A young bisexual man has had it up to here with people’s ignorant remarks regarding his sexuality, so he’s taken to Reddit to voice his outrage.
“I am a bisexual man and I currently have a gay boyfriend,” the man writes. “Before this I’ve had a bisexual boyfriend, casually dated a bisexual woman, and had a straight girlfriend.”
In other words: He’s a well-rounded bisexual.
Related: TV rarity: A romantic lead just came out as bisexual
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“I just want to point out the most annoying things I have experienced and experience,” the man continues. “These are not traumatizing, just annoying.”
He then proceeds to list the seven most annoying things he’s experienced as an openly bisexual man. They are:
- Straight women interested in dating me asking/requesting to see me make out with a guy. My sexuality doesn’t exist to satisfy your fetishes.
- Straight people asking if I’m still bisexual. Why would I change? Are you still straight?
- The term “confused bisexual.” Why would bisexual people be any more confused about their sexuality than straight or gay people?
- People when I’m dating a girl: you’re just straight but think you’re not.
- People when I’m dating a guy: you’re just gay but in denial.
- “Bisexual isn’t a thing.”
- “Why are bi people so needy?”
Not all of his fellow bisexual Redditors seem to agree, however.
“I’m bi, pretty f*ckin’ needy, and would totally be down for one of my straight female friends watching me make out with a guy,” one person replies.
“Wait… Really… Why AM I so needy?” another jokes.
Others were more understanding.
Related: This married gay couple wanted to spice things up… so they became a bisexual thruple
“I feel like being bi across the board for most of us is a lot of convincing people you’re really not just into men and trying to hide it or be kinky/interesting,” someone writes.
“Hey man, just be yourself, those people only exist to annoy people like us,” another says.
A third person comments, “I personally wouldn’t want to watch my significant other kiss anyone else, but I guess we all have different things that get our motors goin?”
To our bisexual readers out there: What are some of the most annoying things people have said to you about your sexuality? Sound off in the comments section…
CJones01
“People when I’m dating a guy: you’re just gay but in denial.”
I feel like many gay men (many, but not all), as they were figuring themselves out, used the term “bisexual” at some point, which lead to the “Bi is a pitstop on the way to Gay” mentality many people have. But while it’s often that rain follows clouds, it doesn’t rain every time it gets cloudy. Assert your bisexuality.
There are bisexual people who never (or always) have relationships with men (or women). There are definitely closeted gay men and women who’ve never had sex with members of the same sex. Hell, there might be someone who’s straight who has only had sex with someone of the same sex.
Donston
Honestly, I would wager that at most half of the population are 100% thorough straight or gay. That’s why it’s important not to get overly caught up in trying to prove anything to anyone (like so many of these “bi guys” on social media) and not to become obsessed with asserting your sense of self. Just focus on completely understanding your orientation- the dimensions of your attractions, desires, arousals, passions, sexual instincts, romantic instincts and romantic satisfaction. Make sure you maintain self-respect. Make sure you’re not manipulating yourself or others. And if you do contend with self-resentment, self-destructive instincts, genuine confusion, internalized homophobia, misandry, misogyny, depression, etc. actually be willing to talk about and confront those things. As long as you’re doing all that everything else is whatever. None of the rest ends up mattering. And it becomes really hard for anyone to offend or irritate you.
CastleSF
Until we live in an ideal world, you don’t get to dictate how people think about bisexuality. Bisexual women are fine but bisexual men? How do I put it? They just make your complicated world even more so.
draven
Bisexual ppl are greedy and confused and cheaters and lie and can’t be trusted. From my experience with guys who say they are bi. Wrong ppl to fall in love with. Im straight up gay. Never had or have desire the female sex.
Cai
You’re exactly the kind of guy I doubt bis would want to date. Bye!
bi_guy_09
Yeah…you sound pretty sure of yourself and also terrible.
broadshoulder
gree utterly. Its the boyfriend I feel sorry for. He will cheat on you
Kinsey6
I’m totally gay too and would never date a bi guy. I’ve seen way too many gay guys who have had their hearts broken because the bi guy they were dating decided it was too hard being gay and then had the luxury of leaving and left them for some female because they wanted to lead an easier life. The gay guy is then left with a totally broken heart and as upset as Aunt Ida was when Gator left for Detroit.
