toxic f+g+otry.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      Oooooh Danny, you’re so butch! I bet you own a power drill and you even watch football and stuff.

    • scallywag51

      You guys are awful and should be ashamed. Asshats!

    • Knight

      Heywood are they having a sale on used jokes? Because you’ve used that one already, and it’s not getting any wittier.

  • loren_1955

    Not to offend, however, having been married to a woman for 27 years, coming out after the divorce, the last thing I want is another woman in my life or a man that chooses to act like a woman. Mind you I have always embraced the full masculine and feminine roles in my life such as baking bread, bottling jams, creating quilts, at the same time equally comfortable splitting wood, changing oil, and doing home renovations. Had one royal queen in my life, that one was enough.

    • Frank

      If the man has a dick I can assure you they are not a woman…also men DO NOT choose to act this or that way…some are naturally so…if you do not want that man good for you…

      Also you list the following: baking bread, bottling jams, creating quilts, comfortable splitting wood, changing oil, and doing home renovations.

      Those activities are not masculine nor feminine traits or qualities they are simply UTILITARIAN in nature…

      Baking bread (you need to eat), bottling jams (you need to eat), creating quilts (stay warm), comfortable splitting wood (stay warm) , changing oil (saves money) , and doing home renovations (saves money).

    • scallywag51

      Frank someone who makes some sense here. I’m really surprised at the hostility here towards men who can’t help who they are. You may not have to bed down with feminine men but you do have to accept and support them as fellow gay men. So much for solidarity within our own community as if the hateful heteros aren’t bad enough

    • Frank

      Thank you…I am never surprised at the behaviors of humans behind the VEIL OF THE INTERNET….they can unleash their deepest darkest desires and most hateful and repressive words onto the world.

    • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

      @Frank “If the man has a dick I can assure you they are not a woman…”

      Transphobe! You really haven’t thought this out have you sweetheart?Sexual attraction is more complex than your virtue signaling/facist thought policing allows for.

      Moreover, he didn’t state he wouldn’t avail of their services, say, when seeking professional advice on women’s perfume or buying a designer purses for a female relative ….he’s just saying he doesn’t want to fück one. Stop dictating what other gay men do with their dicks, you dick

    • Danny595

      Frank, you can rant and rave all you like about “hate” but it won’t change anyone’s position. You can’t bully or guilt people into liking something that it is pitiable and revolting and you certainly can’t bully or guilt people into having sexual or romantic feelings towards something that they find pitiable and revolting.

      As for your comment about certain actions being neither masculine nor feminine because they are useful, that shows an abundance of ignorance. Many utilitarian activities are ALSO either masculine or feminine because they are widely associated with one sex or the other. While some activities can be genuinely neutral because there is no particular association with either sex (ex, tooth brushing, going to a concert) and some activities can shift out of one category or another over time, there are always masculine and feminine activities at all times and in all cultures on all continents.

  • miserylovedme24

    To call it “misogynistic” when we are talking about men dealing with other men is completely absurd. Gay men are not women! This idea that somehow it’s “toxic” because a man wants to date someone that acts like one is what’s really toxic. Last time I checked, being gay was supposed to involve being who you are, not basing your dating on what others think you should do. That’s not any better than being told to stay in the closet.

    • scallywag51

      Call it what you want but negative hostile feelings towards feminine gay men by other gay men is totally unacceptable. Sleep with who you want but still support other gay men no matter how they express themselves….be they leather or lace. Both make up our community. Who is telling what you should do. The survey just present the stats we are the ones that ascribe them meaning.

    • Howard Roark

      agreed. Graham Gremore is always running absurd crap like this, apparently just to entice people to click.

      Scallwag51, I don’t think anyone is talking about negative hostile feelings. They are talking about what gets their dick hard. And please stop using the word “unacceptable” to describe your disapprobation. It is overused, and frankly, condescending.

  • William

    I guess I’d like to know what exactly effeminate means and what scale people are talking about. For instance – I *tend* to hang around more masculine gay men (though effeminacy does not bother me) and many of them think of me as their more effeminate friend… whereas many straight male have indicated they find me non-threatening because I act more like a guy than the effeminate gay stereotype. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter since my partner and I have been together for 12 years… but it’s worth noting that effeminacy is both on a scale AND very much based on individual perception.

