If You’re Gonna Scissor In A College Library, Don’t Bribe The Cops Not To Tell

When a Columbus State University police officer allegedly caught 18-year-old Jessica Alaine Bass having sex with 22-year-old Nakita Holt in a library study room, Bass reportedly offered the cop $100 not to report them. That got Bass a felony bribery charge tacked onto what would have just been a simple misdemeanor for public indecency.

So next time you wanna bribe a cop, remember to say, “C’mon officer, isn’t there any way we can work this out?” and let them bring up a bribe. Then if they do, you can threaten to report them for corruption and maybe everyone will walk away scot-free… or everything will end in a mistrial.

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  • Jack the Ripper

    Lesson learned: have sex in the park, not in the library.

  • Ian

    Is it my monitor or do they both have pencil-thin mustaches?

  • Jeffrey

    @Ian: Lol. Some women do.

  • Dave

    Ian–It ain’t your monitor.

    And this is reason #726 the best cop is a dead cop: Cops are simpletons who swear an oath to enforce laws regardless of idiocy, lack of legitimate purpose, or the injustices that result. And…

    #727: Despite the oath they’ve sworn, cops have “discretion”–that is, the ability to decide whether to use legal sanction like arrest or ticketing. Which means, when you are dealing with members of a “profession” who would not qualify for the job in many jurisdictions if an IQ test showed them to be too intelligent, that if you are unlucky enough to encounter them in the course of living your life, whether you retain your freedom is often simply a matter of luck. And…

    #728: The absolutely unbelievable extent of police corruption in the United States, combined with the undeniable continued existence of the “Blue Code of Silence” means that a cop arresting someone for bribery is like RuPaul accusing Nathan Lane of being too damn feminine.

  • The Bony Man

    @Dave: So, what about those cops that DO uphold laws with honor, don’t accept bribes, and protect your ass when it’s in danger. Not all cops are bad. Don’t be a bigot.

  • mike128

    Dumb move – yet I feel for this women who may not be out yet to their peers and family. Of course, sex in the library isn’t a good way to keep your sexual orientation a secret. But let’s not forget that college can be a rough time for LGBT folks.

  • Mike in Asheville

    I never got into trouble boinking in the library — but it might have been I was doing it with a couple campus cops. Oh the joys of youth.

  • the crustybastard


    Is it MY monitor, or do they look like young versions of Prince and Rick James?


  • jockjack5

    @Ian: LMAO… hahaha!!

  • jaye

    Scissoring? If this were two gay guys,would u have written rimming? That’s offensive. Why is queerty always cracking on its sapphic sisters? Interesting that none of the guys above me saw issue with this. Come on,queerty,do better. You’re starting to sound like bossip.

  • Dave

    @The Bony Man: Sounds like the usual disclaimer, but it’s dead true so: I have cops in my family (plenty of them–it’s a stereotypical Irish American family), and short of two speeding tickets in my 39 years, both deserved, I’ve never been in trouble. And I’m white, white collar (working on a Ph.D.). Which is to say, I don’t have any of the natural biases that might make me what you term a “bigot”.

    With that out of the way I’ll address your (also well-worn) arguments:

    –There’s no such thing as upholding the law with honor when you swear to uphold the law, period. A person who would do such a thing is promising to set conscience aside and ruin people’s lives whether or not they believe in a cause–be that a lesser or a greater cause. There’s no honor in being a paid thug, no matter who your boss is or how pretty your work clothes are.

    –Not all cops accept bribes, but I didn’t say that they do. I said that police corruption in the United States is epidemic. Though at the same time, multiple federal investigations of large city police departments (New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, and New Orleans come to mind) demonstrate that when corruption exists, it can easily infect huge swaths of an entire police force. The reason is simple: Cops will not tattle on each other (though ironically, they complain that their civilian criminal counterparts practice the same “no snitch” policy). Cops who can’t handle being on the take leave the force, though even then they rarely reveal what they know unless threatened with prosecution and given immunity. What’s left after these “good cops” (who nevertheless don’t have the balls to stand up for what’s right) are gone is corrupt cops, non-corrupt cops who refuse do anything to end the corruption they see around them, and the handful of cops that are neither corrupt nor aware of corruption (and whose apparent blindness calls into question their effectiveness as police officers).

    When you invent a radar gun or breathalyzer-type device that will allow me to detect whether the cop I might be dealing with is a Boy Scout or a Mafioso with a badge, let me know. Until then I maintain that I’d rather see a dead cop than talk to a live one. And that includes my cousins, who like many cops pursued the job because earning only $27K/year seemed a small problem considering they’d gain instant (forced) respect from folks who otherwise wouldn’t give them the time of day; the ability to think of themselves as both superior to and sacrificial lambs for their fellow “civilians” (whom they and their cop buddies hate with a passion that belies all that “protect and serve” BS); and the ability to constantly break the law in small ways (and sometimes in larger ones) with impunity.

    –If a cop ever “protected my ass” I’d thank him or her just like anyone else. But your phrasing betrays your lack of understanding that having a cop around can be far more dangerous than not, especially if you’re used to having to, uh, protect your own ass. You’re also missing the mark by a light year when you assume that cops (regardless of any crimes they themselves might be committing) actually protect people. That may be the case where you live, but I promise you that it is emphatically NOT the case in a lot of others. I live in a low-income neighborhood, the only White guy among lots of Blacks and Latinos, and I do not lie or exaggerate when I tell you that it took me a full THREE DAYS and FIVE visits to my local substation to convince someone that I’d heard my neighbor be murdered. His body lay in his apartment for the entire three days until I threatened to call a news crew to the scene. And I’m a respectable-looking white guy–what do you suppose would have happened if someone the cops respected even less than me had been pleading with them to do something? Please don’t be naive and suggest that the incident ought to be reported, investigated, and punished; the simple fact is that lots of Americans live with this sort of “protection” every day and every night, because policing the police is like playing whack-a-mole, and because reporting a cop _to_ a cop often brings retaliation rather than justice.

    On the whole, what I’ve written here is only a small part of the reason animosity toward the police is growing–and growing even among groups who traditionally offered cops blind respect. The relentless militarization of police forces, the tolerance of a pervasive “us against our civilian enemies” attitude, and rapidly growing awareness of just how often cops abuse their positions, victimize innocents, and injure or kill suspects in their custody are just a few of the many other reasons for this shift in attitude. To the extent that “good cops” exist, they should know that the rest of us can’t tell them apart from the thugs we’ve rightfully learned to fear, distrust, and dislike. And while their tenacity and refusal to give in to the temptations to which their “brothers” have succumbed is admirable, a soft, kind-hearted member of a legalized street gang… is still a member of a legalized street gang.

  • mr_charming

    @Dave: CAN I GET AN AMEN.

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