So it’s just not a good idea to get involved with someone like that. There are plenty of good-hearted gay guys out there without having to lower one’s standards and messing around with someone who can be led astray by an additional half of the population.
Donston
Let’s not act like many men haven’t left their woman for a dude. And let’s also not pretend like dudes don’t leave their boyfriends for other dudes. If you’re only gonna date men who are 100% attracted to men and have never had any sexual interactions with anyone but one gender then you’re reducing respective partners down greatly. I’m not bi-identifying. The majority of my orientation is with men. And I’m comfortable with that. However, about 1.8% of the male population are flat-out gay. While according to recent studies an additional 4% of men are “mostly gay”. Just because you have some bisexuality in your orientation doesn’t mean you’re interested in sex or relationship with more than one gender. And it doesn’t mean you can’t be thoroughly satisfied with one person.
You just have to get an understanding. Do your research. Make sure that the person understands exactly who they are and what they want beyond whatever they identify as and can thoroughly and clearly explain that to you without cliches and sentimentality. Make sure they don’t contend with things like self-resentment, internalized homophobia or misandry (which a lot of flat-out gay men contend with). Make sure they’re not a female worshiper or hetero-worshiper. Make sure that they don’t have a warped and erratic ego, that they’re not obsessed with constantly hyping their non-gay identity, that they’re not obsessed with constantly getting attention from women (or anyone for that matter), that they don’t watch a ton of fetish porn or porn with “very young” people (which often hints that their instincts are more driven by paraphilias or megalomania than anything else), that they could see themselves maybe having a family with a guy one day (if they don’t that often hints towards contending with either internalized homophobia, self-resentment or extreme narcissism). But honestly, you should do your research and get to know someone pretty well before getting seriously involved no matter their identity. Because everyone is fvcked up in their own way.
Jaxton
Gay-identifying men tend to be ignorant about male sexuality. They don’t understand much at all. In their attitudes, they verge on dopey.
Identity politics tends to do this to you. Even calling yourself “bisexual” is a form of identity politics. I would recommend against it.
I’m always inspired by ordinary guys who don’t identify and whose attitudes to sexuality are relaxed and unencumbered by the rigid rules of GLBT politics on the Left and doctrines on the Right.
Donston
Dude, you and all your usernames are forever contradicting each other. The only constant is that women and gay-identifying are both awful. And cut the bull. You know you’re another hetero worshiper. “I’m into guys that have a relaxed view on sexuality” is pretty much code for: I’m most into straight-identifying/straight-living men who like to hook up with guys sometimes.
However, I will agree that “identity politics” has become a genuine issue as the process of identifying as whatever is still too driven by sociology and ego rather than people wanting to genuinely reveal themselves. If you’re truly comfortable with yourself and you’re genuine with people about the dimensions of who you are and what you want then you don’t become overly caught up in identity or become obsessed with proving anything to anyone.
DarkZephyr
I see that you’re still a lunatic. I thought it was women you hated but apparently you hate gay men too. Go the f*** away.
inbama
For the umpteenth time, SEXUAL ORIENTATION is not an “identity.”
Your attraction to men, women or both is a measurable physical attribute, so how you “identify” is irrelevant.
Donston
inbama, the problem is the definition of “orientation” has for many expanded beyond mere attraction. There is no longer a concrete definition. Also, many people can’t legitimately comprehend the differences between attraction, arousal, desire, sexual enjoyment and sexual behavior, or they pretend they don’t get the differences. Just like many pretend to not know the difference between a relationship or having affection for someone and having real romantic feelings or romantic love for someone.