  • baggins435

    Good grief. Since when are we racist or homophobic for not being attracted to every other gay man on the planet? No one slams straight guys for only liking white girls, or Hispanic, or Asian. I’m NOT attracted to effeminate men, or super hairy, or most non-caucasians, or guys with beards, but there are exceptions, like some biracial guys. And I’m not about to apologize for it. My “dream” guy would be a short, smooth, red haired gymnast with a brain and a sense of humor, but mostly just average jeans and T-shirt guys who happen to be gay. Not interested in flighty, drama queens who are into fashion, celebrities, social media, and calling each other “girlfriend”, and I don’t know anyone who is. If it’s any consolation, I’m not into the leather/bear scene either. Quit trying to guilt trip us for not thinking you are “all that.”

  • Moritz

    I don’t think that not being attracted to feminine men makes you a homophone or a misogynist. If you don’t want to hang out with feminine guys, then there is a problem. I don’t think anyone can help who they are attracted to.

    • Knight

      I tried to play the homophone in college, but never could get the fingering right…

  • Jaxton

    There’s nothing wrong with feminine guys on a personal level but, sexually, they represent female qualities. A true male homosexual wants a man with masculine qualities.

    The word “gay” has become synonymous with femininity – that’s why it’s a very misleading word and one that no longer functions in a useful way.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      Oooooh Brian, you’re so butch! I bet you own a power drill and you even watch football and stuff.

  • Frank

    Gay means you are attracted to someone of the same sex; after that you can figure out how you want to decorate your own cake and if you find someone willing to eat it and you are happy to eat theirs…that is a WIN WIN…everything else is just looks of noise that keeps you from cooking in the kitchen of life

    • Jaxton

      That’s not true. Gay means happy. It was hijacked by the Left’s feminists and feminist -sympathizers to define male homosexuality. It’s a political hijacking operation designed to destroy the male homosexual impulse, an impulse that threatens girl power.

    • Thomas

      stop being an asshole you know damn well what Frank means…or are you just a stupid vapid asshole…naw I think that is exactly what and who you are…

  • johnnymcmxxx

    This is an interesting issue. Although I like a man to be available to their emotions which is considered a more feminine behavior I do not find overt feminine behavior to be a sexually or romantically attractive trait. I am also not attracted to cliche brutish male behavior. This may or may not be an affect of some sort of buried homophobia but I typically connect “feminine” behavior to women, whom I adore but to whom I have no sexual attraction. So why would I then find it stimulating in a man? I prefer a man with combination of some feminine traits such as tenderness, affection, sensuality, patience mixed with common masculine traits: Stability, direction, logic, independence, strength, confidence and discipline. Although I want that combination, I prefer the masculine traits to outweigh the feminine.

  • batesmotel

    I’ve had some more effeminate men ask if I was attracted to effeminate men as they feel I come off straight/heterosexual than other gay men, whatever that means. I don’t have anything against effeminate men. However, I have noticed that there are some gay men that put up on their gay profiles that they prefer masculine men only, and that they’re masculine, and same for same. I’ve never put something like that on my profile, because I don’t like to limit myself. When I have agreed to meet some of these gay men that prefer masculine men only I’m surprised to find that they’re not very masculine at all. What I’ve learned is that the authentic masculine men who happened to be gay actually don’t have that on their profile.

    With that said, I’m not offended that there are many gay men who prefer masculine acting men, maybe because I’m not considered feminine acting so I don’t know what that’s like on the receiving end. At the same time, this article is bogus, it has nothing do with misogyny. You have to stop overusing that word because you don’t like the President and are against straight white men in general. Some gay men are attracted to men. Meaning they’re attracted to a man. Not a man that is on the feminine side. They like a man’s man, but there are very few gay men out there that fit that description so if that’s what you want, you’ll be searching for a long time.

  • Brian

    Many years ago I met a guy at a bar. He was pretty cute, very nice, and definitely queeny. With queeny friends. I have never been attracted to queeny guys, but I made a conscious choice to try something different and not just write him off because of the queeniness. Also, I was around 35 and he was barely 21, so I’m sure my ego was involved in having him be my test case, so to speak.

    We dated for maybe 2 months. I could never get past the queeniness so I finally ended it. It’s not like I’m into hypermasculine stereotypes, I’ve always just liked regular guys. But it was too much, and definitely killed my attraction to him.

    With friends, they can be as queeny as they want and I don’t think twice about it, but when it comes to romance, it’s a total turn off for me. And considering 71% of the people in this survey say the same thing, I think it’s fair to say that it’s not a masculinity crisis, it’s just a fact about how gay men are wired.

