red cards

Did You Have Sex at The World Cup? Get Tested

That’s what “doctors” “are advising football fans” to do if they jetted off to South Africa to score.

An estimated 25,000 British fans made the trek to see their team lose in Johannesburg, and if they drowned their sorrows in unprotected sex among a population where six million people will happily give them The HIV, health officials in a new ad campaign kindly request they take an HIV test. “More than two-thirds of heterosexual men and a quarter of women who contract HIV do so through holiday sex,” claims the BBC, which doesn’t appear to have stats on the gays. Which is just as well: We know the majority of us contract HIV by attending church.