A Reddit user has posted an interesting work dilemma. The woman posted this week to the “AmItheAsshole” subreddit, in which people basically seek to ask others whether they or someone else is being unreasonable in any given dispute.
The 26-year-old woman says she and some co-workers have to go on a business trip. The boss will have his own room. Two male colleagues will be sharing. Her boss has informed the employee she will also be sharing. But not with a woman.
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“I was assigned a room (same type as boss and colleagues) that I was to share with my other colleague, who is openly gay. I do not have a problem with him being gay. But I told my boss to book us separate rooms because I do not want to share a room with a man no matter his sexuality and asked for him to room with the other men instead (i.e. they could book a suite with three beds instead of the current two).”
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The woman’s boss responded, “that it was unreasonable to expect the exchequer to pay extra just cuz I want comfort. I told him it was not for comfort but for the above reasons. He seemed to understand and tried to explain his perspective and that since [co-worker] was gay there would be no quoted ‘undesirable consequences’ and that if the # was straight I would have got a private room.”
“[Boss] then shouted and called me homophobic and that there would be no problem and I yelled at him saying he had no respect for his female worker’s wishes, another colleague stepped out of his office and then broke up our argument but on hearing the situation lightly berated me as he thought there were no problems since he was gay, and that [he] wouldn’t have a problem rooming with a lesbian female.”
The boss then called one of the other male colleagues going on the trip and asked his opinion on the matter.
According to the woman, this colleague said, “It was okay to share a room with a gay man but if I wanted my own room I should be allowed to have it and suggested I pay the difference out of my paycheck. I disagreed with this saying I shouldn’t pay for a company business trip.”
The woman wanted to know if she was being unreasonable.
Related: Man charged with luring men to hotels via Grindr then robbing them
The internet’s response was pretty unanimous: She was not being unreasonable.
“‘Undesirable consequences’ translates to, don’t worry he’s gay so won’t hit on you or assault you, which is a whole ball of WTF,” said one commentator. “You not wanting to share a room with someone of a different gender should be enough. They don’t know your history or if you have religious reasons for it (not that you need them). Is there an HR department that you can discuss this with?”
Another asked how the gay man might feel about it: “As a gay man myself I utterly loathe the assumption that I would be happy to share a room with a woman. Your company sounds homophobic if they’re making these kinds of assumptions about a gay employee.”
The original poster responded to this by saying the gay colleague, “doesn’t mind either way and wants to stay out of the drama.”
Other gay men offered their opinion.
“I’m a gay man and I wouldn’t want to stay in the same room with a woman. I wouldn’t feel comfortable. I’m also betting that the other men don’t want to stay in the room with him because he is gay and they are probably afraid he will hit on them. If I were put in this situation I, as a gay man, would go to the boss and let them know they need to respect your wishes and allow you the privacy you deserve. And that is what your coworker MUST do. And the gay coworker can stay with the boss.”
“I’m gay too,” said another. “From the sounds of this boss’s thinking, I assume he’d hit on any woman he shared a room with. Does that mean I should have been hitting on every straight man I shared a room with? ‘Cos I haven’t, am I leaving a trail of hurt straight men behind me thinking they weren’t cute enough for me to hit on them?”
Many said the company should just pay for individual rooms for all staff.
“I’m not sure why companies think it’s ok to cheap out on hotel accommodations and force employees to share rooms; you’re adults, not kids at a damn summer camp. If you’re at a conference or congress, you’re on all day. It is completely reasonable that you get somewhere quiet and private to rest and recharge.”
Queerty has reached out to the original poster to find out if there’s been any further resolution on the matter.
Have you ever had to share a hotel room with a colleague despite feeling uncomfortable? Was the woman within her rights to demand she not share with a gay man in this situation?
Fibre
Have you noticed that most of the time it’s the ugliest non interesting straights that are afraid of being raped?
eclecticstarz
What a vile, stupid thing to say.
Chrisk
Same way with the straight guys afraid of gay guys raping them. They’re usually out of shape and just gross to look at. I think they must think gay men will have sex with anyone.
Mr. Stadnick
Trolls are idiots
Den
What we HAVE noticed is that people like you are incredibly stupid. Your comment has nothing whatsoever to do with the article, and is also based entirely on a regressive imagination.
monty clift
That’s basically it!! XD
Joshua333
I’m pretty sure everyone is afraid of someone committing non-consensual acts upon them. Most of the time, people are powerless against their attacker, which is the most terrifying part.
DHT
Have you ever noticed rapists tend to think rape is a form of sex and has to do with attraction while the rest of us know that rape is actually a violent act and solely about power?
johncp56
ditto
Jim
Roommates should ALWAYS be of the same gender. The exception is those who voluntarily agree to share a room
Bo Hamrk
Agree
Lavander Crown
I totally agree.
Bo Hamrk
I was sent on a corporate trip and was roomed with a str8 guy. He couldn’t care less. He thought if I was going to hit on him, I would have done it at work already. People need to realize that LGBTQ humans are just like str8 people. Not everyone is attracted to another person and wants to bed everyone they see. (maybe a few) They don’t need to flatter themselves thinking all LGBTQ humans want to f*ck them
Leo
Amen to that.
dali
Boss should say: ”Whoever shares a room with the gay guy instantly gets a raise”.
Let’s how quickly those hands go up.
Seriously, I wouldn’t want to share a bedroom with a co-worker, no what gender. And bosses need to respect that. If not, I would definately go to HR or to the union rep.
bachy
Same! No way I’m sharing a room, especially on a business trip. Require my down-time, private space to think and regroup between sessions.
Creamsicle
Does the gay guy get a raise too?
Brian
Just a reminder that many of the AITA posts are fabricated. People like the attention and the upvotes. They do this for quite literally “internet points.”