  • Terrycloth

    I’m gay I like guys.not guys who act ,talk like women .if I wanted a woman then I wouldn’t be gay. There’s no such thing as normal but just be a guy. Queens can be overboard and obnoxious. ..Center of attention some can’t help it.I’m just saying for me ..um no…

  • OzJosh

    This discussion badly needs some more depth and nuance. It’s easy to make objections to “fem” behaviour sound bigoted and unreasonable if you never actually interrogate what exactly there is to object to. Personally, I find a man who is in touch with the better feminine qualities – sensitivity, kindness, etc – highly attractive. I also have no objection to androgenyous looks, which can be extremely sexy (e.g. Adam Lambert). And I have no problem with a bit of a lisp or a swish. But what does turn me off are the attitudes and behaviours that are often identified as “fem” – such as the extremely bitchy, nasty, corrosive humour, constant “dissing”, and a generally negative mindset. This really is toxic and it’s horrible to be around it. There’s also a lot about the culture of fem that is as tired and offensive as black face. In 2017 you really can’t deny that Z-snapping and starting comments with “Gurl” is offensive. It’s appropriating and parodying another culture, which is no longer okay in any other social sphere. Sure, there may be guys who have an unexamined, gut-level revulsion for “fem” behaviour; but maybe those instincts are also based on some fairly reasonable objections.

  • woodin

    71% of gay men said they are actively turned off by eff men. Its all about attraction and NOT hate.
    At the end of the day, everyone has a type they lean to….bald, muscle/jock/nerd/beta/alpha, tall/short, avg/thin/heavy, hung/small/vers, etc. If your preference is muscle or anyone of the other types, now the pool of followers just got smaller

  • chris33133

    I guess this survey’s result depend on what the respondents meant by the terms masculine and feminine. I prefer the term genuine.

  • PinkoOfTheGange

    You know what is funny?

    All you up in arms about a self selection poll.

    This isn’t a cross section of the community. It is the guys that clicked a link at a site that has a definite bent to its marketing. At best you have the opinions of an Attitude “reader” with too much time on their hands and their social media budz they sent the link to.

    The best thing this shows is the balkinization of d’geyz.

  • judysdad

    What’s “alarming” about it? The vast majority of us prefer masculine men. As far as I know, it’s always been that way. Never found a femme guy that I was attracted to and am sure I never will.

    • Knight

      Mhoff LOL…the funny thing is Obama used to whine..er, say the same thing. I guess all presidents have their moments of self-pity. Tough job ; )

  • mhoffman953

    If we were to compile all of Queerty’s informative and opinionated blogs on dating, it would mean that if you aren’t attracted to a feminine, gender-fluid person of color then you are a misogynistic bigot

    • Knight

      You shut your EVIL trump-supporting, conservative mouth! How DARE you question the omniscient wisdom of the Queerty dating article!

  • Josh S

    What’s with the hysterics of the headline? “Alarming”? People are attracted to who they’re attracted to — it’s a lemming mentality to infer that we’re supposed to find all people attractive. It’s akin to thinking someone is automatically a hateful racist simply because they don’t find everyone attractive regardless of skin color.

    • Knight

      Exactly. I said something similar without reading your comment first. But yeah…you nailed it. As a total top, I’m VERY “equally opportunity”, in that when it comes to sex, at times all I’m asking for is a firm, smooth ass, regardless of ethnicity, body-type, age or masculinity. But I don’t fault guys who DO have their “types”, nor do I cry into my pillow if I’m turned down because the guy I’m into only likes “skinny, blond surfers under 20 only”. Their loss. Life goes on. These “surveys” are just an attempt at shaming a community that’s already been raised on shame.

  • Jaxton

    I admire masculinity. It’s a virtue. Don’t listen to men who think masculinity is automatically toxic. These men are usually feminist-sympathizers who deserve to be shunned.

    • Thomas

      Yet no one admires you and you are alone…

  • Notright

    What a shock?! You mean guys that are attracted to men are actually attracted to…MEN?! Well don’t that beat all!!

    If you want to increase your manhood try this. https://packedman.com/

  • Steve318

    So gay men have preferences. What’s the big deal. Straight men have preferences too. Simply because I’m straight doesn’t mean I have prefer all types of straight women. Conversely. simply because I’m gay doesn’t mean I have to prefer all types of gay men. Sexuality is not a choice, but sexual attraction is a matter of taste. Simply because I’m Mexican doesn’t mean I have to prefer all types of Mexican food.