I’m perfectly fine with orientation being seen as a mixture someone’s attraction, desire, passion, romantic instincts and romantic love. That actually helps people get a more thorough understanding of who they are and what they want. However, beyond those things, behavior and identity tends to be driven more by narcissism, sociology, your desired sense of self, money and paraphilia. The “I just love sex”, “I like different people’s energy”, “I want to be in a relationship with someone of this gender while constantly having sex with a bunch of people of another gender” group of people haven’t helped the “bi cause” either. Plus, the fact that so many very, very gay-leaning and straight-leaning people represent a large portion of “bi pride”, and the fact that internalized homophobia or misandry and superiority complexes tend to exude from a decent amount of proud bi guys has also hurt the “movement”.
It makes me feel bad for people who are truly trying to express their self-truth.
Cai
Okay, you’re bi and tired of hearing it. How about articles about bus besides this kind of thing? 0.0
Jaxton
Wmen are afraid of the power of male bisexuality because it can destroy girl power.
Jaxton
Females are afraid of male bisexuality because male bisexuality illustrates the power of manhood
Kenney G
And they don’t some bisexual are more woman than them. They want the dick just like a woman
Donston
Same old, Same old, Jax plus other handles. Don’t need to reiterate the same basic nonsense while continuously ignoring every point.
PinkoOfTheGange
Oh look Jax paid his isp bill goodie for us
Kenney G
say What? Did the straight girl know he like to suck D**k? bet that relationship didn’t last long. Bi men Not for me, The last one I met was at work Passing himself off as straight, Has a wife a 3 kids. Talk a whole lot of shit about gay people, Making fun of anyone he thought was gay. I couldn’t stand him, always the Monday after the weekend everybody who has gay spent their weekend getting screwed in a gangbang . To make a long story short after work one night and a few beers, He stayed hanging around as everyone else was leaving, when it was just him and I was left in a parking lot he had the nerve to tell me if I showed him my dick he’d show me his,He already had an erection, I didn’t trust him but I show it to him then he wanted to go park some place and he’s give me a blow job If I didn’t tell anyone. Turn out to be a total bottom, I went to his house one evening had not idea his wife and kids were out of town, he open the door wearing his wife’s teddy night gown he want me to screw him. The poor fool has been married 3 times and still want to hookup with me. I grew tired of him and stop fooling with him all together when he want to start wearing wigs and lipstick
Jaxton
That is called sex role reversal.
kent25
You think that bad, I met a bi couple and they got pissed off at me because I didn’t want to go back to there place and have sex with them. she thought I would have sex with her to. when I told them no, Bitch got highly upset, talking a lot of shit . go to a straight bar and find a man to screw her slutty ass. I don’t do couples or 3somes I’m gay not bi
Jaxton
Bi doesn’t mean threesomes. You appear to be confusing the two. You met an exploitative couple who wanted you for a threeway – bisexuality is not the same thing.
Aires the Ram
In my many years of experience, I have found that guys who self-identify as ‘bi-sexual’, and have sex with, have relationships with, gay men, always, ALWAYS go running back underneath their girlfriend/wifes proverbial ‘skirt’, because they can’t handle the social stigma associated with coming out as gay. Are there ‘true’ bi-sexuals? Sure. But if you’re straight, or gay, I certainly wouldn’t have anything more to do with them that a sexual tryst. It’s a heartache and a train wreck just waiting to happen. And…..I happen to be friends with a couple of bi-sexual guys, very good men, but anything past a casual friendship and an occasional blowjob, it ain’t goin’ any further than that.
Donston
Yes, there is some truth to this. “Bisexual” is still used as a sociological buffer for for gay and very gay-leaning people, for gay and gay-leaning men who have mommy issues or fvcked up egos and as a way for people shield their tons of paraphilias or obsession with “different people’s energy”. And the “bi guy” movement has been mainly promoted by gay and gay-leaning men who contend with internalized homophobia or are obsessed with retaining some sense of hetero-normalcy or are desperate to get attention and/or money from men and/or men and by men and women who are turned on by bi-behaving guys. These are the problems that many won’t acknowledge.
However, that isn’t always the case. But it’s why I feel that if you’re a gay-leaning person and you fully embrace that and is genuinely comfortable with that you need to reject a bi identity.