One of the top Reddit posts a couple of weeks ago was some feverish fantasy from an obvious white supremacist who pretended to be a dad confronting his child’s teacher. Little clues about the teacher being Jewish, etc. Eventually, other Reddit users pointed out that the storyteller had pretended to be different types of people in the past, and he had a long history of bigoted comments. It would seem that the story with the teacher was exaggerated or maybe altogether fake. But that didn’t stop people from giving it thousands of upvotes, thousands of comments, and enough attention to make it a top post that got promoted to other website visitors. Ugh, it’s so pathetic and sad.
Creamsicle
Yeah, it’s a message board. It’s not on reddit to evaluate posts for accuracy. That’s the job of anyone who wants to regurgitate the content for ad clicks.
Winsocki
This is how no one wins…. What if a biological male who gender ID is female is assigned to a Cis female so don’t say rooms assigned by gender….. now it is hard to figure out. Who does a transgender share a room with if not fully trans? This is messy for employers. I hate sharing a room anyways. My company never asked for room sharing… Everyone booked in seperate rooms.
RnDC
I would not work for any company that expected people to share rooms on a business trip. That’s some cheap, lame shit.
Eternal.Cowboy
This!
PinkoOfTheGange
I think this is a UK company and sharing is something they still do. The US started doing singles in the 70’s according to pop’s.
twomen4u
What is wrong with that boss? He is making assumptions he has no right to make. I as a gay man would not want to stay with a female, gay or straight as I would feel challenged in my role as a gay man. Likewise, I would not want to room with a straight man as I know he would be uncomfortable as well as myself. So spring for the extra room, so all of these employees’ minds are directed to the business at hand and not what might or might not happen in a room.
eeebee333
Sounds like a pretty effed up place to work. I’d polish up my resume if I were she. (Having said that, I never actually believe these Reddit stories.)
PinkoOfTheGange
The firm is making the arrangements, live with it or don’t go, and accept the consequences. This is work; was she planning on dragging some one up from the hotel bar or jumping the bell hop?
The managers’ rational is the same one trans people use for bathrooms.
Now if one of them snores…
Lavander Crown
That had my blood pressure topping. The boss making him share a room with the woman was an insult to the two of them. He may not have considered but he said, right there that the two of them, in his mind, are less than the other men. First, he’s assuming the gay man is all about sex and rooming with a man is going to have him thinking of nothing but sex. secondly, he’s practically saying that she doesn’t count as far as work value goes. Were I him, when we got back to the company, I’d start looking for a new job.
KyleMichelSullivan
I never share a room while on a business trip. I cannot sleep if someone else in the the room, don’t care who it is. But being self-employed, I can make that a condition. If I’m on a job and need associates to help, they get their own rooms and it’s worked into the budget. I’ve done this around the US and UK, and I don’t even consider working any other way.
My feeling is, she gets her own room. In fact, every member of that business trip should have their own space to decompress in. Forcing employees to deal with coworkers even after the job is done, for the day, is counterproductive. End of story.
Bo Hamrk
The thing with assho’s, trolls and hypocrites is DON’T ENGAGE them and give them the feeling that they can MANIPULATE you. They never receive attention and remaining anonymous makes them feel in power when they get a ping from others. There’s a reason for ‘Bye Felica’. I live life caring, respecting, loving, giving and have empathy for others. I collect rocks, not live under them. Some are just not worth my time nor effort to educate them. I have my own life to live. Be good and enjoy life. Hate puts a bad look on ones face. 🙂
greekboy
I wouldn’t share a room in my own home with another person. I used to travel a lot for business. My company NEVER expected us to share a room. Cheap company, or a supervisor trying to line their own pockets
ChaelMontgomery
I don’t think anyone should be required to share a room during a business trip. It could possibly lead to a s/he said s/he said situation. I used to work in a profession that is overwhelmingly matriarchal. At that time it was my experience that women in power enjoyed controlling gay men. They didn’t have the opportunity to control straight men at the time, so gay men were often the victims of inappropriate behavior by women who realized that they could not treat straight men the same way. Whenever I was scheduled to attend out-of-town seminars, etc., I was always paired up in a hotel room with another gay man. I did not feel comfortable sharing a room with him. To me, it was inappropriate to share a room with someone who could be perceived as a potential sex partner. And, unfortunately, there were a lot of inappropriate joking about what went on in our hotel room. This was several decades ago. There was really no recourse available to gay men at the time. Hopefully, that has changed.
zephyr69
I feel the boss should share his room with the gay guy and let the woman have her own room.
DuMaurier
I would share a room with a woman who’s a friend, of course. But not a co-worker. That boss has weird thinking (he’s not alone, unfortunately); gender privacy is not all about sexual advances and horniness!
And I love the implied “But it’s a GAY guy—that’s the same as a girl!”
wikidBSTN
She has a point. Where is she expected to stay when her roommate brings a rentboy home?
TheMarc
From an HR perspective, sexual orientation should have never been a consideration in determining a room assignment. If an employee does not feel comfortable sharing their personal space with another employee; full stop, that employee gets their own room. We’re not talking about sharing office/cubicle space; but personal space (sleeping, showering, personal communications during down time, temperature preferences when sleeping, etc.,) This is obviously not in the US; where it is incredibly rare for a company to ask this of their employees. We’re not the best in some employee practices; but in this area, we certainly do. Mainly due to the HUGE liability something like this opens up for the company.
okiloki
The boss was totally gaslighting the OP by getting another straight guy to back up his own preconceptions. He should have asked another woman how she would feel to be put into that situation. Very impressed with the OP who stood her ground and would not be bullied. This definitely requires a complaint to be filed with HR and the boss is totally out of line.