  • Taiyoken

    What’s “alarming” about this? How about you let people be attracted to what they’re attracted to? Statistical facts about biological reality should be fascinating not “alarming.”

  • duje_buric

    An alarming number of gay men are frustrated, steroid and drug abusing morons and they probably alarmingly overlap with the group from the article… However, with time biology will take its toll, and then there will be an alarming number of gay men having testicular cancer, liver failure, cardiac arest, etc.

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    An acquaintance of mine got his effeminate mannerisms systematically knocked out of him by ballet school—hardly a bastion of toxic masculinity—and retrained in how to hold himself with power and dignity in order to successfully and believably embody the males roles. So it can be unlearned without going to silly hypermasculine extremes. Masculinity has its own beauty and unshowy grace that deserves to be celebrated and not traduced typically by those that jealousy despise it while simultaneously lusting after it

    • Donston

      God, you really go from sounding somewhat rationale if slightly ignorant to a completely contemptuous a-hole in a blink.

  • ham

    Queerty, you are such hypocrites. Your title says, “alarming,” as if we are terrible humans for having a preference for what arrouses us. Yet every muscled semi-naked idiot you describe as hot and use sexual innuendos. Now… every queeny guy as campy or fierce and never ever attach a sexually desireable adjective.

    So My head turns towards hairless chests, or deep brown eyes, or copper hair, or tall men, or full lips, or slender bodies, or a Jamaican accent, etc. Is that alarming?

  • Louis

    God so many embarrassing responses and people so little time smfh.

    I do not give a damn whether someone is obnoxiously masculine that grates your nerves or people that are not afraid to be themselves 24/7 and do not care about what ANYONE thinks about them and how they are PERCEIVED.

    They are just as much a MAN as you ridiculously irritating overcompensating gay men are in this community.

    In fact they are far more of a MAN because those individuals are NEVER afraid to show sensitivity or emotion instead of living like a pathetic robot that is too afraid to show actual human emotion for fear that their braindead and primitive pals will question their unbelievably pathetic and fragile masculinity.

    You be you people we are ALL GAY MEN and we have ALL EXPERIENCED discrimination including the predictable liars that claim they never have due to people treating them better because they are not the STEREOTYPICAL gay man and all that other highly regressive and archaic bullshit I hear all the time from certain gay men within this community.

    There is NOTHING wrong with being YOURSELF for anyone to call that into question or vilify others that are fighting the same equal fight that we ALL ARE in this world is pathetic and completely hypocritical.

    I personally have always found the men that do not fit into the heteronormative norm including by many of you embarrassing and shameful GAY MEN posting here far more empathetic compassionate supportive loving genuine sincere humane humble and down to earth.

    Trying to satisfy the heterosexual spectrum by trying to seem as straight as possible reeks of desperation and overcompensation it is ridiculous.

    • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

      Jesusfückingchrist you are one odiously sententious bore, whose sole function appears to be that of resident pious scold and of wildly-missing-the-point.

    • Danny595

      At some point, Louis, you are going to need to come to grips with your disrespect for other people. You seem to think that everyone who isn’t effeminate is part of a grand conspiracy to make you feel bad and to curry favor with the “heterosexual spectrum” – whatever that is. Try to accept that most gay men are not effeminate, that they are being themselves, and that there is no conspiracy. K?

  • Thomas

    Over 100 comments and many of you wonder why you are still single, trolling the internet for a myriad of things and full of bitterness.

    First of all get over yourself with you dime store analysis of minor things and realize you are the cause of many of your problems and you are also your solutions.

  • Shounae

    I am so happy at the amount of people calling out queerty on this article.
    We are all men that are attracted to other men, by that logic can’t you understand why gay men do not want a man acting like a woman? There is nothing misogynist or worrying about this it’s actually comforting. Fem gays just can’t deal with rejection, they want the hot buff Macho Guy so of course they go on and on and moan about fem acceptance. Ain’t gonna happen, the majority of us don want anything to do with you! Just go watch your housewife show and your nauseating “yaaaaaasss queeeen”

  • IWantAFullBeard

    The benefit to being a little fem is that you don’t have to constantly come out. People just assume you are gay.

  • DavidIntl

    I greatly respect the right of everyone to be, and act, as they are – and I can count anyone among my friends. That philosophy is not incompatible with my preference for guys – as romantic partners – who are neither a caricature of femininity nor a caricature of masculinity, but something in between: the sweet, innocent boy next door. My partner is certainly not particularly masculine, but neither does he have pronounced feminine mannerisms. It would definitely be a turn-off, for me, to see him pole dancing in a lace thong. And no, in no way does that make me a misogynist.

  • Aires the Ram

    Whether us gay men are attracted to ‘masculine’ men or ‘feminine’ men, is not really the issue.
    Guess who is behind all the talk of “toxic masculinity”? Who do you think is trying to push their own agenda, that masculinity in men is toxic behavior anyways? Well guess who! The radical feminists who hate all men, and actually hate the masculine gay men more than they do masculine straight men, because the masculine gay men are not, and will not, march in lock-step to their radical leftists/Marxist view of the world. And the sad thing is, so many gay men actually DO march in lock-step to the above mentioned agenda. News flash: Men are men and the vast majority project masculinity, over time, over place. Women are women, and the vast majority project feminine behaviors, over time, over place. Any attempts to change that, has always failed.

  • Donston

    Beyond all the pitiful trolling, misogyny, fem-phobia and the altering of the topic at hand, this comment section also highlights that there is no consensus of what “effeminate” means. Therefore, the poll is null and void. So, people can stfu now.

    • Thomas

      They can STFU with a dick and/or ass in the mouth…

    • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

      “No consensus” yeah and no.

      Precisely at what point does night become dawn?…Earth’s atmosphere become space?…the colour blue/green become blue? etc etc etc Many, many definitions have imprecise boundries. However, that doesn’t invalidate general common sense defintions of, say, “night” & “day” ; “Earth” & ”space”; “green”&”blue”. You know it when you see it.

      So with all that in mind and apropos “effeminacy” your boyfriend (or ex?) who wears makeup and feminine garb would almost certainly qualify as a commonsensical example. This is not a diss on him, or you for the type of sexual partner you’re able to attract; just a neutral fact. The real is question is why you’re so triggered by others’ choices?

    • Donston

      No one is clowning anyone’s preferences. And no one is “triggered” by anything. You, as usual, seems like the trigger one, since all you’ve supplied in this thread is embittered rants and obvious resentment for what you believe to be an “effeminate” man. But there are many people here that seem genuinely confused or in conflict with each about what “effeminate” actually means. Does it have to strictly do with your voice and mannerisms? What about naturally having an effeminate face? Does not being effeminate mean that you are “straight-acting/passing”? Does it mean having aggressively feminine affectations? Does being effeminate mean you wear skirts and make-ups? What about men who wear skirts and make-up but don’t have masculine voices and mannerisms? No one seems to have any idea, except that most resent the word. So, because of the vagueness of the poll and every having their own specific ideas of what “effeminate” means it makes the poll useless.

    • Donston

      Also, you’re incredibly naive if you think anything other than “straight-passing” isn’t considered effeminate by most straight people.

    • Donston

      Furthermore, there are many men who want a more “masculine” guy socially and romantically but want him to feminize himself when they sexually engage. Just like there are many “butch” guys who enjoy behaving more feminine when they engage in sex. Most of the conversation here (like many of the long-winded comment sections) is too one-note and too mired in assumptions, vagueness, defensiveness and resentment to go anywhere.

  • Seth

    I’d rather be a decent human being than a “man” looking for applause and approval. Refuse to place that noose around your neck and they simply can’t hang you.

  • kent25

    Why they gotta be gay? lots of fem guys aren’t gay or Christ sake ?
    I don’t know any gay guys who wear nail polish and makeup and fem, But I know some queer/ non binary guys who do.

  • maxter28

    Why is there any surprise that a large percentage of gay/bi men are turned off by feminine traits? If you are attracted to men and turned off by women, you are hardwired to like men who act naturally masculine. The key here is naturally masculine. Not “acting” butch or assuming a role. You have it or you don’t and that’s the way it is. That’s embedded in the genetics of attraction. It’s also a fact that a large percentage of gay/bi men don’t feel like a women trapped in a man’s body. They enjoy being guys and have no desire to be or act like a woman. It’s actually more backward and stereotypical to expect guys to act feminine just because they are attracted to other men. Some gay men perpetuate their own outdated stereotypes and push a lot of people away in the process. There is a wide spectrum of tastes which fall under the gay/bi umbrella. Quit trying to pigeonhole someone else’s attraction to match your own limited view of “gayness”.

    • Donston

      Being gay or gay-leaning doesn’t equate to being attracted to masculinity nor does it equate to being turned off by women. That’s a misconception we really need to start moving past. And there are a lot of men who have some feminine traits that are scared to be themselves and are always feeling self-conscious because they fear being judged, not just by hetero society but by other gay and gay-leaning men. That’s something that needs to stop as well. But I agree that judging someone for their attractions, desires, passions and preferences is the wrong way to open up this conversation.

    • southsam7

      To Donston:
      You said “Being gay or gay-leaning doesn’t equate to being attracted to masculinity nor does it equate to being turned off by women”. That statement is at least partially and probably totally wrong. I don’t know if it’s because I’m gay that I, and billions of others, are attracted to masculinity etc., but that’s an obvious and logical explanation one might draw. Are you suggesting there is no correlation between men and masculinity, and women and femininity? Can you see the ridiculousness of such a statement?

    • Donston

      There are many men who identify as gay or are clearly gay-leaning that are into pretty boys and/or fem-boys. Also, what is masculinity? Just like “effeminate” seems to mean different things to different people so does “masculine”. And as I mentioned earlier in thread, I’ve found all types of men attractive. Masculinity or femininity matters to some people and not to others.

    • Donston

      Furthermore, NPH once said he’s gay because he’s “attracted to masculinity”. But David Burtka is hardly what anyone would consider “masculine”, maybe not effeminate but certainly not masculine, and some would indeed refer to him as effeminate. Also, being turned on by a man’s form is different than being turned on by masculine energy. As I said, everyone has different dimensions to their orientation and everyone has different ideas of what they consider masculine or effeminate.

  • Howard Roark

    I loved your post, Loren. Thanks for sharing it. You seem to be a guy that knows where his head is.

  • meghanada

    Is there a group of people whose sexual preferences are policed more than gay men? In the past, it used to be only the state and homophobic civilians who obsessed with gay male sexuality, but nowadays the queer media and many liberals are joining the pile on as well.

    These queer people always love to draw attention to the fact that some gay men are less than enthused with some streams of liberal thought, such as intersectionalism and queer theory. But as a very liberal gay man, I ask, can you blame them? It feels that queer theorists and intersectionalist feminists are trying their hardest to kick gay men in the balls at every turn. Leave us be. Forget we exist, for God’s sake.

    • Knight

      VERY interesting observation. But I would have to say that not just gay men, but men in general have come under the constant policing the past few years. If heterosexual men display any hint of disdain for “feminism”, diversity, gender equality (separate from feminism of course) or even does something as simple as display traditional courtesy towards a woman by holding a door open, they can be branded as promoting “rape culture”. As a bisexual man, I never thought I’d live to see the day, but on the East or West coast it’s definitely easier to live as a gay man in the corporate world than as a straight one.

    • Donston

      Knight, you sound like a misogynistic dumb-ass. People like you love to blather on and on about how women are destroying everything. And yet, once you asked for examples you come up empty or you say ridiculous things like “now opening the door is supposedly rape culture”. Anything to make you feel better about your female-hate, self-resentment and/or your own foul behaviors or instincts.

    • Knight

      Donston were you raised by a whore? Whoever it was failed to teach you proper manners. Being on the internet doesn’t exempt you from good behavior, which means if you disagree with someone you don’t start of a sentence with “you sound like a misogynistic dumb-ass”, because it simply makes you sound like a bitter, under-educated troll who just wants to pick a fight. I can give you MANY examples of how the corporate world is being stunted due to a feminist ideology, which has NOTHING to do with women, since it is a political objective often being furthered by MEN for their own reasons. So, your ridiculous but VERY predictable charge of “misogyny” is beyond baseless. I doubt you have the capacity to reason, let alone carry an adult conversation without ad hominem, but just so the REST of the readers get a sense to see how stupid you are, We can start here https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/07/business/google-women-engineer-fired-memo.html

    • Donston

      You said something ludicrous, hateful and one-sided things. But I get accused of having poor manners? When you say dumb sh*t somebody is bound to call you out. And then you start your reply by claiming someone’s mother is a whore, as if that’s supposed to make you look like the one with manners or look like the one who isn’t a misogynist. There was nothing nuanced, insightful or sensitive about your initial comment or in your response. Both were blunt, one-dimensional and hateful. So, my reply reflected that comment. And one silly article or a number of silly articles hardly adds any weight to your nonsense. Taking a stupid incident or a few dumb asses and trying to paint them as the whole population is always a poor way to prove a point and it usually just highlights personal bias.

      And don’t try to act like you’re a newbie around here. You’re just someone’s new troll account.

    • Knight

      Donston I’ve been on here for a week and a half. Sorry if the fact that one MORE person on this forum apparently finds you a classless, dim-witted, whiny little bitch. Regardless of all the psycho-analysis you’ve had to convince yourself that you really ARE special, you don’t have anything intelligent to say at all. You’re just a pathetic internet troll who can’t think of anything remotely compelling to say, so you need to ball up your little powerless fists and throw a tizzy and lash out at people, thinking you are actually doing some sort of “good”. You asked for examples, I provided one, which you simply wave off with your prissy little hand because facts are just too hard to deal with, aren’t they? Pathetic. Anyway, I realize this is the most attention you would EVER get from a guy like me, so you’re probably secretly getting off, which is why I’ll end this and any future encounters with you here. I have no need to talk to any whiny little bitch who has the personality and intellect of vaginal flatulence, and who is too stupid to realize how insignificant he is. Buh-by.

  • Mmmrrrggglll

    I have read a lot of comments in the past regarding the by-lined author of this article, criticizing him/her for overly promoting “straight” guys as a gay bounty hunter’s prize catch, or something along those lines. This article has a different angle – that effeminate gay guys are often dismissed by your “ordinary, run-of-the-mill” gay dudes, and asks the question, is this ok?

    By the number of comments here it appears the writer has struck a chord with many people. Not really the same comments I’ve seen in the past, but still somewhat negative. I think Graham Gremore has done an excellent job creating “think” pieces for this site, challenging people to contemplate, “Why are we who we are?” I don’t believe we have the answer, but questions and thoughtful responses like these are exactly what we need. Keep up the good work Graham Gremore.

  • HenryCameron

    So, If I’m not attracted to effeminate men, I need to work on that. Should I seek therapy or go to a re-education camp? Maybe while I’m there, they can help me overcome my lack of sexual attraction to women. I assume that if my lack of attraction to effeminate men is evidence of misogyny, then my lack of sexual attraction to women must make me a true misogynist, so I need to work really hard to overcome my affliction and learn to find women sexually attractive.

    • southsam7

      LMAO! Exactly!

  • southsam7

    “alarming”? The title alone is ignorant enough for me to have avoided this misguided article (and author). The only alarming thing is that the author supposedly assumed gay men would be attracted to feminine men. What am I missing here?

    • southsam7

      …p.s. Does the author think straight women should be, or are, attracted to feminine men, as well? Ridiculous!

  • surreal33

    Men are tired of the never-ending narrative of the forced feminization of gay men. Movies, books, television, blogs, all perpetuate drag, feminity, as if it something to aspire to as a gay man. The feminization plot appears to be a way to dismiss gay men a weak, irrelevant, fodder.

  • DCguy

    Two quick things.

    1. Did the questioners differentiate between “Fem” and “Bitchy”? If a guy is hot, nice, funny, and likes to watch musicals or has some stereotypically feminine profession like a dancer or something, why would anybody care? If a guy liking to watch figure skating over football bothers you, maybe you have a little baggage.

    2. I do find it ironic that the same author who uses the term “Straight guys” in 80% of his postings put up this article.

    • Donston

      The poll is ridiculous. Graham is ridiculous. And about 50% of the comments are ridiculous. Nothing new for site. But I’m sure Queerty got what it wanted: clicks and mentions. As usual, it sacrificed real insight and conversation for a typical click-baiting headline and shallow, vague content.

  • Im_cramped

    I am not public accommodation. The author is not my customer, and is not my manager at a job. I see no need to do anything about expanding my sexuality in order to include people who do not feel “serv ed”

  • i43neile

    I don’t hate effeminate gays. What I don’t like are a few who verbal abuse everyone especially in the closet guys like me and when we fight back, suddenly were anti-femme or transphobic.

    I’ve received a whole lot more insults from trans homosexuals than from heterosexuals.

    I don’t hate ALL, but quite a few have verbally and physically hurt me and fighting back they made it seem like I’m the bad guy.

  • Rex Huskey

    I am so uncomfortable to be around them…….yuck! The closeted days had their benefit!!

  • Orgoglio Masch

    So if 41 percent of gay and bisexual men feel less manly, it’s very possible that most of the guys turned off by effeminacy are fems. Can’t say I’m surprised though. I mean let’s be real – how many of you want a limp-wristed, drag-dressing, lisping queen who knows all the choreography to every Britney vid to climb your back?

  • dustychiffon

    Isn’t gay men liking masculine men just as natural as women who fawn over manly guys? Or straight men falling over when a very feminine “Jessica rabbit” walks by? I see girlfriends drool over a guy that looks rugged or does something manly like fix their car, etc. I think it’s just biology and taste. If you like more fem guys, good for you, there’s TONS to pick from. If you’re more attracted to masculine guys, that makes perfect sense too. I think this article should focus on those gays that are obsessed with masculinity in a way that seems obvious, like always talking (or writing:) about it to the point it’s obvious it’s something psychological.

    An old boyfriend of mine had massive manly , slightly rough, hands from working in construction and the gym, and whenever he held my hand I would get hard just feeling them. That raw masculinity is an aphrodisiac to some, perhaps most, and that’s totally natural and okay.

  • JLAD1105

    I’ve never been attracted to effeminate men, but that doesn’t mean I absolutely hate them. It’s not misogynistic to feel that way. Notice there’s not much discussion about lesbian women’s sometimes-overt misandric attitudes? Queer people are always saying just accept us for who we are and don’t try to change us. So, why does saying I’m attracted only to masculine men mean I’m bigoted and hateful? I also don’t care much for drag queens, and trans people creep me out. GLB people don’t all think and act alike; we’re as diversified as the rest of the population, but smaller in number.

    The “toxic masculinity” theory is the same ideological bullshit propagated by the extreme feminist left that created the “testosterone poisoning” myth in the late 1980s. Neither exists. Now some feminist s activists claim men who abuse women physically and emotionally are closeted gays, and that’s why the AIDS epidemic is impacting more heterosexuals. The religious far-right has been saying that for over 30 years!

    I know what I like, and that’s just the way it is – whether or not it’s socially acceptable or politically correct for someone else. Don’t like it? Tough shit! Your rules don’t apply to me.

    • Bwhiff

      Applause Applause!! I totally get what you’re saying.

  • Knight

    isn’t the term “feminine guy” a form of hate speech? Maybe the author should be shamed and given a “time out” for not using the more APPROPRIATE term “men who exhibit non-masculine characteristics”.

  • Luna1979

    It comes down to “I’m not totally satisfied with who I am, but oooh, at least I’m not ‘her'”. Fems and fags have a lot to offer; they’re not idiots, they’re not less. In my younger days, I said, I don’t want a short guy. I don’t want a blond. I want a man with a sexy accent, etc. How many great guys did I prejudice myself out of? Now I’m older, more mellow, I couldn’t give a damn about any of this. I want a quick-witted man, gorgeous af on the inside. Period.

  • jhon_siders

    If I wanted to be with a flaming queen id do fish !! some guys like femmies I don’t want to date one nor do I care for drag . We have enough trouble with being stereotyped as it is don’t give the haters any more reason to talk shit that are lies for the most part .

  • Stilinski26

    nope i prefer guy who don’t act feminine wear makeup or high heels. nothing against them but my preference ha always been non fem guy. he doesn’t has to be macho masculine

  • Bwhiff

    Reading the different comments just serves to let me know that we all have a perspective.
    I personally find effeminate males to be a complete turnoff. That being said I don’t wish anything unkind toward them, it just is what it is. Not one of us as human beings (unless mentally unbalanced) is going to find all things attractive. Discrimination serves a purpose. We each discriminate everyday in various areas of our life. You become who you are in large part because you discriminate by embracing and rejecting things that are presented to you. Although my sexual leaning is toward the same sex, I am an individual that values feminine women and masculine men. It really is wearisome to hear so much PC dribble about how we need to embrace everyone. Bullshit! My main interest is embracing myself and as an offshoot of that, I want the same for others. If you are a guy that has female tendencies there is no need to be upset because I don’t want to share company, just find others that are like minded. It really isn’t rocket science. In a nutshell, I believe that my God given mission is to be kind and show love to everyone when the opportunity is presented.
    As an example, I am an artist. Some artists I respect what they present and others —Meh.
    I love Erte and find no value in the work of Warhol. But I wouldn’t dream of saying that warhol had no value. Though warhol’s work has no value to me, I simply leave it for those who like it.
    To me it’s the same thing, I tend to simply leave what I can’t eat on the plate.

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